View Full Version : Bloke's etiquette in parents rooms
MrsScatterbrain
08-05-2006, 19:24
Hi all,
I'm not really sure what to make of this - what do you recon?
At our local shopping centre, we have a great new parents room with semi-private alcoves for feeding bubs. A few times when I've been there breastfeeding, a guy has come in with his partner, ignored what was going on with his own child, and gawked at me breastfeeding! I'm a bit timid - so the best I could do was an angry look! :mad: I felt like I was being scrutinised more than if I was feeding outside!!
Don't get me wrong - guys in general looking after their kids in parents rooms are EXCELLENT :D . I just don't like the ones with the wandering eyes! Maybe they see breastfeeding as a natural thing and see nothing wrong with watching someone else do it ... but I don't feel so sure!
perving in a parents room is NOT ON!!
I would have been fuming !! :mad:
Next time it happens just politely say "excuse me!"
Then maybe those kinda guys will get the jist that its not ok to stare.
tyler's mum
08-05-2006, 19:36
did u say something to this man:confused: i would have been so mad :mad:
my dad took tyler into a parents room a few weeks ago and he said the were a few woman in there & they were giving him dirty looks:( and trust me when tyler is around my dad does not even look at anyone else but her
MrsScatterbrain
08-05-2006, 19:39
That's so true, Tam - that's the other side of the argument, isn't it? I love to see guys changing their bubs' nappy and giving Mum a break! Its also not fair that they cop dirty looks!
SassyMummy
09-05-2006, 00:19
Maybe he WAS perving...but maybe he was just watching in a non-sexual way.
Like, if another mother were to watch you for example. Maybe he was doing a similar thing...just observing...learning even...since he can't do it himself.
lol...99% chance it was a perve though.
I laughed when I read your post.. I'm sorry, I know you were upset, but I would have said something along the lines of, "I've got a great rack haven't I?" and lughed.. but that's just me.
Oscar's mum
09-05-2006, 08:10
Would you be offended if it was a female doing that instead of a male? I doubt he was perving as such probably more just looking on in awe etc! I think you will find that having a baby attached to the end of your nipple is more of a turn off than a turn on!;)
My first reaction was that the guy has probably just been through a huge growth curve and was merely looking in interest at how someone else is getting along.
He was a bit rude but it was probably unintentional. A filthy look next time oughta do the trick.
bubbles & peanut
09-05-2006, 11:22
I used to love watching what guys got up to in parents rooms - every time my partner came into the parents room with me, he'd keep his eyes on the ground until it was 'safe' to look up. He thought he'd upset the other mums if he looked at them ;)
My hubby would be too bashful to watch someone else breastfeed but since becoming a daddy he's said there's something very warm, calm and beautiful about mother and child during breastfeeding, something that only mothers ever get to experience.
But yeah good chance this bloke was just enjoying the view :thumbsdown:
I hope that should I find myself in a similar situation I'd have the wherewithal to say something like "Want a squirt?"
Mister Noodle
09-05-2006, 13:51
Which would be fine until you meet someone as evil as yourself, who'll say "Absolutely - I missed lunch!".
Hang on.
What was I thinking?
There is nobody as evil as you...
That why I said "squirt" not "suck".
I have foresight.
That's so true, Tam - that's the other side of the argument, isn't it? I love to see guys changing their bubs' nappy and giving Mum a break! Its also not fair that they cop dirty looks!
My hubby cops it a lot, he usually always takes our boys in to the toilet (DS1 is toilet trained) or to change DS2's nappy. It's harsh that guys who make the effort get critised for going and doing their job as a Dad.
They do have the right to go in and even though you feel he was perving, maybe it was his first time in there and he was nervous.. I can't really comment I wasn't there...
arthursmum
10-05-2006, 06:13
My goodness me! I bet he was just in awe of your amazing life-giving abilities (not a crude reference to your tits but i'm sure that they are amazing anyway). Men are bloody jealous & a bit scared & jolly amazed by the things our bodies do to keep the species going and it manifests itself in strange ways...maybe say that you saw some mannary glands on sale in myers men's department..
i have heard of men peering at bf mums in the parents room
but you can't ban men
hubby needs to feel involved
i don't want to feel forced to parent alone cos
other men can't be trusted
As some have already mentioned, address the issue straight away. Instincts are excellent. They are usually right. If someone makes you uncomfortable then there is obviously something not right about the situation. Saying "excuse me" out loud to the person would be a good start.
If a daddy walks in the room to change little baba then that's all he's going to focus on don't you think?
Actually I caught a few of my single female friends watching me when I was breastfeeding (when I was at home!) and at first I was very uncomfortable (especially since I thought I was being discreet) but I think it was because they had never really seen it done before and was just curious. I think some guys may be the same way and forget that they are staring or perving - more so if their partner didn't breastfeed their own child.
A big thumbs up to the Melbourne Exhibition Centre for having nappy change facilities in the MEN'S toilets not just in the women's which meant my DH was able to change my little one's nappy - he did say that a few men did give him the odd look while he was there though! :thumbsup:
I know in the initial stages of establishing b/feeding, I would always try and watch other mums. I wanted to check out other mums techniques, hold on bub, etc....I hope no-one posted a thread like this about me???
I can imagine the title now...."Another mum perving on me??":laughing:
I know in the initial stages of establishing b/feeding, I would always try and watch other mums. I wanted to check out other mums techniques, hold on bub, etc....I hope no-one posted a thread like this about me???
I can imagine the title now...."Another mum perving on me??":laughing:
Breastfeeding is a practical thing that needs
to be learnt by observing but how many of us see it done?
until we have to?
Fairyfloss
10-05-2006, 11:39
I would have give him a nice little come back line:yes: , but have not thought of one yet:confused: , will post later I do, good on you for theh meaningfull look.:thumbsup:
MrsScatterbrain
11-05-2006, 20:07
bigglet, bec79 & kymmy - I totally agree with you. Some of my friends have watched me breastfeed in my own living room, and I'll admit I was embarrassed (it is still my boob after all! :o ), but I was glad I could help them out! (They're not too long from having kids).
Watching other women is the way generations of women have learned to breastfeed in close communities, and we just don't have that available to us these days. If they've learnt something from me - I'm happy! :D
TinyStar
11-05-2006, 23:03
Many parents rooms I've been into show the footy on the weekend, that seems to get the guys attention, and makes them feel more welcome, and gives them something to look at.
The only time I ever felt supported in my choice of bfing in public was from a supportive look I got from a guy, (who was with his wife and new baby). I think most of them love the idea of breastfeeding. I know my DH certainly does. But yeah a little discretion goes a long way I guess.
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