Is it correct?....

[JadeyBaby2]

In approx 7 weeks time I am about to discover what it is exactly DD's Father's intentions are - to stay as is (completely out of the picture, no contact etc) or get involved and want to see his daughter.
I know at first with her so young and breast fed etc he would only get visits, but I'm concerned about where I stand if he ever wants more than that. I feel like I hardly know him and to allow him time with my child I feel uneasy about it. He is a Father already and spends minimal time with his daughter (she is in a different state) but seems capable.
Has anyone else been in my situation where you go your entire pregnancy on your own and then he wants in on the picture? If so, how did things go / turn out and progress? I would be going through the legal system as I don't want to have any private agreement with him whatsoever.

[JadeyBaby2]

I should probably also mention - I want her to know her Father and won't allow my bent feelings towards him interfere with that......but I am curious as to how the legal system looks upon such a situation......

[flick82]

I did my whole 1st pregnancy on my own, but he said he wanted to be involved in her life. I told him he is either there or not but i dont want him coming in and out of her life because thats not good on anyone. We worked out everything privately and he came around for visits or i met him somewhere (he only ever took her twice for a total of 3hrs). That lasted until she was 14mths old, when he started going out with his now wife. I hear from him every now and then but he hasnt seen her since she was 14mths old.

Do you think he would take you to court for more visitation??? If he hasnt put in any effort to seek visitation with his other children i doubt he would get much from you, they would take that int account, why this child and not the others.

[JadeyBaby2]

I agree with the in or out - but you just don't really know what they are going to do - they might be in for a while and then fizzle away....wish I could see into the future on that one.
He moved up to QLD Oct last year, prior to that he saw his daughter every second week end I believe (can only go by what I am told). He flies down to Adelaide to see her every now and then nowa days. It doesn't seem to me that there is any sort of custody order in place. He said his ex wife lets him stay in her house with his daughter and she goes and stays with her parents whenever he goes down there (which is weird if you ask me and not entirely sure I believe him).

[ohgosh81]

Hi Jade

I sort of know how you feel there hun. The father of my baby (also due in 7 weeks), says he wants to be a part of its life but is constantly changing his mind about the simplest of things. First he was going to be at the birth, then he wasnt, now he is again. I so want him to be a part and one minute he agrees the next he changes his damn mind.

I am also worried about what will happen if he has nothing to do with bub and then all of a sudden wants to see alot of it when its older. But like my new partner has pointed out, all I can do is the best job I can and face these things when the time comes.

I feel for you though, its definately a worry!

[flick82]

Now that hes out of her life if he tries to come back i told him hegoing to have to put in a lot of ground work first so i believe he not going to leave again she is nearly 4 and will understand whats going on. Ive never once said he cant see her (even after the **** we been thru since then, he is her dad and i feel sorry that he is missing out on a beautiful girl). That does sound very weird, but you should hear some of the excuses ive been told as to why he can no longer see her. I dont understand why a person would move away form their child that they were seeing regulary???

[JadeyBaby2]

I don't understand it either........
I don't get how a someone can deny themselves the joy of being a part of their child's life and deny their child a perfectly capable Father - but unfortunately seems to happen fairly often.
I don't 'worry' so much about it as it just simply crosses my mind every now and again as to what may happen if he turns around wanting involvement.

[miloand4]

When I found out i was pg with dd1 her father ran for the hills and then when she was born told me he wanted nothing to do with her. I still tried to keep comunication Just in case he ever changed his mind. When she was about six he rocked up on my doorstep with his new wife and two kids and asked to see her I said ok and he then went on to contact her sparodically when his mood suited. As she got older she wanted more of a relationship with them and she tried but his wife did not want her around and he was to gutless to say This is my child
he went on to do and say some very nasty hurtfull things to my eleven year old (at the time) daughter and she has now choosen to cut him out of her life. She has had to have councilling. He did more harm than good sad to say. If I could go back I would have never let him have anything to do with her.Wish I had waited till she was old enough to deal with his **** then help her have contact but .... I decided with dd2 that i wpould not make the same mistake and told her father if he was to have contact it was to be done properly from the start or not at all and he choose the not at all.If he pokes his head in at any stage during her child hood i shall be telling him to poke it back out she can contact him when she is an adult if thats what she chooses.
This might sound harsh but I have seen the damage a half assed father can do and I am not going to put my daughter through that.

[dearcorrinne]

i have to argee with the half assed father comments and them not being worth the emotional trouble they will cause your child.

ive completely cut my father off.. long story.. he used to be a good father until he started hanging around the wrong people.

he will come in and out of mine and my sisters lives all the time. i dont take it to heart but my little sister does.. and she is 20. the amount of promises he has broken to both of us. ( oh i will help pay for your tafe modules blah blah ) .. then he thinks he has the right to ring me for money.. because him and his "stripper trailer trash gf" are moving to brisbane.. and they were about to run out of petrol conviently (sp) down the road and i agree because i dont want him at my house.. ohh i will pay you back.. havent seen the money..

rings the hospital the day after i have given birth at 6am and demands to speak to me.. midwives bring the phone in.. needless to say i wasnt happy.. ohh i will be down later to met L.. 15 weeks on still hasnt met her..

hrmm his phone is now disconnected and my sister has finially realised he was just a sperm doner.:laughing: