Lets cool things down a bit... yeah?

[SweetSerenity]

I may have to duck for cover after posting this but here i go anyway... I have noticed recently (especially since this kevin rudd stunt) that a lot of single mums have been on the defence. Defending how hard it is, defending what our payment is called, even to the point of being a tad judgemental of coupled families... Why does being a single parent mean you HAVE to always be on the defence? Yes i'm a sole parent, yes i don't have a lot of money, yes all the responsibilities are on my shoulders but honestly i don't see why it has to be pointed out all the time. Our lives can be tough, very tough but having a partner doesn't automatically mean you have easy street either. Yes SOME couples have the opportunity to bring in two incomes, BUT not all do. Some only have their husbands wage and some earn less than what we get as single parents. You can be a low income earner being a coupled family. I'm not saying we get much at all as single parents, but we aren't necessarily the only ones who don't get much just because we're on our own. Keep in mind that there are so many different circumstances to all sorts of families. We are not being attacked by members if they mention we don't get that other bonus, a lot were just clarifying it for others. There are so many threads about it, so no wonder it's been said so many times...but lets not take it personally :) Just remember, the world is not out to get us ;) We are ALL parents, coupled or not. Support each other and don't read too much into things as i'm sure many people don't intend it the way it's being perceived. Be proud and take pride in your life. Sending out the love :goodvibes: :bee:

[KapowSchazam]

:iagree: :yelclap:

[Mamalicious]

:yelclap::yelclap::yelclap::yelclap:

[SweetSerenity]

i posted it because (being a sole mum :)) i'm not understanding why everyone is perceiving that everythings an attack when it's not! I have not felt attacked from anyones comments in regards to the payments that aged pensioners and carers are getting. I have never in the 2.5 years felt like i was any different to a coupled mum and sometimes i think rifts can be caused for no reason. I think as sole parents we should be here to give each other support and comfort of our situations but i strongly don't feel that it's an us vs them and that's what's being portrayed at the moment.

[justme77]

i agree with you completely.

your completely right in that ALL parents have it hard, single or not.

i just think the "woe is me" wears a bit thin sometimes.

[tyler's mum]

I dont think that single mums are alway more worst of them other. However some people just dont seem to understand how hard it is to be a single parent.

[SimplyMum]

I completely agree.

Single parenting is not easy, but neither is coupled parenting. Honestly, people are just never happy. We, as human beings always and constantly want more. More money, more help, more everything. It's human nature and if we weren't like that, we'd have nothing to strive for. It's a good thing overall but as long as it's kept in perspective.

I also find that some people are just constantly looking for people to look down at them. My SIL was or still is a young Mum. She was always complaining that people looked at her in the shops because she was a young Mum- well, I went shopping with her once. And yes, they're were people looking but not nessessarily because she was a young Mum. There was no indication that the 'looks' she was receiving was because she was a young Mum, they might have been a 'I like her dress' look, or 'gee, I really like one of those dohnuts right now'.

Sometimes I find that some people are just looking for the sympathy vote/woe to me vote.

Although on the same note. I do allot of my venting on here rather than to people around me so some people may come across as whingers when they're not.

[spoon]

I dont think that single mums are alway more worst of them other. However some people just dont seem to understand how hard it is to be a single parent.

Why do you want every one to understand? A lot of us do understand. The years I had with my beautiful darling son are so precious and he is my masterpiece. I carefully raised him and taught him about the world. That is a blessing to two very important people. Count your blessings.

[SweetSerenity]

Tam, yes some people don't realise how hard it can be to be a single mum, BUT the point i'm trying to make is that being a parent is hard no matter what. It may be hard for me looking after ds on my own, but i can only imagine how hard it would be for a single or coupled parent looking after say a child with special needs. As mums, we all have our hardships whether it be looking after a child solely on your own or having a child who never sleeps or having to care for a special needs child. It doesn't matter what your marital status is, parenting is hard full stop. One of my closest mummy friends said to me the other day 'i don't know how you cope being on your own and working...i'm going to find it hard working and i have hubby' , all i could say was 'I'm used to it'. I honestly don't think it's any harder for me to balance that as it would be for her just because i'm on my own. I don't know, it's just the way i feel. Life isn't easy in general but that's just the way it is. I don't put myself in a different basket to my coupled mummy friends.

[tyler's mum]

Tyler is my world and im not saying that only single parents think the world of there kids. I also dont think that only single parents have it hard. What i mean by understanding is when some people think that us single parents just want more money thats just not the case. Im very gratful with what help i get from centerlink im also sp grateful for any extra cash that may come my way.

[tyler's mum]

Tam, yes some people don't realise how hard it can be to be a single mum, BUT the point i'm trying to make is that being a parent is hard no matter what. It may be hard for me looking after ds on my own, but i can only imagine how hard it would be for a single or coupled parent looking after say a child with special needs. As mums, we all have our hardships whether it be looking after a child solely on your own or having a child who never sleeps or having to care for a special needs child. It doesn't matter what your marital status is, parenting is hard full stop. One of my closest mummy friends said to me the other day 'i don't know how you cope being on your own and working...i'm going to find it hard working and i have hubby' , all i could say was 'I'm used to it'. I honestly don't think it's any harder for me to balance that as it would be for her just because i'm on my own. I don't know, it's just the way i feel. Life isn't easy in general but that's just the way it is. I don't put myself in a different basket to my coupled mummy friends.


I understand what your saying and being a parent is hard full stop. Yes being a single mum is hard however i dont think im the only one who has it hard. If ive come across that way i didnt mean it to

[SweetSerenity]

I personally have not come across people who think single parents want more money, here or in real life. Those people who do think that are never going to understand that that's not the case, they are not worth the worry as they are such a small minority who think that. Every single person is not going to have the same view and unfortunately that's just the way it is. Let them be ignorant i say :)

[tyler's mum]

I havent come across it alot just a very few people. I think i just need to learn not to care so much what other people think or how they see me

[SweetSerenity]

I understand what your saying and being a parent is hard full stop. Yes being a single mum is hard however i dont think im the only one who has it hard. If ive come across that way i didnt mean it to

:hugs:I didn't mean you personally hun, just refering to general statements that have been made in some threads.

[megaminz]

Ladies I am not a single mum but even as a coupled mum to be I know how hard its gonna be. I take my hat off to you.... you deserve every bit of help you can get and don't you ever forget it!!

I think SS is right...being a parent is hard either way..some situations harder than others, but instead of fighting we as women should just support each other

[melbryan]

My MIL was a single mum she had the attitude to get all she could from the government for free ( dental, she wanted DH to be sacked so he could get the dole he said no way) she never wanted to work and has survived on pensions her whole life it's the attitude she had which she imparted to her sons. Not all single mums are like this, but I really look up to those mums who go and make a go of their life even though they are hard up financially they go back to school work 3 jobs to get their kids through. An teaching your kids to be self sufficient and work hard is the best thing to do by example.

You get what you get dealt with and you get on with it, barr complaining and such that is what makes life harder.

Alot of it is choices and I believe you have a choice (not to be a single mum) but to be worrying about money all the time. I know SM's who work from home selling things on ebay so there always is a way if you can be bothered doing your homework.

[spoon]

I havent come across it alot just a very few people. I think i just need to learn not to care so much what other people think or how they see me
:hugs::hugs:

Dont give those people the time of day honey.

What you are giving to the world is a million times more important than wht their small minds can concieve.

A wonderful loved child in a world where there are many children unloved. Your child is an asset to society and so are you.
:goodvibes::sunshine:

I still get some people who judge me because I had a child young and was a single parent, but I try not to worry about it. Some people are just idiots and it is not my fault.

Your little girl, being your world is a wonderful place to be:cloud9:

[SimplyMum]

My MIL was a single mum she had the attitude to get all she could from the government for free ( dental, she wanted DH to be sacked so he could get the dole he said no way) she never wanted to work and has survived on pensions her whole life it's the attitude she had which she imparted to her sons. Not all single mums are like this, but I really look up to those mums who go and make a go of their life even though they are hard up financially they go back to school work 3 jobs to get their kids through. An teaching your kids to be self sufficient and work hard is the best thing to do by example.

You get what you get dealt with and you get on with it, barr complaining and such that is what makes life harder.

Alot of it is choices and I believe you have a choice (not to be a single mum) but to be worrying about money all the time. I know SM's who work from home selling things on ebay so there always is a way if you can be bothered doing your homework.

I couldn't agree more! You took the words right out of my mouth!

P.S. Good on your hubby for flicking that idea right out the door.

[confusd]

i think i get so defensive because im over the comments i get. i get a lot of comment in real life, about how im just on the SPP because im a dole bludger and to lazy to get a job:rolleyes: yeah, right.

Some partnered families have it hard. i agree. Its when people say to me "oh i should just be a single parent it would be so much easier". It makes me wonder if they have any idea.

ok so i may have gone completely off track there. still half asleep:confused:

[lovingmotheract]

I see my post is deleted i don't know why it was. but SweetSerenity but i posted it as i see it in your sig you say me him and then your son so me looking at that i was thinking you where going off at single mum???????

[Veritas]

I think its pretty silly of anyone to assume they can make a judgement as to whether they have it harder or easier than the bloke next door..... regardless as to whether they are single, partnered, children, no children, working or not.....

Every set of circumstances are different and involve there own set of challenges.... each unique to every individual....

I don't see myself as any different than any other Aussie parent..... I don't feel my lot in life is any easier or harder than the next persons.... it is just mine, and mine to do with what I chose..... I'm not a victim, just a mother and a woman, doing what I feel is best for us right now.....

[naiwen]

Tam, yes some people don't realise how hard it can be to be a single mum, BUT the point i'm trying to make is that being a parent is hard no matter what. It may be hard for me looking after ds on my own, but i can only imagine how hard it would be for a single or coupled parent looking after say a child with special needs. As mums, we all have our hardships whether it be looking after a child solely on your own or having a child who never sleeps or having to care for a special needs child. It doesn't matter what your marital status is, parenting is hard full stop. One of my closest mummy friends said to me the other day 'i don't know how you cope being on your own and working...i'm going to find it hard working and i have hubby' , all i could say was 'I'm used to it'. I honestly don't think it's any harder for me to balance that as it would be for her just because i'm on my own. I don't know, it's just the way i feel. Life isn't easy in general but that's just the way it is. I don't put myself in a different basket to my coupled mummy friends.

Just wanted to say thankyou :goodvibes:

[Jeclipse]

Great post, and I agree :yelclap:

[BJsMummy]

I think its pretty silly of anyone to assume they can make a judgement as to whether they have it harder or easier than the bloke next door..... regardless as to whether they are single, partnered, children, no children, working or not.....

Every set of circumstances are different and involve there own set of challenges.... each unique to every individual....

I don't see myself as any different than any other Aussie parent..... I don't feel my lot in life is any easier or harder than the next persons.... it is just mine, and mine to do with what I chose..... I'm not a victim, just a mother and a woman, doing what I feel is best for us right now.....

Totally agree! Everyone is unique, it's really like comparing apples to oranges

[MummyDaddy]

Ummm ...

I actually don't think it is that hard to be a single parent.

I mean there are moments.

But isn't that called life?

Doesn't life have moments?

Maybe it's because i'm an old bag that I see it differently.

But to me, I just don't think it's hard.

Maybe it's because i've never known any different.

Or maybe it's because I was raised in a single parent home.

I don't know.

I just don't think it's that hard.

I hear couples whinge about 'how hard it is'.

I hear singles whinge about 'how hard it is'.

I actually think it's a lot about how an individual deals with stress - rather than whether or not it's hard.

Sure there are moments that are tough to deal with.

But that's just life!

Take for example my friend who has the supposed 'perfect' life.

Married, 2 beautiful children, adoring husband, friends and family in abundance. Off to the Dr she goes to check out that breast that has been troubling her since giving birth and oops turns out to be cancer - sorry we didn't detect that a year ago when you first came to us. To me that is a TRULY HARD situation to deal with.

To those who whinge about how hard it is.

I say 'get real, coz it really aint that hard'.

[tyler's mum]

Dont give those people the time of day honey.

What you are giving to the world is a million times more important than wht their small minds can concieve.

A wonderful loved child in a world where there are many children unloved. Your child is an asset to society and so are you.
:goodvibes::sunshine:

I still get some people who judge me because I had a child young and was a single parent, but I try not to worry about it. Some people are just idiots and it is not my fault.

Your little girl, being your world is a wonderful place to be:cloud9:

Thank you:hugs::hugs:

[tyler's mum]

Ummm ...

I actually don't think it is that hard to be a single parent.

I mean there are moments.

But isn't that called life?

Doesn't life have moments?

Maybe it's because i'm an old bag that I see it differently.

But to me, I just don't think it's hard.

Maybe it's because i've never known any different.

Or maybe it's because I was raised in a single parent home.

I don't know.

I just don't think it's that hard.

I hear couples whinge about 'how hard it is'.

I hear singles whinge about 'how hard it is'.

I actually think it's a lot about how an individual deals with stress - rather than whether or not it's hard.

Sure there are moments that are tough to deal with.

But that's just life!

Take for example my friend who has the supposed 'perfect' life.

Married, 2 beautiful children, adoring husband, friends and family in abundance. Off to the Dr she goes to check out that breast that has been troubling her since giving birth and oops turns out to be cancer - sorry we didn't detect that a year ago when you first came to us. To me that is a TRULY HARD situation to deal with.

To those who whinge about how hard it is.

I say 'get real, coz it really aint that hard'.

No one ever said life was'nt hard i could write a list of all the bad things that have happen in my life. But im sorry to say being a single mum is hard not just money wise. Yes everyone is different and not all single mums feel like this. I dont think you have the right to tell anyone to get real when you dont know what there circumstances are:banghead:

[MummyDaddy]

TylersMum, I know more than my identity reveals.

I agree with the comment that everyone's circumstances are different.

Having money can make life difficult ...
Not having money can be difficult ...
Being in a couple can be difficult ...
So can not being in a couple ...

Saying 'get real' was probably harsh, but I guess what I was trying to say is that being a single mum isn't that hard - it's just how you look at it. How you deal with the stuff that gets thrown at you.

For what it's worth - I think you do a great job :hugs::hugs:

[Veritas]

Ummm ...

I actually don't think it is that hard to be a single parent.

I mean there are moments.

But isn't that called life?

Doesn't life have moments?

Maybe it's because i'm an old bag that I see it differently.

But to me, I just don't think it's hard.

Maybe it's because i've never known any different.

Or maybe it's because I was raised in a single parent home.

I don't know.

I just don't think it's that hard.

I hear couples whinge about 'how hard it is'.

I hear singles whinge about 'how hard it is'.

I actually think it's a lot about how an individual deals with stress - rather than whether or not it's hard.

Sure there are moments that are tough to deal with.

But that's just life!

I have to agree... for me personally I don't find it any harder than anything else I have gone through in my life to date.... in fact it wouldn't even rate in the top 10......

It may be that I come from a similar background and its all I've known.... it may be in perspective of some pretty awful things that came before now.... but I think its moreso just the fact that its just another part of my life, albeit a very significant one.... but doesn't change for one second the goals I have, just means I have to change the plan of attack to suit....

[MummyDaddy]

I think its moreso just the fact that its just another part of my life, albeit a very significant one.... but doesn't change for one second the goals I have, just means I have to change the plan of attack to suit....

:iagree::iagree:

[justme77]

im with you, its not hard at all for me. ( oh and please dont yell at me oh everyones situation is different, i have read that 50000 times today already, and im not an idiot of course i know its different)

its in your attitude and how you look at it....

along with your "get real" comment, id say get over it and just get on with life.

[MummyDaddy]

Maybe it comes down to life experience.

For those of us who have been around the block a few times, and know what we are on about and feel quite secure in ourself - maybe that's why we don't find it hard.

All I know is that I don't find it hard.

Everyone said I would.

And there have been trying times - sure.

But I just don't find it hard.

I mean what's hard about it?

Money - yeah sure, the pension isn't great - but i'll go back to work and i'll get enough for the two of us.

Okay - so what's next that's meant to be hard.

Being single - ummm, next, because quite frankly, i think men are hard work - i'd rather be alone!

Help around the house - actually, not that hard, i don't care if my house is messy and only gets cleaned once a week - only baby and I see it - so big deal, i'm not going to go grey over it.

Other people's judgement - couldn't care less what other people think - so that's a 'next' too.

Dealing with govt instituations - yep that sucks, but it's not ALL the time, it's occasionally and i'm not going to let them get me down.

Noone to help when I'm sick - yeah, that's not great, but to be honest, baby comes into bed with me and we deal with it, it could be so much worse than having to care for my child when we are both sick. And how much easier would it be if I had a sick partner whinging at me - nah I don't think it would be easier, I think it would be harder.

Family make my life hard - well my family dont, but if my family did - I would do one thing quick smart and that would be see them as little as possible.

So - what does that leave.

Feelings?

Well here's a newsflash - we are in charge of our feelings.

So I can acknowledge how I feel.

And then, I can get on with my day.

And be happy that I am healthy, alive, have a child and a life.

Bad things happen, I decide how I'm going to react.

Bad things happen, I don't let them ruin my day.

I guess that's why I don't think it's hard because as you said JustMe77, I just get on with it.

[justme77]

couldnt have put it better myself.

[Ana Gram]

Oh course, I've got it now. Because you don't find those things hard, no-one else should. Right :rolleyes:

[MummyDaddy]

Oh course, I've got it now. Because you don't find those things hard, no-one else should. Right :rolleyes:

I didn't say that. As said in a previous post, I appreciate everyones situation is different.

I was speaking about me :D:o

I was also asking if maybe it has something to do with life experience and how we each cope with things, posing a question and conversation rather than argument ;)

[justme77]

I agreed with you Phoenix. I feel exactly the way you described.

I think one of the reasons I find it not as "hard" as others, is that Im a bit further down the track then others. my eldest is about to turn 11, so ive got my "stuff" together a bit because ive had 11 years to do so. which is probably why im not fussed at all with my 8mth old, and finding him very easy to raise.

and i agree that your ability to cope with "hard" things is based on past experiences. My life has been pretty colourful and ive been dealt alot of cr*ppy cards, so in comparison to some of those things, parenting is simple.

[SweetSerenity]

I see my post is deleted i don't know why it was. but SweetSerenity but i posted it as i see it in your sig you say me him and then your son so me looking at that i was thinking you where going off at single mum???????
I have a boyfriend whom i love enough to include in my sig and who i only see on weekends. I am still a SOLE parent and will be till we move in together which is a fair way away.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Hmm...

I think single Mums have every right to be offended when someone writes something directly rude about them.

and belittling them by saying that they shouldn't feel they have it a bit difficult is a bit mean. Whether you are one or not.

I do not think this thread has accomplished what you hoped it would. I think it might have just hurt some single Mums who do find some comments hurtful.

[Veritas]

But I think at the end of the day it all comes down to perception..... each person is going to see the same picture differently.... so why should it matter what the next person thinks, its the way you see it that matters to you.....

What happens if I felt offended by the assumption that single parents do have it hard????? Or by the comments that basically express pity????

I think everyone has a right to express their perception of their lifestyle.... no one has made any broad sweeping statements about what you should do or how you should think, so I don't see the issue.... I think differences are what make people interesting and we should all learn to be a little more appreciative of them and a little less defensive of our own standpoints.....

[sunnyflower]

I'm a single parent.

Found the "single parent thing not being hard "interesting.

I consider myself to be a fairly independent,stoic person and i have found it hard going at times.

My child is not an easy child to raise.

I have had zero support from FOB,miminal from FOB family.

I have had support from my mum,lots of it so i guess i'm lucky there.

When i fell pregnant i lost my friends as they were moving in different directions.

Now i have lots of friends who are supportive,i'm very lucky.

But would i want to do it all again as a single person.

**** NO.

I appreciate there are problems in every relationship but being single is harder.That's just logistics.

Oh and by the way i have lots of traumatic things happen to me too,it doesn't make single parenting easier.

I think that most single parents would find single parenting hard.

And yes i have a good attitude to life.

I think saying that single parenting is something that isn't hard is being a little disrespectful.JMO

[SweetSerenity]

That's what my original post was trying to get across...Being defensive all the time is EXHAUSTING! We perceive life differently and to jump on members because they have expressed their opinion or are stating a fact is not good (fact meaning whenever a member brang up that single parents weren't getting the pension bonus)...so many people took it as an attack when it wasn't...it's fact. All i wanted to achieve with this thread was that people should realise more people are supportive of single parents compared to those who look down on us, so why not embrace that and let the ignorant comments go? So many members have stated how they take their hats off to single parents, yet no one jumps up and down about a positive comment like that...yet when some ignorant comment may come up everyone gets on the defence. Let it go. Life's too short :) Embrace the good and ignore the bad.

[Veritas]

I think saying that single parenting is something that isn't hard is being a little disrespectful.JMO

But I don't think anyone in here has said that without a doubt it isn't hard..... they have just shared their experience and the fact that they have not found it as hard as they would have expected..... and are completely respectful of the different realities that others have experienced.....

[justme77]

i never said i dont think its hard generally, i was saying "I" dont find it that hard...

[MummyDaddy]

I think saying that single parenting is something that isn't hard is being a little disrespectful.JMO

Is it disrespectful if you are a single parent and saying that though?

Surely if one is saying that as a single person parenting their child, then the individual is just expressing an opinion based on their own reality.

How is that disrespectful?

Going on your theory - then it is also disrespectful to assume that being a single parent is harder than say being in a couple where you get bashed every time you disrespect your husband.

No disrespect from me - just my own opinion based on my own experience.

I just don't think being a single parent is that hard.

Maybe it will get harder.

I don't know.

But for now - I'm finding it okay.

I actually enjoy it - but maybe i'm a freak :D:yes::laughing:

[tyler's mum]

I wish i did'nt find it hard being a mum. To be honest i think i would still find it hard even if i was'nt single (maybe not as much) I have struggled with depression for a very long time and had very bad PND after having tyler. This along with being alone made things very hard for me. Thank god i have a great loving and supporting family most people dont have that.

I think its great that there are single mums out there that dont find it hard. Makes me feel like maybe there is hope for me down the road.

[confusd]

I wish i did'nt find it hard being a mum. To be honest i think i would still find it hard even if i was'nt single (maybe not as much) I have struggled with depression for a very long time and had very bad PND after having tyler. This along with being alone made things very hard for me. Thank god i have a great loving and supporting family most people dont have that.

I think its great that there are single mums out there that dont find it hard. Makes me feel like maybe there is hope for me down the road.

:hugs:

[MummyDaddy]

I think its great that there are single mums out there that dont find it hard. Makes me feel like maybe there is hope for me down the road.

:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Ana Gram]

Hmmm, sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick but things like :

To those who whinge about how hard it is.

I say 'get real, coz it really aint that hard'.

and:

its in your attitude and how you look at it....

along with your "get real" comment, id say get over it and just get on with life.

tend to make people a little prickly.

[Veritas]

I don't think this thread is going the way it should just another outlet for people to say it's not hard get over it. I agree life is what you make it etc BUT I also agree with sunnyflower's post too. I just think unless you have been a single parent you wouldn't understand and if you have but found it easy thats great however doesn't mean everyone does and is not a case of just getting real.

But these are single parents stating that they don't find it as hard as some of lifes other challenges, or as hard as they would have expected......

What makes theirs, and mine, experience any less valid than yours just because they are not the same????

I think one comment has been taken out of context and misconstrewed and has taken away from the relevant points made....

[Mum&bubs]

I was a single parent for 6 months when Summer was a baby (DF & I were together, but could only see each other once a week for 1 hr ... loooong story!) but yeah I considered myself a single mother as I did it alone.

The only thing I found easy about it was, not having to share my money :laughing: No seriously, that was it.

I didn't find it easy at all. I had no one to just take DD so I could have a break, no one to help feed/change/put her to bed, it was hard on me emotionally and mentally.

That is why I get so defensive when single mum's are being attacked, it's just not fair. I know not all comments are attacks at single mothers- but the one's that are, are obvious and it's just rude.

Everyone's circumstances are different though. I think it's fantastic that some women find it easy being single- good on you :thumbsup: and I don't mean that in a sarcastic way, I really am glad to see that not everyone finds it hard.

[MummyDaddy]

tend to make people a little prickly.

Meh - you know what I say to that don't you :D:yes:

As everyone knows - very hard to convey anything in an online environment!

And for it's worth ... i've already gotten over it - hahahahaha

[Ana Gram]

Meh - you know what I say to that don't you :D:yes:

As everyone knows - very hard to convey anything in an online environment!

And for it's worth ... i've already gotten over it - hahahahaha

Oh gee let me think...

I have no issues with people sharing their individual circumstance, good or bad. But when people say "get over it", I find that incredibly rude.

[MummyDaddy]

Oh gee let me think...

I have no issues with people sharing their individual circumstance, good or bad. But when people say "get over it", I find that incredibly rude.

Hahaha - I love your sarcasm girlfriend!

Brilliant :yes:

I'm bathing in your warm welcome right now - it's awesome :hugs:

[SweetSerenity]

I just want to make it clear...I don't think people should just get over hardships. My op stated that there was a us (single) vs them (coupled) situation arising due to the recent hand outs being spoken about in threads. As a sole parent myself i never felt that coupled mothers were purposely meaning any offence in any of their posts and some single parents were a bit too defensive to this. There are more mums supportive of sole parents than against, just wanted to remind everyone of that and the fact that every parents life is hard just in different ways. Like i said, support for each other is what is needed, not snapping back at each other. :)

[Ana Gram]

I just want to make it clear...I don't think people should just get over hardships. My op stated that there was a us (single) vs them (coupled) situation arising due to the recent hand outs being spoken about in threads. As a sole parent myself i never felt that coupled mothers were purposely meaning any offence in any of their posts and some single parents were a bit too defensive to this. There are more mums supportive of sole parents than against, just wanted to remind everyone of that and the fact that every parents life is hard just in different ways. Like i said, support for each other is what is needed, not snapping back at each other. :)

Yep, you are very supportive of everyone situation and we thank you for it :hugs:

[Benji]

I really don't understand the "handout" bickering. All low income earners are entitled to it, are they not :confused: why are us singledoms being "singled out" :laughing:

Anyways, meh, I find being a single mum cr*p, I hate it, makes me want out some days, and I feel I deserve to whinge occasionally (and I was previously in an emotionally, occasionally physically abusive relationship and this is harder!)

[MummyDaddy]

support for each other is what is needed, not snapping back at each other. :)

:iagree::iagree:

[Lil Mamma]

Hmmm, sorry if I got the wrong end of the stick but things like :

To those who whinge about how hard it is.

I say 'get real, coz it really aint that hard'.

and:

its in your attitude and how you look at it....

along with your "get real" comment, id say get over it and just get on with life.

tend to make people a little prickly.

This is exactly how I felt about those comments :yes:

I also respect that whether you're single/coupled some people find it easier and some harder. I find it rude for people say 'whats so hard about single parenting blah blah'

My boys are very demanding and difficult to handle at times, at the end of the day I am emotionally and physically exhausted, lonely, and in need of a hug and someone to talk to. I bare 100% of washing, dishes, vacuuming, cooking etc. and feel it would be nice to have even a little help. I also study part time at night through correspondence to make a better life for us later. I have 1 or 2 good friends, never get invited to 'coupled' functions, and while I am very grateful that I get a pension, I struggle with paying rent and bills at times. And at the end of the day, we have emotional needs that our children can't fulfill.

Some people dont understand that it often isn't the actual parenting that is harder, it is everything else which contributes such as the isolation, financial difficulties, problems with ex's, court procedures, dealing with things on their own etc. and not having the love/support of a partner.

Then again, there are plenty of single parents coping well, but the ones who are doing it tough have the right to defend their situation (whatever that may be) when they are being told to get real and similar comments.

Sorry, I know I probably haven't helped calm down the situation, just wanted to share my two cents worth.

[beancounter]

raising a child as a sole parent is 1000x harder.

2 parents looking after children vs 1 person. Big difference.

I have enough money - that is not an issue. Cant go on holidays every year but we have food and a house and a car and lots of Barbies.

Just to have another adult at 2am when you wonder if you should take a sick child to the hospital. Or to drive while you hold the vomiting child in the back seat. Or to watch the baby while you go to the toilet, or have a long shower. Or to watch the kids while you have a hair cut or a pap smear. Or to help deal with bad behaviour when you could really kill them. Another pair of hands so you could actually eat a meal or cook one.

If other single parents find it easy - well I dont get it. I love my child and my life, but I definitly do it much harder than my partnered friends.

[Myztik]

Beancounter that is all well and good IF the other parent actually does those things. I have friends who are married yet do everything on their own while their DH sits on their bum doing nothing..

I have been on both sides of the fence. Was a single parent up til DS1 was 3. Being a parent is hard for anyone.

Nat I understand what you were trying to say and I agree 100%

[beancounter]

well why be in a relationship with someone who wont drive their sick child to hospital?

I have friends with lazy husbands - but they will still help out in emergencies and with behaviour. They might not empty the dishwasher but they will deal with a kid who is having a bad tantrum and the mum is at the end of her tethter. Or watch the kids occasionally while mum goes out or does her own thing.

Surely (well always in my experience) in most relationships both parents care for the children.

[Nowhere]

raising a child as a sole parent is 1000x harder.

2 parents looking after children vs 1 person. Big difference.

I have enough money - that is not an issue. Cant go on holidays every year but we have food and a house and a car and lots of Barbies.

Just to have another adult at 2am when you wonder if you should take a sick child to the hospital. Or to drive while you hold the vomiting child in the back seat. Or to watch the baby while you go to the toilet, or have a long shower. Or to watch the kids while you have a hair cut or a pap smear. Or to help deal with bad behaviour when you could really kill them. Another pair of hands so you could actually eat a meal or cook one.

If other single parents find it easy - well I dont get it. I love my child and my life, but I definitly do it much harder than my partnered friends.

the grass is always greener on the other side, I have a partner and I am flat out all day woth my DD the list goes on of stuff she needs I tell you probly cant even imagine the amount of care she needs, My husband gets home from work and he has been flat out all day, yes we do things together when he gets home but thats when the fun really starts there is a LOT to do with her at that time of night

Im not saying that single parents have it easy im d@m sure you dont, I comend any of you that go it alone. But to say that single parents have it 1000 times harder, How would you know that, How would you know how hard or easy my life is or another mums life who has a husband, simple you dont, Just like I dont know how hard it is to be a single mum.

Im sure that being a single mum is hard dont get me wrong

[beancounter]

had a husband. And even when it was bad I could not wait for him to get home and just be in the house to make it not so intense.

"My husband gets home from work and he has been flat out all day, yes we do things together when he gets home but thats when the fun really starts there is a LOT to do with her at that time of night "

imagine what it would be like if he wasnt there.

I actually dont post here much because I dont understand why so many partnered parents are here.

[Nowhere]

had a husband. And even when it was bad I could not wait for him to get home and just be in the house to make it not so intense.

"My husband gets home from work and he has been flat out all day, yes we do things together when he gets home but thats when the fun really starts there is a LOT to do with her at that time of night "

imagine what it would be like if he wasnt there.

I actually dont post here much because I dont understand why so many partnered parents are here.

Imagine if he wasnt here, Ok i have had to deal with her on my own when he works away and when he works late, Yes its hard but not 1000 times harder.

Just as I have no clue about your situation you have no clue on mine either, All im saying is you nor any other mum have it 1000 times harder than my self or other mums.


Unless of course your child needs care 2400 hours of care in a day, I think not, being a parent is hard but its what we signed up for, Im sure you didnt plan on being a single mum and I didnt plan on my circumstanses but thats life we all do it tough at times, but some how we get through it, Yes single mums have a tough time but so do some of us married mums

[Benji]

Amy, I can't say life is "harder" for me because I am single when you have a daughter with special needs. I'm lucky that I have a healthy child, I don't have anywhere near the amount of stresses that you deal with on a daily basis.

Most single parents come from a relationship, hence the pregnancy & child, so I understand what you're saying about "greener grass" but I truly can judge for myself because I've been on both sides.

I had an X who was useless. Utterly useless. But he still provided a roof over our head and some occasional food. I have to do the role of both mother and father now and it's not easy.

I think we all need empathy for each other's situations.

[Nowhere]

Amy, I can't say life is "harder" for me because I am single when you have a daughter with special needs. I'm lucky that I have a healthy child, I don't have anywhere near the amount of stresses that you deal with on a daily basis.

Most single parents come from a relationship, hence the pregnancy & child, so I understand what you're saying about "greener grass" but I truly can judge for myself because I've been on both sides.

I had an X who was useless. Utterly useless. But he still provided a roof over our head and some occasional food. I have to do the role of both mother and father now and it's not easy.

I think we all need empathy for each other's situations.


I can totaly understand that hense why i am am saying that i know that single mums have it tough i dont dispute that for a second, I do dispute the 1000 times harder but you didnt say that

Im not against single mums at all, infact i have a lot of asmiration for your guys, It just gives me the irates when people seem to think that others lifes are easy KWIM

:hugs::hugs: no offence was intended to you or ay other single mums

[Benji]

I can totaly understand that hense why i am am saying that i know that single mums have it tough i dont dispute that for a second, I do dispute the 1000 times harder but you didnt say that

Im not against single mums at all, infact i have a lot of asmiration for your guys, It just gives me the irates when people seem to think that others lifes are easy KWIM

:hugs::hugs: no offence was intended to you or ay other single mums

Thanks Amy :hugs: I can definitely understand your viewpoint :yes:

[beancounter]

putting this discussion in context - this is a single parent forum where we are discussing which is harder - raising a child as a couple or rasing a child alone.

Im assuming that with a special needs child it would be much harder if you were alone?

[BambinaCattiva]

There's no simple answer to that question -

"Is it harder raising children as a single parent, than as part of a couple?"

There are so many variables.
Personally, my most trying moments as a parent happen to have arisen when I was partnered, but that's just my personal experience, a coincidence, and I'm very lucky.

I also find it more challenging juggling the needs of three children, vs. one child.
I cannot even fathom raising multiples, or a child with a disability or special needs.

It's tough work being a MUM, regardless what degree of extra 'challenges' you have.

[Nowhere]

putting this discussion in context - this is a single parent forum where we are discussing which is harder - raising a child as a couple or rasing a child alone.

Im assuming that with a special needs child it would be much harder if you were alone?


Discussion in context, How is what i said not in context, your saying its 1000 times harder being a single mum than any other coupled family, I am agreeing that it must be hard for you and otehr single mums just stateing that it is not 1000 times harder then any coupled family.

I understand that its hard being a single mum, yes it must be hard to ever get a break, apart from when bubs is or kids are asleep, But then i also understand that as a parent even when they are asleep you still cant get a true break as you still are concerned and still have to care for them I get that, Its the same for me.

As for would being a single parent of a SN child be harder, Im not sure as I am not single how ever i do know that with a child like mine I would be entitled to a ful career pension, due to her needs being so high that she qualifies to live in a respite centre, As a couple we dont get that we manage just like eveybody else

I think some times we ALL have to look out side our own situations, and realise that we dont have it that bad, yes we all go through hard times and yes it is hard being a full time parent, yes it is hard being a single mum and yes it is hard being a mum of a SN child or mum of twins triplets quints etc.

Its easy to say that no one understands how hard it is, and no one gets it, so and so has it easy they wouldnt have a clue etc, but fact is we all have struggles, i am not saying for a second that your life is easy, But im sure there are happy times that you would change for the world.

Life is hard and it is tough but its what you make it, yes your life may be easier if you had a partner, yes some one elses life may be easier if they didnt, some one elses life may be easier if there child didnt hve SN, etc etc the list goes on, but again thats life.

I am not trying to argue with you in any way shape or form, I understand that your life is hard, but i dont see how your life can be 1000 times harder then any one elses, and if your life truely is 1000 times harder then evryone elses then i comend you for getting through it

[Nowhere]

There's no simple answer to that question -

"Is it harder raising children as a single parent, than as part of a couple?"


It's tough work being a MUM, regardless what degree of extra 'challenges' you have.

I couldnt agree im just no good at explaining my self

[beancounter]

I am not trying to argue with you in any way shape or form, I understand that your life is hard, but i dont see how your life can be 1000 times harder then any one elses, and if your life truely is 1000 times harder then evryone elses then i comend you for getting through it[/quote]


I am not saying my life is hard. Im saying it is much harder to be a raise a child alone than it is to raise a child as a couple. Thats all. You might be eligible for money if you were single - but surely if your husband walked out tomorrow then raising your child alone would be more difficult. I would imagine with a special needs child then it would be way way more difficult not to have a partner to help.

[justme77]

I am not trying to argue with you in any way shape or form, I understand that your life is hard, but i dont see how your life can be 1000 times harder then any one elses, and if your life truely is 1000 times harder then evryone elses then i comend you for getting through it


i find your posts very narrow minded.

she is entitled to have her say in here despite having a partner, whats the point in having a discussion where its all one sided.

anyhow, i have a special needs child and im single and my life isnt hard.

must we keep re-hashing....

[Chickadee]

Closed. Thanks to everyone who contributed positively to the discussion.