When do you step in?

[Queen]

:(
I am at a loss, I do not know what to do here, bare with me this could get long and confusing.

I am friends with a colleague at work, she has four kids, three who live with her (the eldest lives with her Mum, she lost custody as she had her at 14 and could not care for her) the three kids are 6, 4 and 1.

I see these kids at least twice a week everytime these kids are bruised:(she yells at them all the time. Just in the past month the 4yo and 1yo both had black eyes, from falling over. Then they all have had bruises on their heads.
This weekend the eldest has had 3 teeth knocked out, and he has a fat lip and black eye.

I know kids will be kids and DD has bruises BUT when does it become something worse...what should I do?

I know her kids are handful/spirited children, so maybe they do just hurt themselves.

I just do not know?:(

[Shakey]

oooh thats a tough one Rowie :yes:

honestly, I have no idea what I would do in your situation, its a toughie

Maybe have a chat with her, I know this may have a huge impact on your friendship if she thinks your accusing(sp) her of something, you could maybe mention to her that "someone" has been noticing a few things and ask if everything is alright, it maywell be that the kids are just super accident prone, or she may open up to you and tell you something is going on

or you can make a ph call to (sorry have no idea what its called here in oz:o) you know the child services protection thingie, and see what they say, i'm sure you can remain anonomyous(sp)

good luck with what ever you choose to do, wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but its something that needs to be looked into, hopefully nothing is going on :fingerscrossed:

[jag5000]

I believe you should step in when you believe something isn't right - which you obviously do. I would call... a social worker who is trained in this kind of thing can assess it and also talk to you about your concerns. From what you have written it certainly sounds like there may be cause to speak up. I'm not sure where you are, but there are numbers for every state for the child protection service

Tasmania 1800 808 178 Victoria 13 22 89 South Australia 1300 364 100 New South Wales 13 20 55 Queensland 1300 301 300 Australian Capital Territory 6205 8800 Northern Territory 1800 019 116 Western Australia 1800 654 432
hth's and I also hope that you are wrong! (as I'm sure you do too!) :hugs:

[MamaKoala]

:iagree:this is a very tough situation but my number 1 concern would be the kids because they don't have ability to protect themselves from their mother. If there is nothing wrong and it is just them being clumsy she will be cleared by DOCS and you will know the kids are safe. But if there is something going on and she is abusing them they need to be protected from her. Is there a father in the picture?
On the other hand, if her mother already has one of her children, I would hope her mother would intervene in anything she thought would threaten the other 3 kids.
Really tough call but if you suspect she is abusing them you need to protect those kids.

[Lil Mamma]

I agree with the others, I would not want to be in your shoes :( If I were you I would certainly ring child protection and tell them that you can't say for sure that they are being abused, and explain what you have seen. They deal with these cases all the time so Im sure you can trust them to do the right thing with the information you give them. If you don't feel comfortable contacting them at this stage, I would ring an anonymous hotline and ask a professional what the best way of approaching the mother about this would be.

All the best to you in this awkward situation and I hope those kids will be ok :(

[~Candy~]

I agree with the other ladies....it wouldn't hurt to call DOCS and just let them know what you have seen.
I am curious...does the 6 y/o miss school a lot? Specially with all his bruises ect...I wonder what the school thinks :confused:

[mumx3littlies]

I agree with the other ladies....it wouldn't hurt to call DOCS and just let them know what you have seen.
I am curious...does the 6 y/o miss school a lot? Specially with all his bruises ect...I wonder what the school thinks :confused:
:iagree:with this.

Also did they say his teeth got knocked out or could they have just come time to fall out? I know my DS's 2 bottom teeth are ready to fall out now and hes about the same age. I'm not saying you are accusing her of something that may not have happened but just dont know if that is something that was said or not IYKWIM?

Anyway I wish you all the best in this situation cos its a tough one.

[delirium]

If there is nothing wrong and it is just them being clumsy she will be cleared by DOCS and you will know the kids are safe.

:iagree: DoCS workers are trained to spot the difference between intentional and unintentional marks and bruises. They may also talk to her family if they are concerned. If there are no issues, they close the case and DoCS goes away. She may be a bit embarrassed if it really is just clumsiness, but imagine all the cases on DoCS books that have been notified on and there ARE substance too :yes: What would of happened if the notifiers had of thought they weren't positive so they wouldn't bother?

If it were me, I'd be notifying and letting CP work out what's going on. You could talk to her, but not many people respond well to being asked if they hurt their kids. More than likely, she will deny it and cut you off.

[Greenjade]

I would ring CP. The reason being if it is nothing, then like the others said, case closed. BUT if it is something more serious, I personally couldn't live with the fact I suspected something and did nothing. :no:

[ontheway]

I would ring CP. The reason being if it is nothing, then like the others said, case closed. BUT if it is something more serious, I personally couldn't live with the fact I suspected something and did nothing. :no:
I'm with hippiemumtobe I could not live with myself if something was to happen to the kids and I did nothing.

[Queen]

I am curious...does the 6 y/o miss school a lot? Specially with all his bruises ect...

:no:He did not miss school.



Also did they say his teeth got knocked out or could they have just come time to fall out? .
I spoke to her this morning, and she said, he was being silly and he fell and knocked out one front one, and broke the one next to it in half. She took him to hospital, and it was busy, so she came home:confused:

I just feel for the kids, I mean I look after them and all they do is eat:(but they behave.
When I ring, she yells abuse at them for the better part of the conversation.

I think I might call CP tomorrow.:(

[Greenjade]

I can understand that you don't want to call, but CP is not about separtating families. They will do everything to keep the kids with Mum. Maybe the Mum just needs a bit more support (i.e regular contact from a social worker ect) and CP will help her organise that.

Don't feel bad, you are doing the right thing!! :hugs:

[Veritas]

Definitely give the hotline a call.... I would daresay if she is sending them to school/daycare with such regular bruising there would already be reports on file.... as teachers are required to report by law in the instance of suspected abuse.....

I hope for the kids sake that they are just clumsy, but unfortunately it doesn't sound that way..... in any case they deserve to be treated with a lot more respect and compassion than they are currently being shown....

:hugs:

[SuperGranny]

hi, i also thought about contacting the shool principle to see if there is a history of the children missing school or coming into school with bruising?? The school has to report these things i believe. Maybe contact a helpline to get advice, but it will hopefully get to the child protection agecy if that is needed. I think atleast the mother has anger issues if she is spending half of the phone conversation yelling at the children. Hope there is some help coming soon.

[WarriorMummy]

my ds1 has been covered in bruises lately, but all on his legs, needs more vitamin k apparantly

black eyes, knocked out teeth- that just doesnt sound right

[~Candy~]

hi, i also thought about contacting the shool principle to see if there is a history of the children missing school or coming into school with bruising?? The school has to report these things i believe. Maybe contact a helpline to get advice, but it will hopefully get to the child protection agecy if that is needed. I think atleast the mother has anger issues if she is spending half of the phone conversation yelling at the children. Hope there is some help coming soon.

:iagree: I have a situation here with my neighbour and the boy (11) NEVER goes to school. I contacted the school principle and he was very helpful and was also grateful that I contacted him about this child. He gave me all the info on who to contact next as this was obvioulsy a child in need.

[WarriorMummy]

i had to call them on my mother as my little bro and sis were not being cared for, they investigated it and ended up taking them away and putting them in foster care

they are together, they are happy and their mother (mine too) doesnt even care to attend to supervised access visits, they are soo much better off and they know it, they also know it was me who told docs( mother made sure of that) and they thank me now, they have been in foster care for 3.5 yrs

[Zoey]

i had to call them on my mother as my little bro and sis were not being cared for, they investigated it and ended up taking them away and putting them in foster care

they are together, they are happy and their mother (mine too) doesnt even care to attend to supervised access visits, they are soo much better off and they know it, they also know it was me who told docs( mother made sure of that) and they thank me now, they have been in foster care for 3.5 yrs
I was in a similar situation, ended up taking a while, but between me and my older sisters we were able to get my younger sisters & brothers into a safe situation in a foster home and away from my mother & step father. Unfortunately the abuse in my family continued longer than should have been allowed, because people didn't feel comfortable contacting the authorities. If she is finding it hard to cope they can help with respite care or pay for daycare for the younger children, they can also refer her to counseling & positive parenting courses.

But please, make sure you put across to the worker that you ARE worried, and that you DO believe they may be in danger. They won't allow your friend to know the identity of the person who reported her, but if you don't give the workers your name its unlikely that they will pursue the investigation. I know its a hard position to be in, but the important thing is to ensure the kids are safe and cared for, by doing this you could prevent a tragedy from occuring:hugs:I hope your suspicions turn out to be unfounded.

[Queen]

The children need to be protected - not her.

I agree, I have just spoken to DP, and he says to call em tomorrow (public holiday here today)

[MissSookyLaLa]

i hope the kids are ok...