how to explain and make it UNDERSTOOD!

[ciehann]

my husband and i have a beautiful baby girl who is 13wks old. we only ever wanted one child but ppl keep ask when we are planning on having the next one. when i explain that we are only having one ppl respond "oh you will change your mind" how do i resopnd to this to make people understand and to DROP the topic!

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Just answer with a 'Maybe' then.

Its not like its anybody else's business whether you do or don't have more babies. :no:

[prideNJoy]

I liken having babies to getting tattoo's, they both become very addictive once you have one (generally) :p
I would just say something along the lines of "We have our one and only, and now we've completed our family" and then do a big :D.

[lealea79]

yeah i would be telling them tht u have completed your family.. its noones business how many children you are goign to have.. and especially when u only have a new born as well.. maybe if she was 2 or 3 then people could start asking.. but 13 weeks.. come off it..

[defa]

i just say i am happy with one and i am booked in to have my tubes done so sorry i wont be able to change my mind..
We always said we would only have one and i am so happy with that and no one is goingto change my mind...

[Lastcenturymum]

Gee, at 13 weeks and they ask that...how rude. I would honestly tell them it's none of their business to ask and not tell them you only plan on one (at this stage!)

[confusd]

id tell them your still not sure if your gonna keep the one you have:laughing:

but then im a bit of a smart ***!! people should mind there own business. just tell them your happy with the one at this stage then hopefully they will drop it.

[ciehann]

lol. yeah that would work for us DH and i are both smart arses.
i did say to one semi stranger that the dammage she did on the way out was enough to put me off having more....the proceded to give graphic details about 2nd degree tears.
she didnt ask any more questions!

[Ys_Woman]

my husband and i have a beautiful baby girl who is 13wks old. we only ever wanted one child but ppl keep ask when we are planning on having the next one. when i explain that we are only having one ppl respond "oh you will change your mind" how do i resopnd to this to make people understand and to DROP the topic!
Firstly, CONGRATS ON YOUR NEW BUNDLE OF JOY!:cloud9:. Secondly...for crying out loud..you have a newborn why on earth would ppl be speculating about any more at this point:confused:.
Cheerfully say: "Well we only just got this one out of the box..we're waiting to see how she handles." Hopefully you will get a smirk and it will stop further discussion.
Don't take it to heart though..some ppl just say anything to say something.
Hugs,
Amy:)

[melannh]

My DP and I are undecided as to whether we'll increase our family. Our DD is 20 months old - and we are still asked when's the next one. I remember, when DD was around 3 months to 6 months old- i found the question aggrivating and intrusive, but now - I just answer with 'DON'T KNOW' - and leave it at that. I no longer try to explain our situation and our choices in life.....

I know it can be annoying, but try and remember - if some people can't help but make comment on having 1 child - they're usually just trying to justify their own reasons for having more.

Good Luck - and know in your heart, that this is a free world, and there is no right or wrong... ;)

[Bunnyhugs]

I just started saying 'let us get used to this one first!' - that way you're not saying yes or no and they can't come back with 'you'll change your mind'

[Mummymelz]

well my DS is now 11months, My doctor at our 6 week check up, asked me when our next one was coming?? i was like "R u serious?" i was like cant i enjoy my first baby for longer than 6 weeks before i plan number 2...

Please are just plan rude and they just dont care what flies out of there mouth xxx

[Whispers]

I really don't understand how anyone finds this rude, I mean really it is only a simple question and I doubt they are asking it to be rude.Maybe they just like children so much they think that you will to and wont be able to stop like them.Im sure not everyone would be insinuating that having the 1 child was bad I was asked it after ds then dd then dd2 to all of which was we arnt having anymore:laughing: but im deadset this time no more:rolleyes:

[Chickadee]

My standard answer, which I've borrowed from a friend who was also in this situation:

"We got it right with a perfect baby and we're not going to risk it again"

otherwise tell them to mind their own business.

[Seekrit]

Maybe tell them that you very well might change your mind, but at the moment you are and always will be happy with your one. :)

[poppie]

Being that you don't want anymore, just tell them that you can't have anymore (not really lying....). That should make them go red and leave you the :banghead: alone!

[Sheer Bliss]

It isn't really any of their business, so just try to laugh it off, and not really give them an answer.

The comments on 'you never know, you might change your mind.....' might actually be very HONEST comments. Some people DO change their minds, and although there is no guarentee that you will change your's, you just might too, so try not to take it as an insult. IMO it's more people expressing how much joy they get from having lots of children, and thinking that you might think that way once you have settled into parent-hood. You might always think the way you do now, and that's great for you if you do - just try not to take it in a negative way.

[aquarius]

JMO but to me it IS rude to ask if/when you're having the next one - to me it's one of those personal questions people just shouldn't ask you, sort of like 'how much money do you earn' (call me old fashioned lol)

i think it's also kind of a silly question to ask sleep-deprived and shell-shocked parents of newborns, especially if it's their first baby (kind of like asking an exhausted first-time marathon runner, who's just finished their race and is about to collapse, when they'll be doing the next race!)

i also find it patronising when people smile and say 'oh you'll change your mind' - they have no idea what i went thru and what i think and feel so they can f*** off (can you tell this is something i feel strongly about lol)

i was in the same situation as the OP, DD was just 1 week old and people were asking in all seriousness when we planned to have the next one. not if, when. my standard answer was a jovial 'let's see if i can keep this one alive first ha ha' and then change the subject, coz i had a terrible birth and did not want another baby and didnt want to talk about it.

unfortunately DH responded to a couple of ppl more honestly with 'we're not having any more, the birth was so bad' and his bossy mother and sisters harangued us with comments like 'oh no you can't just have one, only children get so lonely' and 'it's cruel to have only one child'. i was so emotionally fragile at the time it really upset me and i told DH not to tell people that we weren't having any more.

i can deal with it better these days which is good coz now DD is almost 2 i'm sure i'll be getting lots of questions in the next year or so :rolleyes:

[kira1985]

Yeah well i still get it after 4yrs and i tell them that i need a rest and maybe one day. You could always say what i say when people ask if me and my partner will get married in that i say when ice age comes.:laughing:

[Papillion]

Some people simply have nothing else to say!
DH & I were married 16 years before we fell pregnant & some people never stopped asking "when are you going to have kids" to which I answered "probably never". If they decided to make it a battle I'd turn it into a game of what new thing can I say to them? "I'm allergic to newborns", "I have enough snot and vomit on my own", "I'm a man" etc. I'm only 19 weeks pregnant with our first and already fielding the "how many & when" questions ("I'm still deciding wether to keep this one - so DON'T PUSH ME" works like a charm for the most annoying ones)

[forbetoel]

If it annoys you so much then just say "no, we probally won't, but you never know"

To be honest i don't think it is a rude question. People get excited by newborns and pregancy and birth. The majority of people dont stop at just one child so I think it is sort of natural that people assume there will be another.

Of course in reality it is none of their business, but i can understand that people only ask it as a sort of 'something to say' sort of thing, and there is certainly nothing nasty or rude about it imo.

As for people saying "you will change your mind" I think that is just an innocent remark from people who just really enjoy having more than one child...nothing more, but i get that it would be annoying from your point of view.

Sadly, none of us are immune from societies judgements and advice. Just have to find a way to live them I guess.