View Full Version : Other people in with you?
How do you feel about having other people in with you when you are in labour? Apart from dh?
I only want hubby and I, I feel it is a special moment for just us - but last night he suggested someone else coming in, his argument was that it is our fourth, so we have had 3 others with just us. Last time we had our midwife, and a student one, so I guess he thinks its ok to have others?
My instant thought was no way, but am I being selfish in wanting to keep it just us?
We planned to have my Mum with us the first time, but DS came so quick she didn't make it. Kind of glad in the end that it was just DH and I, is a special time and this time we plan just us 2 again.
I don't think you're being selfish at all.
Who would your DH like to have in there with you anyway? Just out of nosiness?
No way are you being selfish...I only had dh, the midwife and her assistant with me and that's it. No way I'd want anyone else there :no:, and once baby was born we were left alone to bond :)
Your baby and your birthing - your choice.
I was glad my mum was there for DS and was happy to share DD's birth with my MIL and my Sis#1
I wish I'dve included my step-mum as her daughters will not let her near them - but that's their choice.
I had an audience of 100's with DS anyhow as he needed his own medical resus team in the end. So as far as I'm concearned - pfft whats 1 or 20 more. I might as well given birth in a shopping centre or at the football with DS
I think its up to you ~ you're the one doing all the work with your bits on display to the world!
Ask your DH how he would feel if it was him & you wanted other people in there?
I think you need to feel comfortable with your surroundings... its totally up to you hun.
I am having my DH & my mum.
My mum is like my best mate & i am an only child, i feel like it is something that i would love to share with her.
She had a really bad birthing experience with me & i would like her to see that it isnt always like that - that it can be beautiful.
Plus if i have a long labour DH will need someone to relieve him & vice versa. This way i wont be alone & they can each have breaks but knowing someone is with me iykwim?
Good luck with your birth hun:hugs:
He suggested having our mothers in there - I love them both, but they can drive me nuts, so wonder what they would be like in there!
I did think about having my sis in there cause she is a nurse, and would be pretty helpful I reckon!
No your not selfish
a very close frien wanted to come in with me
but i wasnt keen on idea
so when i did go into labour i didnt let her know and jsut told ehr it all happened to quick
i love her to death but she would faint at first sign of blood
she was watchign those medical shows about what can go wrong with babies and freaking out iver them
i figured it prob best not to have her there incase soemthign did go wrong..
It's your birth.... it's your choice.
Some people prefer it to be alone... others prefer to have a whole hoard of people there.
With DS I had my mum, DS's father, the middie and my Ob at the end.
This time I'm have my mum again, one of my close mates and middies. I'd love to have DS there... but don't know if it's a smart idea or not! :laughing:
My mum seems to think that every woman would want her mother there :rolleyes:, well she is going to be disappointed in about 4 weeks time :yes:.
I don't think your being selfish at all :no: It's your birth and you are entitled to do it however you want.
Both DH and I only want it to be the 2 of us. This is our first bub and we want to share the moment together. We feel it's about us becoming a family not our Mum's becoming Grandma's etc. My Mum has always said that she doesn't need to be called until bubs is born. But DH Mum will be interesting...she can tend to be a little over the top and would be trying to tell us what we should be doing. We have decided to just ring everyone once bubs is born.
i wanted only my mum and my DP there (we are no longer together) and no one else. i couldnt have done it without my mum! and without the ex. if you feel uncomfortable you will have problems during labour. so it was only me, exDP, my mum, a midwife and a student midwife for the second one. i laboured very long the first time, i had my mum and exDP and different midwives came and went and the OB checked in on me everynow and then (i had GD first pregnancy).
i only want DH there. if he can't get back from the minesite in time, then i have organised with 3 of my close friends so that at least one of them will be there!
Both the mums live in nz, and are planning on coming over, but may not be here at the right time .
I dunno, I would like it to be just us, I worry about how the mums would get and if they would irritate me during labour too much.
I think it is your personal choice, after all you are the one who is actually giving birth and you want to be comfortable.
My dp will be in with me and my mum will be outside for back up just incase.
I agree it is totally your choice. I had DH and my mum there for DD and hope for the same this time. My MIL was a bit put out that I didn't want her there she actually told my mum that I wanted her and not mum WTF:banghead:
But having my mum there was great she was a great support to both of us and even got to cut the cord as DH didn't want to. But she said to us the whole was through that she would step out if at any point we decided we wanted just us which was really nice.
With my 1st birth i had my mum, my Ex, and my 2 friends. I kicked them all out except mum until the head was crowning, then they were invited back in.
I regret having all those people in there.
Other people... No. :no:
It is an intimate moment between the two creators of the baby and the midwife, who I will know quite well by the time I have bub.
Its not a puppet theatre!
As someone else has said, it's your baby and your birth so therefore your choice. You need to feel comfortable and safe in your birthing environment so as to not hinder the process. Everyone is different. Some women only want their partner there as the support person, whilst others want a whole chorus of friends and relatives. Have you explained it to your DP? He may not understand how you feel about it until you let him know.
With myself, I had my DH there and whilst in the throes of labour had my mum and 2 sisters there as well. But when the time came for DS to enter the world it was just my DH and mum. I had a wonderful birth and was so happy to share it with my DH and mum. However, next time I plan to have a home birth and only want my DH and DS there (and of course my middy :D).
I've always worked on the theory if you weren't there when we conceived or you aren't on the payroll then we'll call you when we're done.
I think that it's such a special intimacy between yourself and your partner.
I think you should have how every many or few people you want.
Personally, i don't think birth is reserved purely for mother and father.
But some people arn't comfortable having other supportive family members/friends there and that's fine too.
As everyone else has said... its totally up to you, you are the one having the bubba.
With my eldest 2 boys i just had their dad there.
With #3 i had my hubby with me and mum was just outside in the waiting room. And hubbies mum and dad werent too far away either. DH and i had a few minutes together with bub and then mum and inlaws come in ... they were all over the moon to be there so soon after the birth. The inlaws only have sons so for my mil it was a great compliment to be there. (Im 1 or 2 daughter in laws)
Mum was supposed to come in with us when i had bub but everything happened so quickly and then mum decided she didnt like seeing me in pain left the room. I honestly never felt comfy with having mum in the room with me as much as i love her. I think in the end she felt that too.
I would like to do the same this time around if time permits (fast labours) to have the inlaws and mum just waiting outside of the room.
Good luck which ever way you decide.
I think the only people who should be in the room while your in labour- are the people that YOU want there.
With me, first time around I had only DF & a midwive. My mum came for a few hours but had to go home to check on my older sister who wasn't answering her phone or doors :laughing: So she missed out.
Second time around, I had DF, midwives and my mum this time. It really helped to have my mum there also, she was a great support :thumbsup:
i think that its a decision that you have to make together...
i mean its both of yours child, but your the one who ahs to give birth to it...
if your comfortable with others there then your partner should respect that...
i had my mum and my partner... (this was my first child) and there was a male student middy there too... who i think helped my partner alot!!!
whatever makes you happy and comfortable, i say do that!!!
each to their own. i had my partner, godmother, midwife and a midwife trainee. my godmother is like a mother to me and had been by my side the entire pregnancy. she was unable to have children of her own and to watch a child that she loves as her own give birth and witness the miracle of life was just extraordinary. was great having the extra support as well as she was very calming where as dp was more on edge about me being in pain and not being able to help.
Other than medical staff and my dh...... there is no one else I would want to be there with me.
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