View Full Version : Bathing with Dad
What age do you think it's appropriate to stop bathing your daughter in the bath with their dads?
My DH has always had a issue with this as he just doesn't see it's right.
My uncle in the UK, however, bathed with his daughter till she was about 6 or 7. Now I think this is just wrong. So where do you draw the line???
If I had a boy I think I would bath him with me till he was about 3 or 4. When he starts asking questions about my bits, I just don't think it's right to keep bathing with him.
This is just my opinion, I don't think it 'damages' the child if they bath together longer. I was just wondering what people's opinions on this are.
Personaly, I thought it was a little wierd that my uncle felt comfortable doing this when she was at an age were she new exactly what all his bits were. Dunno, just found it odd. Is this normal? Am i just being a prude?:confused:
And is it different with mums and little boys??:confused:
EskimoMumma
13-05-2006, 16:48
That is a REALLY good question. Since my DS has aked about bits i wont have a shower while hes in the bath anymore.. But i have to say ive never bathed with him.. Be good to know though since im looking into it with DS.. I ll keep an eye on this one
both me and dh have baths with my dd. she has gone to touch both our bits but we just distract her with something else. we are pretty open about our bodies and i never want dd to feel ashamed of hers but there is also the issue of kids being to open with their bodies with 'strangers'. i think they need to be taught that only themselves and mummy and daddy see them naked. but it is a tough one isnt it? im not sure when we will stop having baths together but at the moment we see no problem with it.
I don't think there is a right or wrong age and I personally think that we need to be careful how we handle telling kids about nudity etc to avoid hangups in later life. I also think that we need to be careful not to judge others who allow their children to see them naked in the context of their own home. My children know about body parts but why should that stop them seeing their parents in a natural environment like the shower or bath?
A good example of how it can work without scarring a child - a friend of mine had a 5 year old when she was pregnant with no 2 and he attended all her OB visits with her. The OB would explain where everything was and what he was doing - including during internal exams, with the 5 year old boy watching and learning. THat 5 year old is now a very well balanced 30 year old with no hang ups about bodies - womens or mens and a respect for women that is lovely to see.
So let's be careful before passing our judgements on other people and what they chose to do in the privacy of their own homes (as long as children are not being hurt).
So let's be careful before passing our judgements on other people and what they chose to do in the privacy of their own homes (as long as children are not being hurt).
Well said! I don't want people being attacked for their opinions, I just want to know what age most people think is reasonable to have to stop bathing with their mum or Dad. Im asking because I really don't know whether I should be telling my DH not to be so silly and just bathe with her or whether he is actually being sensible about the situation.:rolleyes:
So, im only after your opinions on what age you think is appropriate to stop. I don't want arguements, thanks ;)
well ive heard of a family that just walk round the house naked,and their kids are teenagers!!they dont think its weird,but i do!!!
as for the bath issue,im not too sure when i will stop bathing my son(hes 7 months now so ive got ages)
i love having a bath with him,but i think once hes like 3 i might start feeling a bit weird.and at that age they are capable of bathing them selves(supervised of course)anyway
munchkin05
13-05-2006, 17:37
i dont think there is any right or wrong time to stop bathing with ur child
i do believe that your kids are going to see you naked when your getting dressed etc so what difference does it make to have a bath with them
dp gets undressed at night in the laundry ( his clothes are so dirty after work) so the kids always see him walking around the house nude
i guess its a personal decision but they way i see it if we dont make a big deal out of it the kids wont have :fingerscrossed: hang ups about there bodies later in life
I think it's a very personal decision and I don't think you can say an absolute age when it should stop. Every family is different and each child develops differently.
I will probably continue to bath longer with my dd than dh and likewise if our next child is a son, dh will probably bath longer with him than I will. I have a memory of having a shower with my dad when I was about four :eek: , so I think dh will stop showering with dd before then. :o
nemosmum
13-05-2006, 18:01
I stopped showering with my bub a couple of months back (his now 22mths) coz he went through a boob obsession and wouldnt leave em alone:eek:
I shower while his in the bath though (just because its easier and time efficent when Im in a rush)
DH showers with ds still and I guess he'll stop when ds gets too big to fit in the shower with him.
I too think its a personal thing and I think its cultural. I was raised with prudish parents and am I admit a bit prudish too:p
I know friends of mine who are very naturaaaaal iykwim and often browse around the house starkers with their teenage kids (its normal to them)
Each to their own as long as its all above board kwim;)
Hokey Pokey
13-05-2006, 18:37
Justin has never had a bath with the girls but I did up until we moved beg of year.
We don't have a bath here now so Justin get's in the shower with Bella and washes her hair and stuff and I dress her.
our little treasures
13-05-2006, 18:42
I don't know when it's time to stop bathing but I think it will come natural. My dh has showers once in a blue moon with our 2. We do walk around the house naked and get dressed, I don't know what age we will stop doing this.
CarolineF
13-05-2006, 18:55
My dh has never bathed with our dd except for once or twice when she was a baby. It was not a conscious decision, he would bath her but not be in the bath with her.
She is now aged 6, she likes to come into the shower with me and we will continue to do that. Both my dh and myself also continue to bath her now, it depends which one of us is busiest at the time. She is very comfortable with her body, she comes home from school, takes her uniform off and other than her knickers, runs around the house like that until bedtime. She sees both of us naked all the time, she has got passed the stage when she used to point out mummy's "boobies" all the time.:rolleyes:
I went to boarding school, and seeing other people naked and being naked myself in front of other women does not bother me. I would not show myself off to any male other than my dh or my gynae, to be honest there is not much to see...I could clear a room i'm that podgy at the mo, and if any of the neighbours saw me then house prices in the neighbourhood would plummet!!!!:laughing:
So long as its not seedy then each to their own. Just beware of children speaking at school and some paranoid teachers putting 2 + 2 together and coming up with 5.
Funkychicken
13-05-2006, 19:01
We have always shared baths, showers etc... with our children. The fact that our shower is in the bath plays a big part but I also have no hangups about our children seeing us naked. A body part is a body part and they have no problem with it either. When I was pregnant last year, it was a great way for the children to see my belly growing and see the bub moving-they were always thrilled when they caught a ripple going across my belly. My DD and I often bath together-it usually starts as me showering with her bathing 'under' me and then I'll often sit down with her. We play hairdressers and shoulder massagers. It's such a lovely way to spend time with her. Dh often showers with DS#1-when we can get DS#1 to shower/bathe these days! We are also on tank water so water needs to be shared. All our babies have showered with us as real littlies. When DH gets in the shower I often say "Here, have a baby to wash too."
We have no problems with nakedness around the house either. It's not a case of consciously parading our bodies-more likely getting dressed with children wandering with requests etc... They don't even notice if we are dressed or not.
When it comes to private business though, that is a completely seperate issue. We would never allow them to witness us in bed doing what adults do. DS#1 stirs us enough when we cuddle in the kitchen! "Oooohhhh, romance", he says.:)
Tam-I-Am
13-05-2006, 20:03
My DH and I had a discussion about this recently, and his thoughts were that he would stop bathing with DD and being naked around her when she became self conscious about her own nudity, and it was clear that the development of her sexuality had begun.
For me, I remember that I stated to become embarrassed about being naked in front of my own father when I was about 6 or 7, so we guess it will be around about that age. But we will take it as it comes, and let DD lead the way.
Having said that, we won't ever be embarrassed if she sees us naked - if she happened to walk into the room when DH was dressing when she was a teenager - that would be okay. We're not going to make a big deal out of it, because we don't ever want her to think that there is something disgusting or wrong about the naked human form.
And I will keep bathing with DD until she won't let me anymore - I love spending time with her that way, its such a great way to bond :)
Mister Noodle
13-05-2006, 20:12
Clarabelle: well said.
I was always slung in the bath with parents / siblings intil I was about six - after that, I started not wanting people to see me naked, and so I bathed alone. No hard decisions - just do what feels right to the kid.
I came out OK, or at least I think I did...:p
I used to bath with my dad and I'm not sure I was probably around 6 or 7 when we stopped doing it I guess... I don't really remember.
I still bath with my boys and the eldest is three.
I guess it's up to the individuals and when they start becoming uncomfortable. Very personal decision.
Baby Girl
13-05-2006, 20:45
Both our DD's shower with either myself or DP and this will not stop anytime soon. There are times when all 4 of us are in together. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. My parents were always open about nudity at home and so are we. Obviously if we have visitors then both girls get dressed in their bedroom but if not they get dressed in the loungeroom or the kitchen or wherever suits us at the time. I don;t have any body hang ups or issues and hopefully by being open about it neither will they :thumbsup:
onabreak
13-05-2006, 20:48
I don't have a problem being naked in front of my DD who is 18mths old and neither does my DH. DH and I take turns having a shower with her. I will continue to do this until it comes to the point where she wants to shower/bath on her own or I don't feel comfortable with it anymore. DH husband has a shower with his son sometimes who is 4.5 and he is fine with it. He is my step son so I do not want him to see me nude as I don't find it appropriate and I wouldn't want him going home to his mum saying he saw me nude. When we were growing up we saw our parents walking around nude, only from the shower to their bedroom though.
Ana Gram
13-05-2006, 21:27
Just chiming in with everyone else here but I would say it should stop when either party starts to feel uncomfotable doing it.
We don't have a bath tub but we do share showers.
My children are 8, 5 & nearly 2 and they mostly shower together but often to save time or if our youngest needs a shower they go in with DH or I. Nudity is not a big issue in our house. DH & I are quite natural about our bodies. If the kids wander on it while we are getting dressed/showering/on the toliet etc. it doesn't faze us at all.
I will say though that in this house the showering with others and when to stop doing so will no doubt take care of it self. :) We have a water saver shower head and there is only so much room in the shower ! LOL The bigger kids have already worked out if you shower with mum or dad there is less room to play and less water ;). I'm guessing that in another year or so there will not be enough room for our 8 year old to fit in the shower with either mum or dad.
When I started dating hubby his mother regularly walked in to use the sink or talk to her boys while they were in the shower and allowed them to do the same when she was in there :eek: I was disgusted but hey... it takes all sorts right?:o
when we were at home, we would go in the bathroom to talk to mum, or brush our teeth (only one bathroom) plus we had a slinding door that didnt lock, I hated it, to would get a broom stick to kinda stop it from being open, I didnt want my bro's/dad walking in.
I dont have baths with the kids, heck, I barely fit in there by myself!
kids showered with me till about 6-7, they never were too fused, except DS#2, he's embarassed about being naked around others, well, girls. He doesnt like me or his sis seing him. But will let me come in the bathroom to wash his hair.
DD doesnt like us (DH and I rather) naked she points and screws up her nose and goes "ewww eww ewww" (sounds funny) then she runs off (shes only 2!) Dont think she likes the hairy bits, as the boys naked dont bother her at all.
I think kids will let you know when they are no longer comfortable with it.
Our eldest (14) has no problems with us still seeing him naked, he will walk from his room to the bathroom and back starkers, or he has no probd seeing us naked, he just says, they are bodies and everyone has one, what the big deal as long as its not inappropriate.
I think kids will let you know when they are no longer comfortable with it.
Our eldest (14) has no problems with us still seeing him naked, he will walk from his room to the bathroom and back starkers, or he has no probd seeing us naked, he just says, they are bodies and everyone has one, what the big deal as long as its not inappropriate.
Well said:thumbsup:
I agree totally!
SassyMummy
14-05-2006, 00:31
When I was about 4, I had a shower with my Dad. I remember it to this day, and it freaks me out. There was nothing "dirty" about it, it was just a shower, but the fact that I have an image of my naked father in my head is just revolting. lol.
I personally wouldn't want DD seeing her Daddy, or any other adult male for that matter, naked when she's old enough to have it as a memory. So from about 3, I'd like my DP to be a bit discrete about his nudity.
It's not much to go on, but I also read about this issue in "What to Expect in the First Year" and it suggested that a child aged 3-4 and up can be affected by seeing parents of the opposite sex in the nude. Obviously that's just one psychological opinion...but I just thought I'd add that I'd read that.
But yeah, because I remember seeing my father naked (ew), I really don't wish that upon my daughter. lol.
I see your point too Stacey. Good that you added that, gives a differnt perspective and has made me think also...
Thanks.
reAllytee
14-05-2006, 01:02
When I started dating hubby his mother regularly walked in to use the sink or talk to her boys while they were in the shower and allowed them to do the same when she was in there :eek: I was disgusted but hey... it takes all sorts right?:o
Thats what happens at my Aunty's place as she said its good they have all left home now as she can bathe in peace lol !
You have to remember that not everyone sees this as a problem as long as it isnt inappropriate there wouldnt be a problem.
DP & i always leave the toilet door open & talk to each other as need be or the same when we are showering etc we walk in & out no dramas. Bubs cant get to our downstairs toilet as its past our kitchen blocked by a baby gate but as soon enough i will be taking him & showing him the potty while i go helping him get an idea.
My friends family have always been open about nudity with no problems mine was a little more prudish but not overly so & this is how i want our family to be as i dont want Boof thinking there is something wrong with his body. He grabs my boobs when im clothed so i doubt i can change things by keeping covered iykwim lol.
My DH doens't have baths so I guess it won't happen. I have put DS in the bath with me once but usually I want a bath to escape and have time on my own with a glass of wine and a book. :thumbsup:
I don't see it a problem for DS to see us naked but I wouldn't parade around, just if getting dressed or something.
When I was a kid I certainly didn't want to see my parents naked.:barf:
We're very open about our nudity in the house. Ou 12 year old boy has recently become "funny" about it, and that's fine, it's his body and we respect it. On the whole we share showers, baths and walk around the house nude in between those showers and baths. It's not like we're a nudist colony and I do like to wear my clothes. But I think it's important for the kids to have a healthy body image. They ask questions about the differences between us and them and we answer the questions quite openly and honestly!
MrsMiggins
14-05-2006, 14:01
In short, I feel that it is all natural & once my kids start asking me questions about their/my bodies & where babies come from etc. then I will answer them honestly in an age-appropriate manner. For instance, I'm not going to go making up stories to appease my child if at 3 years old she asks why mummy & daddy look different "down there". I also do not plan on making up stories re: where babies come from. I plan on answering their questions in a way that they will be able to understand at the age they are when they ask.
I remember having showers with my mum up until I was about, I don't know... probably at least 6 or 7. Not all the time, but here & there. I also remember not being embarrassed talking to my dad while he was in the shower when I was probably around 9 or 10. But I think around this time, I started being more conscious of my own body & started wanting privacy. I grew up in a house full of brothers & no sisters, so it was bound to happen eventually! lol
I don't think there's anything wrong with your children seeing you naked, so long as they are comfortable with it & the parents are comfortable with it. And so long as there is nothing sexual about it, which in a normal, happy, healthy household there wouldn't be.
Like Maghan said, I think it helps your kids to have a healthy body image if there is nothing awkward or uncomfortable around the subject of nudity when the kids are young. It's not about flaunting your naked body around, it's about being comfortable with your own body.
jessgray
15-05-2006, 08:45
i havent had a bath with my DS coz we dont have a bath here lol he does wander into the bathroom when DP is having a shower and stare at DP lol i would say 3-4 yrs old would be the max age for me sharing a bath with DS.
MumsieMel
15-05-2006, 09:09
We dont have any issues about nudity, my DS was at my DD birth! :thumbsup:
As they will both be at #3's birth! :D
We all still shower and bath together, it will change when the kids feel like it.
As long as all is above board i have no issues with it.
ButterflyKisses
15-05-2006, 09:28
my DS will be 3 next month. Both DH & I shower and bath with him. He and my DH run around the house in the nuddie before getting into the shower and they'll stand doing a sort of NZ haka (sp??) whilst singing "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" with their bits swinging around very funny but I'm sure there will come a time when it is not appropriate at the moment it's just a fun thing they do together.
we want our DS to feel comfortable about his body and that there is nothing dirty or sinister about being nude at his age.
after having a shower with me a few weeks back he ran out to tell DH that "mummy has fuzz on her willie". :laughing: He very rarely takes notice of the fact that we all have bits and pieces that are different as he is enjoying playing with his toys in the shower or enjoying the bubbles and spa jets in the bath when sharing a bath/shower with us. For him at this stage it's an enjoyable time as he loves the water so much and playing.
because he's still not toilet trained if he walks into the bathroom when DH is doing a #1 he'll stand there and watch and DH will explain to him what he is doing.
at this stage none of us feel uncomfortable being nude around each other so IMO there is no need to stop just yet.
my brother & SIL have 3 children 11(girl), 7(girl) & 5(boy). The 11 year old will no longer allow her mother to see her naked in the shower but has no problem with her younger siblings seeing her. From what the 7 yr old has told my SIL the 11 yr old is starting to develop so she is now embarrassed and going through that phase.
I guess it's up to everyone to read the signs and do what you feel is appropriate.
Thats what happens at my Aunty's place as she said its good they have all left home now as she can bathe in peace lol !
You have to remember that not everyone sees this as a problem as long as it isnt inappropriate there wouldnt be a problem.
DP & i always leave the toilet door open & talk to each other as need be or the same when we are showering etc we walk in & out no dramas. Bubs cant get to our downstairs toilet as its past our kitchen blocked by a baby gate but as soon enough i will be taking him & showing him the potty while i go helping him get an idea.
My friends family have always been open about nudity with no problems mine was a little more prudish but not overly so & this is how i want our family to be as i dont want Boof thinking there is something wrong with his body. He grabs my boobs when im clothed so i doubt i can change things by keeping covered iykwim lol.
I was more upset by the lack of privacy, I moved in there for 6 months before my wedding and after a few weeks she had a real go at me because when I had a shower I locked the door :eek: and when I asked youngest brother in law to knock before entering our room (as he'd walked in on me getting dressed a few times) she got extreemly offended! Didn't understand why I didn't want her or my brothers in law walking in on me in the shower or in our room!
Forgive me but I thought it was innapropriate for her sons (at the time aged between 21 and 16) to not be allowed to lock the bathroom door!
my DD has always loved having a bath
with her dad
but recently
since she started school
he hass been weary of her seeing him naked and vice versa
Dad still bathes with the boys
Mister Noodle
15-05-2006, 14:48
LMTB: I agree. Not being *allowed* to lock the door strikes me as very odd indeed.
DS#1 stirs us enough when we cuddle in the kitchen! "Oooohhhh, romance", he says.:)
That is so cute.
-------------------------------------
I remember seeing my parents naked at times but it was never a big deal to me. Although I am a very private person and DP and I aren't one of those couples who will both be in the bathroom with one having a wee and one in the bath or shaving or whatever. I will wait for him to get out and then I always shut the door, or go to another bathroom. So I don't know how I will be.
I WANT to be openminded and for bubby to see that I am comfortable with my body, but I doubt that it will happen since it hasn't happened yet. I never get changed in front of anyone except DP, even my best friend. I have always been like that.
And DP isn't one to parade around either, unless I have made him that way with my own prudishness? He just doesn't stay naked for one second longer than he needs to, although he COULD, he has a beautiful body.
Anyway, so what was my answer? oh...its "I don't know".
I am comfortable with nudity as long as its other people's not my own.
That is so cute.
-------------------------------------
I am comfortable with nudity as long as its other people's not my own.
me, too:) :)
LittleBoysRock
15-05-2006, 15:08
My Granmother always said What is natural is not sinful. I believe that bodies are beautiful.
My family has a very open attitude to being naked. Now we dont roam around in front of each other but for example I still talk to my Mum if she is in the shower.
I want Owen to be comfortable and respectful. I would never do anything inappropriate with him but I am not going to hide mine or DH's nudity from him. I will explain openly and honestly anything he wants to know about sex or bodies etc when he is old enough to ask the question.
I want him to be a well adjusted man someday so I am going to try my best.
Great to see so many people comfortable with being naked around their children. :yelclap: Growing up in a family with a relaxed attitude towards nudity results in a more positive body self-concept for the child. There's a good article about it on The Federation of Canadian Naturists (http://www.fcn.ca/children_2.htm) website.
Wow! Gosh I feel like such a prude now!
I never knew it was so 'normal' to be so open about it! The thought of me showering and talking to my mum with her in the bathroom with me just freaks me out!!! I guess it's maybe because I have issues!:laughing: I never walk around naked, anywhere. I'm just ashamed/embarressed.
No need to be ashamed or embarrassed, particularly with a 15 month old! :laughing: They don't care what you look like! And when they start asking questions about your bits, it's a great opportunity to answer those questions!
i think i would just be afraid that the child, when old enough to talk is going to go around telling everyone they meet that mummy has a hairy 'wee wee' or something! lol
:laughing:
mythreelittlemonkeys
15-05-2006, 16:57
:D but dont all mummies! I personally grew up in a fairly liberal household...and I not scarred...the opposite in fact...we are battling at mo with DSD who wont change on beach or go for wee in sea (even when no loos) cos her mother has instilled a fear of people looking at her...(she very prude) I think a happy medium good...I not saying run round house nakey :smiliedance: just make sure own fears etc dont affect way child views their body/sexuality... just kids and actually they fairly blase about bodies I think...I remember having baths with my dad till about 6 /7 and I have never thought anything of it...I personally wouldnt have a shower with DSDas she would be uncomfortable with it...but with my own kids who knows whatever feels natural...my DH would still shower with his son (age 4)...and they know that DH and I shower together...
Mister Noodle
15-05-2006, 17:03
Georgiem:
The avatar! Ant and Bee!
I'm two again!
[/nostalgia]
arthursmum
15-05-2006, 17:21
well ive heard of a family that just walk round the house naked,and their kids are teenagers!!they dont think its weird,but i do!!!
as for the bath issue,im not too sure when i will stop bathing my son(hes 7 months now so ive got ages)
i love having a bath with him,but i think once hes like 3 i might start feeling a bit weird.and at that age they are capable of bathing them selves(supervised of course)anyway
my fil served tea in the morning, naked, to his teenage sons & i'm from a really prudish family and i only ever saw my parents naked once each by accident and it was just so uncomfortable afterwards and not even spoken about EVER.
there's a happy medium there, i'm sure but i guess it's just how you want to proceed and it may not be so much as WHEN you stop but how you do it without making nudity an issue. dunno really..
it's also nice for a child to have some autonomy in their life and bathing seems like a good thing that they can do for themselves..
i remember my 4yo niece telling me without batting an eyelid about her dad's 'big hairy ugly penis' & how 'disgusting' it is:D , which made me laugh
Briswegian
15-05-2006, 20:15
Kids tend to give you signals about what they feel comfortable with. My DS like to do his "number twos" with the door closed and tell me when he's finished and I'm sure he'll do the same with nudity. Kids to tend to become prudish or shy at a certain age (I remember not wanting to play in the paddling pool in just my knickers anymore and wanting a shirt on too) and we should respect that whilst also being open and honest about bodies.
mythreelittlemonkeys
15-05-2006, 22:14
Georgiem:
The avatar! Ant and Bee!
I'm two again!
[/nostalgia]
wow you recognise it :smiliedance: i loved ant and bee - but when I was about 7 I took my books on a day trip to london and left them and my lickle bag in a shop - when my father and I returned (I was hysterical) someone had taken them...:(
Mister Noodle
15-05-2006, 22:28
And so they had Squashed Food.
I've lost track of the number of times I've used that line.
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