What to do if the problem does lot lie with you?!?

[kitzkat]

Hi Ladies,

My DH has just received his SA results, and I would like some advice what to do as the results haven't come back in our favour? His count was great - 39 Million, but motility was at 18%, when they like to see about 50%. Now he's feeling like the reason we can't get our BFP is his fault. We are currently seeing a FS and have been TTC for 13 months for #1. I have longer than normal cycles, generally averaging 36 days, so really it's only been about 9 cycles. What advice can you give me to help support him, and assist with increase in sperm motility?

Thanks,

[JimJamsMum]

Hey, that can be a tricky one. I haven't been in the situation but can I suggest that baby-making is a joint effort. I think it's best not to focus on whose "problem" it is. What matters is that you both want a baby and need to work together to get it.

Low motility can be caused by many things including smoking, poor diet, too much alcohol etc. Sperm are so small that many things can damage them. Naturopaths can do a lot to increase male fertility. Perhaps a joint trip to the naturopath would help. It might be helpful if you suggest the idea with the idea of both of your improving your health and both of you implementing the recommendations.

Be really supportive to your DH, he's probably feeling pretty low right now.

Good luck.

[ringneck]

i know how your hubby feels all the problems are with me while he has great sperm just be supportive if he needs to talk let him maybe see if he will take some multivitamins my dp takes fore life preconception care for men, just be understanding when i found out it was all me i felt like i was letting dp down and like a failure so your dh is probably feeling the same right now.

[mochachinobaby]

Hi Kitz,

:iagree: with all of the above...it must be hard on him.

Knowing what men are like, i might be good for you just to remind him that you still love him and also NEED him. Guys like to know that they are needed (a masculine, hero thing :laughing:). Just tell him everyday that you appreciate him and that you will stick by him.

Also, have you heard of a vitamin called Menevit- it's the male version of Elevit. I saw it in the chemist today. Apparently, it improves the males' sperm and gets it ready for fertility. Perhaps that's something worth looking into.

All the best with everything

:hugs:

[KatiesMum]

Fertility is a couples problem ... and you need to be very careful in explaining that to him.

It doesnt matter if the biological issue is with your body or his, you are having difficulties making a baby together and that makes it 'your' issue as a couple. DEaling with infertility is very very difficult for all ...

As for low motility .... Menevit certainly will help, but lifestyle changes make an enormous impact. A good diet high in vegetables (esp leafy green veg), moderate excercise. low caffeine, low alcohol, reduced stress and no smoking will do more for 'your' (as a couple) fertility than any vitamen supplements or drugs can do.

And remember ... out of 39million sperm x volume (sperm is measured by ml, so if your sperm volume is 4ml then the total sperm per time is 39m x 4) and 18% of that is still an INCREDIBLY high number when it only takes 1 sperm 1 lucky time.

So my advice is - assess how important having a baby is to you. Making changes to your diet and lifestyle ..though hard .. is a LOT easier than IVF in physical, emotional and financial terms.

But if it comes down to IVF, remember that it is both of your issue, and you will only get there together. Men and women deal with it differently .. but still have to deal with it.

Good luck.
:hugs:

[trixiebelle17]

i agree with katies mum, fertility is a couples problem not an individuals...

up until wanting to have a baby there wasn't a problem if u get my drift... im sure ur DH could BD like the best of them and having a low mobility wouldn't have had any impact on his life... BUT then u decide to have a baby TOGETHER...so in my eyes, if your werent for ur decision as a couple, then there wouldnt be a problem...

So following on from what RN said, be supportive and let him talk when he needs to... I have the problems in our relationship (although Dh hasnt had any tests done yet but :fingerscrossed: everything comes back great for him, dealing with one person having problems is ENOUGH :laughing:) I know when i first found out i apologised to DH and he looked at me and told me and told me never to say that again... i tried it once since then and u should have seen the look i got...lol

BUT DH hasn't always been great about it... sometimes when i've been having a tough time he has turned around and told me that im making all these lifestyle changes because i want them and accused me of being selfish! This doesnt help when the reason i am trying to make changes is for US. So i guess if you guys have to stop drinking or smoking etc (i dont know your lifestyle so im just generalising about things that dont help with fertility) quit with him... My DH has continued to drink and smoke while i sit and look at him... it drives me up the wall sometimes and i would love for him to make the changes with me... so thats just a suggestion from my own experience about how i would want my partner to act

[StrangeFruit]

Hi Kitzkat, :wave:

I know the situation you are in, as i am in the same situation myself.

My DH's last SA came back with 2.7mill sperm, 4% motility, and 100% abnormal forms.......pretty bad. :(

He doesnt smoke or drink and he is very fit so there is no obvious reason why this is happening to him, which i think is what is the hardest for him to deal with.

I totally agree with everything that has been said above, but i would add one other thing that has worked for my DH.....

Tell him about other men with issues. IE my DH felt much better when he read in the paper that Hugh Jackman had male infertility. He also told a friend who said that he also suffered from it. I tell him about girls on this site that have DH's in 'worse' situations than him. etc etc. It just helps him to feel more 'normal' like he is not the only one out there suffering from this.

But i do believe that if your DH has a good look at his lifestyle/health and also starts on Menevit (i have heard fabulous stories of improvement in motility from this vitamin on the IVF thread) then things would improve. Plus, on the basis that all his other stats were fine, there really isnt a reason why you cant fall pregnant naturally with 18% motility with such a great amount of sperm....it just might take a bit longer.

Goodluck, and if you have any questions dont hesitate to ask. :flowerz:

[kitzkat]

Thank you guys all so much for your advice!! It's really good to see alot of support from people in similar situations, or with experience on the matter! My DH and I are both very committed, and each other's rocks at the moment! Neither or us drink or smoke, and live healthy lifestyles. DH is an elite athlete, and I guess is just becoming aware of the feelings and emotions that come with long time TTC. As for taking supplements, he is taking Menevit, but has just started, so we will see how that goes! Our FS has already spoken to us about taking supplements, and isn't too keen and trying lot's of different natural supplements as they may stimulate the hormones in the wrong way? It's hard, becuase we both want to feel we are treating out bodies with care, and being pro-active towards taking the right steps towards our BFP, and being told to stop everything feels a little like going backwards, but we are in the best of care, so we just need to trust that it is all going to work out in our favour!

It's just nice to be re-assured that there is still hope!

Thanks guys,

Kitz