View Full Version : In arms crying??
I have a beautiful 9 month old son and am confused about what we should do about his frequent night waking.
I love having him in bed with us, but we wakes every hour to feed and also kicks up a storm. When he has had stints in the cot, in his own bedroom, he seems to sleep better, but still wakes every 3-4 hours to feed.
Do you think he is too young to do in arms crying with him? I would still feed him once or twice during the night and if he got too distressed, but I would just try to settle him by rocking him first not just feeding him as soon as he wakes. We have tried Elizabeth Pantly's gentle removal technique, with no success and various other gentle techniques but he still wakes up lots at night! I know Dr. sears says that crying with someone with them is not the same as CIO or CC, what do others think?
I hadn't heard of the "in arms" crying but I think that if he (and you) sleep better if he has his own space then thats the way to go. My DD always sleeps better in her own space. I have tried on occcasion to bring her into my bed when she is havign an unsettled night and she is just too restless, she is up and down, poking us and giggling etc that no one gets any sleep. I found that just going in to her works much better for us. But then we never co-slept so it is a bit different. good luck with what ever you decide to do.
I personally couldn't do it at any age... Then again, I believe every child is unique, and thus their feeding patterns can be too - I can hear my 6 month olds tummy grumbling when I feed his at 1am, he's definately hungry!
Have you tried giving bubs a bottle of water instead, in the hope he'll find it boring and drift off again?
But I do believe that crying in your arms is very, very different to being left to cry all alone!
My bub won't take a bottle- he is very attached to the boobie! I am okay with him waking a couple of times a night for hunger, but i know that a lot of his feeds are for comfort and would like to find other ways to comfort him instead of just the boob as I think this would help him to sleep longer stretches.
Maybe he needs more solids, particularly carbs at the evening feed?
Dr Jay Gordon does "in arms crying". He suggests only after 1 yr.
Another great site is http://www.awareparenting.com . We shouldn't be afraid of our childrens tears. When we don't allow our children to cry in our arms we dont respect how they are feeling.
The real point is that kids should never cry alone. Not that they should never be unhappy or feel disappointed - which is a very likely outcome if their routine is changing. If we're always too afraid to let our LO's cry or be upset that's when we start slipping into permissive parenting - where nobodys feelings are respected.
I cosleep with and BF my 18 mth old DS.
Part of what kept my sanity was setting limits. I started about 8 mths. If he woke in the night and had already nursed recently I would say " bb's gone" and I'd soothe him in other ways such as by giving him a hug or patting his back. He was pi$$ed off for the first few nights but I was always there soothing him - and he got used to the new rules. I think this is why our nursing relationship has been so successful - its mutual.
I dont think 9 mths is too young to set limits - just make sure your LO isn't left alone :)
hi there, a great website to check out is aletha solter (google her name) she promotes attachment parenting, in arms crying, aware parenting. She has a few articles that will really help and answer any questions you may have. Another one is hand in hand parenting.
We do in arms crying with both of our little ones, it is really challenging at first, but we now find that our kids (especially the youngest) will have it no other way, we cannot distract him from his tears, if he needs to get something off his chest, we let him and then he happily gets on with his play..
good luck :-)
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