18-20 month gap - your experiences??

[MummaLove]

Hi All

My little babe is now nearly 9 months old and hubby and I are keen to try for another as we've always wanted to have our kids close in age. We realise that it may not happen as quickly as last time but would be happy if it did.

Would anyone like to share their experiences of a similar age gap as I'd love some other peoples point of view?

Thanks :)

[borntobemummy]

we have 20 months between #1 and #2 and it will be the same between #2 and #3 as well. I really love our gap, it has just been so wonderful watching DD have a new playmate as DS has grown. From about six months they started to notice each other and now they are best friends. They seek each other out when we are at parks with other kids around and they play together. I even wish the gap was smaller! Sometimes DD gets frustrated at DS' level of understanding. It has been hard at times, but I wouldn't change anything for the world.

[joshnchloesmummy]

Hi my two children are 18 months apart, i love the gap as they play together, are on the same routine and as they get older it only gets easier. Also ds didn't have any jealousy towards dd as he was too young to understand and now can't remember a time without her.

[Milktini]

We are planning on TTC #2 When he is around 11 months, which would make it a 20 month gap. We first started trying when he was around 7 months as we too want our kids close to age, but then we hit a finacial bump, and hopefull will be able to start again In January :) I think that there is absouletly no problem having your kids close, there are alot of advantages, either way im sure you will be happy :)

[Pina Colada]

19 months between DD1 and DS and 18 months between DS and DD2 and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I love the fact that they will grow up together, and DD1 and DS are really starting to play together which is wonderful to see. I think it will mean a more tight knit family for us, and I am very excited that this is my last baby (which I am savouring) and we get to move onto new and exciting things all together.

It has it's moments and it can be very full on sometimes, but I think it is perfect :goodvibes:

[cassvanm]

My first 2 daughters are 19 months apart - DD1 was 10 mths when I feel pregnant.
It worked great for us. They are best buddies (and arch enemies too :laughing:) and play well together. They are into the same stuff, and also are on the same routine.
There was no sibling rivalry, and DD2 just slotted right in. It was like DD1 was too young to notice the change.
I've just had DD3, with a 3.5 year gap, which has also worked really well.
People have said to not do it when tt the older sibling, but my DD1 decided to start tt the day I brought DD2 home, and DD2 is now tt (long process with her), so I timed it wrong both times LOL
Ultimately, whatever is right for your family will happen :D
Good luck.

[mothertobein2007]

im 11 weeks preg and my son is 14 months so a 20 or 21 month gap at birth of the baby

i thought it would take ages but only 2 months and :bfp:

[dm22]

there is a 20 month age gap between my ds1 and ds 2. they have a strong love hate relationship. ds1 is such a great older brother and ds2 just wants to be just like him mimicking his words, actions, everything. they do fight too though, but i think that happens no matter what the gap. i had a very small problem with jealousy at first but that was quickly overcome. i would of started ttc for a third child earlier making it another close age gap but couldnt as i had to attend a wedding as bridesmaid and was asked to not be pregnant.

goodluck

[nugget]

I have 18 1/2 mths between my boys - but never intended it to be that way. We had always wanted a number 2 at some stage, but was thinking more like 2-3 years between.

It is great though, and I am glad it happened this soon. DS1 LOVES his baby brother and I don't think he was old enough to get jealous when DS2 was first born.

He loved to rub my pregnant tummy and kiss it etc, we tried out best tomake the whole experience exciting for him.
We had a present for him at the hospital when he first came to see the baby and told him it was from his baby brother.

3 months on, he still adores him and the feeling appears mutual. It is hard work having two so little, but it is only getting easier as they get older.

[PinkBinkie]

My girls are 19mths apart and the best of friends (most of the time :D). It's great they have each other to play with and enjoy playing with the same things. They share a room as well. The first 3mths were quite tricky due to jealousy but once we had a routine and could go do "normal" things more easily, like kindy gym, getting the groceries etc things became alot easier. I wouldn't change a thing. Hope you get your :bfp: soon ;)

[Sesu]

My girls are 20 months apart. I love having them close in age, but it's also a lot of work as it's kind of like having two babies, two in nappies and two that still need me to do a lot for them. Im sure there are pros and cons to small gaps and larger age gaps. It was a bit of a shock at first, but once you settle in it gets easier. DD # 2 is still only a baby, so DD # 1 doesnt have too much intraction with her, I have to watch her all the time as she can be quite rough and although she is just being affectionate with DD # 2 sometimes her hugs and kisses can be quite painful. Sometimes I feel guilty that I didnt give DD1 enough one on one time, and I sometimes also feel guilty that DD2 doesnt get as much attention and one on one time as DD1 got, but I guess that is to be expected when you have more than oe child, no matter what the age gap. It is great having a toddler and a baby though, there are milestones for them both like DD1 getting a new tooth or using the potty and that same week DD2 starts laughing or rolling over.

As much as I love having two little girls that are close in age, if we do go for a # 3 I think we will wait a few years, for my own sanity hehe.

[MummyStar]

[quote=Sesu;3190255] Sometimes I feel guilty that I didnt give DD1 enough one on one time, and I sometimes also feel guilty that DD2 doesnt get as much attention and one on one time as DD1 got, but I guess that is to be expected when you have more than oe child, no matter what the age gap.
quote]
Our DS will be 1 year old in November & I've always liked the thought of having a 2 year age gap & we've started talking about TTC soon but I'm starting to feel guilty or something :confused:. Almost like I'll be ripping off our DS by bringing home our Future Baby & by not being able to continue giving him 100% attention when that happens, it's hard to explain but I can relate to Sesu. I feel like it's going to hurt his feelings & he might feel like the Baby is replacing him :no:, I love DS so much that the thought of upsetting him breaks my heart.
Do many other people feel like this when planning Baby #2?
It's helpful reading about how much the older ones adore their Baby Brother or Sister.

[Lastcenturymum]

We had 21 months between 2 & 3 (just scrape into your question;)) and after 28 months between the older two, I found it good from the point of view that you are very much in baby mode still, nappies and all that jazz, it just kinda rolled along and I only had a 6 month break from weaning one till the next, so even that just came naturally. With the second we seemed amazed how tiny the bub seemed and how huge our toddler seemed:D

I don't feel like one got less time than the other, despite collicky bubs I didn't feel like the other child wasn't getting as much 'me' time. I think we can try and talk ourselves into that sometimes. If anything, the house got less attention!:D

A couple of other comments - and these come from hindsight - gender and personality have a lot to do with how they get on. To be honest I don't put a lot of stock in the 'they will grow up together' comment (maybe if they are years and years apart it's different). All kids grow up together and they still grow up!! (eventually:p) Even having two genders close doesn't mean they will be great buddies if they have very different personalities and natures.

To be honest, we didn't plan No 2, she just happened and it's not always a healthy thing for one child to have 100% attention - giving and taking is part of learning to get on with others in life. But it is a concern most parents have before taking the leap for the next one.

[lauren2008]

I have a 16 months old daughter and an 10 week old son. There is 14 months between them. For anyone who is thinking about having kids close I would suggest waiting until your first is between 10 and 12 months old as having 2 this close together can be difficult. Im sure it will be great when they can play together, but for the time being there are 2 babies, not one baby and a toddler. We didn't plan it this way, but I wouldn't have it any other way now! But just a warning, it can be very difficult!!!:raspberry:

[MrsMiggins]

My two are 17 months apart (just outside your bracket, but near enough, no? :))

I love that my two play together and that they are quite close developmentally, so they can do a lot of activities together. There are definitely a lot of advantages to having them so close.

(Incidentally, I've a brother who's 17 months older than me!)

As others have pointed out, it is hard work though!! I never would have thought that a 2 year old & a 1 year old could fight so much!! :eek:

To those who worry about their older child, I was really worried that I wasn't going to be able to love my DS as much as my DD, but that all well & truly disappeared as soon as I laid eyes on him!! I do however look at my DD now & think how much more patient I would probably have been with her had we not had DS so soon after, but when I look at how much they get out of playing with each other, and how much they adore each other, I realise the benefits far outweigh the negatives!!

[Clinya]

Our 2 are 19 months apart and whilst i love it i also wish we had waited longer until we had a 2nd. To be honest we have had it easy, we never had any issues with jealousy and DS has slept through from day one (well 2 weeks). DD is and always has been trying to help with him and give him cuddles, kisses etc and they play together now which is great - they can also fight too now.

The reason i sometimes wish we had waited is that i feel like i missed out on somethings with DD as she was only 10 months when i got pregnant. Plus it has and still is hard sometimes to devote time to just one child and their needs but i guess you would get that whenever you had a second.

We will probably have another but i want to wait a few more years before we do.

[PecanPie]

My first two are 17 months apart and everyone scared me while I was pregnant with number two - how hard it would be like "I hope you have a lot of help" which I didn't. And I was so suprised at how easy it actually was - my son at 17 months was too young to get jealous and I think he thought she'd just been there all along. They're 8 & 9 now and I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter and 3 month old daughter and this age gap has been much harder I think - two year olds can get into so much more mischief when your busy with the baby - but I think it depends on the kids of coarse.

[carli]

:chillpill:Im glad to see its not going to be too hard, im pregnant at the moment, and have a 14 month old at home, just a little worried about the jealousy... hopefully it isnt too bad! she is pretty cruisy with everything else!

[PinkBinkie]

Congrats on your pregnancy. My girls are 19mths apart. Hard at first, bit of a juggling act, but it would be the same with any age gap I guess, just in different ways. My dd1 was very jealous and acted out by biting, pinching etc which she'd never done before. This also carried on to daycare where she was the bully (but never suspected because she was so little!). Things got easier and now they're great playmates. I'm glad we had them close. Though the first 6 mths or so were a bit of a blur I'm really loving the ages they are at now and how dd2 adores her big sis (most of the time!).

[MummaLove]

Hi Ladies

Thanks so much for all your responses. We actually just found out a week ago we are :bfp: again!! We're only about 7 weeks or so now so a long way to go yet.

No turning back now and I'm really excited. It's just that I live 1400km's away from any friends and family so am stressing a bit how we'll manage on our own but I know we'll make it work somehow. Hopefully my Mum can come and stay for a few weeks in the early days.

Cross your fingers for me that I don't get morning sickness like that time - thanks!!

[diryharrysmum]

My DS is about to turn 2 and my DD is 4 months. Although it can be hard at times I love the gap. I am ready for another already!:) I love watching my DD gazing at my DS while he is playing. I just know she is itching to get involved. He is keen to help and makes sure we don't leave home without her (not that we have even been close to doing so) - she has to get into the car first.

[alexand laurens mum]

I have a 28 month gap with 1 and 2, and an 18 month gap with 2 and 3. They both are great at times, but I see my 2nd and 3rd playing together more than with the older one who wants to be on his own and set things up nicely and play properly! I think 18 months is a great gap personally! #3 and this bub will be about 20/21 months apart, so I know they will all get along pretty well! Even my though the gap between my oldest and youngest will be about 5.5 yrs!

xx

[MummaLove]

Hi Ladies

Thanks for all the replies, makes me feel a lot more confident, especially now as we've found out we're PREGNANT :bfp: I can't believe it happened so quickly, basically just a little while after my original post!

Apart from feeling awful with morning sickness :barf:I'm very excited! It only lasted up to 16 weeks last time and I'm 8 weeks already so not long to go I guess.

Thanks again Ladies!

[alexand laurens mum]

Congrats hun! That's great news!

I hope your pregnancy goes well!
xx Nic

[trixiebelle17]

congrats on ur pregnancy mummalove..

I guess in just reinforcing what has already been said, i have three sisters and we are all 20 months apart (i know my mum only had to look at my dad to fall pregnant).. From a child's point of view i think the age gap is prefect, just old enough apart that we had different friends, but close enough that we all played together and as adults we are all still very close

[isabellasmummy]

hi,
everyone here seems to love this age gap...
i have a 15month DD... and maybe baby.. (3 days to go) and that would mean that #2 due date will bella's birthday... so looking an 24month gap, exact... i wanted a 3 yr gap, 2 sounds gr8 after reading all your stories...
:fingerscrossed:

[sophiesmommy]

my girl is 3 1/2 months and me and my partner are going to ttc when she is 9 to 12 mnths, as we would like them to be close and grow up together..i think it's good for our bubs to be close and learn from each other ...can't wait for bub-2 xox

[sophiesmommy]

congatulations! Hope your morning sickness goes sooner rather than later..take care

[flickf]

HI have 3 boys (7,6,4), 20 month gap between the 1 and 2 and 13 month between 2 and 3 and having number 4 soon with a 5 year gap.

20 months is a good gap, number 2 gets real excited when its his birthday because he feels like he is catching up age wise with number 1 then number 1 jumps another year. its kind of a game with them.

They never used to play well together, but as they have got older they have become good friends and are interested in similar things. I must admit though, when they are little it is a challange especially when they are phasing in and out of "terrible 2's" I had six months of mayhem when I found my first grey hairs.

But looking back now, they were much easier than 2 and 3 (fight fight demand demand) and I had forgotton everything there is to know about kids in the 5 years since so am flying blind again.

Good luck, I hope it goes well.