Did it change you as a person?

[Teley]

Did having a special needs child change you as a person?

I know, with DS, I never expected the challenges that we were going to face, I never dreamed of them in my wildest dreams. I thought he would just be "normal" -- not that there is anything wrong with him, I love him all the same, but he stands out from other kids as soon as he opens his mouth. Everything in my life has changed -- all my goals and priorities. I just feel so changed as a person. It made me rethink life. It made me go through the biggest upheavel ever.

The feelings of guilt, anger, shame, fear, were unimaginable. And DS only has a speech disorder, not a major life threatening illness, and I still reacted like that! The hardest bits are when people don't know how to react, or treat him differently, because he finds it hard to speak.

So.....there was my rant? I was wondering if there were other mums who were changed by their children who have special needs?

[QTB]

yes :o and not in a good way...

i used to work with special needs children for a living and LOVED it. i had all the patience in the world... from the moment DS1 was born he had problems, ones that werent diognosed for ages... i could could on one hand how many hours sleep i got in the first 3 months of his life... then i found out i had PND.... even now that his brain cyst isnt causing problems iv realised i now have no patience, and i snap at him, i have a very short fuse now.... but its also opened my eyes alot more.... DS1 is perfect developmentally/phsically, his brain cyst caused epilepsy, so now i know that even if a child looks/acts 'normal' they can still have/have had major problems and i have NO idea what his/her parents have been through in the past...

im so thankful my DS2 has no special needs though, now i know that this is how its suppose to be! (yes i really thought it was normal being awake 24/7 with a newborn!) lol

ETA - gosh that sounds terrible lol basically with DS1 i was soooo sleep deprived that i couldnt function, i lost all patiance and its never returned... i love him all the same though :D

[Nowhere]

Oh heck yes totaly changed me as a person, Pre miki is was so superficial my world revoled around hair make up and clothes

I was very selfish person and had no pacience or tolerance what so ever

now i have a lot of pacience and tolerance wouldnt have a clue what is in fasion and whats not and am over weight and look cr@p in any clothes i whear lol but im working on that

So yer its changed me as a person yes not made me any better or worse, but certainly changed me

I am trying however to get some of ME back KWIM, i have started excersising and starti9ng my diet on monday ( yes monday will come lol) and i intend to get fit and start looking half decent again

I am back into makeing sure i have make up on etc when i go out of the house as its something that makes me feel better then rest i am working on lol

[Pax]

although my son is physically healthy he has emotional/behavioural problems.

it changed me as a mother (he was number 3) by making me isolated and i felt judged .. i didnt want to mix with other parents because they saw him as a naughty boy and me as a bad parent. well that is how i thought they felt.

i thought i must have done something wrong when he was in my womb.

other kids either picked on him or were scared of him and it broke my heart.

it has become easier as he has gotten older as he is maturing a lot and coping better with his problems.

So my biggest change was going from being outgoing/funloving to becoming a loner. i got depressed.

[kiwibird27]

Oh heck yes totaly changed me as a person, Pre miki is was so superficial my world revoled around hair make up and clothes

I was very selfish person and had no pacience or tolerance what so ever

now i have a lot of pacience and tolerance wouldnt have a clue what is in fasion and whats not and am over weight and look cr@p in any clothes i whear lol but im working on that

So yer its changed me as a person yes not made me any better or worse, but certainly changed me

I am trying however to get some of ME back KWIM, i have started excersising and starti9ng my diet on monday ( yes monday will come lol) and i intend to get fit and start looking half decent again

I am back into makeing sure i have make up on etc when i go out of the house as its something that makes me feel better then rest i am working on lol

I agree.... except I am also less patient with people who I believe are idiots.... I have dumped all of the pretend friend I had!!!

[workin'mumof2]

:yes: yes very much so. it has made me see how special life truly is. but just because they have a special need doesnt mean YOU failed or that they cant have a good happy life. it just means that they depend on you more. Its just another reason why they need spoiling :D not that you need a reason in the first place to spoil your kids ;)

ive learnt patience
ive learnt how to speak when telling people
ive learnt to expect the unexpected.

but i still need to learn how to deal and cope when he goes nuts :o

[tan3564]

Yes I agree that is does change you. I have a DS9 with ASD and a DS6 with a language disorder. I have become a stronger person, a more patient person and realised that I may have a difficult time sometimes but there is always someone else having a more difficult time. It has opened up new avenue for us my DS9 has become involved in Special Olympics being involved in this has been wonderful for all of us. My DH now helps coach and it has opened up for me a change of career and I have gone back to study for my Cert IV in disability. So I belive it does change us but mostly for the right reasons.

Tanya

[supa_star323]

Just touching on one aspect of how this has changed my life. the other day I took DS to the park and there were 5 or 6 older (about twenty) people with downs syndrome there. The 'old' me (I am ashamed to admkit it) would have basically up and left and gone to a different park, but DS walked over to them and they were playing with him and I went and joined in. I know the 'old' me was wrong, but it took me having a special needs child to wake me up to this.

[naomis mum]

my whole outlook has changed since having a child with special needs. Also i am surrounded by friends with sn kids so i understand what they go through and although they go through so much more emotionally than parents without sn kids, i truely believe that they are "chosen" to have these children because they are special. I would never think the same way as i do now because of my daughter and other sn kids that have come into my life. I want to make the world a better place for them to live in for sure.....

[MyFourCubs]

Wow.... yes it did but not even sure where to start!

I'd like to say that having a sn child has made me more patient... but no, probably not. I try but the sleep deprivation, the constant tantrums and the constant daily battles make the patience wear thin...

BUT It has made me more understanding and more tolerant of others with special needs. I no longer judge- parents or children (or wonder what their parents did "wrong") and like the other day when I saw a group of down syndrome children I wnated to give them a hug, and their parents- not walk in the opposite direction.

I no longer expect perfection, I appreciate what I have.

I no longer compare with other chidren, I celebrate each milestone with cheers and tears, regardless of how small it is.

I CARE much more now about what other people have to deal with and I desperately want to help in any way I can- because I know how hard it is.

It takes much more to get me to react now- with my first dd I had a break down because I was told she had a lisp:rolleyes: now i think it would take a heart defect to get the same reaction and possibly not even then.

I now know just how common it is to have special needs children- they are everywhere, every day- I just didn't notice them before and if i did I probably ignored them.:o I'm not saying I was ever a heartless person It just never had the same effect on me that it does now.

i sometimes find that all I speak about is autism and I have to make myself stop and talk about other things. that's the hard part- it can consume your world. unfortunately I can also find it hard to swith off my "autism filter" in that behaviours that I ordinarily would ahve thought nothing of, I find myself thinking "hmmmmm... is it autism?" (In my kids or somebody elses.)

I guess overall I am more knowlegeable and I have a wisdom and maturity that perhaps i lacked before. I also have a desperate drive to educate others so that thye know my son is not a "retard" or stupid- it's a sad misconception and one thta our society could do without.

At the end of the day I want to make this world a better place for my son and every other sn child. I guess in that way I can accept that it happened to us for a reason.:)

[shelley05]

Absolutely it does change you! I cope best when I take on one day at a time and make that day as enjoyable as possible, whereas once my life was looking forward to this and that but not really enjoying the now.

I look at DS doing the simplest of things and just thinking how amazing he is. I never really knew about resilience until I was blessed with him and met others like him. I would go mad with the constant itching, blood tests, hospitalizations, specialist appointments being poked and prodded constantly, medications etc. He is such a happy little boy I just look at him and he gives me strength.

Not only has it changed me it has changed the whole family in the way they think of special needs children and can relate, appreciate and better understand.

I really try to have a positive outlook. At times it is so hard though when you look at your little one and have no control over what is happening and will happen to him. It would be impossible to go through all we go through and not be changed!

Hugs to all :hugs: