In-Laws wont see their Granddaughter

[~Danni~]

My daughter is now 7 months and we are still waiting for the in-laws to come see her. we only live 10 minutes away from eachother but apparently it is our responsibility to bring her to them (which due to many things will not be happening). Three weeks before our bub was born my partner had a huge fight with his parents over wether his sister would be able to have a part in our bubs life. My partner and his sister dont get along due to her drug habbits and the people she hangs around with so inthe best intrests for our child we expressed the fact that she would not be part of our bubs life. On hearing this the in-laws took all the things they had bought for bub back to the shops and left us in a tight spot. We invited them over a few times early on but are quite fed up at the moment! We also suggested meeting on nutral territory at a cafe or somthing as they dont want to come to our house! Are we wrong to make the decisions of who our baby can be around, has any one else had to make decissions like that? were family supportive?? Where do we go from here?????????:mad:

[Chickadee]

Have you completely cut your SIL out of your life? Will you ever see her? What happens at family gatherings, do your IL's have to choose between having you there or having their daughter? If so, I can understand why they're so hurt.

I can understand that you wouldn't ever leave your precious DD alone with your SIL and would want to supervise any contact, but maybe there can be some sort of compromise?

[~Danni~]

we havent been to any family gatherings, the whole family has cut us off based on the decision we have made, thre are many reasons why the SIL is bad news for us which i'd rather not go into but i understand it makes it a bit harder to understand the whole situatin. I think what makes this situation harder is we have made the same decision about someone on my side of the family based on similer issues and have been met with full respect and support, we still attend family get to gethers but have limeted contect with my sister, My family feels that they can love us and my daughter based on us and not on the decisions we make. I would never say its her or us, i understand that they have a relationship with their daughter but as thats not possible for us i feel they can still get to know their grand daughter it might just be under different circumstances than they had wished for.

[MumsieMel]

Personally.....

Stuff them, :mad:

It should not have anything to do with them seeing your DD, just cause what you decided about your SIL :banghead:

If thats how they want to behave then it is their loss, until they come till their senses! :shame:

AS for you SIL or sister, it is your child and you decide what is best, you are keeping her out of harms way (while they are behaving like fools taking drugs etc!) so stick to your guns.

Good luck! :hugs:

[jordy&steph'smumma]

We have the same issues with my sisters fiancee. We had a big row with him and he swore in my face and yelled and called my sis bad names and sent crude messages to her phone.

My Dh said to him he was no longer welcome in our home. A year and 1/2 later he turned up as dh was going back to work and dh wasn't impressed and told them so.

Now my sis blames me (which she very well knows he is the cause of this and that till this day still hasn't apologised for his actions towards me)
Now she sent me messages saying she's not coming over anymore and that she's not welcome (which she alone is) and that I don't want her at my childs birth in 9 weeks etc (which she thinks not me)

DH has said to me don't worry about it and don't stress.
If they want to act like this there is not much you can do about it as I can't with my sis.

I know how it feels but bugger them if you don't want certain people around your child then it must be for a good reason.
I'm with MumsieMel stuff em they don't know what they are missing out on!!!

[creativewarrior]

i think your doing the right thing - we have recently made the decision to not let my mother see our daughter because of her violent attitude among other things - we want a happy life and to break the cycle of family chaos that has plagued me my whole life. long story... many issues (drugs, violence etc) so i wont blab on but know that your not alone - family after all are just people too and there are people that you know are very negative in your life. its just harder to deal with when its family.

even i feel gulty sometimes but then i know that i dont want my daughter to have the upbringing that i did and you just have to be strong for your kids sake.

[Nole]

I agree totally with what you have decided. your child comes first, I am in the same boat with my inlaws. Although they have seen both my children, but refuse to be nice to my little biy as he is polite and well mannered.
Always follow ur instincts and remember the huge responsibility we all have being parents.

It is there loss and one day hopefully they will realise this.

[maverick]

Personally I have a feeling that it is not so much that you do not want contact with your SIL that has made your PIL take this action but that your PIL feel that you have passed judgement on their skills as parents for their daughters failings, does what I am saying make sense?

Hence they feel that they should not have any contact with your daughter as they now feel blamed for the way their daughter has turned out. Asking them to meet on neutral ground, if this is the case, is just going to rub salt into the wounds. As they would see this as you not wanting them near their GD's living environment.

I guess there is no easy fix for this, sometimes it just takes the bigger person to push their luck and have a heart to heart chat with your PIL. A fake emergency call to the PIL saying you desperately need someone to look after your daughter at your home as you both have to attend somewhere urgently may just be enough to break the ice. feuding within families is such a worthless and pointless obseesion, I know first hand and it stole 10 years from our family before I took my own advice. Please don't let it get to the same point before you do something as everyone ends up regretting it.

[angcaltam]

You have every right to make the decision on who gets to be around your DD. You are the one's that have to protect her. I think you are doing the right thing, and I would do the same if I was in your shoes.

Stick to your guns, and just remember that it is their loss not your's.

[~Danni~]

Thanks everyone for the POSITIVE comments:D it's now DD is nearly 9 months old and things have been great since we cut all ties with DF's side of the family. Df no longer feels the stress and pressure of his parents ond other relatives and we live confidently knowing our DD is surrounded by people who love and care for her. We have decided not to let them know about our second bub being due, no point as they wont even come see the first!!

ANYWAY we know now we have made the right coice for us:)

(thanks again for all the kind words:D )

[Baby Girl]

You can choose your friends but not your relatives.....

If you don't get along with them, so be it......

If it works for your family (You, DF and DD) then that is the right thing to do......