does it make you feel bad

[workin'mumof2]

i hope i can put this here. if not feel fee to remove it.

Do some of the posts on here (any part of the forum) make you feel bad or that your doing the wrong thing?

i will add a poll too.

oh and please keep it nice

[Fuchsia!]

yes of course, but its a good thing cause it triggers my brain to think "why am i feeling this way?" And i ldelve into it further and then i try and solve why im feeling that way.

Of course sometimes things can't be solved as we are dealt with things that can't be helped.

I use to smack DS and when a thread came up about disciplining your children i felt very guilty that i had done that. I decided to act on how i felt and stopped smacking and now im so glad that i felt that guilt as i may have never stopped.

When i read posts about the risks of C/S's and bad outcomes and so forth i feel awful cause its the only way i can give birth so those posts and threads make me feel bad and guilty but i know it can't be helped and i either have to deal with it or not have more kids.

Otherwise most threads don't make me feel bad or guilty cause im happy with my decisions

[Skittles]

I answered yes. But I should have answered sometimes. They do makes me feel bad at times... Although of late i have realised i am doing an amazing job with my kids. I am doing what is right for my family. Each of us have our own opinions and quite frankly.....whatever floats your boat. :D

"There is no way to be a perfect mother, and a millon ways to be a good one." Jill Curchhill

[SassyMummy]

Not really.

If people disagree with me, I generally just think THEY are the ones doing the wrong thing. ;):laughing::p

[QTB]

yes... mainly the breastfeeding ones.

simply because iv tried everything to increase my supply, and i mean everything... yet i still have to give formula topups... i feel bad about it for my babies and jealous that others can feed with no problems :(

but its something that cant be changed... gotta love mother guilt ahy :rolleyes:

[Kayangel]

Yes some posts make me feel bad but i try to ignore wat i dont like and take on board the advice which i feel is good! I love bubhub and have meet many lovely mums on here!

I do no that a much loved bubhub member has just left because she feels as though she is always being judged and made to feel like a bad mum.

[NewBeginnings]

Nope they don't. Because we all make mistakes and do things that we later feel is the wrong thing to do and change. We all have our different ways of parenting and different beliefs. And to me, there is nothing wrong with that! :thumbsup:

I do have guilts of things I have done with DS.... but am going to try eradicate them with this baby... ie breastfeeding and sticking it this time. But that's more a personal thing than anything else.

We all grow, learn and change.... all we can do is try our best.... because in the end that's really all we can do! So long as the kids are happy and healthy not a lot else matters to me! :D

[naiwen]

I chose other, because I used to feel bad about things when I was a newish mum and DS was so small and sick and I had PND. Some threads would even make me cry then :rolleyes:.

But now no way :cool:, I know that I am doing and have done the absolute best I can for him, looking back I cannot see any bad descisions, he co selpt when I knew he needed it and slept in a cot in his room when I knew that was best for him.

Almost every decision I have made has either come from my instincts or advice from his paeds :yes:.

No matter how much people push a parenting method at you or how many links they give, if it does not feel right for you don't do it, and dont let anything you see make you feel guilty about that would be my advice ;).

I give bubhub full credit for switching me on to MCN's though :laughing:

[UmmInayah]

I said yes. Because I envy the patience some mums have with their bubs. I am not a patient person at all - and natural parenting so does not suit me, although I know it is what is best for bub, it isn't best for me.

But I do try my hardest. I guess I feel more jealous that it seems to come so much easier to others lol.

[Fuchsia!]

I said yes. Because I envy the patience some mums have with their bubs. I am not a patient person at all - and natural parenting so does not suit me, although I know it is what is best for bub, it isn't best for me.

But I do try my hardest. I guess I feel more jealous that it seems to come so much easier to others lol.

Yeah im the same

[Benji]

No, not at all! I don't believe it's as cut and dry as the "wrong" and "right" way of parenting.

I parent my son in a way that suits us, not somebody else and it works wonders for us :) if someone says that I've done something "wrong" they obviously haven't met my wonderful boy.

[naiwen]

No, not at all! I don't believe it's as cut and dry as the "wrong" and "right" way of parenting.

I parent my son in a way that suits us, not somebody else and it works wonders for us :) if someone says that I've done something "wrong" they obviously haven't met my wonderful boy.

:iagree: :yelclap: :yes: :thumbsup: :shakehands:

[Ana Gram]

Nope. Every child is different and every family is different. What works for some may not work for others. And there is always a child who is an exception to the rule, usually mine :laughing:

[Benji]

:iagree: :yelclap: :yes: :thumbsup:

Why thank you comrade :goodvibes:


Yes some posts make me feel bad but i try to ignore wat i dont like and take on board the advice which i feel is good! I love bubhub and have meet many lovely mums on here!

I do no that a much loved bubhub member has just left because she feels as though she is always being judged and made to feel like a bad mum.

I think a couple of members have left for this reason. It's very disappointing. I do see in some posts how some people dealing with numerous issues could easily take offence. People have to be careful with how they word things, although I do note that sometimes it is written a certain way to get people's back up :rolleyes:

[squiglet]

What jaxcoop said in her first post:o

[3blue&1pink]

Yes :(


Only one thread though.. Normally I think to myself what works for me might not work for other people..

But the abortion thread has made me feel bad today..

I have had three d&c's because of losses.. one was early other was late (the late one required 2 d&c's) and after reading that thread I feel like an uninformed stupid mum.. not to mention I have felt sick all morning..


Apart from that nothing.. I love this forum because everyone has different opinions and ways of doing things..

[Hollywood]

No, a thread doesn't 'make' me feel bad, I take full responsibility for my feelings (ie, I don't blame others if I feel bad, I blame myself IYKWIM)

[Fuchsia!]

No, a thread doesn't 'make' me feel bad, I take full responsibility for my feelings (ie, I don't blame others if I feel bad, I blame myself IYKWIM)

I think that is so true. I don't believe people can make people feel bad, i think people feel bad cause they already do, and it just triggers those feelings. I believe the guilt has to already be there.

Of course that its just my opinion :p

[LilMissnBoo]

People have to be careful with how they word things, although I do note that sometimes it is written a certain way to get people's back up :rolleyes:

:iagree:Some posts just come across as plain nasty.

BTW I voted other. I never feel bad as I know that I am doing the best for my child.

[Mathermy]

Not really-but I realise that is entirely because I have has the serendipity of making some "popular":rolleyes: choices. By the time I found bubhub most of these choices had already been made with very little thought towards what other complete strangers might think about it.

However-particular threads make my heart ache for others who, for whatever reasons made choices that were not deemed "popular" :rolleyes:or "right":rolleyes: by the majority or by a loud minority.

It makes me frustrated that those that could actually use help or advice are being alienated by the delivery of smarmy or nasty posts, and thus defeat the original ideology behind such posts anyhow. lol IYKWIM:o

[naiwen]

It makes me frustrated that those that could actually use help or advice are being alienated by the delivery of smarmy or nasty posts, and thus defeat the original ideology behind such posts anyhow. lol IYKWIM:o

I do KWYM :D

Ironic really isnt it :rolleyes:

[neostudded]

Yeah, ages ago there was one that made me feel bad for a while.

Other then that, generally, no not really. I know others sometimes feel upset though and I really feel sorry for them because I understand what it is like to have regrets.

[spoon]

Not really-but I realise that is entirely because I have has the serendipity of making some "popular":rolleyes: choices. By the time I found bubhub most of these choices had already been made with very little thought towards what other complete strangers might think about it.

However-particular threads make my heart ache for others who, for whatever reasons made choices that were not deemed "popular" :rolleyes:or "right":rolleyes: by the majority or by a loud minority.

It makes me frustrated that those that could actually use help or advice are being alienated by the delivery of smarmy or nasty posts, and thus defeat the original ideology behind such posts anyhow. lol IYKWIM:o

I like your post and I get what your saying. :thumbsup: And I agree 100%.

Nah, I dont feel bad anymore, although there was a time when I used to feel terrible because of decisions I had to make, however now I could not give a toss. Life goes on and people can say what ever they like online but I don't think that people who talk that way in real life get very far.

I think in real life people only talk that way about people behind their back.

[pinkgingham]

yes... mainly the breastfeeding ones.

simply because iv tried everything to increase my supply, and i mean everything... yet i still have to give formula topups... i feel bad about it for my babies and jealous that others can feed with no problems :(

but its something that cant be changed... gotta love mother guilt ahy :rolleyes:

i came in to say nearly the same thing....

[melbryan]

I take what I want to and leave the rest.

All I have to do is look at my kids to see whether i am doing the right thing by them. If they are happy and healthy then I think I am going OK. Things pop up I question what I am doing and might ask some advice but generally I go back to my instncts they works for me most of the time.

[Phyllis Stein]

Yes, of course. I agree with Libby that they don't 'make' me feel that way, but they sure do trigger some negative feelings.

The posts that diminish the value of natural birth and breastfeeding, saying it makes no difference how babies are born or fed, often have me feeling that my efforts were of no real value.

Posts saying donated breastmilk is disgusting, full of disease and just plain 'yuck' had me feeling bad for a little bit, but I know it's not true, so got over it quickly enough.

The posts saying responding to your crying baby is 'spoiling them' etc can irk me, but I'm about as sure as is humanly possible that I'm doing the right thing there.

And I agree with Umminah about the patience thing. I had a moment of wanting to smack my irritable, teething 7mth old today - I would never do it, but just the thought was enough to have me feeling envious of those with more patience.

And all the posts about how wonderful full term breastfeeding is can have me feeling pretty sad, too. I try to console myself with knowing I did the best I could, but I don't think anything will ever fully take that sadness away.

I kind of see this as an inevitable part of life, tbh. There's simply no way around it, and I'd hope that most mature people can either learn from these emotions or be at peace with their own decisions, regardless.

[reneem]

No it doesn't because i'm 100% confident in the way I raise my children, I'm certainly not perfect and I don't think anyone is.
I can, however, see that some posts could make some people feel bad (because they make me feel uncomfortable as I'm reading them) especially if they are already questioning themselves.
I think the biggest gauge on how you are mothering is the happiness of your family.:flowerz:

[Veritas]

Honestly, NO... not in the slightest....

I am totally secure in my parenting methods.... that they are grounded in informed choices and what is right for us.....

I am another that takes full responsibility for my emotions... I won't ever give power over to someone else to "make" me feel a certain way.... my reactions are all my own and based on feelings already deeply ingrained in myself....

I am confident that I am raising a wonderful child through using a combination of knowledge, intuition and observation.... I didn't choose to become a parent to be popular or use popular methods.... I did so to raise the best human being I know how in a way that fits for us, even if it goes against the grain or the established norm, and I am confident that is what I am acheiving...

[LivinOnAPrayer]

i picked sometimes. reading some post sometimes makes me feel inadequite. like i dont know what im doing. i have a sn child so sometimes i feel that im not a 'real' mum, iykwim. i dont have to go through much of the 'normal' stuff so i just dont fit in all the time...

[*Chels*]

Nope
I never feel the need to justify or defend my parenting choices.I am doing what is best for me and my whanau,and I don't really care what others think:D

[Fuchsia!]

i picked sometimes. reading some post sometimes makes me feel inadequite. like i dont know what im doing. i have a sn child so sometimes i feel that im not a 'real' mum, iykwim. i dont have to go through much of the 'normal' stuff so i just dont fit in all the time...

If anyone is a real mum, it is the SN needs mums. they do all the stuff non SN needs do plus so much more

[naiwen]

i picked sometimes. reading some post sometimes makes me feel inadequite. like i dont know what im doing. i have a sn child so sometimes i feel that im not a 'real' mum, iykwim. i dont have to go through much of the 'normal' stuff so i just dont fit in all the time...

I know how you feel :hugs:, sometimes hospy feels more normal to me than home stuff :o.

[samsausage]

I can honestly say it's never made me feel bad. I am a whole lot more informed than I was on certain topics before I found this site so that's been a good thing :).

Whilst I can see people's point when they say a poster can't make someone feel bad by simply voicing their opinion, I've seen some quite harshly worded posts which would seem unnecessary at best and malicious at worst. Those types of posts don't bother me because I compare it to real life, there are always going to be people who voice their opinion in a rude and blunt manner, (I'm lucky enough to have a few in my family :rolleyes:), I guess it's always said more to me about their personality that what they're actually saying.

[TKK]

I chose sometimes.

I like to think that I am patient and kind and educated but I'm a totally newbie to this parenting thing and whilst I am listening to my heart and parenting the way I believe it is best for me and my family there are some times that posts on BubHub makes me doubt myself.

This said, I receive more support and kindness from BubHub than any other source in my life (with the exception of my DH).

[A Party of Five]

Sometimes but I know I'm doing the right thing for my family and my situation.

:iagree:

[lizzymcfizzy]

I can honestly say it's never made me feel bad. I am a whole lot more informed than I was on certain topics before I found this site so that's been a good thing :).

Whilst I can see people's point when they say a poster can't make someone feel bad by simply voicing their opinion, I've seen some quite harshly worded posts which would seem unnecessary at best and malicious at worst. Those types of posts don't bother me because I compare it to real life, there are always going to be people who voice their opinion in a rude and blunt manner, (I'm lucky enough to have a few in my family :rolleyes:), I guess it's always said more to me about their personality that what they're actually saying.

What I was going to say! If I see something written nasty I think the poster is a narrowminded B. I've had the occasional run in with others but like someone else said, its like real-life.

Sometimes I read things that make me feel bad but mostly I read things that reassure me that I'm doing what I feel is the 'right' thing. If I don't agree with what someone writes I don't worry about it, everyone has their opinion.

[lizzymcfizzy]

This said, I receive more support and kindness from BubHub than any other source in my life (with the exception of my DH).

that too! bubhub has been so helpful to me.

[~Candy~]

No
I'm no-where near perfect, but I am 99% happy with the way I live my life and raise my family :) Therefore other's opinions on how they choose to do things doesn't bother me :no:

[stellarella]

Some things people say are hurtful but nothing I read ever makes me feel guilty or regret my decisions. They have been considered at length and mistakes I have made have been rectified or I have done my best to let it go.

Honestly if I feel bad about something I did/didn't do then that's my problem, not someone elses. If I feel guilty/bad then it comes from me.

[shelle65]

Yes, although I know that I am more sensitive than others when it comes to others' comments. I have many times posted in a thread and then when someone has responded in anything but a positive way felt terrible and thought about it for hours. I acknowledge that this is me being overly sensitive, rather than other people being nasty or hurtful, and that if I want to avoid this I shouldn't post at all. I often do delete my posts because I am worried that some responses will upset me. But again, that's more my problem than a problem with anyone else. :rolleyes:

[Toes]

No, because I'm perfect! :laughing:

[EsSjAy]

I answered No....

These feelings come when there is a realization that you could have done something differently...
But what is more important is that even though that may be the case... It does not mean that you should feel 'guilt' over them....
We make decisions that at a certain time are the best ones for us and our children... Sometimes these decisions are taken out of our hands.
Some say that if you feel guilty then you must be...
This is wrong....
If you stand by your decisions and are comfortable with them then be proud about that... If someone differs... even very vocally about it, well.... that's their opinion and 'IMO' they can politely have it because what it comes down to is NO ONE can have 'the up most say on MY parenting, beliefs or views'... but me!!!

x x x

[mum2bubba]

Not one bit.

[OneBabyBoy]

Nope, never.

[tootiredtosleep]

Only very occasionally....

I understand to a point the theory that no-one can make you feel something but yourself, but I don't believe that gives others free reign to say nasty things and then put in back onto whoever was offended.

Overall I have only had positive experiences.

[stellarella]

I understand to a point the theory that no-one can make you feel something but yourself, but I don't believe that gives others free reign to say nasty things and then put in back onto whoever was offended.



No I don't believe that either...but could it be when one feels sensitive/guilty (whatever) about a certain touchy subject, they interpret many comments as nasty or judgemental regardless of the intent?

If it is not about what we feel ourselves then why can one person be offended by a comment and another person in a similar situation not feel offended at all by the exact same comment? The difference must be our own issues don't you think?

[Ana Gram]

I understand to a point the theory that no-one can make you feel something but yourself, but I don't believe that gives others free reign to say nasty things and then put in back onto whoever was offended.



I actually don't believe that theory at all. I find that it is often used when someone is saying something that can be construed as offensive. I have often bleated on about words having immense power and that people need to think more about the language they use and how it may make others feel.

I had a thought the other day about this and it occurred to me that we would never say to a bullied child that "no-one can make you feel anything, it must be an issue with you already". I feel it is no different for anyone else really.

[Mathermy]

No I don't believe that either...but could it be when one feels sensitive/guilty (whatever) about a certain touchy subject, they interpret many comments as nasty or judgemental regardless of the intent?

If it is not about what we feel ourselves then why can one person be offended by a comment and another person in a similar situation not feel offended at all by the exact same comment? The difference must be our own issues don't you think?

I'm not sure stella-I breastfed happily:goodvibes: but I have seen comments about BF that made me cringe at the thought of a FF reading them. And I have no "issues" or anything to feel guilty or sensitive about with regards to breastfeeding.

[stellarella]

I've seen comments like that too :)
*Maybe referring to BFing as being like jersey cow or an obscene sexual act that someone doesn't want to witness while eating lunch (it goes both ways)
But I've also seen offense being taken to facts and statistics and research...not emotive comments ;)
That's what I'm referring too. We all know it happens.

[Mathermy]

I've seen comments like that too :)
*Maybe referring to BFing as being like jersey cow or an obscene sexual act that someone doesn't want to witness while eating lunch (it goes both ways)
But I've also seen offense being taken to facts and statistics and research...not emotive comments ;)
That's what I'm referring too. We all know it happens.

:yes: I've seen that too;) Though I'm not convinced that was what the OP is referring too.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

I actually don't believe that theory at all. I find that it is often used when someone is saying something that can be construed as offensive. I have often bleated on about words having immense power and that people need to think more about the language they use and how it may make others feel.

I had a thought the other day about this and it occurred to me that we would never say to a bullied child that "no-one can make you feel anything, it must be an issue with you already". I feel it is no different for anyone else really.
Very good point :yes:

[stellarella]

:yes: I've seen that too;) Though I'm not convinced that was what the OP is referring too.

Oh okay, I must have missed the subtext of this thread ;)

So it's only a thread to discuss how FFers feel :confused:

Or am I still missing something? I just thought this was a thread about all issues discussed on BH.

[Mathermy]

Oh okay, I must have missed the subtext of this thread ;)

So it's only a thread to discuss how FFers feel :confused:

Or am I still missing something? I just thought this was a thread about all issues discussed on BH.

Stella. I think you know that's not what I was saying.I'm a bloomin breastfeeder so that would be a bit of a silly thing for me to say now wouldn't it:laughing:

I meant that those comments not intended to hurt people's feelings are probably not what the OP was referring to-that the more obvious digs were the likely culprit and reason for this thread. That goes for formula, breats, circ , :ecomcity:

[FiveInTheBed]

I ticked "other".

Because I have never been a mother of a three year old and two 20 month old twins before!!!...and this time next year I would never have been a mother of a 4 year old and two 2 year old twins either!!! - point I'm trying to make is that this 'parenting' thing is a new experience every step of the way, and no matter how many books and magazines you read before you give birth or after, there is no definite 'perfect' - although for some reason that is what we all strive for!

There is some particular sections I get emotional over, some I second guess my original thoughts and have to have a heart to heart with DP to make sure of the reasons we came to that particular choice was and feel comfortable with them again.

I feel bad being an observer to certain threads that turn nasty and stray from the opening topic and become personal and offensive, but I guess , just the same as IRL everyone has there own life experiences to bring to the party! Either on the giving or receiving end of a conversation...and the thing about this style of conversation is that there is more than one person on either side.
Sometimes I even re read my own posts and think, "oh cr@p that didn't come across how I meant it :o"

The main 'feeling' I get from partaking in this forum is that I am becoming a well informed, open minded, more aware mother/partner/woman/person :goodvibes:
I regret every dollar I spent on parenting magazines (except the one that provided the bubhub site address:D)

[misskittyfantastico]

Sometimes I'll read a thread and come away from it feeling inadequate but that's to do with me, not the people that have posted in the thread. Some may have made disparaging remarks against some of the choices that I've made, but they've not dissed me as an individual. When I was a mod, though....boy oh boy did I get some snitchy feedback!

[stellarella]

Stella. I think you know that's not what I was saying.I'm a bloomin breastfeeder so that would be a bit of a silly thing for me to say now wouldn't it:laughing:

I meant that those comments not intended to hurt people's feelings are probably not what the OP was referring to-that the more obvious digs were the likely culprit and reason for this thread. That goes for formula, breats, circ , :ecomcity:

Okaaaaaaaaay, got it! And actually I did think thats what you meant :D

Well any genuinely nasty comments are dealt with quickly around here, our mods are quick and a lot of us have infractions to show for it...and rightly so of course ;)

But I did interpret the OP to be referring to simple differences of opinion rather than malicious attacks.

[Mathermy]

Sometimes I'll read a thread and come away from it feeling inadequate but that's to do with me, not the people that have posted in the thread. Some may have made disparaging remarks against some of the choices that I've made, but they've not dissed me as an individual. When I was a mod, though....boy oh boy did I get some snitchy feedback!
:confused: I think you are as cute as pie! Don't know how anyone could get snitchy about you!:goodvibes:

[Mathermy]

Okaaaaaaaaay, got it! And actually I did think thats what you meant :D

Well any genuinely nasty comments are dealt with quickly around here, our mods are quick and a lot of us have infractions to show for it...and rightly so of course ;)

But I did interpret the OP to be referring to simple differences of opinion rather than malicious attacks.

:laughing::p ok :o

Just a difference in perception then

still can't believe u thought that was what I was saying-that would be stoooo-pid:D

[Phyllis Stein]

I actually don't believe that theory at all. I find that it is often used when someone is saying something that can be construed as offensive. I have often bleated on about words having immense power and that people need to think more about the language they use and how it may make others feel.

I had a thought the other day about this and it occurred to me that we would never say to a bullied child that "no-one can make you feel anything, it must be an issue with you already". I feel it is no different for anyone else really.

I think this is a really misunderstood concept. It comes down to how you choose to interpret the world around you. Feelings are not intrinsic, objective things - they're ultimately based on how you think about things (excluding cases of mental distress such as PTSD etc), and we do have a heck of a lot of control over that.

If I walked down the street interpreting every person's glance as an insult or challenge, I'd be certifiable. But I choose to believe that most people are good, seeing as the majority of people don't murder/ steal/ rape etc. Same goes for particpating on forums - people draw on a heck of a lot of their own history's when they interpret certain posts, which IMO, strongly influences how they feel about it. Rather than attempting to control other people (which is ultimately futile), it's far more effective to decide how we will interpret them.

And teaching a bullied child that they don't have to believe what the bullies say is empowering IMO, and might save them years of anguish and low self esteem. However, a bullied child is also being victimised, something I can't really apply to adults who choose to participate on this forum - they're completely different situations.

IMHO. IMO. JMO etc.

[Leisa21]

Nope not at all. I just have to look at my son to know that we're doing whats right. He's intellegent, happy, healthy and well just plain adorable lol. Of coarse we sometimes talk about wether we're making the right decision in some aspects of what we do with co sleeping or sometimes worry we're making him too dependant. He's so independant and doesnt rely on that snuggle in the morning only if we can so then we realise we're being silly and we should just do what we're doing. Love our boy and spend as much time as physically possible with him and keep him as number one and we'll be fine. I dont think I've ever let a post make me feel not enough as for DH he's a member but he sticks to Dads chat, family finances and Geek Speak stuff so he's good :)

[munchie]

No it doesn't make me feel bad, cause I'm always trying to do my best and if my best is different to somebody elses decision meh who cares,I have healthy little baby to show for it.

I know I'm a good mum to my baby and i will always try and make the right decisions for her.What someone else does with there baby isn't always for me and vice versa.

I am strong, stubborn and not easily swayed so whatever decisions i make i am most likely 100% comfortable with them, I don't second guess because someone else is doing something different when i have thought and considered out my options beforehand

[Ana Gram]

I think this is a really misunderstood concept. It comes down to how you choose to interpret the world around you. Feelings are not intrinsic, objective things - they're ultimately based on how you think about things (excluding cases of mental distress such as PTSD etc), and we do have a heck of a lot of control over that.

If I walked down the street interpreting every person's glance as an insult or challenge, I'd be certifiable. But I choose to believe that most people are good, seeing as the majority of people don't murder/ steal/ rape etc. Same goes for particpating on forums - people draw on a heck of a lot of their own history's when they interpret certain posts, which IMO, strongly influences how they feel about it. Rather than attempting to control other people (which is ultimately futile), it's far more effective to decide how we will interpret them.

And teaching a bullied child that they don't have to believe what the bullies say is empowering IMO, and might save them years of anguish and low self esteem. However, a bullied child is also being victimised, something I can't really apply to adults who choose to participate on this forum - they're completely different situations.

IMHO. IMO. JMO etc.

I do see what you are saying and I have had lots of people say basically the same thing to me, I just do not agree at all.

A bully is a bully, no matter if if it is a bully of a child or one on an internet forum. Both can use words to manipulate how people feel. I believe words are powerful, as I have said repeatedly.

But we could discuss this indefinitely as my belief has not changed no matter how many different spins people put on the idea. I personally believe that people should take more responsibility about what they say and how that makes others feel.

[Chunkydunks]

All the time. I'm constantly made to question my decisions that I've made with DS. I constantly feel like he's behind and its my fault. I feel like I should be doing a hell of a lot more for DS and doing it better than I am.

But in the long run whats done is done and can an internet forum really impact on my life so much as to make me raise my son in any other way that what I would have had I not been a member of the forum.

[Phyllis Stein]

I do see what you are saying and I have had lots of people say basically the same thing to me, I just do not agree at all.

A bully is a bully, no matter if if it is a bully of a child or one on an internet forum. Both can use words to manipulate how people feel. I believe words are powerful, as I have said repeatedly.

But we could discuss this indefinitely as my belief has not changed no matter how many different spins people put on the idea. I personally believe that people should take more responsibility about what they say and how that makes others feel.

Fair enough. We can agree to disagree.

[spoon]

I do see what you are saying and I have had lots of people say basically the same thing to me, I just do not agree at all.

A bully is a bully, no matter if if it is a bully of a child or one on an internet forum. Both can use words to manipulate how people feel. I believe words are powerful, as I have said repeatedly.

But we could discuss this indefinitely as my belief has not changed no matter how many different spins people put on the idea. I personally believe that people should take more responsibility about what they say and how that makes others feel.

I agree.

It is a bit like walking into a crowded room with your arms swinging and punching all around and saying, "im going to walk like this. If it connects with ya nose, oh well. You should not have been in the room."
:D

Your words are your responsibility. If you have been tactless and someone has told you so, you should rephrase your point and/or say sorry. It is considerate.

[Mahjong]

Sometimes, especially when it comes down to breastfeeding and formula feeding debates. Some comments can really and I mean REALLY cut to the bone, especially when I exhausted all avenues to breastfeed my second son (first time around was different, it was lack of support)

Then, I drop back into reality and think "WHY do I even care what a complete stranger with NO history on me and my family think anyway?"

I guess when things work for you, it can be hard NOT to think and believe it cannot simply work for others, and sometimes a little tact can go a LONG way.

[Ana Gram]

It is a bit like walking into a crowded room with your arms swinging and punching all around and saying, "im going to walk like this. If it connects with ya nose, oh well. You should not have been in the room."
:D


That remind me of a simpsons episode where Bart and Lisa are kicking their legs and punching the air. What is the quote??

[spoon]

That remind me of a simpsons episode where Bart and Lisa are kicking their legs and punching the air. What is the quote??

:laughing:I cant remember that quote but I used to do ^^^^that to my brothers when we were kids:D...fun:yes::D

[naiwen]

I agree.

It is a bit like walking into a crowded room with your arms swinging and punching all around and saying, "im going to walk like this. If it connects with ya nose, oh well. You should not have been in the room."
:D

Your words are your responsibility. If you have been tactless and someone has told you so, you should rephrase your point and/or say sorry. It is considerate.

:iagree:

Thanks for saving me from trying to say all that! :D

[Ana Gram]

:laughing:I cant remember that quote but I used to do ^^^^that to my brothers when we were kids:D...fun:yes::D

Found it :D

Lisa: Get out, get out!
Bart Simpson: All right, Lisa. But as I'm leaving, I'm going to be doing this...
[windmills his arms]
Bart Simpson: -and if you get hit, it's your own fault.
Lisa: Fine. Then I'm going to start kicking air, like this...
[kicks up her foot]
Lisa: And if a part of you should fill that air, it's your own fault.

[Love is all you need]

That remind me of a simpsons episode where Bart and Lisa are kicking their legs and punching the air. What is the quote??
:laughing: thought of the same thing

Carrying on from Chellegoth
(they fight)

Marge: Now Homer don't you eat this pie....

(Marge exits)

Homer: Now pie I'm going to bite the air like this and if you get eaten its your own fault....(hits head on overhead) D'Oh oh what the heck....

[sunnyflower]

:laughing:

I love the simpsons!!:D

[Phyllis Stein]

I agree.

It is a bit like walking into a crowded room with your arms swinging and punching all around and saying, "im going to walk like this. If it connects with ya nose, oh well. You should not have been in the room."
:D

Your words are your responsibility. If you have been tactless and someone has told you so, you should rephrase your point and/or say sorry. It is considerate.

I wonder why some people seem to get struck by the 'flailing arms' though, when others don't That's where I see the power of interpretation come into it. Some people seem to want to throw themselves right in the path of the 'blows'. We are responsible for our words, yes, but not for how others choose to receive them.

I actually agree with you that people sometimes say things less than thoughtfully, on all parenting 'choices' - I just disagree that this means others are somehow being victimised.

[shed]

In regard to the OP (and not to the Simpsons :p), very few threads make me feel bad. I was lucky enough to find bubhub when I was very early in pregnancy so I had plenty of time to make up my mind about what felt right to me and what I would do, and I was lucky enough to be able to do them.

So there isn't much opportunity to feel bad, there are very few regrets.

There aren't NO regrets however, I have a few. Sometimes I feel a bit regretful but I would never want people to stop talking about those things, ever.

Of course I find some ignorant comments to be hurtful, but I have to remember that those people really are just ignorant, its not their fault, and its not mine. Most of us have learned to live with each other along the way here, even if we do things differently.

I think there are a couple of sh!t stirrers on this forum at the moment. I don't mind it, it makes life interesting I suppose.

[missie_mack]

Lots of hurtful comments have been made in the past mostly generalised ones but a few personal ones. Generally I find personalised ones are thrown around when they haven't a leg to support their point :rolleyes: So yeah somethings can make me made but generally not bad....

All education is good education even if I don't agree with someone's opinion IMO (as long as its not slanging match)

[MissSookyLaLa]

I think its very hard for us to step into each others shoes sometimes, and it shows on this forum...

e.g. I understand why some full time SAHM's find it easy to criticise us who use childcare, as it is a very different experience to being at home full time with your kids...

And I understand why some people make comments like those listed above about donated breastmilk if you have never had need to use it...

etc etc

So I think its OK and understandable that we express our opinions and thoughts on these things, but I dont think it is ok when these opinions becoming attacking and personal...

cheers :)

[spoon]

Found it :D

Lisa: Get out, get out!
Bart Simpson: All right, Lisa. But as I'm leaving, I'm going to be doing this...
[windmills his arms]
Bart Simpson: -and if you get hit, it's your own fault.
Lisa: Fine. Then I'm going to start kicking air, like this...
[kicks up her foot]
Lisa: And if a part of you should fill that air, it's your own fault.

:laughing:

Yep , see?! You know it is human nature when it is on the Simpsons!!!:laughing:



:laughing: thought of the same thing

Carrying on from Chellegoth
(they fight)

Marge: Now Homer don't you eat this pie....

(Marge exits)

Homer: Now pie I'm going to bite the air like this and if you get eaten its your own fault....(hits head on overhead) D'Oh oh what the heck....
:D



I wonder why some people seem to get struck by the 'flailing arms' though, when others don't That's where I see the power of interpretation come into it. Some people seem to want to throw themselves right in the path of the 'blows'. We are responsible for our words, yes, but not for how others choose to receive them.

I actually agree with you that people sometimes say things less than thoughtfully, on all parenting 'choices' - I just disagree that this means others are somehow being victimised.

I think some posters feel powerful when others in the thread are getting upset and it is rather clear that it is happening. Rather than backing off, or chilling out it just gets worse.

The tactics used are various. I have seen certain members gang up on that one or two of a differing opinion, and tear them to shreds.

I guess it depends on which type of post makes you feel bad.

I have learnt heaps from bubhub though and appreciate perspectives that I never thought I would before.

[canberramomma]

Nah. I'm comfortable with my views and I know my decisions are right for my life. I just argue so I don't fight with my hubby when I'm feelin' all riled up! Hee, hee!!!!

[Ana Gram]

I wonder why some people seem to get struck by the 'flailing arms' though, when others don't That's where I see the power of interpretation come into it. Some people seem to want to throw themselves right in the path of the 'blows'. We are responsible for our words, yes, but not for how others choose to receive them.

I actually agree with you that people sometimes say things less than thoughtfully, on all parenting 'choices' - I just disagree that this means others are somehow being victimised.

I think sometimes the trouble begins if some expresses that they find something offensive in wording and people continue to use that wording.

[sam's mum]

I don't think that I actually feel bad about anything. I know that I have changed things with my parenting as a result of things that I have read on here.

If something is different to how I do it I like to find out about it and then decide if it is for me or not.

some things I know will not be for me very quickly, other things simmer at the back of my head and before I know it, I have changed things...

[KatiesMum]

Unfortunately when the going is a bit tough ... people tend to be a LOT more sensitive about particular parenting decisions or realities than they would normally be.

A mother who tried desperately to breastfeed and recently gave up will be a lot more sensitive about the bf/ff discussions than a long time ff who is at peace with that part of parenting.

So as a community - yes I think that each poster has a responsibility to keep others in mind when they word posts in topics where emotions are high and beleifs are deeply held.

[Tulp]

I picked no. Don't believe I've ever gotten to a stage of feeling bad while on this forum or any other forums for that matter. It's only the net.

We are very confident with our parenting style and trust in ourselves to do what is right for our son.

Having said that there are posts that do annoy me. Especially the ones where members impose their views on others and gang up on someone with a different view altogether.

Breastfeeding threads are one of those.

[sam's mum]

I do agree with what someone else said about people getting upset and disagreeing with facts.

I swear that if there was a thread with someone saying that 2 + 2 = 4 there would be people responding saying that they just don't believe it and they don't care how many studies show it to be true and other people saying that you shouldn't say it because when they did it they didn't get 4. and all the time people forget that 1 + 3 = 4 too.

[peanutbutter&jelly]

Yup, I've become a bit sensitive to certain subjects at times... C-sections are one of my soft spots in particular - my c-section was my choice, for my baby's health and safety. It certainly wasn't the easy way out, even though I had a good recovery!

And I too know who Kayangel was referring too and can understand why she left... she'll be missed greatly, and I find it really sad that she felt like she was being constantly told what she was doing was wrong... because it wasn't, she's an amazing mummy!!

[canberramomma]

I do agree with what someone else said about people getting upset and disagreeing with facts.

I swear that if there was a thread with someone saying that 2 + 2 = 4 there would be people responding saying that they just don't believe it and they don't care how many studies show it to be true and other people saying that you shouldn't say it because when they did it they didn't get 4. and all the time people forget that 1 + 3 = 4 too.
Too F***ing damn right!!!!

[veve]

Unfortunately when the going is a bit tough ... people tend to be a LOT more sensitive about particular parenting decisions or realities than they would normally be.

A mother who tried desperately to breastfeed and recently gave up will be a lot more sensitive about the bf/ff discussions than a long time ff who is at peace with that part of parenting.

So as a community - yes I think that each poster has a responsibility to keep others in mind when they word posts in topics where emotions are high and beleifs are deeply held.
I love this post .. and I agree totally ..

I dont feel bad .. but sometimes when things are posted - I do get angry and have to walk away from the computer ..

I do my best to post constructively, without offence .. andyes .. in text sometimes that is hard to do.

sigh - parenting IS hard .. and we will NEVER EVER all agree on how to do it best..

xx
JEn

[Ashleigh<3]

yes of course, but its a good thing cause it triggers my brain to think "why am i feeling this way?" And i ldelve into it further and then i try and solve why im feeling that way.

Of course sometimes things can't be solved as we are dealt with things that can't be helped.

I use to smack DS and when a thread came up about disciplining your children i felt very guilty that i had done that. I decided to act on how i felt and stopped smacking and now im so glad that i felt that guilt as i may have never stopped.

When i read posts about the risks of C/S's and bad outcomes and so forth i feel awful cause its the only way i can give birth so those posts and threads make me feel bad and guilty but i know it can't be helped and i either have to deal with it or not have more kids.

Otherwise most threads don't make me feel bad or guilty cause im happy with my decisions

:iagree:

[Silvana]

I don't feel bad, because the choices I make are only for my children. No one knows me, so why should it matter to them (and a lot of my choices seem to for some reason, such as ff)?

End of the day, me and DH make the choices affecting our children, no one else.

Also, I refuse to feel guilt over the choices i have made for my children. I don't want to spend the little time I have with them, especially at this age, agonising over every decision. They are happy, healthy and I would never dream of a life without them, and that is all that matters.

[mum23girls]

I feel bad that I don't feel bad about what others think is bad....

:party:

[fludo]

I get frustrated when I clearly state something as just simply MY view of something, of how something applies to ME, and then someone gets offended by it - had a situation in the egg donation thread to a question regarding would you donate your eggs. Very personal question, so I gave a personal answer, without making any judgement on others, without talking about the morality of it at all. And everyone got ****ed off and eventually the whole thread was deleted, which to me sends the message that I was wrong in saying what I did (I won';t repeat it here because I don't want to go down that path again!) when I was just expressing my point of view relating to my circumstances, which is what I thought that thread was about. :confused:
I like to be able to have open debates about issues without people attacking each other, but I often walk away feeling sad that that doesn't seem to be possible on bubhub :no:

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Nope. :no:

But I do see red when someone says something silly like that my CHOICE (eg. my choice or education for my kids) is irresponsible and that they are HORRIFIED that people would do that.

There is a difference between a thought out choice which is to be respected and doing the mainstream thing without thinking which IMO is not all that great. :no:

I think it is all about being informed. I do not mind at all what choice a parent makes so long as they have made an informed one.

I don't mind if they HAVEN'T made a choice either and have just done what they are told or what everybody else does either so long as they do not choose to dismiss those who HAVE considered it.

Phew. Did that make ANY sense? :o

[meme]

sometimes i feel quite down about my parenting, or sensitive. i have taken to turning the computer off at those times. or i read things and feel bad.

sometimes people post about seeing mums doing something (not only on bubhub, other parenting forums too)...smoking wtih kids, running in for milk and leaving them in the car or whatever, and how shocking it was. i feel bad because i imagine others are seeing me doing things with my kids and judging me like this.

but then i am not in the best frame of mind this week. other times it doesn't affect me. i am conscious of putting my thick skin on sometimes to go online:p

[Phyllis Stein]

I get frustrated when I clearly state something as just simply MY view of something, of how something applies to ME, and then someone gets offended by it - had a situation in the egg donation thread to a question regarding would you donate your eggs. Very personal question, so I gave a personal answer, without making any judgement on others, without talking about the morality of it at all. And everyone got ****ed off and eventually the whole thread was deleted, which to me sends the message that I was wrong in saying what I did (I won';t repeat it here because I don't want to go down that path again!) when I was just expressing my point of view relating to my circumstances, which is what I thought that thread was about. :confused:
I like to be able to have open debates about issues without people attacking each other, but I often walk away feeling sad that that doesn't seem to be possible on bubhub :no:

:iagree:

As long as you're not making personal attacks, you should be free to state your honest opinion on threads which ask for just that. No one has to agree or take you seriously, and you must be prepared to have your POV challenged. I've seen some pretty ignorant and obnoxious statements on such sensitive topics as the crisis in Indigenous communities - these aren't deleted, but they are robustly challenged, which is much healthier IMO.

[MyFourCubs]

I generally think that if a thread or posts really makes you feel bad it's because you have a sensitivity... like a formula feeder who couldnt' breastfeed or a ceaser mum who desperately wanted a ceaser birth... or a woman who has had an abortion in a fiery abortion thread:gloomy: I think that those who are confident in their beliefs and their parenting, generally can survive most if not all of the heated threads. I do think as a pp said that we should all keep in mind that we don't know what others hubbers sensitivities are and we should always be careful of what we post.

However, even though I am very passionate in my beliefs and genuinely feel I am doing the best I can as a parent, when some of the threads get fiery and other hubbers get on the attack, i can start to flail and I really want to run for cover:rain: Sometiems I feel when even the best efforts are made to keep a thread polite and friendly (and some do this well) others are almost on the hunt for an attack. Some seem to thrive on the conflict. Some days, especially when you may be feeling a little down or a little fragile anyway, those days can be just too much. I love a good debate as much as anybody but the age old arguments (ceaser vrs vaginal birth, bottle vrs breast, vax vrs non vax:sleeping:) get bloody old and when people get nasty I think it defeats the purpose of a parenting forum. keep it interesting, keep it supportive, keep it fun... but just leave the claws at home.

[KatiesMum]

I get frustrated when I clearly state something as just simply MY view of something, of how something applies to ME, and then someone gets offended by it - had a situation in the egg donation thread to a question regarding would you donate your eggs. Very personal question, so I gave a personal answer, without making any judgement on others, without talking about the morality of it at all. And everyone got ****ed off and eventually the whole thread was deleted, which to me sends the message that I was wrong in saying what I did (I won';t repeat it here because I don't want to go down that path again!) when I was just expressing my point of view relating to my circumstances, which is what I thought that thread was about. :confused:
I like to be able to have open debates about issues without people attacking each other, but I often walk away feeling sad that that doesn't seem to be possible on bubhub :no:

Your example highlights my point though Fludo. I did read your posts in the thread you are talking about, and even though it was yoru own beleif and certainly didnt refer to me ... I was still upset by it. That is a perfect example of an incredibly sensitive issue for many.

While everyones opinion on any particular parenting aspect is very valid, and no-one should be made to feel like their opinion is wrong, bad or incorrect, its also important for every poster to realise that other peoples feelings on some issues are very close to the surface, and how you word things is as important as what you are saying.

Sometimes its not about people challenging your opinions or beliefs, just that peoples circumstances and experiences affect how they interpret those opinions .... and when its a really sensitive issue (eg egg donation, birth, feeding, cc etc) people can and do get offended a lot more.

This is a public forum for parents from all walks of life. A forum to exchange views and ideas ... discuss issues etc ..... but also to support other parents. Yes everyone can offer their opinion .. but be mindful of other peoples sensitivities and emotions.

[sockstealingpoltergeist]

No, not usually, maybe if someone says after reading my posts and those in a similer vain, OK ladies now how about some intelligent conversation??? Or something to that effect (not joking) I do get offended at the arrogance and ignorence of others. However do not personally take things to heart. This could be due to the fact that I have been told that as a woman I am to confident :laughing:. That must be what it is. :yes:

[AM]

No, but I do like to read about and debate issues. And if my views are changed by it, that is great.

When you know better, you do better...no point beating yourself up about the past.

[neeny]

I just want to add here that it isn't just this website where problems occur. I left another parenting site to come to this one as a person from that other site often chased me out of other forums and made personal attacks. Furthermore the mods were all on her side!

We're all different, I believe we all do the best we can and there is no perfect parenting model.

I'd like to congratulate bubhub on not doing that! :yelclap: If it goes on then I'm not aware of it 'cause I'm not online very often. I believe we can be better parents by doing our best in the real world and not attacking others for their choices in the vitual ones! :ecomcity:

[Whippet]

Absolutely not... It takes more than a difference of ideas to make me feel bad about how I live my life or how I parent my kids.

[GeorgiaAnne]

I voted yes but maybe shoulda said sometimes. Like others have said, it is my own sensitivity though that causes it.
The only thing that riles me is the impression given by some that you can always have a VB if you really try or put your heart and soul into it. Sadly, not true :no:

[fludo]

Sometimes its not about people challenging your opinions or beliefs, just that peoples circumstances and experiences affect how they interpret those opinions .... and when its a really sensitive issue (eg egg donation, birth, feeding, cc etc) people can and do get offended a lot more.


:iagree:and I think this is something I didn't really realise in the beginning. I now completely stay away from the really sensitive areas on the forum because 1) I don't want to accidentally offend people, and 2) it doesn't interest me in the slightest to have to censor my opinions for fear of stepping on someone's toes so I'd rather just not get involved.

[bronnie1211]

I said no. but i'm just new so i haven't come across anything yet. I think its all a matter of opinion anyway. there is no right or wrong way of raising a child. Different things work with different ppl and different kids.

[GeorgiaAnne]

I said no. but i'm just new so i haven't come across anything yet.

Someone'll get ya :laughing:;)

[DoubleDelight]

No. The choices I've made are the ones that have been best for my family. Have I changed my opinions on certain aspects of parenting - yes definitely and I've modified my parenting style to adapt to this change.

For someone to make you feel bad you need to give their opinion weight before it affects you.

[Lillynix]

Nope, neither a person nor a thread has ever made me feel guilty about anything that I do as a parent. Ever.

[FishFace]

Ohh it used too.
I used to be so sensitive to all the thigns people would post.
Then I realised that people exaggerate, lie and get pleasure out of being smug.

Now I dont at all. I know I am a great mummy. I know that all mummys have to make choices and have to get through bad days.

The threads on here make me think now. I do research more and more after things I have read.

I used to look up to a mum on here..I would feel she was perfect and I was such a bad mum..then I found out she was actually alot more human then I thought, not a perfect mum at all. She was not the person i thought at all.

I was shocked but it helped to realise that all mums are just human and most of the stuff posted in here is edited and changed to be in the best possible light.

[Mum&bubs]

Nope. I'm happy with the choices I've made for my children so not alot gets me down. Sure, some posts make me feel like I can improve on some things, but they don't make me feel guilty :no:

[chicky2lala]

Ohh it used too.
I used to be so sensitive to all the thigns people would post.
Then I realised that people exaggerate, lie and get pleasure out of being smug.

Now I dont at all. I know I am a great mummy. I know that all mummys have to make choices and have to get through bad days.

The threads on here make me think now. I do research more and more after things I have read.

I used to look up to a mum on here..I would feel she was perfect and I was such a bad mum..then I found out she was actually alot more human then I thought, not a perfect mum at all. She was not the person i thought at all.

I was shocked but it helped to realise that all mums are just human and most of the stuff posted in here is edited and changed to be in the best possible light.


Your'e definately the best mummy I ever met.;):hugs::hugs::hugs:

[MyFourCubs]

This is a public forum for parents from all walks of life. A forum to exchange views and ideas ... discuss issues etc ..... but also to support other parents. Yes everyone can offer their opinion .. but be mindful of other peoples sensitivities and emotions.

Well said!:thumbsup:

I also wanted to say that one thing I have learned on bubHub is if things get too personal, too heated etc etc... walk away. More importantly, leave the conflict in that thread. If I have an argument or a disagreement with a particular member in a particular thread I don't carry it into the rest of the forums. Next time we meet we are back on neutral ground. I like to think others feel the same way about me!:D Otherwise we'd all have to keep changing our user name!:laughing:

[trouble]

yeah some of the BF ones go a bit far I think, however it doesnt matter what it is, I know I have done the best at the time and the best for my kids and family, no matter what the subject, I just get put out when people get on their high horse and dont think about how they word thing and it can be hurtful somethimes, or offending, I believe you can have any sort of opinion, it is how it is said that matters. there is a fine line vetween having a different opinion and being rude / nasty. :) just my opinion though.

[FishFace]

Your'e definately the best mummy I ever met.;):hugs:

You are a honey!
Thank you.
:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[JorBai]

Yes :yes:

I wont go into which posts but I dislike it when I know particular people on here that preach to be totally different on here to what they REALLY are in real life:rolleyes:

And definately the BFing ones, it doesnt just come that easily for everyone:no:

[Bewitched]

Absolutely not... It takes more than a difference of ideas to make me feel bad about how I live my life or how I parent my kids.

:iagree: