Im not taking her a present because...

[Mums5Kids]

2 hours from now is my friends baby shower. Im not taking her a present because she forgot my birthday 2 weeks ago. I bought her a pressie for her birthday and we went out for dinner and she forgot mine. So Iam going to be fed but empty handed. I also have 4 kids of my own that I could be spending $$$$$ on. She's only having it anyway to get presents. I couldnt care less. What do you think? Oh and she gave me all these shabby clothes that she didnt want to use for her baby and most of them were stained with vomit.

[missie_mack]

So umm if you are so anti her why are you her friend? :confused:

[Mums5Kids]

Im her friend but im not impressed how she is meant to be a friend and then expects me to remember her birthday but cant remember mine and then expects a baby shower present!!!!

[QTB]

So umm if you are so anti her why are you her friend? :confused:

:iagree: :confused:

[Seekrit]

:hugs:
Now, I understand that you'd be upset, but you have to also have to treat others as you'd want to be treated yourself...

Deep breath, maybe take a rain check on the whole party?

[Mums5Kids]

I dont think thats an excuse at all Iam currently pregnant a week in front of her infact and yes she has nothing at all for her baby thats why she is having a shower. After all its more an american thing then an aussie one

[Mathermy]

I don't really understand?:confused:

When I give someone a present it is because I love them and want to do something to show them how much I care-but it is never dependant on getting something in return.

Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the gesture?

[MyIsland]

It obviously has upset you that she forgot your birthday, so fair enough... BUT, I would still take something small and on her next birthday not buy anything for her to equal it out :thumbsup:

[A Party of Five]

:hugs:
Now, I understand that you'd be upset, but you have to also have to treat others as you'd want to be treated yourself...

Deep breath, maybe take a rain check on the whole party?

:iagree:I think a rain check on the party would be a good idea!

[MummaFug]

If you are that upset about it - perhaps you should not go to the baby shower. The negative vibes will not be good for either of you.

[Mums5Kids]

its more of american thing to do then australian people tend to have these things over there and not here so much. I also offered her a change table that was in great condition which was going to be her shower present and she turned it down and now needs one so thats not my problem

[SorenLorensen]

sounds a little tit for tat to me sorry.

maybe as said take a deep breath and rain check. she may have forgotten your birthday (i hope she realises how wrong that was) but did she do it in a vindictive way ? becuase is sounds a little vindictive on your behalf to deliberately go for food and not get her a present just becuase she forgot your birthday.....to me that's not really what friendship is about.


:hugs: i understand you are upset but friendship is more then forgotten birthdays, its about being there for each other. if you don't want to buy her a present for reason such as $$ being tight or what ever that's cool but to do it to get back at her is a bit....ummm...mean.

maybething about it as your not actually buying her a present, while yes you are giving it to her it will be for her new bubba.

:hugs: i really hope you both work things out or part ways becuase things should a little strained (though working things out woudl be a far better option if you feel the friend ship with worth saving) :hugs:

[MoonstoneMumma]

I would either just take a small present or not go. but i think the best would be to take a present and just not get her one next year for her birthday.

[Mums5Kids]

money is tight anyway thats part of the reason, but i offered her something and she didnt want it so thats that.

[missie_mack]

Really I think the two of you need to sit down and actually talk about the issue because it has left you rather jaded....

I can understand money is tight as I am sure she can. I would just say you will buy her something after you see what she gets at the party and buy her something small. I wouldn't take the change table thing personally. Everybody see things differently and perhaps she simply doesn't want a second hand one.

I don't understand your comment about baby showers. People have been having baby showers since before I was born :confused: It is also pretty common to wait until after the baby shower to buy what you need.

I hope you can work it out with your friend. It would be a shame to lose a friendship if this is the first time she has forgotten your birthday.

[Hollywood]

Hmmm, I tend to be a bit more forgiving with friends with birthdays and so forth. It doesn't really bother me if I remember their birthday and they forget mine, it's not a huge big deal.

In fact I couldn't care less if nobody remembered my birthday, but it makes me feel good when I remember theirs and send them a card or email. But hey, that's just me, I'm not that excited by my birthdays anymore.

But the baby shower is kind of a separate issue IMO, not a way to get back at the friend for forgetting your birthday. If money is tight then a true friend would surely understand and be happy for you to just go to the party to celebrate the impending arrival of the bub.

[delirium]

I kind of think you are overreacting... sorry. Is she a serial birthday-forgetter or just this year? If money is tight, get her a $10 gift card at target or something. That way you can give her a card with a small gift. You seem pretty upset with her, maybe you should talk to her.

I never knew baby showers were an american thing :confused: Everyone I know has had at least 1.

[MyIsland]

You seem to be really upset about why she is even having a Baby Shower as you believe it is an American thing, not just about the whole forgetting of your B'day. Baby Showers have long been a tradition in the US but they are growing in popularity in Australia as well. Each to their own if your friend chooses to have a baby shower, well that is her choice.

I have a good friend who I think has never called me once for my Birthday in the tiem I have known her, but I always call her regardless on hers. I do not hold it against her as I know there in no malice in it... she obviously is just forgetful but she is a great friend and there for me in anyways (but just not to wish me happy birthday :laughing:)

[BaDaBing]

If you are that upset about it - perhaps you should not go to the baby shower. The negative vibes will not be good for either of you.

I agree. You are obviously feeling upset and perhaps say you have a headache or something and once you feel better talk to her about how you feel in a civilised way.

I once forgot one of my best gf's bdays and I felt extremely bad and she let me know it but in a nice way.

[Mahjong]

After reading your posts, I do seriously believe you should not go to the baby shower. Is this her first baby? It does seem to me a little "Tit for Tat" ish.... If you cannot go and simply wish her well, please dont go and rub the negativty off on other guests, as much as you think you wouldn't, you will.

If she is a serial birthday forgetter, then make a joke of it, let it go... My friend and I have this on going joke ourselves... we've know each other since kindy and she always gets the date of my bday wrong EVERY year :laughing:

If she's forgotten it just this year, let it go, we all tend to get buried in our own family and lives from time to time. Maybe this year was one for her?

[earthfairy]

When I give someone a present it is because I love them and want to do something to show them how much I care-but it is never dependant on getting something in return.
Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the gesture?

:iagree:


If you are that upset about it - perhaps you should not go to the baby shower. The negative vibes will not be good for either of you.

I wouldnt go either - its her baby shower & neither of you need the stress or negativity.

Im sorry but i think its a little petty - she is entitled to have a party to celebrate her baby - its a seperate issue to the whole birthday present thing - why does it bother you that she is having a baby shower anyway?

Obviously there is something more to this otherwise it wouldnt be bothering you so much.

Maybe just send her a text or ring her & say that you cant come to her baby shower & when you see eachother next, talk calmly about how you were hurt that she forgot your birthday. If you are good friends then you should be able to talk about things...

Hope you feel better soon:hugs:

[reAllytee]

Im sorry but I believe you are being incredibly immature !

Why bother going when you say things like " well thats that ! " ... doesnt exactly sound like a friendship to me !

Sounds too much like high school & like you are both out to get each other or something.

I wouldnt have the time for it !

[cmd'smum]

I forgot my best friend's bday one year, and it wasn't in a vindicitive way, I simply forgot because I was stressed and there was so much going on and she understood. True friendship isn't about presents, it's about being there for eachother. Maybe she has lots going on and it slipped her mind? I wouldn't let one little thing break up a true friendship (if it is one).

I also agree with the others, the baby shower is a completely diff issue. If it was me, I'd go and get her something small if money is tight ATM. I love giving and don't expect anything in return, if I did, I would'nt have bought the many presents I have given in the past.

[threechooks]

I must say that when I was pregnant I was really self-centered, It was all about me! but i enjoyed that time cause now its all about my son :yes: Maybe she was just thinking about herself on your birthday and forgot with no malice intended. I'm sorry but I don't know anyone who would offer 2nd hand stuff as a shower present. You can but a nice rattle or teething ring from Big W for $3 or $4 dollars....A good friend of mine was broke at my shower and wrote me out a voucher that said "One free foot massage" I thought it was a great idea!

[studyingECS]

I also have to agree that your being a little immature.

People make mistakes, she forgot your birthday and probably hasn't realised, let it go.

But don't bring her baby shower down because you can't let go of your anger towards her.

I am sorry you are upset though:hugs:

[Leisa21]

IF your that mad you shouldnt go:no:. You should have spoken to her on your birthday and said why did you forget. You shouldnt be expecting pressies anyway IMO. A phone call, a message even if its late is good enough for me or even nothing. Hey I have a very busy life and I forget things now including birthdays I try and make up for it later. But my firends understand!

[veve]

I agree with what has been posted so far ...

I think its easy to forget birthdays .. I have a really close friend and she and I regularly forget each others birthdays - then call later and there is lots of laughter about it happening AGAIN .. we live busy lives!! We then head out for lunch/ dinner together and celebrate - even if its a month late :D

The baby shower isn't about the friend of yours - its about the baby, and making sure that the baby has everything it needs when it is welcomed into the world. By not taking something to a BABY SHOWER .. you are avoiding giving something to the baby. I make sure that my children, if given gifts by someone - are wearing what they are given when they see that person - I know I love to see other kids dressed in presents that I give them- its special!!!

I agree that you need to tell her that you are sad that she forgot - she will probably be horrified..

dont simmer - it will ruin any chance of the friendship surviving the hiccup

xx
Jen

[pennylane]

Sorry your upset but If I knew one of my 'friends' felt about me the way you feel about your 'friend'.....

I certainly wouldnt want her at my baby shower.:no:

Theres more important things in life than getting presents.

It would be easier to sympathise if it was truly just about her forgetting an obviously important day for you.

But...its coming across more like your jealous that shes having a baby shower :confused: or you wouldnt seem so negative about that particular fact.

Thats the way its reading anyway...

[EsSjAy]

Your both pregnant..... Should be a time that you can enjoy and experience together..... surely this is more important....
It's lovely that you did such a nice thing for your friend on her birthday... and obviously value this friendship to some extent to be so upset....
My thoughts were that maybe you feel a little forgotten and possibly 'maybe' feel that she has got more attention duirng this exciting time that you may have.... (I know i felt this way at times... hormones have a lot to answer for)
Please don't take that the wrong way....

I think she should know that you are a little hurt hun..... I'm sure that she doesn't have a clue...
or did she mean to intentionally do it...
Go to the party with or without a pressie..... It's a celebration of a little life to come and sharing it with family and friends... Gifts? it's not the important factor, just a nice gesture is all... but rather than stew over it and get more annoyed...I think it is really important though to discuss it rather than an obvious point at the party .

It maybe an American tradition but what a wonderful one that we Aussies have adopted........

I'm sure you will decide the right thing to do.... x x

[Uniquey]

Isn't the baby shower present for the little yet to be born 'baby', why take out your anger on the baby?

I think it's fine to be a bit disgruntled she forgot your birthday, but I am sure it wouldn't be intentional and she'd probably be embarassed when she realised she did. I think in the grand scheme of things it's only a present, and you shouldn't give to receive imo.

I think :chillpill:, go to the baby shower and enjoy yourself, have a good time and just be thankful you have friends.

[rainbow road]

How would you feel if your friend showed up to your hypothetical baby shower or whatever with the vibes you're sending off now? Because I personally find it a little shocking that you're this disgruntled over a birthday. I mean, they're not the be all and end all and if it is bothering you so much - tell her! I'm sure she'll feel terrible. I personally would (and have frequently) let it go and laugh it off.

HOWEVER, this baby shower is the early birthday party for a new human being and it shouldn't be subjected to negative vibes and revenge just because its mummy forgot a birthday.

I think you should not go to the baby shower. It's not fair on her, her baby or you because you will probably find yourself on the outside as everyone else will genuinely be excited for her and her impending arrival.

ETA: I realise the showers been and gone...did you go?

[MissSookyLaLa]

I get where you are coming from, but agree with everyone...

birthdays are easy to forget...
maybe a better tactic would be to either not go to the shower, or go with a present...then next year when your birthdays come around, you could sit down with her and say 'lets not do presents anymore...' that way it will all be clear and out in the open...

i dont think you should go to the shower without a pressie, you would feel awkward when you get there...

and i dont get the american thing...everyone i know here has them...

[MellyMumma]

I don't really understand?:confused:

When I give someone a present it is because I love them and want to do something to show them how much I care-but it is never dependant on getting something in return.

Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the gesture?

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

Not picking on you as I can see why you'd be hurt if your friend forgot to wish you a happy bday just can't understand the pressie bit.

[Beany]

Im sorry but I believe you are being incredibly immature !

Why bother going when you say things like " well thats that ! " ... doesnt exactly sound like a friendship to me !

Sounds too much like high school & like you are both out to get each other or something.

I wouldnt have the time for it !

:iagree:

Are you going to go gift-less just to make a statement? To fuel more bad blood between the two of you? Why put the pair of you and your pregnancies under such stress?

Clearly you are annoyed and I can understand that but it seems to me that her lack of gift was due to forgetfulness and yours is due to malice.

Take some time out and see if you actually want to save this friendship because if you do, you are sure going about it the wrong way. If you don't, then walk away with dignity.

[bubbleyblossom]

I honestly think enough is enough.
The baby shower has happened, therefore there is no need to go on with this, especially attacking the OP

[Ashleigh<3]

I honestly think enough is enough.
The baby shower has happened, therefore there is no need to go on with this, especially attacking the OP

I hope the OP doesn't feel attacked. :hugs:

Everyone is just giving their two cents worth.

Fair enough if the OP needed to come on here and vent.

I do agree with the others. I don't see it as an attack, I see it as, pointing out another perspective.

A lot of my friends forgot my birthday, but I love them dearly and could never hold it against them. I know I've forgotten friends birthday's in the past. A friend of mine has sent me a birthday card every year in the mail for the last five years and I forgot to return the favor this year- Makes me feel bad but I know she still loves me all the same and is aware that I have a bit on my plate.

Try not to hold it against your friend, I'm sure she didn't deliberately aim to forget your birthday. It will only eat away and away at you if you continue to harbor negative feelings towards her because of this.

[Mums5Kids]

Well i went to the shower and i went empty handed. And no i didnt feel like shyt for not taking anything. probably shouldnt of bothered as it was boring but i made an effort to make an apperance. Later on in the day I called her and offered her a tv unit in fantastic condition which she has been hunting for one for months, so she came around and had a look at it decided that she liked it and wanted it and then called to say that shes got 7 weeks to go and cant be bothered with it or moving it over to her place so basically ive had enough, i offer her things keep my eye out for things that she needs and she just turns it down everytime. Basically if she calls i will talk to her or see her once or twice a month but other then that i cant be bothered.

[Seekrit]

This thread has run it's course.