Divinity
15-10-2008, 13:17
I was hoping for some additional perspectives. I have recently become engaged and I have found out some more information about the background to my OH's child.
OH has an 8 year old child who has been in 'kinship care' for the last 3 years. Child is living with the grandparents of his half siblings (2 younger children) although they are not blood related to him. OH only found out where his child was less than a year ago when Child Support contacted him to tell him he no longer had to pay the mother because she had not had custody of the child for over two years at that point. They had no information about why she lost custody, just that DHS had removed all of the children but never advised OH.
Slight bit of background (that I only recently found out) mother allegedly deceived my OH to become pregnant and then took off. OH had some contact with the infant up to around 6 months, including visitation and she decided she didn't like the arrangements so took off, told DHS he was stalking her (he was trying to establish contact with his child) and from that point on no one would provide him with any information about his child and he lost contact completely.
I know that it is not wise to try to get custody of the child and the kinship care arrangements are to be formalised shortly so that DHS is no longer involved.
I'm planning on setting up a bedroom for the child, I have very limited space in my house, I own and OH will be moving in with me shortly, but I would like to make a room for him so that eventually (maybe 6 months or so, when he gets to know me a bit more, he's only seen me once and doesn't know we're engaged) he can have overnight visits with us and I would assume eventually, when he's old enough, he can decide for himself whether he would like to live with us or his kinship carers.
His kinship carers seem absolutely lovely and understanding and have been very welcoming of OH's whole family. There is also a strong focus on not splitting the kids, so I would assume that when child is old enough to decide where he wants to live, siblings would be a little older and more able to understand.
Are there any opinons on this plan? I dont' have kids of my own, I would like to have them one day, but apart from the psych training I've done so far I haven't had a great deal to do with kids.
Any opinions or advice would be appreciated.
Sorry for the long post!
OH has an 8 year old child who has been in 'kinship care' for the last 3 years. Child is living with the grandparents of his half siblings (2 younger children) although they are not blood related to him. OH only found out where his child was less than a year ago when Child Support contacted him to tell him he no longer had to pay the mother because she had not had custody of the child for over two years at that point. They had no information about why she lost custody, just that DHS had removed all of the children but never advised OH.
Slight bit of background (that I only recently found out) mother allegedly deceived my OH to become pregnant and then took off. OH had some contact with the infant up to around 6 months, including visitation and she decided she didn't like the arrangements so took off, told DHS he was stalking her (he was trying to establish contact with his child) and from that point on no one would provide him with any information about his child and he lost contact completely.
I know that it is not wise to try to get custody of the child and the kinship care arrangements are to be formalised shortly so that DHS is no longer involved.
I'm planning on setting up a bedroom for the child, I have very limited space in my house, I own and OH will be moving in with me shortly, but I would like to make a room for him so that eventually (maybe 6 months or so, when he gets to know me a bit more, he's only seen me once and doesn't know we're engaged) he can have overnight visits with us and I would assume eventually, when he's old enough, he can decide for himself whether he would like to live with us or his kinship carers.
His kinship carers seem absolutely lovely and understanding and have been very welcoming of OH's whole family. There is also a strong focus on not splitting the kids, so I would assume that when child is old enough to decide where he wants to live, siblings would be a little older and more able to understand.
Are there any opinons on this plan? I dont' have kids of my own, I would like to have them one day, but apart from the psych training I've done so far I haven't had a great deal to do with kids.
Any opinions or advice would be appreciated.
Sorry for the long post!