I need to vent

[Stoi Boi]

My DP has changed so much over the past few weeks, he was such a loving caring person towards me my DD which is his DSD, and i am pregnant with his child, its like he doesnt want to have anything to do with any of us, all he wants to do go hang out with is friends. Now im not one to stop him from seeing them but lately it has been every night and wont come home till very late. He picks fights when ever her can, puts me down and makes me feel stupid and he hasnt even been acknowledging that im pregnant, he used to come up and rub my tummy and kiss it and talk to the baby but now nothing. I am so frustrated and dont know how to correct the problem. Ive tried to talk to him but he wont even admit there is a prblem.
:mad:

[CaitlinArai22]

perhaps he is stressed out or depressed - men often seem angry or distant when suffering depression.
Maybe try writing a letter saying how much you love him, and how worried you are. remind him of how you both used to laugh and he'd talk to your belly, let him know you're there for him.

Its worth a try - and you never know how he's feeling under it all. maybe he's feeling self doubt?

[Stretchmark Diva]

Going out every night? :no:

I'd change the locks, and toss his junk onto the front lawn.
:devil:

Or alternatively, move out to your parents for a week. See how he likes coming home to an empty house.

You deserve better, and so do your children.

[Pax]

having been in your position exactly, my DB at the time was:

cheating
on drugs
selling drugs

so yeah i would agree with the PP..

[pinkgingham]

i dont think he is cheating but rather getting cold feet so to speak. he probably feels like he is being tied down now by having a family and wants to enjoy his youth while he has the opportunity. that sounds really pathetic i know but i am going through it myself. and that came from the horses mouth ie my ex, that he is being tied down by having a family although thats what he wanted. i wouldnt automatically assume he is cheating. but you two do need to talk about this. good luck.

[crazyaboutbubs]

i dont think he is cheating but rather getting cold feet so to speak. he probably feels like he is being tied down now by having a family and wants to enjoy his youth while he has the opportunity. that sounds really pathetic i know but i am going through it myself. and that came from the horses mouth ie my ex, that he is being tied down by having a family although thats what he wanted. i wouldnt automatically assume he is cheating. but you two do need to talk about this. good luck.

:iagree:He is probably just scared of the enormous change that is going to happen. Let him know that if he's not willing to talk to you about it and resolve the issues, maybe he can write it in a letter or find other ways of dealing with his issues.

IMO i would let him know that if he won't make an effort to communicate his concerns and worries about it that you won't have much of a future. You need to be able to communicate your problems with each other so you can move on and deal with them. Dealing with issues seperately is never a good idea in a partneship, partners should be their for support.

:hugs:Hopefully its just a phase he is going through, but i definately wouldn't be putting up with that, you need to feel supported.

[CrystalMumOfTwo]

Sounds like he is getting cold feet, men tend to express themselves differantly then females.
Going out every night is prob his way of trying to regain some control in his life (even though he wanted a family)
Give him time, once bub arrives he should come around.
:hugs:somtimes these things can take awhile to sort themselves out especially if he is not willing to talk about his feelings.

Maybe just try to reassure him that once bub arrives he can still have his alone time with his mates etc etc

HTH

My DP was the same b4 we had #1 and now he is doing it a week b4 #2 is due :hugs: try not to blame yourself

[pinkgingham]

also, once lines of communication are open and he admits there is something you two need to talk about that you set up a schedule of when he is able to go out. once or twice a month should be more than enough opporunity to go out drinking and partying. you cant stop him completely, its like trying to stop a teenager doing anything, he would just rebel against you and do it anyways. you need to have an agreement in place to when he is allowed out drinking and make special allowances for engagements, birthday parties etc. but you also need to agree to when he has to come home also. so no walking in the door at 5am and how much money he is allowed to spend. do you own a barbeque? or is there a park nearby with a barbeque? coz it would be a good idea to make dates on the weekends and invite his friends so that he can still drink with his mates, but still can do the family thing. i assume thats what he is doing when he goes out.

[SassyMummy]

Perhaps he has realised just what he has agreed to.

You know what you've agreed to - you've been there, done that, and know how things are once you have children. As much as he cares for your DD though, he knows he doesn't HAVE to. He can leave you, and get on with his life, and never have to deal with either of you again. Not that he's necessarily thinking about that, but I mean, he'll know in the back of his mind that he doesn't actually HAVE any responsibility to either of you if he changes his mind and wants to leave.

She's also YOUR daughter. I imagine you'd do majority of the work involved with her. He might get her a sandwich or a drink, or play with her and stuff... but in general, she's YOUR responsibility.

Now he's going to have his own responsibility. And that's kinda scary.

I think that, as women, we're kinda programmed to get into mothering mode. We fall pregnant, and while it doesn't come naturally to all, I think the majority of women start becoming motherly before they're officially mothers and have babies in their arms.

I don't think guys have that though... and he's probably just realised that these are his last chances to be free.

I'd try talking about it to him, letting him know how you feel but also letting him know that he's okay to be scared, because it is new and exciting and nerve-wracking and scary. That you understand that he wants to spend time with his friends, and that you're okay with that... but you also want time spent with you, as you are, after all, carrying his baby.

I'd try to bring it up in the least "blamey" way possible. Don't go, "YOU LEAVE ME HERE ALL NIGHT...blah blah blah." It will just anger him and you'll get nowhere. Instead, just let him know it's okay to feel how he feels, that you're not angry, but a little bit sad (sad is a better emotion than angry to guys, in my experience) because of blah blah blah. Don't whinge though, just talk. Calmly.