Does this require child safety? or does it come under something else?

[sunshineofincrediblemind]

It took me a while before I had the guts to post this. I really dont want to take any drastic action unless I really need to. Please tell me if you think I should act or not.

My daughter goes to school with another girl (they are in year nine so not that young). Last week I was picking my daughter up from school and I noticed that girl had bruises on her legs and arms. I thought that was a little strange so I asked my daughter about it but she said she didnt know anything about it. She asked the girl what it was the next day but she laughed it off telling her she fell down. Yesterday I picked my daughter up from school and since it was getting a bit late I asked if the girl wanted a lift and she said yes. The bruises I had seen before were gone but when she went to scratch her shoulder I saw what looks like another bruise there. I was getting really worried for this girl. I dont think she gets into any fights because her parents are the strict kind and they wont even let her go to the movies with friends. My daughters invited her over before but she wasnt allowed to do that either. It turned out she wasnt even allowed to go in the car with me, but did it anyway (rebellious teenagers:rolleyes:). I dropped her off in front of her house and I asked her if everything was alright, and she said yes it was. I asked how she was getting along with her parents and she said they were great. My intuition is telling me other things too and Im really worried about the bruises I saw on her and how she isnt allowed to do what my teen is definately allowed to do like go to the movies or go to friends places.

Sorry for being very long. I was just wondering, is this something to contact child safety over? Im at a loss as to what to do, Im very worried:(.

[cassvanm]

Ultimately I always say if in doubt, put in a report! Alternatively, speak with a teacher regarding your concerns, and they are mandatory reporters, and by law have to put in a report.
Good luck.

[Purplebird]

What a difficult situation to be in :( Do you know the parents well enough to say anything - in a casual way obviously. Maybe drop it into conversation that kids are clumsy or something and see what their reaction is like?

Otherwise I would be contacting the school and asking them to see if this girl is OK when she's there and letting them know you're worried.

Good luck - I think it's great that you are looking out for her.

[sunshineofincrediblemind]

I have tried talking to the parents but theyre not very friendly:(. I thought they were snobbing us off, theyre like that to everyone I know. Theyre very isolated people I think.

[FishFace]

can you book an appointment with the school counsellor?

Keep being how you are. Talk to her build trust but be careful as if you call and they dont find anythign she will have her trust damaged.

You can always call and ask advice on what to do so as not to scare her.

You are a lovely person and I am so glad she has met you.

[333]

I understand why you are worried but i would definitely NOT put in a report. She is old enough to confide in her friends and hopefully she will find taht in your daughter. Counsel your daughter on how to respond to this, obviously she should encourage the girl to speak out but also give her number eg kids helpline. If you try to intefere by filling in a report the girls parents will be notified and the girl ofcourse will deny everything. The report will then go nowhere but the girl will have hell to pay at home if her parents are infact abusing her. Also, in my opinion you should not speak directly to the girl about it. This will humiliate her and put her straight on the defensive (no one would ever speak ill of there parents -ESPECIALLY if they are abusive- to another adult). Also you speaking to her could possibly isolate her from your daughter aswell and abused children need all the support they can get. Perhaps just invite her to your house more often and try and gain her trust/get to know the situation. Its sad but the truth of the matter is with a girl of that age absolutely nothing will happen until she admits it to the authorites. Even then it can be difficult, but such is the system :(.

On a side note...i know when i was in year nine i was constantly covered in bruises and i wasnt particularly athletic i was just very active and silly and 14 and bruised easily i guess.

[sunshineofincrediblemind]

Cassvanm, I would go to a teacher but I dont really know what to say, because she isnt my child so Id feel a bit awkward. I think youre right hazelsmummy I probably shouldnt file in a report. The problem is I never really get to talk to the girl and she doesnt confide too much in my daughter either. I would talk to her more but shes not allowed over our house or anyone elses house that I know of. Maybe Im just being paranoid. My intuition just wont leave me alone. Hopefully Im just being paranoid though:fingerscrossed:. I would go to a teacher but I dont really know what to say, because she isnt my child so Id feel a bit awkward.

[Leeny]

I understand why you are worried but i would definitely NOT put in a report. She is old enough to confide in her friends and hopefully she will find taht in your daughter.

I disagree, sorry :o.. I had some pretty terrible things happen to me at the same age, younger, and older.. I wish that I was able to confide in my best friends, but I still couldn't.. I wished one of my teachers would step in, but they never did.. Anyhow, grade 9, some kids are old enough to tell people things, others are not.

Saying that though, if you were ever going to confront the parents, even in a casual way, it can get very nasty and messy.. I think it'd be best to alert the teachers, or as someone else said, the guidance counsellor... If ofcourse you do have genuine concerns.. I guess you could also wait a couple of weeks, see if the bruises disappear, or if they worsen and its a constant thing?

ETA: As with what to say.. I'd just say to the teacher or guidance counsellor, that you took so and so home from school the other day, and you were concerned about the bruises you seen on her, but that you didn't want to say anything to the parents.. They'll take it from there if they see a need to I'd assume.

[subaruforestermum]

Ultimately I always say if in doubt, put in a report! Alternatively, speak with a teacher regarding your concerns, and they are mandatory reporters, and by law have to put in a report.
Good luck.

I have to disagree here..... You dont put in a report until you have some sort of substantial evidence to back up the accusation....otherwise you could put this family through more heart ache than they really need to go through...

Maybe this girl is self destructive, I know I use to hit my shoulder into things and slam my arm in the door at home, just to hurt myself... maybe she is doing that....

The thing is YOU DONT KNOW, and therefore should not make assumptions...

By all means try to gain this childs trust, so she feels she can talk to you if she needs to....but dont go forth and put in a report until you 'know' they are abusing her....

Maybe right an anonymous letter to the school stating your concerns...asking them to run a 'kids help line' program, that informs kids of what it is, and there use to also be a program where kids could become Peer Support People... it worked great at my high school..... Just to make the kids aware that it's not just a joke, or something pathetic, that it's OK to use it...

I just find it hard justifying calling welfare after 2 brief encounters with this girl....

[Purplebird]

I agree Leeny - a girl this age will not necessarily confide in her friends.

I spoke to my DH about this - he is a high school teacher and he told me the school should handle it sensitively and they will not just go off to her parents.

If you contacted the school they would know what to do and it wouldn't necessarily be to put in a report. You could also ask to remain anonymous. All you need to do is say you're worried about her.

It sounds like your instinct is telling you to do something.

[JabberJaw]

I have to disagree here..... You dont put in a report until you have some sort of substantial evidence to back up the accusation....otherwise you could put this family through more heart ache than they really need to go through...

Maybe this girl is self destructive, I know I use to hit my shoulder into things and slam my arm in the door at home, just to hurt myself... maybe she is doing that....

The thing is YOU DONT KNOW, and therefore should not make assumptions...

By all means try to gain this childs trust, so she feels she can talk to you if she needs to....but dont go forth and put in a report until you 'know' they are abusing her....

Maybe right an anonymous letter to the school stating your concerns...asking them to run a 'kids help line' program, that informs kids of what it is, and there use to also be a program where kids could become Peer Support People... it worked great at my high school..... Just to make the kids aware that it's not just a joke, or something pathetic, that it's OK to use it...

I just find it hard justifying calling welfare after 2 brief encounters with this girl....


:iagree: My son has a medical condition called THROMBOCYTOPENIA, he is 4, someone has put in a report about me also, luckily (or actually unluckily) he had been receiving blood transfusions for the past 6 months due to severe bruising, By simply holding his hand you could bruise him when he was at his worst, now he is well, a simple bump can also give him massive bruising. When child welfare was called to my house, my son was in hospital receiving treatment so of course i was cleared,, but believe me the anguish it caused me was humiliating, i couldn't believe that anyone believed i would intentionally hurt my child. Yes i know it happens but maybe you need to find out some more background before you accuse anyone of anything.
Maybe you could go round and meet the parents and ask personally if she can come stay or spend a few hours at your home, my parents, even in grade 9, would not allow me to visit friends without first meeting the parents.

[our little treasures]

:iagree: My son has a medical condition called THROMBOCYTOPENIA, he is 4, someone has put in a report about me also, luckily (or actually unluckily) he had been receiving blood transfusions for the past 6 months due to severe bruising, By simply holding his hand you could bruise him when he was at his worst, now he is well, a simple bump can also give him massive bruising. When child welfare was called to my house, my son was in hospital receiving treatment so of course i was cleared,, but believe me the anguish it caused me was humiliating, i couldn't believe that anyone believed i would intentionally hurt my child. Yes i know it happens but maybe you need to find out some more background before you accuse anyone of anything.
Maybe you could go round and meet the parents and ask personally if she can come stay or spend a few hours at your home, my parents, even in grade 9, would not allow me to visit friends without first meeting the parents.

I have to agree!!


I suggest you go to the school counsellor and let them know your concerns, then take a step back. There are many illness' that can cause severe bruising. My brother just has to bump something and it results in a massive bruise that looks like he was beaten.

As for the parents being strict thats the way they want to bring up their child. I would be furious if my child went in a car with someone else as would my sil who has a girl that age.

[cassvanm]

I have to disagree here..... You dont put in a report until you have some sort of substantial evidence to back up the accusation....otherwise you could put this family through more heart ache than they really need to go through...

Maybe this girl is self destructive, I know I use to hit my shoulder into things and slam my arm in the door at home, just to hurt myself... maybe she is doing that....

The thing is YOU DONT KNOW, and therefore should not make assumptions...

By all means try to gain this childs trust, so she feels she can talk to you if she needs to....but dont go forth and put in a report until you 'know' they are abusing her....

Maybe right an anonymous letter to the school stating your concerns...asking them to run a 'kids help line' program, that informs kids of what it is, and there use to also be a program where kids could become Peer Support People... it worked great at my high school..... Just to make the kids aware that it's not just a joke, or something pathetic, that it's OK to use it...

I just find it hard justifying calling welfare after 2 brief encounters with this girl....

I'm coming from the perspective of being a CP worker - ultimately my concern is re: the child, not the family's comfort/embarrassment etc. I know how confronting and difficult it can be with CP getting involved, however this child may have been abused for many years, and is therefore isolated in more ways than one (including emotionally). By putting in a report with the info you have (it must be factual of course), that might be the last piece of the puzzle for this child to have an opportunity to have a voice, if you know what I mean.

I understand where you are coming from, but I also know how dangerous these situations MAY be (not that this is one of the situations), and I think that the bare minimum would be to speak to a teacher. Even if it is just to give them a heads up on the concerns. I think an anonymous letter has less merit than someone going directly to a teacher, I know that in my work, I don't take anonymous letters very seriously, because they often end up being malicious.
Definately agree with OPer preparing her own child in dealing with a possilbe disclosure though, always good advice regardless of who her current friends are.

Thats just my opinion, take it or leave it :)

ETA: I think by reviewing this situation, definately go to the school, they would know the history of this child. If you feel as though it has not been dealt with effectively, you can then go further.
What do I know, I'm on maternity leave, and my brain has stopped functioning! LOL

[Bunnyhugs]

I agree Leeny - a girl this age will not necessarily confide in her friends.

I spoke to my DH about this - he is a high school teacher and he told me the school should handle it sensitively and they will not just go off to her parents.

If you contacted the school they would know what to do and it wouldn't necessarily be to put in a report. You could also ask to remain anonymous. All you need to do is say you're worried about her.

It sounds like your instinct is telling you to do something.

:iagree: Speak to the school first.

[meggs]

Personally I would do something about it, but my first step would be to contact either the year advisor or school counsellor to share your concerns and observations then let them follow up, they may know something you dont already and quite possibly there are teachers etc who have also noticed... Meanwhile keep trying to build a positive relationship with this girl there may come a time when she needs to talk to an adult that she trusts....

HTH and Good luck!

[ComeBackKid]

Definitely discuss it with the teacher (due to mandatory reporting) or notify child protection.

Year 9 girls arent clumsy. It annoys me just because we arent talking about "cute and innocent" babies, there doesnt seem to be much concern. Anything could be happening to this poor girl and i definitely think somehting needs to be done about it.

Who cares if it is all a misunderstanding? If the parents get a little bit incovenicenced or embarassed? At least you know you have done all you can to protect an innocent child.

I have had DHS (child protection) unnecessarily involved when my daughter had a brain injury. My kids were taken away from me. I suffered enomourously. I didnt appreciate it a the time but upon reflection at least I know that in a case where a child has been abused and sustains a brain injury, child protection can and will be involved.

[subaruforestermum]

People are saying 'who cares' if it is a bit embarrassing or whatever to the parents...BUT a year 9 girl...well guess what it can effect her too.... She can be impacted hugely if it turns out to be a false allegation....

It's not that people arent concerned cos it's not a baby.... it's the fact that she has had 2 brief encounters with this girl, and doesnt really know her that well..... It's easy to make assumptions but they are generally based on speculation rather than knowledge...

I think as I already stated that other avenues should be taken BEFORE just making an unfounded judgement and reporting the family to Child services, and basing some of the assumption on the fact that her parents are strict and dont allow her to go to the movies and what not... Well seeing all the teenagers hanging around at the shops on a Thursday night, a school night, I wouldnt be allowing my son to be doing that either... Each parent has the choice as to what to allow their CHILDREN to do....

I think people are all too quick to jump on the band wagon of calling child services on parents when they really have NO idea, they see one little snippet from someones lives and base a whole big speculation around it....

I am against domestic violence, dont get me wrong, I have been the victim of my fathers abuse, but sometimes you cant just base your opinions/judgements on 2 brief encounters.....

JMO of course....

[333]

People are saying 'who cares' if it is a bit embarrassing or whatever to the parents...BUT a year 9 girl...well guess what it can effect her too.... She can be impacted hugely if it turns out to be a false allegation....

It's not that people arent concerned cos it's not a baby.... it's the fact that she has had 2 brief encounters with this girl, and doesnt really know her that well..... It's easy to make assumptions but they are generally based on speculation rather than knowledge...

I think as I already stated that other avenues should be taken BEFORE just making an unfounded judgement and reporting the family to Child services, and basing some of the assumption on the fact that her parents are strict and dont allow her to go to the movies and what not... Well seeing all the teenagers hanging around at the shops on a Thursday night, a school night, I wouldnt be allowing my son to be doing that either... Each parent has the choice as to what to allow their CHILDREN to do....

I think people are all too quick to jump on the band wagon of calling child services on parents when they really have NO idea, they see one little snippet from someones lives and base a whole big speculation around it....

I am against domestic violence, dont get me wrong, I have been the victim of my fathers abuse, but sometimes you cant just base your opinions/judgements on 2 brief encounters.....

JMO of course....
:iagree: With nothing but a few bruises to say there is abuse its a bit extreme and extremely unfair to the girl and the parents if it is untrue. Sure, with more substantial evidence you may have to think of a more forward approach but when that time comes face it.

[~Candy~]

I suggest you go to the school counsellor and let them know your concerns, then take a step back. There are many illness' that can cause severe bruising. My brother just has to bump something and it results in a massive bruise that looks like he was beaten.

As for the parents being strict thats the way they want to bring up their child. I would be furious if my child went in a car with someone else as would my sil who has a girl that age.

:iagree:
....also...does she do sport? I know as a teen myself (and a tomboy), I was skinny as ever , and always covered in bruises. I did lots of highjump and hurdles that caused my legs to bruise when I hit the bar...also climbing fences, and being a horse gal....it just came with what I did. :)

[lulu 2]

I agree if you have a problem then tell one of the teachers ,for all anyone knows this child may have a medical condition ,epilepsy gives you alot of bruises sometimes you even cut yourself and worse and this may be the very reason why her parents are cautious about letting her go out.

[ComeBackKid]

Just a reminder that it is up to child protection to investigate and gather and evaluate evidence, not us.

Think of those twins in QLD, maybe their neighbours were waiting for 'more evidence'.

A 14 year old girl is covered in bruises, she could be being physically, secually and emotionally abused and people want to wait for more evidence?

Come on. We are supposed to look after children not parents. Speak up for those who are unable to speak for themselves. You know if it was a misunderstanding it would be one home visit from child protection and then if it was nothing that would be it. I dont think suspected child abusers deserve the benefit of the doubt.

[Jakois]

In that situation I think it is best to raise your concerns with the child's school.
If you have noticed the bruises in your two encounters, it is quite possible that teachers who see the girl every day have seen them to.
Maybe there is an explanation, such as medical problems that can result in her body bruising easily (I myself suffer from one of those).
It could be more sinister, hence notifying the school would lead to more people being aware and taking steps to help.