4 year old DS is driving me CRAZY!

[mumtooneson]

To fill in some background info, I have an almost 4 year old DS and he is an only child.

We moved to Melbourne a while ago and I have no friends or family here with children so he goes to kindy 4 days a week and loves it.

The problem is, most of the time at kindy he is an angel, but when he's at home he's a nightmare.

In the mornings he gets up and he has his breakfast and watches his favourite ABC kids programs.

Then I tell him "in 10 mins we get ready for kindy", then I tell him at 5 then a 2 etc.

So when it hits time to get dressed he cracks it and doesn't want to wear clothes. It takes me pretending to leave the house to get in the car without him to get him to cave in and get dressed.

I always praise him when he's good but lately I'm finding that he never is.

On the weekends he is always bored no matter what we do or where we go. He complains and whinges and throws tantrums.

He is so stubborn and every night it's the same. He has his dinner then he is told the countdown to bed time and when the time hits, he throws massive tantrums.

I takes all my strength to wrestle him just to get his pajamas on and most of the time he takes them off. I then tell him I'm not going to talk to him or read him a story while he's being naughty so I close the door and leave. I go back in every 5 minutes to see if he's going to apologise but he won't.

It takes him about half an hour to calm down and then he finally comes out of his room and says sorry and then gets a book and goes to sleep.

It's just everyday is struggle. It's like nothing is ever good enough for him and he is miserable.

Like today he fought me all morning to get ready, then his teacher said he was an angel all day at kindy then tonight he cracked it going to bed.

I have cut back his kindy days before and all he says is that he wants to go to kindy and he's a nightmare when he's at home.

So we put him back up to 4 days just to keep ourselves sane.

I don't know what to do, it's exhausting and stressful not knowing what mood he's going to wake up in.

Once he's asleep he sleeps all night which I'm thankful for. It's just anytime other than kindy he is a nightmare. I can't even trust to take him grocery shopping without him whinging and screaming for chocolates or toys. Even though I don't buy them for him he just seems to think he should be allowed everything and he's the boss.

Help! (sorry for the long rant) :D

[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

Hi, I couldnt just read and not respond so even though my DS is younger thought I would reply.

Firstly, :hugs:. I know it's hard when it feels like your battling with your child all day long and you want to be able to enjoy them.

Have you tried talking to his kindy about it and asking what discipline strategies they use at Kindy as maybe he would respond well to similar at home?

Also maybe with the night time story, if he is not wanting to go to bed and you leave him to muck around for half and hour till he calms down and then read the story, he is really just getting what he wants - more time up AND his story. Could you maybe say that if he isnt cooperating there will be no story and straight to bed? I'm sure he would be very upset the first few times you did this but he would soon realise you would follow through.

The same with kindy and getting dressed - if you are home on kindy days and you know he loves going, maybe you will have to have a tough few days where if he isnt ready he doesnt get to go? I'm sure he would very soon realise, although as I said it would be a very tough few days for you and I know you have to pay for those days even if he doesnt go. I just feel he needs to see that you will follow through and have consequences that are significant to him and also logical.

Anyway good luck and I hope things improve for you,

Mel

[sja]

Firstly, I have a rule in my house that there is never TV on in the morning. I've always had this rule, and then when my eldest started kindy this year the teacher told me she can always tell you which kids were watching TV before school, as they are less cooperative and have shorter attention spans when they first arrive at school (after they run around a bit they're the same as the others). If you must put TV on, then make him get ready for kindy first. Once he's ready he can watch until it's time to leave. Explain that the faster he gets ready, then more TV he'll get to watch. But presonally, I cringe at the idea of TV in the morning. My kids will act out more when DH is home, or my mum is over, and I've worked out that it's mainly due to the fact that they both have the TV on. In these cases, I find that turning the TV off and putting some quiet, calm music on, will usually calm the kids down. So next time he's acting revolting I would turn the TV off (even if it's not a kid show) and make the house more peaceful.

If it was me, I would tell him to get ready for kindy and set a timer. Explain to him that once the timer goes off, if he's not ready, then he doesn't go. He'll learn that you're serious when you tell him it's time to get ready. At night time, I would tell him to put pjs on, ready for his story. Again, use a timer. If he's not ready by the time the timer goes off, then he misses out on the story. No need for you to be putting a 4yo in pjs - he can dress himself at that age. If he doesn't put them on, don't make a fuss. Just put him to bed in his clothes and leave his pjs near him if he wants to change. If you really don't want him missing kindy for a day to learn this lesson, then I would probably do a practice run with the timer so he understands that you're serious and knows how much time he has. So tell him you're taking him to the park (or something else he likes to do, but that he will not like to get ready for). Then explain the deal with the timer, then when it goes off and he's not ready, explain that you're not going because the timer went off and he's not ready. Then when you do this in the morning before kindy, remind him what happened when the timer went off and he didn't get to go because he wasn't ready in time. Hopefully having a practice run will mean he won't miss out on kindy that day. Just make sure that you don't give in. If you decide to do this, or anything else, you need to follow through - otherwise you'll make things worse, and it'll be harder to do any sort of similar thing in the future.

I also find it helps with my kids to have a routine written out - with pictures as well as words. Show him how to look at step 1 and do that, then come back to the routine and do step 2 etc. Then at the end when he thinks he's finished, he needs to go and check over each of the steps. If he does it all nicely and quickly, give him a sticker for his sticker chart, or some other reward. I do this with my 4 and 3 yr olds and it works well. After awhile they don't need to look at the routine at all.

My 3yo is a whinger and complainer. If she's hanging around the house whinging or complaining then I put her in her room and tell her she can come out when she's ready to be happy. It took a huge effort the first few days to get her to stay in her room, but these days she takes herself off to have a cry and comes back mostly happy. If we're out somewhere and she's complaining constantly, then I tell her she will go in the car, while the rest of us stay where we are. Then if she keeps whinging I'll strap her into her car seat, stay out of her sight for 5 minutes (but watching the car) and then come back and ask her if she's ready to start being happy. I've only had to do this twice and she knows to cheer up quickly.

Maybe look at the way you're dealing with his behaviour and what's happening when it starts. Do you give him enough quality time during the day? Is the problem behaviour his way of getting attention, and if so are you then giving him that attention (in which case his being naughty pays off for him). I find with my kids that if I want to make a phone call, or do something else that requires them to play without me, then I need to play with them and give them my complete attention for at least 20 minutes first. Then they'll leave me alone to do my thing. But if I don't do this first, they end up misbehaving to get my attention.

Good luck with it all - it will be tough at first, but if you stick with it then things will get better.

[sweetsugardumplin']

Great suggestions :yelclap:

I agree no TV in the morning, I get my DS to read a book or have play outside once he is ready for kinder (I have a nine month old DD to attend to as well) :rolleyes:

Also, the evening I too would follow through with no story, we do this with DS, simply stating that there is no time for a story because he has wasted it making a fuss.

I think once you start laying down the rules and follow through, his behaviour will improve.

In regards to the shopping, before you go tell him what you expect of his behaviour and if he acts up, just leave.............I know that sounds tough but he needs to see that you mean business. also, get him involved......."can you choose ten red apples, a big lettuce, milk etc....."shopping is so BORING for little kids :yes:

But know that most four year olds do this, it's all part of their development. You are not alone.

Also, be mindful that he may pick up on your attitude to having him at home, and nobody likes to feel that they are not welcome. So maybe try to have some special time (doing something he really likes with you......and even if you aren't excited, pretend to be :rolleyes:)

Hope it gets better :hugs: