I don't know what to do

[naget]

My partner has 2 children that live in victoria age 3 and 5 with their mother. Lately I'm becoming more and more concerned with the safety and wellbeing of both the boys. My partner received a txt last night indicating that the children were living in a shed with no running water or toilets. They had barely any clothes or essentials and their mother is claiming she has no money to feed them. She isn't sending the eldest boy to school (she's changed his schools about 3 times in the last 6 months). i know from that information that they shouldn't b with her. She won't give them to my partner to look after as she's claiming child benefits from the gov so they're her money ticket.

Increasingly they're gone from just going without some things to this not even living in a house thing and we know she has money cuz we've given her $2000 in the last month in child support plus the $550 a week she gets from the gov... it's just a matter of her not being money smart and it's led to a situation where she can't care for the boys.

Do you think i should contact child protection??

[Skittles]

I think you should. At least then if the boys are not being looked after and cared for something legit can be done to protect them

[delirium]

Your partner needs to have a discussion with his ex about their living conditions, the need to place the kid's needs above her own etc. If I was him, I would be telling her she either gets her act together, or he's going to go for custody. I feel that in most circumstances, the children should stay with the mother. But in cases of neglect and not providing basic necessities, dad should take the kids.

Dh and I have a male friend that is in a similar situation. His relationship is always on again, off again. We can't understand why he allows her custody of their kids as she blows all her money on drugs and alcohol. There are no food in the cupboards and the kids have no clothes. We have basically wiped this friend because we can't grasp why he didn't take custody long ago.

Your partner needs to document what he sees, and the conversations he has with his ex about her situation, if he does decide to go for custody.

[Teley]

Oh that is so sad. I think in these cases he should go for custody, if she isn't able to provide adequate shelter food clothing and schooling for the children. That is so sad:(.

What I find really sad in this situation, and I know it's really really really bad for the children, but how a person, a mother, a human being, can fall downhill like that and live like that. I think if things have gotten that back, she needs mental help:(. And the kids need to be in the custody of their dad if they're living in those conditions:no:.

[Benji]

I don't understand how she's getting $550 from the govt if she gets $2000 per month in child support??!! Gosh I don't get that and I don't even get $300 a month in CS. I think there's some mistake there.

Anyways, I think your partner needs to say something. If I found out that my child/ren were living in a shed I would be banging down the door until I had them in my care.

There is NO WAY the family court would allow your partner's ex to keep the children if they are living in conditions like that.

I think you should contact them :yes: and say something along the lines of how you are worried about them, it's not good if you sound like a bitter new partner (I'm not saying in any way shape or form that you are it's just that I know some child welfare workers get a lot of false reports from ex-es, but this is not your case and it wouldn't take them long to work it out).

Best of luck, those poor little bubbies :(

[Pax]

if they were my kids and i knew they were living like that i would go and take them off her.... :no:

[WorkingClassMum]

In Victoria its DHS - Department of Human Services.

What does your DH want to do?

What do you want to do?

Are you prepared to have the children or do you just want the kids cared for remotely from you both? (Not being rude - just a thought process)

For the kids sake - the mother needs to be reported and helped.

Your DH will need to decided what it is he wants, you need to decided together what you both want, and something needs to be done urgently in the best interests of the children.

If this means DH getting in the car tonite and driving to Vic, or getting on a plane tomorrow - then please do so.

DHS are not in the business of ripping kids away from their mums, they will be more interest initially in assessing the mother and assisting her to have a stable and safe home for the kids.

If you and DH want the kids - or if that's what's best - then you'll need to apply through the family court for custody.

I hope that these two poor kids urgently get the life they deserve

Good luck - I hope it all works out for the best

[miloand4]

I thiink this is something your partner should be dealing with. It is his responsibility as their father to ensure they are safe and cared for. If he has concerns has he looked into gaining custody of the children or seeking mediation. Has he seen this shed himself or is he going on what he hears because gossip is not always accurate.Would be a bit of a waste of everyones time if the allegations were not true just based on something you have heard. Why does he not go visit his kids? find out for himself what is going on? If I did not have my children lving with me and I heard something like this I would be there immediatly to find out if this were true. Once you know for sure then you can work with Truthfull information.

[MommaBear]

can your partner go visit pay them a suprise visit(yes i know theyare in a different state) but form your post i wouldnt think someone indicating that those were the kids living conditions is enough proof that the kids are living in bad conditions. as a single parent i know if CS is that much theres no way she'd be gettin $550 from the government per week...

Think carefully about reporting her with only a txt message for proof- if she is found to be looking after them fine then it is somehting that would go on her record for the rest of her life even if she is cleared.

[cinnamonbear]

i think you should sidcuss with you husband what he wants to do

why dont you suggest he goes for custody.

[shaniaap8jh]

:smiliedance:Go see for yourself with your hubby ASAP. What does your hear say?Do you both :valentine: them enough? Don't be a fool. The sooner this case is controled the better for your overall family. Talk it over with all parties & do the right thing by the kids. Money & time will always be an issue. Your (parents) #1 priority is to keep them healthy. DOCs /legal system all can end up a :hair:. Yes I know there is lots of issues behind custody/ family cases. Good luck.

[kelipau]

Im a seperated dad ( only for 6 weeks) and have just started seeing my 4yo son. I dont have access to my 6yo stepdaughter for reasons unknown to anyone. I have a DVO against me ( my ex has lied to police). I am concerned for my kids welfare as well. Each time I see my son he is so very tired and hungry. I pick him up from daycare at 9 in the mornings. Today I asked him what he had for breakfast and he said nothing. I also ask him about baths and dinner time. He says he doesnt have baths every night and dinner is Pizza or other takeaway. I not allowed to contact my ex and not allowed to go to the house. She is getting $500 a month child support, $ 300 a month for my stepdaughter, part time wages of $300 a week nett as well as family tax benefits etc. I have been told by somany peolple to just wait a while and if I see that the situation is the same then I should go to Family Services. My concern is that we would both lose the kids so I am thinking of going for custody of my son and maybe my stepdaughter. I am not sure if I would get custody of my stepdaughter as she is not mine but she has no contact with her natural father.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

[Pax]

Im a seperated dad ( only for 6 weeks) and have just started seeing my 4yo son. I dont have access to my 6yo stepdaughter for reasons unknown to anyone. I have a DVO against me ( my ex has lied to police). I am concerned for my kids welfare as well. Each time I see my son he is so very tired and hungry. I pick him up from daycare at 9 in the mornings. Today I asked him what he had for breakfast and he said nothing. I also ask him about baths and dinner time. He says he doesnt have baths every night and dinner is Pizza or other takeaway. I not allowed to contact my ex and not allowed to go to the house. She is getting $500 a month child support, $ 300 a month for my stepdaughter, part time wages of $300 a week nett as well as family tax benefits etc. I have been told by somany peolple to just wait a while and if I see that the situation is the same then I should go to Family Services. My concern is that we would both lose the kids so I am thinking of going for custody of my son and maybe my stepdaughter. I am not sure if I would get custody of my stepdaughter as she is not mine but she has no contact with her natural father.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

the courts generally like to keep siblings together, that is prob why the courts will favour in your ex's case.

The dvo is that for her protection or the kids?

when you have your son, keep a diary of everything he says and take him to the doctor for a health exam it will be documented then.

[lovingbeingamum]

I thiink this is something your partner should be dealing with. It is his responsibility as their father to ensure they are safe and cared for. If he has concerns has he looked into gaining custody of the children or seeking mediation. Has he seen this shed himself or is he going on what he hears because gossip is not always accurate.Would be a bit of a waste of everyones time if the allegations were not true just based on something you have heard. Why does he not go visit his kids? find out for himself what is going on? If I did not have my children lving with me and I heard something like this I would be there immediatly to find out if this were true. Once you know for sure then you can work with Truthfull information.
I agree totally with this. Confirm the report first, as there are nutters out there who make up lies that can destroy families. If it's true their dad needs to do whatever it takes to get them into a safe, loving & normal environment - immediately. Kids can't protect themselves, so we (adults) have to protect them. If he loves them, he'll move heaven and earth to do this. Sounds like they'll be in need of some serious TLC too. Good luck.

[MummySharna]

Before you go to Child Safety or Family Services you need to get evidence or some sort of proof, saving the txt messages or just something to show thats why your concerned. She could be telling you all this just so she can scam more money out of you. Best of luck with your situation!