Bullies – not just children

[Milliner]

Children see and children do. Right?

Do you see adult bullying? Within mums groups, PTA groups or cyber space????? Have you been bullied as an adult? Segregated? Found adults acting as if they were in grade 6?

What hope do our kids have of not being bullied or being a bully themselves if parents or other adults around them are in fact bullies??? Should we/they be role models? I’m sure that if their child were on the end of the nastiness they would be the first to complain about the behaviour.

OK, rant over.

[naiwen]

I have seen it in the workplace and online.

Sadly it seems to be more prevalent in female dominated workplaces than male.

As women we seem to have a tendancy towards cliques and exclusion. Not always of course but often.

I know when I was at a state school for a brief time many of the anti social behaviours were modelled on what they saw from their parents.

Very sad.

[Bewitched]

I have seen it in the workplace and online.

Sadly it seems to be more prevalent in female dominated workplaces than male.

As women we seem to have a tendancy towards cliques and exclusion. Not always of course but often.

I know when I was at a state school for a brief time many of the anti social behaviours were modelled on what they saw from their parents.

Very sad.

:iagree:

[SassyMummy]

What I would class as TRUE bullying (not just someone being a bit b*tchy - I wouldn't cant people being in cliques as bullying... I think people are just naturally drawn to each other sometimes, and certain people don't "fit" with other people... no point whinging about it), I have seen a couple of times. Not often.

Perhaps the most obvious case that comes to mind was when I was with DDs dad. He came home from work that week with burns and cuts... which he normally does, it's all part of being a chef... but these were INTENTIONAL.

A guy at his work had been deliberately throwing hot oil at him, and cutting him with knives... it was scary and disgusting and I was furious.

He came home from work early one night after he got a part of himself cut deeply by this idiot.

Thing is, he didn't complain to anyone higher up, as it's such a "mans club" at work, they'd all have a go at him for being a pussy if he said anything. Or, at least, that's how I read the situation.

That, IMO, is true bullying, and it's just unacceptable.

[naiwen]

I disagree sassymummy,

I think bullying can take many forms, physical, verbal, emotional, social exclusion etc.

Any school could tell you than non physical bullying can still have a terrible impact on the victim.

[Baldie's Mum]

There is a group on here, that has 1 very large trouble maker.....she isnt a b*tch, she is plain bad. She contacts childcare centres and tells the centres about perspective staff and tells them that they have bi polar and doesnt medicate themselves.......she totally goes beyond bullying and goes to far. She tried to turn a good and fun bunch of women against eachother and its horrible.

She doesnt know when to stop........very bad! :devil6:

[naiwen]

There is a group on here, that has 1 very large trouble maker.....she isnt a b*tch, she is plain bad. She contacts childcare centres and tells the centres about perspective staff and tells them that they have bi polar and doesnt medicate themselves.......she totally goes beyond bullying and goes to far. She tried to turn a good and fun bunch of women against eachother and its horrible.

She doesnt know when to stop........very bad! :devil6:

:eek: now AINS why would you do that? :p :laughing:

[FishFace]

What I would class as TRUE bullying (not just someone being a bit b*tchy - I wouldn't cant people being in cliques as bullying... I think people are just naturally drawn to each other sometimes, and certain people don't "fit" with other people... no point whinging about it), I have seen a couple of times. Not often.

Perhaps the most obvious case that comes to mind was when I was with DDs dad. He came home from work that week with burns and cuts... which he normally does, it's all part of being a chef... but these were INTENTIONAL.

A guy at his work had been deliberately throwing hot oil at him, and cutting him with knives... it was scary and disgusting and I was furious.

He came home from work early one night after he got a part of himself cut deeply by this idiot.

Thing is, he didn't complain to anyone higher up, as it's such a "mans club" at work, they'd all have a go at him for being a pussy if he said anything. Or, at least, that's how I read the situation.

That, IMO, is true bullying, and it's just unacceptable.


I disagree too.
I think bullying can take many forms. Its not just the violent kind.

My son got bullied in kindy. The last thing I was goign to teach him was, its only bad if it gets to pain!

His bullying was threats and manipulation.

A group of friends that are a little exclusive is different to a clique of women who drag others down and make them feel low or not worthy.

There is a massive difference between not getting on with someone and someone purposely degrading you.

I was bullied online. It was horrible. i didnt sleep, I became paranoid and ended up having to go speak to a counsellor as I felt so low.

I really dont care if people dont like me. Thats normal human nature. You get on with some you dont with others....BUT I do care if a person chooses to hate me and then goes on to publicly humilate and shame me.

Thats bullying.

I agree its disgusting that adults do it. Apparently alot of adults that bully, were bullied or excluded in school.
Its so sad as you would think they would remember the feelings associated with it.

I try and teach my kids not to hate. Its fine to not get along with EVERYONE, but you dont need to hate a person just because they are different to you.

[Baldie's Mum]

:o Oh Julie, you got me....i am evil! A true trouble maker!!! :p

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I also think bullying can take many forms.

I disagree with people on forums all the time, however I don't run off and make derogatory remarks about them to others. If I did that all the time I would be a bully.

[bAaM]

Bullying is very subtle and done on the sly behind peoples backs so others think there a nice person when really there a controlling manipulative person.

Bullies put others down and make up lies to make themselves feel better when there really just ruining it for themselfs.

I am experiancing internet and real life bullying but am very lucky to have wonderful supportive friends who know me and arnt blinded by attempts by bullies.

If your being bullied stay strong and keep ur head up cause its there loss. I am hear for anyone that needs to chat about it or needs some help with how to deal with it. I have experianced it first hand.

[SassyMummy]

Oh, I never said that bullying as exclusively physical violence. :no:

I just don't think that a group of friends who don't include particular people in their activities are bullies.

I think the word "bully" is thrown around a lot, and I think some people believe that everyone should include everyone even if they don't like them. Nobody HERE posted that, it's just something I feel.

Of course there can be emotional bullying... but sometimes, IMO, things that people SEE as bullying, just happens to be a case of a run in with a bit of a b*tch. Not everyone is nice, and it's not always about singling people out... and sometimes things can be misinterpreted.

I sometimes wonder if bullying is normal and natural though... there seems to be a fair bit of in nature... people trying to beat others to be the alpha male or female or whatever... and perhaps that's why it will never stop... because it's natural, even if it's cruel and unfair. (Not saying I agree with this 100%, but I do wonder...).

[meggs]

Sassy I agree with you on some points however I think the girls here are talking about when it goes beyond just " excluding" someone and becomes actually targeting someone, actively pursuing to destroy their name, bringing them down, ruining friendships.... it happens so much more than people realise I have seen it on here and in real life even as we speak/write...it is pure nastiness and very malicious..

I think some people cant handle not being in control and have to control others to make themselves feel better either phyisically, socially, emotionally etc...it is very disturbing and sad that adults behave this way, but these people only end up hurting themselves and alone...I personally do not believe it is normal I think people who are like this are severely disturbed

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I have seen it in the workplace and online.

Sadly it seems to be more prevalent in female dominated workplaces than male.

As women we seem to have a tendancy towards cliques and exclusion. Not always of course but often.

I know when I was at a state school for a brief time many of the anti social behaviours were modelled on what they saw from their parents.

Very sad.
:iagree:

[missie_mack]

I have been in the unfortunate position with my work to have a lot of dealings with bullying. I think you will find that bullying occurs in both male and female dominated workplaces although in different forms. Its often just a power trip for someone involved.

Women tend be far more sly about bullying when it is emotional than men.

I had a boss who was a terrible bully. Both verbal and non verbal. He could and did drive people to emotional breakdowns with his mind games :gloomy:

Personally mental or emotional bullying is far worse than physical bullying. The old chant 'Sticks and stones will break my bones but names will never hurt me' just doesn't ring true :( I sometimes wonder if it was a chant used to try and brainwash the bullied person into being stronger instead of teasing the aggressor

[meggs]

Women tend be far more sly about bullying when it is emotional than men.



:iagree:i def think bullies are insecure and enjoy making themselves feel better by putting others down, and they do it in such a subtle and sly way to not be "caught" although it just makes them a big turn off for people...most people can spot a bully and walk a mile which is why many bullies prey on those who are "nice" and will be friends with anyone...but I believe you have to be a friend to make friends which is why bullies dont have friends.....

[Ana Gram]

Yep, totally agree.

Also being b*tchy is one thing but being b*tchy in a group and egging each other one to be b*tchy is quite another.

[neostudded]

I agree that children see and children do in a lot of cases but I also think sometimes children *may* bully naturally. I am not sure about it because it is not something I know much about.

In some cases children who are bullies have other problems in their life, they bully to try and gain control of their situation. Or something like that.

I grew up in an abusive environment, I was quite shy, withdrawn and would not have even spoken to someone. All children handle violence and bad things like that differently. Some withdraw others model the same behavior etc.

Adults can bully as well for sure.

[Phyllis Stein]

Bullying must involve a certain degree of intimidation, threat, and most importantly, intention. To abuse the term by applying it widely to anything one doesn't agree with or like, is to diminish the seriousness of the real act. A half decent definition of bullying I found says it "involves a desire to hurt + hurtful action + a power imbalance + (typically) repetition + an unjust use of power + evident enjoyment by the aggressor and a sense of being oppressed on the part of the victim".

To the OP, I have never really experienced actual bullying, though have been on the receiving end of some pretty ignorant and offensive comments about my gender/ disability etc. I do think it's an enormous problem in schools & workplaces where there's huge differences in power, though. I once had a boss who bullied another staff member mercilessly. It started with remarks to other staff about her weight and looks, then proceeded to outright humiliation. I would never want to see my worst enemy (if I had one!) in her position. :(

As for what to do about it, I think teaching and helping develop our children's empathy can help. Not using violent discipline, shaming or harmful language in the home, not abusing our power as parents, not being authoritarian etc. Treating our children like people and helping them do the same to others.

[Pax]

agreed! there are so many types of bullies and ways to bully.

I got bullied off a nasty biatchy womens site [text removed by moderator] simply for having a differing opinion (on most things) to them.

if they didnt like my opinion they would insult and harrass and carry on like she wolves..

I have never seen such a rabid pack mentality on line anywhere else.

bullies are not only bad on their own but as a group online they can be soul crushing.

God knows what their kids are like.

[spoon]

Hmmm. Interesting topic. I have seen bullying happen before my eyes. Twice in two different workplaces to some work friends. I have seen people intimidated out of their jobs, shamed publicly, and harassed. It is not a nice thing to witness. It is also alarming that so many people ignored what was happening to their colleague. Heads down, bum up and that makes me very angry. In fact I think it is the people who stand around and watch it happen that have the more severe issues, what is their caper????

Online I have known and heard about people being attacked and it leaves a very bad impression on me but at the end of the day real life is better than cyberlife so I think people should get out there and live it.

[neostudded]

I agree with you 100% mahna mahna.:yelclap:

[firstimemomma]

Adults can definately be bullies too.

I have always worked in childcare and most of the centres were all females. I saw so much bullying go on but always tried to stay out of it.

Nearly every work place has a bully, in my experience anyway.

[WarriorMummy]

bullies are everywhere

they come in all different shapes and sizes

but the worst type of bully imo, is the sly underhanded bully who goes behind everyones back, goes out of their way to completely slander a person and try to destroy their lives, friendships and even workplace.

i have seen bullying so much in my life that i know what to look for- my mother is a bully, tries to be an underhanded one but shes too stoopid to realise everyone knows whats she's doing.

bullies must be dumb, stupid and extremely insecure to do the things they do
how could a person could feel better by hurting another? unless they themselves were screwed up in some way

[meggs]

Children def do exactly what they see, happens all the time in school I can always pick it, very sad..worse thing is most parents wont acknowledge that they lead by example in this way so it keeps happening...

[Benji]

Perhaps the most obvious case that comes to mind was when I was with DDs dad. He came home from work that week with burns and cuts... which he normally does, it's all part of being a chef... but these were INTENTIONAL.

A guy at his work had been deliberately throwing hot oil at him, and cutting him with knives... it was scary and disgusting and I was furious.

He came home from work early one night after he got a part of himself cut deeply by this idiot.

Thing is, he didn't complain to anyone higher up, as it's such a "mans club" at work, they'd all have a go at him for being a pussy if he said anything. Or, at least, that's how I read the situation.

That, IMO, is true bullying, and it's just unacceptable.

It's pretty common in kitchens.

My X is a head chef and I cannot count the amount of times he was in a physical fight with another member of staff or he would tell me about some new kitchenhand or waitering staff member who was their new target.

Disgusting. They do actually verbally bully in kitchens, too. The language is foul and they do single people out and unlike a lot of other workplaces, nothing is done about it a lot of the time.

[Aquamarine]

Yes I have seen it all over the place.

In fact speaking of bullying I intercepted an incident at my sons school the other day.

I really don't know what the answer to this problem is.:(

[our little treasures]

Oh, I never said that bullying as exclusively physical violence. :no:

I just don't think that a group of friends who don't include particular people in their activities are bullies.

I think the word "bully" is thrown around a lot, and I think some people believe that everyone should include everyone even if they don't like them. Nobody HERE posted that, it's just something I feel.

Of course there can be emotional bullying... but sometimes, IMO, things that people SEE as bullying, just happens to be a case of a run in with a bit of a b*tch. Not everyone is nice, and it's not always about singling people out... and sometimes things can be misinterpreted.

I sometimes wonder if bullying is normal and natural though... there seems to be a fair bit of in nature... people trying to beat others to be the alpha male or female or whatever... and perhaps that's why it will never stop... because it's natural, even if it's cruel and unfair. (Not saying I agree with this 100%, but I do wonder...).

:iagree: I don't think the normal cliques you see around are bullying:no: I think it's normal for people who are alike to form into little friendship circles.

Online bullying is serious and I think that has more to do with people having more confidence to say what they want. I also think a lot of people complain of online bullying just because someone offers a different opinion.

[meggs]

:iagree: I don't think the normal cliques you see around are bullying:no: I think it's normal for people who are alike to form into little friendship circles.

Online bullying is serious and I think that has more to do with people having more confidence to say what they want. I also think a lot of people complain of online bullying just because someone offers a different opinion.


:iagree: that people alike form friendship circles but it is nasty when someone who doesnt like the group comes along and singles one person out and does everything they can to get that person away from the group by trying to destroy friendships and turn people against each other just so they can have them to themselves that's the kind of clique I dont agree with, "one friend only" people should not be going anywhere near groups of friends at all, Ive seen bullying in this way....

I also think it is easy for someone to bully in cyberspace because it doesnt require any confrontation but some people can def take differing opinions as bullying when it isnt...

[WorkingClassMum]

Children see and children do. Right? Most of the time. Mind you, I've also seen kids point out things to their parents as well...

Do you see adult bullying? Oh Yes

Within mums groups, PTA groups or cyber space????? Kinder too

Have you been bullied as an adult? Yes at work by the boss - I left. I just got up one day and walked out, he followed screaming that I wasn't allowed to walk away from him...

Segregated? No. Excluded - ie the ONLY mum not invited out for coffee, notice's for social events going into DD's basket AFTER the event.

Found adults acting as if they were in grade 6? jeesz - I reckon they act like kinder kids... Grade 6 kids are often way more sophisticated

[shelle65]

I agree that children see and children do in a lot of cases but I also think sometimes children *may* bully naturally. I am not sure about it because it is not something I know much about.



:iagree: As a child I was bullied quite a bit AND I am ashamed to say I was a bit of a bully sometimes. I am now quite horrified at some of the things I did as a child, and would never, ever, do such things as an adult. I honestly just didn't have much regard for others' feelings and I think that was the case with the kids who bullied me as well. It wasn't something I learnt from adults.

I was also "bullied" (but not sure if it's the correct way to describe it) by the Mum of a girl at school. She hated me and would yell at me and say nasty things to and about me in front of the other kids at birthday parties, school events etc. I still get upset about it, as she wasn't just a kid who didn't know any better.

[WarriorMummy]

Children def do exactly what they see, happens all the time in school I can always pick it, very sad..worse thing is most parents wont acknowledge that they lead by example in this way so it keeps happening...
:iagree:

[Fuchsia!]

what Mahna Mahna said and also some things Sassy said.

[Freya]

Well... I have copped what some may call bullying on here but meh it didn't really phase me all too much I got over it.

IRL, I have never been bullied, never bullied and would never bully.

I do not think that having cliques is bullying, as some people have mentioned. I think that maybe the person feeling bullied just maybe doesn't have the connection with the rest of the group like they all do. Nothing wrong with that.

[meggs]

I do not think that having cliques is bullying, as some people have mentioned. I think that maybe the person feeling bullied just maybe doesn't have the connection with the rest of the group like they all do. Nothing wrong with that.


:iagree: that cliques arent bullying...Im not sure if you meant my posts but I was saying that when it goes beyond just a clique where some people actually go further by slandering and telling lies and trying to ruin friendships, to me this is bullying to target one person or more for no reason and try to turn their friends against them that is def bullying to me....

[our little treasures]

You know we have a group of us at Kinder and we have regular get togethers at least once a week.

There are a few mums left out but we are not doing it on purpose:no: We just really get along with each other and the other mums are run in and get your kid type where we come early and leave later making sure we have our chats.

People say that there are cliques they are left out of but it could be due to not starting a conversation.IYKWIM Thats how friendship starts.

[naiwen]

I dont think cliques in themselves are a form of bullying but - I do think that when people are treated badly just becuase they are not in the clique then it is.

It's a fine line sometimes.

I know when we did workplace training they said that if there were 5 people working in an office and 4 of those people consistently ignored the 5th then that is bullying in the workplace.

Which is hard becuase sometimes personality clashes do happen.

[Freya]

:iagree: that cliques arent bullying...Im not sure if you meant my posts but I was saying that when it goes beyond just a clique where some people actually go further by slandering and telling lies and trying to ruin friendships, to me this is bullying to target one person or more for no reason and try to turn their friends against them that is def bullying to me....

I wasn't referring to your post. I hadn't even read the whole thread.:o

But sometimes the person outside of the 'clique' can be the one causing the bullying as alot of the gold coast girls have experienced.