need some advice...

[Backflip]

Ok this may be long so sorry in advance...

Basic background. Ex and I have an almost 3yo together, we split before he was 1.

I am remarried, he is with a girlfriend who has a 6yo and an 8yo.

Ex is (or was- does a leopard change it's spots???) a big drinker and not very responsible...again I can only go by what I saw when I was with him he *may* have changed...but then again.:rolleyes:

Anyway, he rings me today and tells me he wants to take DS camping at christmas to Echuca. What do I think- I replied it scared me and I'd am not saying yes or no at this stage.

DS has a 2-3 hour sleep during the day, and can't swim- he's only 2.75- turns 3 the week before christmas. He is a very active kid who likes to be outside and explore.

I don't want him to go. I don't believe he won't wander off and fall down the river bank and be dead.
I don't believe the older kids won't be left to play with DS while ex and GF drink.
I don't believe a river bank is the right place for a 3yo.
I don't believe a hot (gets to 30-35 over xmas there) tent is a good place for a 3yo to be,
I don't believe he could rest properly,
I don't trust the whole thing.
My instinct is screaming at me to say no he can't go.
I know this is going to start a **** fight cause I know ex is going to accuse me of trying to rule / ruin his life. I just don't think a river / camping expedition is the place for a 3yo.
He has told me in the past I molly coddle him too much and plenty of other kids go up there...good for them I say their parents can do what they like.
How do I approach this situation? ex and I are by no means friends and a civil conversation is out of the question.
If I say no and he takes him anyway then what? Do I remove the right to see him at all after that cause he has gone against my wishes?
I need help? I am doing the right thing or should I let him go???
We have no formal agreement in place either...
*sigh what to do*:confused:

[smilewithme]

I know it will start a **** fight for you but i agree that is no place for a 3 year old to be if he is not going to be watched correctly!
I had a drama like this with my ex when he wanted to take our 4 year old to NZ for 2 weeks, one i did not want him gone that long and 2 i did not trust that he could look after him properly while he was there! It was not easy but i sat him down and told him that i really did not want him to go and it was freaking me out just thinking about it he cracked the s**** but he got over it!

I hope you can work something out :)

[sandy cheeks]

Even if it causes a trouble i wouldnt let him take ur DS my ex wanted to take DS (4) camping I said no unless i can go to (he was going with mates same prob drinking and so on) so I went had my own tent, car ect DS stayed with me we only stayed 1 nite DS fell in river i was watching like a hawk and he still managed to fall in he was ok but im so glad i went the river was brown if i didnt c DS fall wouldnt have known where to look freaked me out DS and I went home and ex came to the conclusion taking DS wasnt a good idea till his older like 8 der men have no idea

[hunnybunny]

Hi Backflip :wave:

I think if your instincts are telling you that it ont be a safe situation for your son then go with that, it isnt worth the risk.

[Backflip]

:wave:Hey HB

Thanks for the advice, I just wish I could fast forward 15yrs or move interstate...:(

[WarriorMummy]

i wouldnt let him take him, if it causes a fight then so be it, not worth losing your child over, if he drowned in the middle of the night then what??

tell him he can go when he's much older

i wouldnt let ds1 go to somewhere like that and he's almost 4

heard too many horror stories to let it happen

[SuperGranny]

Hi, go with your instincts. people dont change too much. If he was really thinking he would see what you are concerned about, and i doubt if he has thought about this much with the young ones who he is taking. How are two adults going to keep track of the children if they are likely to be both drinking.? Only one moments inattention, and there can be an accident.

[Backflip]

Thanks all, I really appreciate the advice.

BC- where can you get contact orders done? What does it involve?

I'm not trying to be a pain to him, I just don't think the river and a camping trip is the place for a 3yo- if they are drinking or not. It's too hot and it's too dangerous.:(

Warriormummy, I think you hit the nail on the head- if it causes a fight then so be it, better than loosing my DS.

Any other advice or experience?

Particularly on the contact orders.:)

[Jakois]

Contact Orders are done through the Court system.
Your best bet is to contact your Legal Aid office, or a private firm. If you are eligble for Legal Aid funding, it shouldn't cost you anything.
As for letting him take your DS, there would be no way I would let my children go at that age either:no:.

[Lil Mamma]

I think you are completely reasonable in not wanting your DS to go - whether they are drinking or not it isn't the type of trip that is suitable for a 3 year old!

Re contact orders - you can't go to court unless you have attended mediation first. Go to a mediation organisation like Family Relationships Australia, you can get legally binding visitation orders drawn up with them. If he refuses to attend mediation, they will give you a certificate so that you can go to court. Been through all that with my ex :rolleyes:

All the best with everything