Do you feel resentful

[buzzing bee]

Hi
Like the title says, Do you feel resentful when your partner goes out by himself without considering who will look after the kids.

I find when my hubby wants to go out he just goes but if I want to whether it's an appointment or for fun I have to organise if he will be home and can he look after our dd. We also have a small baby so ofcourse I always take him.

Dh says it's different for him because I am the main care giver but I dont' think it would matter if I was working or not.

Am I mean

[Mum&bubs]

No you aren't mean at all :hugs: and I do get where your coming from. Most of the time DF tells me he is going out, he knows I'll be there to watch the kids so it doesn't worry him at all, he does ask first though, to see if it's okay.

I don't really 'ask' if he can watch the kids while I go out, because I don't see him as a babysitter, I see him as the children's father. I know what times he will be and won't be home, so if I organise something, I will organise it based around those times he is home. And that suits us both well.

I spose' to answer your question, no I don't feel resentful because I know that if he goes out, I will be watching the kids either way *shrugs* :)

[mum2bubba]

This is one thing that really annoys me, if I go out I always have to make sure the kids are dress/fed/nappies changed etc or make sure Grant is home (and even then I still feed them and change them before I go so its easier for him when I'm not there) or if we go out together (not that often) its me that organises a babysitter and packs their bags and all that.

Even when I go and have a shower or go for a quick walk to the shops I say to him "I'm having a shower" Skye is down for a nap and Hayley is watching a dvd/playing outside" or something like that, but when he goes and has a shower/goes to the shop or something he just says "I'm having a shower" or when he goes out he just goes out. I think its because he knows I will be home, whereas if I go out I have to make sure hes gonna be home otherwise I have to take the kids with me or find someone else to look after them.

Its as though they don't have any responsabilites or whatever. I wish I could just get up and go out sometimes but I can't.

[aardvark]

DH and I both work, and I take off with just the toddler periodically to study for a few days at a holiday house I have access to. I find I get my study done better away from the demands of the whole family and household routine, and I find I enjoy the break from my routine.

The problem is he then takes off for a few days periodically to visit his mates interstate, which is fine by me, except that he forgets that I am then home with THREE children, and he is off childless with his friends.

He forgets that I'm taking time out to STUDY, not to be social, too, and that I am still playing Mum while I am away, albeit to only one child, but I rarely get any time without ONE of the children at least.

I have a day of study leave from work on Wednesday next week, and I am going to relish it, even if I am studying hard for an exam for my Master's degree. I will have the house to MYSELF (2 at school, 1 in daycare) for a WHOLE DAY - very rare indeed.

I think working or not, you still need some downtime.

I actually worry how I will get my downtime once I finish my degree next June.

[Electric Rodeo]

This is one thing that really annoys me, if I go out I always have to make sure the kids are dress/fed/nappies changed etc or make sure Grant is home (and even then I still feed them and change them before I go so its easier for him when I'm not there) or if we go out together (not that often) its me that organises a babysitter and packs their bags and all that.

Even when I go and have a shower or go for a quick walk to the shops I say to him "I'm having a shower" Skye is down for a nap and Hayley is watching a dvd/playing outside" or something like that, but when he goes and has a shower/goes to the shop or something he just says "I'm having a shower" or when he goes out he just goes out. I think its because he knows I will be home, whereas if I go out I have to make sure hes gonna be home otherwise I have to take the kids with me or find someone else to look after them.

Its as though they don't have any responsabilites or whatever. I wish I could just get up and go out sometimes but I can't.

:laughing:You wrote my exact post, word for word. It is exactly the same at our house.
The other day I went out by myself for the first time in I don't know how long and I left DH to organise the kids, to take to his mum's of course (he had to work). when I went to get them DS1 was a fresh PJ set, oversized hat and their belongings were packed in a large cooler bag(nappies, clothes etc).Couldn't find anything he said. Shows how often he dresses them if he doesn't know their pj's from regular clothes. So funny. I will have to do it more often so he knows where to find things.:D

I don't think you're mean buzzing bee, totally get how you're feeling. As to how to change it *shrugs* haven't worked it out myself yet.;)

[soon2Bmum22]

Aardvark - by then your usban should be able to have all three kids and you can go and catch up with friends!!!!

I know exactly what you mean. If my DH needs to go out he just says i'm going out. but if I go I say I have to go ... can you look after DD. I ust think that hey don't think about it. If I suggest DD goes with him or he stay home with her he is usually cool with that. I just have to make sure I suggest it!!

[babygizaiah]

Hi
Like the title says, Do you feel resentful when your partner goes out by himself without considering who will look after the kids.

I find when my hubby wants to go out he just goes but if I want to whether it's an appointment or for fun I have to organise if he will be home and can he look after our dd. We also have a small baby so ofcourse I always take him.

Dh says it's different for him because I am the main care giver but I dont' think it would matter if I was working or not.

Am I mean

wow this is freaky you this sounds like a page from my book.

my hubbie is exactly the same will just go out and of course Im the one who looks after our son. And then I joined up for a netball team and the day of my game he tells me hes finishing late, so Im in a mad rush to find a babysitter so I can go and do something for myself. And Im trying to lose weight so I've joined up to the gym. I cant go in the mornings before dh goes to work, just incase baby wakes up and cuts into his sleep and then by time dh gets home im to tired to go.

If Im going out to do the shopping its like can you get his dinner ready his bottles etc etc. Or if I ask dh to take baby for a drive with him 'well can you put him in his carseat' WTF I tell him all the time who puts him in the car for me. Anyway I could go on for hours, but I have the exact same problem.

your not mean, us as mums are just under valued. Im sick of it and Im sure all of yous are to.

buzzingbee- good point even if we worked as well it would still be the exact same story.

[soon2Bmum22]

I just remembered the time that DH took DD to brisbane for the weekend. I let him pack everything!!! I had organised a weekend with the girls. He rang me in the middle of my party and said "What size nappies does DD wear?" He didn't pack ANY. I told him the size and he had to go buy some. Lucky he didn't go west!!!

[cja]

I just love the stories about dads forgetting nappies and dressing kids in pjs. When we only had one child my DH was pretty good, now we have two it is a different story!