Struggling with the decision about a third baby

[mytwobabies]

I have two children already, one boy and one girl. I love them dearly but for some reason I keep thinking about possibly having a third. I'm not even really sure if I do want another baby or if I'm just wanting to "follow the crowd" so to speak as a few people I know are pregnant or have just had babies. Some days I am just not sure if my family is complete yet and other days I look at both my children and wonder how I'd ever manage another if we did decide to go ahead.

One of my major concerns is if I'd have enough time to devote to my first two, or would I feel like I was missing out on them because while the third was a baby (say for the first 18 months) I would be constantly be feeding, changing nappies and sorting sleeping routines. I don't want to miss the time with my first two. Has anyone else had these concerns?

On the other hand a third child would be lovely when the kids get bigger. Another sibling to talk to, play with (and fight with!) etc

What do you do when you are torn like this? What have you decided if you were/are in this position?

Any advice would be wonderful!

[zenifa]

A lot of my friends recently have had their third baby or are pregnant with their third. I have two beautiful daughters and DH and I thought long and hard about our family.

I had the same concerns as you, I find that its very busy and hectic with the two girls, how could I possibly cope and devote the time to them, whilst caring for a newborn, later baby, toddler etc?

I also agree that larger families ie 3 or more kids, are lovely too, but I just wasn't sure how we would manage - in terms of needing a bigger car, house, how we would manage the ongoing costs of 3 or more kids, schooling, holidays plus even more important than the practicalities - how would this change the existing family dynamic and affect us all emotionally and physically?

For us, it wasn't an easy decision, as I know I could easily love another child (there is room in my heart), but in the end we decided to concentrate on the two beautiful children we have and give them all the time, love and attention they deserve. They have a sibling, each other and 2 devoted parents, so now our family is complete (DH had the snip, so its final!).

That is my experience, but its a personal decision, good luck!

[sparkle5301]

i had always wanted a big family, but got a boy and a girl straight up, and everyone was telling us how lucky we were that we had a pigeon pair! dh had the snip, and life was good, but the feeling of wanting another was so strong, it was taking over my life. so my loving dh went back for a reversal, and when our oldest was 9, our little #3 came into the world. all our family and friends thought we were crazy (big age gap, already one boy and one girl) and couldn't understand. they now all understand as our son has bought so much extra love and happiness into our lives. now #3 is about to turn 9, and we are TTC #4. and i struggled with this decision for ages - but clucky hormones are now present! I really do understand how hard it is. just listen to your heart, because that will give you the right answer, and good luck with your decision

[sassmum]

I know what you mean, it is a very emotional time trying to decide whether or not to have a third. I too have a boy and a girl and everyone persumes because we have the pigeon pair that we wouldn't want another.
After going around in circles with DH for about 12 months we decided that our family wasn't quite complete yet and another would be a bonus!!! So currently we are TTC #3!
All the best with your decision, listen to your heart! :bee:

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Well. I have one girl, one boy and I am pregnant again.

A surprise, but one I am looking forward to nevertheless.
We are leaving the sex of this baby as a surprise.

As far as the love thing goes.. You'd be surprised how much love you have to go around. :yes:

I think 'the crowd' is opting for smaller families these days with an average of only 1.3 children per family. So you wouldn't really be following the crowd at all.

If you want another baby, go for it!

[Sheer Bliss]

Nooooo, dont' do it - lol, just kidding. Bad time for me to read this - I am pregnant with #3 and the MS is just starting to kick in, one of the reasons it took us so long to make out decision on #3. I was in and out of hospy last time, so not looking fwd to that with 2 littlies to look after this time.

I am not that worried about time, as i see with DS & DD, the things they do together whrn i am busy gettng dinner ready or something else. They enjoy the same sorts of things (drawing/play doh/playing outside etc) so I don't need to divide my time, i just do it with both of them, and although it will be a bit different with 3, i think it will still be OK. DD is 3 1/2 and LOVES 'helping' hang the nappies on the line, and she is getting her own clothes line for christmas to help more, lol. I grew up as one of 4, and LOVED the big family thing, it was a bit hectic sometimes, but i always had fun, and someone to talk to/play with.

Maybe talk to aunties/uncles with more than 2? see what they faced when the kids were young. There is nothing wrong with feeling like you are done with 2 kids, even if your friends have more - you need to do what is best for your family. HTH.

[Mum&bubs]

I keep changing my mind about having our third child. DF & I had plans to get pregnant in May next year, but then we thought about it and were having doubts- so to me we're obviously not ready. Who knows, we might be next year though.

I'm not sure how I feel really. I love my two girls and they really complete me and the feeling of just having two girls- point stop makes me really happy and I feel very blessed.

But then, I get clucky. And I'm sure if I actually want another child- or if I just want to be pregnant and have that sense of excitement. Another reason to show that I'm not ready, the thought of three really scares me.

3 kids is our max amount of children we will be having so there's no way I want to rush into having our last baby. Who knows if we will ever have another one.

Urgh I am not even making sense here but just think about it and add up the pros and cons, and just go with your heart! Good luck!

[sethjarum]

I say don't think to much about it. If you and you partner want to have another baby go for it and it will all fall into place. You'll find a new routine and you'll have 2 children to help you, you just have to envole them in life with a new baby.

We have a boy soon to be 5 and a girl soon to be 3 and we are trying for a third child

[lovelymum]

Number three has been on my mind too!! We are blessed with a wonderful 4yr old boy and a 1 yr old girl, but even whilst I was pregnant with my daughter I has this overwhelming feeling that I was not done (I did not feel this the first time around). At 1yr she is still the worlds worst sleeper, (but is a happy enchanting little creature) and that is not even enough to turn me off. We have been unofficially trying for around 4 months, but as I have fertillity problems I am off to see my OB thursday to get the ball rolling. Its exciting, but scary and the logistics of number three are overwhelming - bigger car, bigger house????. But I am one clucky ducky and I am going for number three (who knows maybe one day number 4)

[Mr Mom]

I have two children already, one boy and one girl. I love them dearly but for some reason I keep thinking about possibly having a third.


Deep down have you already made up your mind?

The mere fact that you are giving so much thought to such an important decision would suggest to me that you would be just fine. Mature responsible people analyze all decision making.

Your two other kids will be fine. It was common place not that long ago for people to have big families and think how much richer they are from it. I often hear people speak quite fondly of their memories as children of large families. My wife's parents came from families of 7 and 8 children. :eek: .Just remembering names would be a chore!

You should see the family get together's. Its fantastic. They all managed to get through it, and apart from one crazy uncle I dont think they would have it any other way.

I would be confident there will be plenty of love and attention to be thrown around for all in your house.

If your house is big enough and financially you can cope, then the childs welfare wont be an issue either.

I probably wouldnt read too much into your "following the crowd" sentiment. I'm always doubting myself, but really when you think about it that is part of any rational decision making.


I cant talk from a mothers perspective nor do I have three kids............yet.
We plan too if all things go well. But I suppose its easy for me to say, because i dont have to do the hard work :o.

We have only just had our first, So take what you will from my opinion. I may come back in a years time floating the idea that one might be enough.

P.S Your username could be an issue though:p

[mytwobabies]

Thank you so much to everyone who has responded. I really appreciate your comments. Luckily DH and I would be able to accommodate a third without needing to upgrade house or car etc so we're all sorted there. It really is now just deciding whether we do or don't go for it!! I think I might give myself until the end of the year and see how I feel after Xmas.

Thanks to you Mr Mom. It's nice to see dad's on here too! And yes, I'd probably need a name change though wouldn't I?!?