To leave 22month DS with Grandparents an ENTIRE night or not...

[Cat13]

Okay, so you can probably tell from the way 'entire' is in caps in the title that this idea freaks me out a little.

We are going Melbourne this weekend for a friends wedding and will be staying at my parents which is at least an hours drive away from the wedding and post wedding BBQ the following day.

I have no probs in theory leaving DS for a nigt but in practice we live away from family and friends so DS has never really been babysat before. He is a challenge to get to sleep, has never gone to bed without a breastfeed, wakes a couple of times a night and has never resettled without a feed. So my plan is let my parents watch DS for the afternoon/evening (dinner, bath, bed and good luck to them) but we'll return after the reception ends to take over. Then next morning we go with DS to the BBQ.

But DH is really set on a DS-free night with some quality alone time at a hotel and wants me to get over my anxiety about leaving DS. He thinks I'm seeing only the worse case scenario and that I just need to let my parents work it out. And that even if it is a disaster it's only one night and DS will get over it and not be scarred for life that I wasn't there when he woke during the night. He is quite insistant about it and NOT going to be impressed if I say I won't do it.

I don't see the point of a hotel because a) we are TTC so I'm not going to be drinking and happy to drive us home, b) I'll be stressed out the whole day worrying if I know we aren't going to be getting back to rescue my parents (if required) c) we have to return early the following day anyway for the 2hr round trip to pick up DS for the BBQ. d) not fair to freak DS out by not being there when he wakes when all his life his experience has taught him that I am ALWAYS there

But perhaps I'm just making excuses and should take the plunge and who knows maybe if we are not there he'll be an angel and go to sleep without a fight and sleep through........

What do you think? (and yes I'd like everyone to say I shouldn't leave DS the whole night but if you agree with my DH I guess that's ok! :D)

[mim1]

:hugs: it's a big thing either way, so I understand your anxiety.

I first had Josh sleep over at my parents house when I was sick and my dh was away. There was no other option, I couldn't look after him. Josh had a breastfeed to go to sleep and one when he woke up ... and yet, surprise, surprise he drank a bottle of formula before bed, slept ok and woke up happy. No problems at all and he was 12 months old.

I suggest that if your parents are game, it's worth a try. They'll probably enjoy the time with him. Cam is now 22 months old, and it's not unreasonable for you and your dh to have a night apart from him. If you're TTCing then you need plenty of sleep - maybe this night without breastfeeds when he wakes will help him realise he doesn't need mummy constantly overnight and you'll get better sleeps when you get home.

Your parents can always call you if they have a problem and you can always call them.

All the best with your decision - it is a hard I know.

[RedRose]

How do your parents feel about it, knowing that he's likely to wake and be hard to settle? That would be a major part of the decision for me. If they aren't completely happy with the situation then that would make the decision for me, as I'd feel its unfair on them. But, if they understand it might be a difficult night and are still perfectly happy to do it and confident that they'll manage then I'd feel better about taking the night off (as long as I could be back early-ish in the morning).

[NibbleCurlynBub]

If you don't want to, don't.

I personally wouldn't, so I don't see the problem with just not wanting to.

[Cat13]

Thanks Mim, maybe I just need to get DH to give me an escape clause. As in I'll give it a go but if my parents call and it's all gone pear shaped we can go home, no questions asked! Might help me relax about it at least.

Thanks redrose, my parents do know it could be a challenge but they are happy to do it as they don't get to see him as much as they'd like...I'm just not sure they know exactly what they are letting themselves in for!

NibbleCurlynBun, I definitely don't want to. Not a good enough answer for DH I'm afraid so have to at least give it serious consideration.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I'd give him the 'I'm the mother and I am not comfortable with it' speech.

When it comes to things like that, you should not have to be forced to defend yourself if you do not think it is right.

[mummyjessie86]

:hugs: I understand how you feel!

I live with my parents, DS sees them everyday, mum is Super Mum, and i still was hesitant to leave him last weekend to go to a BBQ!

DS is usually a bit of a terror to get to go to sleep and he usually wakes for a feed during the night. I was supposed to be at the BBQ around 6:30pm... Come 7:30pm I was still fighting with DS to go to sleep and Mum ended up getting him out of bed and telling me to go. I was FREAKING OUT! Thinking she wouldn't be able to get him to go to sleep and i would have to turn around and come home. An hour later i get a text message. She put him in his cot (awake) and only had to put his dummy in once and he went straight to sleep! Time flew by and it was 1am by the time I was leaving! Mum sent me a text on my way home to say he had woken so i said i was 5mins away if she could just give him a cuddle for me... Got home and he was back in bed fast asleep! He had just been a bit cold and wanted a cuddle! DS didn't wake til 6am the next morning.

My point after that long story is, I freaked and worried all night for no reason, and DS behaved better when I wasn't there. Its almost like they can sense we are not there, so there is no need to carry on :laughing:

I say give it a go, have a good night... Im sorry to say this but I do agree with your DH. But in the end it is YOUR decision... and its good to see he is fine with whatever you decide :D
I also think if your parents are keen, and they know how he is... then they will be fine... It is only ONE night, and if they lose a few hours sleep, its not anything your not used to! LOL.

Have a great night, whatever you decide to do!

[Cat13]

Thanks for sharing Jessie, amazing what freaks us out once we become mummies isn't it!

The chance that DS could be an angel with Nanna & Grandad to impress does make me want to consider giving it a go........in case it could actually be a turnaround in him learning to settle better. If only I had a crystal ball to know for sure!

I keep changing my mind every 5 mins at this stage but I guess there's only one way to actually find out how he'll cope.

[2s'nuff]

Take the offer and enjoy a child free night.

When I left TJ with my parents for a week recently she had never stayed away before and as you know we don't have many good nights. For most of her 'holiday' she was great.

Maybe you could buy DS a new sippy bottle/cup for his night time milk. Put some car/truck/thomas/??? stickers on it, so he has somehting special and new for bed that night.

Your parents wouldn't offer if they weren't prepared for a difficult night.

:hugs:
Lisa

[purtig]

I left both my DS's with my mum overnight so DH and I could go to a hotel for a night, this was when DS1 was just over 3yrs and DS2 was about 11 months or so. I didn't really worry at all but we were only 20mins away and I don't think I would have left DS1 at 11 months old. By 22 months I would definitely have left DS1 if the opportunity had arisen. In one month's time DH and I will be flying interstate (his work is paying) for 4 nights for a get together with all his workmates from around the country. My mum will be coming to our house to look after the 2 boys. One of my friends will also be coming to help her out. I am a bit worried at leaving them for that length of time but don't want to pass up this opportunity of flights, accommodations and meals paid for, and quality time with DH. If necessary I will pay for my own flight and fly home early! I truly believe they will be fine with their Grandma, and I am probably more worried for myself as I hate flying!

Anyway, after that ramble - I think go for it personally. 22 months is almost 2 years old and I reckon he would be fine, especially as you could always just leave the hotel and drive back if you needed to. That said it is hard to let go with your fist child so I totally understand where you are coming from.

[MoOaNdLiTtLePoPpEt]

It is your choice and yours alone.
I have left DS with my MIL overnight....and all day the next day...he was about 15 months (we were packing and cleaning to move interstate)....but i am completely comfortable and trust her 110%....and i would leave him with my mum as well (he is 2 next month)...i wouldn't leave him with anyone else tho unless i was completely confortable with their supervision and completley trusted them..that's me and each person is different...so do what your heart is telling you darl...:hugs:

[RmumR]

I would give it a go if i were you but have as you say 'an escape clause' so if he is really giving your parents a hard time, enough that they call you that you go back straight away.
The first time my parents had DD for the evening...not even overnight when she was 7mths old they ended up calling me to come home which i was ok with cause would rather they call then let her get too worked up. 2nd time i left her i left her overnight with my mum (14mths) and she was fine didn't even give me a cuddle when i came home the next day cause she was having too much fun with her nanna.

[Tabby]

Cat: When I left Katie for the first time for the night with the ils I was thinking of her the whole time worrying lol now they have her all the time for a whole night, sometimes two! MIL was prepared for a hard first night but Katie was an absolute angel for them, the first time she slept through no problems!
I sent along with Katie her own things..her porta cot and mobile, her music/lights box for cot and her teddy and her own pillow an doona so she would feel "at home" and told mil the bed time routine which she followed to a T. So if you do decide to make sure hes got lots of "his" things

She also had instructions to call me anytime! But it was never needed, after all they were Mums too once and are a lot more capable than we give them credit for

I say take it hun! youll have a absolute ball and get to spend some time with DH, sounds like hes looking forward to it too hehe.:thumbsup:
I like the escape clause idea to get out of motel if Cam needs you...but i bet you wont need it!
I felt amazing after a night alone with DH, we went to dinner and came home watched a movie and cuddled...ahh ill end it there aye lol
OH! and we got to sleep in!

In the end though..your choice, do whats comfy for you xx

[possumsmum]

I say give it a go! There will be some point in your sons life when you will leave him but I understand that its really hard the first time (It does get easier!). Both my boys started having "sleep overs" at grandma's and grandpa;s from 6 months. I was so anxious the whole time and must have called every hour. I had nothing to worry about. I knew that no one knows how to do both of their night time routines properly like I do but kids are freakishly adaptably plus grandparents know what they are doing. For them it was only for 1 night so they have never minded if the kids were up a little late or woke during the night or got up early, my MIL in particular is happy to sit up all night cuddling the kids! As you said you are not drinking so if there was some emergency you could always come back but I say take the chance to have a night away with your husband, you both deserve it!

[Cat13]

Thanks everyone. Decision made, will give it a go but with my escape clause in place.

Think I needed to hear your stories and suggestions and put my concerns down in writing to help me deal with them.

[cassvanm]

Geez, you guys make me feel like a cr@p mum :laughing:
My DD1 was 6 months when I had to go away for work for 6 weeks (not continually - over about 3 months). I have NEVER had an issue with leaving my kids. DD1 was with her dad and my MIL.
The reason for this is I would never leave them with people I dont trust, therefore I dont' have cause for concern!
I don't leave DD3 at the moment, simply coz she's only 5wks, and she's still exclusively breastfed. I have had her cared for by my SIL for about 3 hours though.

[tracynben]

if your parents are happy to it whatever sitiaution arises then let them do it.
You prob dont realise it, but its so importnat to have time alone with ur partner, and a night away will do you great.
i wish i could get a night away from my little un, we from uk and only have DP oparents here but at the mo they wont have him for an overnight stay, my mum has had him overnight when she came on hol but thats it, so i would take advantage of the offer while its there, and try not to worry too much, its only one night afterall.

tracy xxxxxxxx