The First Wives Club

[WeThree]

Ive noticed some discussion from mums who have new partners and they both have children etc, but what about you mums out there who ARE the new partners ex.
I personally am both, my DH and I both have a child each from a previous relationship, plus 2 together, and Im curious how other mums cope with their child having a stepmum, plus maybe new siblings etc. How do you cope with sending your child to another household and being raised by another woman part of the time? Do you get on with your ex's new partner? Is she good to your kids? Do you struggle with feelings of loss?
Discuss all here :D

[dannii]

I dont want to say too much as the new 'younger' step-mum probably gets on here as well BUT i had major issues with sending my kids over his place and getting looked after by another woman (as did my ex with another man looking after his kids) anyways, i tried to get along with her but things werent to happen like that.
We do have very different ideas on how to raise children too so that was the hard thing.
My ex and his new girlfriend now have 3 of there own plus see my 2. Me and my ex have very similiar ways in parenting, and she is the odd one out, which always causes problems.
I get so angry as my ex says not to do it like that, and i say not to do it that way but she does it anyways (does that make sense)
shes is rather hard on them and they dont really like her (from what they tell me) but i guess its because they get spoilt of mum and dad and step-dad and she is looking like the bully.

[Jo_Jo]

I had a real problem with this a few years ago when the larissa and codys dad was trying to settle down "ha ha " with a women, the kids were going to see him about once a month she had 3 kids and were all under five!! i would never question the kids on there weekend but let them tell me in there own time, and larissa would tell me how she was watching the kids while they entertained outside having drinks, this so angered me and i wanted to ripp this chicks eyes out but i let it go for a while a month went past and went the kids were meant to go, they said they did not want to and made it quite clear that they wernt!!! i said ok...so i rang him and he was gone they had split and he just took off!!! iwas so angery, he was still ringing her but not even bothered to ring his kids to tell them!!! the funny thing was they new and thats why they did not want to go, larissa said i knew he had left in my heart!! this so devastated me to the core more so then the kids....they said mum dont worry we expect no more from dad so we dont get let down then. Cody said we have rod and we know he will never go away!! but still to this very day when i think about there dad i could just scream!!!!! so i try not to but it so does get hard when he rings out of the blue, like nothing has ever happend:banghead:


cheers jo;)

[amme]

Hi,
I am on the other side of things.
My DF and i are getting married in December this year and I am the supposed soon to be evil step mother.
My DF has a little boy from a previous relationship that stays with us 2 nights a week.
I have been accused of trying to take her son off her etc. This has never been my intention. I treat him with all the love and respect he deserves, he is more like a little brother to me than anything else, if he needs help with someting i help him, i hang around with him and play with him but as far as everything else goes my DF generally does it unless he needs help or DSS wants me to. I dont dicipline DSS that is up to his dad, that is not up to me.
Its really hard to get a happy medium between doing too much and not enough. On one hand i could be accused of doing nothing for him, ignoring him or trying to get rid of him, or i could be accused of trying to take over, take him off his mum or act like he is mine.
I would never want to do any of those things, he is always going to be DF's son and eventually we will have children of our own (hopefully), but no matter what happens DSS will always be welcome in our home.

[Jo_Jo]

Hey you are doing well mate because it is hard on both ends!!! there is one thing i do no for sure is as the family changes the whole dynamics does ya just have to go with the flow and hope ya making the right choices, things change with new baby and as kids get older!!! good luck:thumbsup:

cheers...jo

[Mummaof2]

Both my DH and I have a child from a previous relationship and we have our gorgeous 4mth old baby boy. My DH has always treated my DD as his own.

DD goes to her dads every 2nd weekend. We both agreed when we split when she was1yo that we would always be civil towards each other and that her interest would always be put first. There are times when we dont agree on things but thats always going to happen. I get along with his wife quiet well and it helps knowing that she is a child care teacher. The hardest part about my DD going to her dads fortnightly is the attitude she comes home with. She comes home back chatting all the time and just being very disobedient and I always put it down to that she got away with murder and was aloud to do whatever when she was at her dads but he was always adamant that this wasnt the case and wasnt till i spoke to a friend of mine who works for DOCS in Qld and she said that what it is, is that children in these situations dont like the transition stage as they will always have one set of rules for mummy's home and another for daddy's home and she said that my rules are probably more strict then that of her dads and thats why she plays up when she comes home.

As for my DH son from his previous relationship we dont see him. Not because he doesnt want to as we did start spending time with him but his ex always had to be there and she would always dwell on their past together and kept trying to break us up. As much as i know she wouldnt have broken us up no matter what she tried my DH said that he wasnt going to put me through that. And she hadnt let him have contact with his son till she found out that we were getting married and he didnt find out he was a father till almost a year after his son was born, but thats a whole other story. So in the short my husband decided that it was in everyones best interest to let her raise Lachlan and when he was older to understand properly then he would make contact again. I know its kind of sad but i understand where my husband is coming from as i know the whole story around the birth of this child. I find myself sometimes thinking about DSS though cause at the end of the day he is my step-son and I wish that he could see how loving his other side of the family are and wish he could meet his step sister and step brother