Sick of peoples advice and need to vent

[BelindaBB]

I am a first time mum to a 9 week old and I am sick of everyone I know saying "oh you shouldn't do that" or "you are making a rod for your back".

No one I know has said to me that I am doing a great job and quite frankly I am sick of everyones negative comments.

I am only trying to do my best at all times whether it be "right" or "wrong" as this is the hardest job I have ever done.

The only positive comments I get are from people I dont even know while I am on THIS web site!!! So thank you to all the kind women on Bubhub and thank god for you all.

Why do people insist on being negative all the time??:(

Belinda

[Supermum]

Why do people insist on being negative all the time??:(
Human nature Belinda ... pure and simple. I know it's hard hearing it all the time but you will soon let the negative comments roll off you like water on teflon.

Some people really are trying to help you but go about it the wrong way. Believe it or not there'll be some decent advice in some of the negative commentary. Listen, sift out the stuff you deem ridiculous and hang on to the stuff that makes sense.

Above all else, when it comes to being a mother, listen to your instincts - they are invariably never wrong. :hugs:

[jaimie]

i have found that old people are the worst! Dont they realise that decades have passed since they had babies and that THINGS DO CHANGE!!
*I will hold my baby if she is crying- No im not spoiling her..
*I know how to support my babies head- Im not a frigging idiot!
*And yes she does have a dummy- Would you like to come over and settle her at night without one?
Ahh yes those days when people gave me 'advice' in the beginning...
I think all the filthy looks and snakey remarks i gave them soon put a stop to it. I just think some people think they know it all..

[MariaO]

Some people get hold of a new mother and they can not help but give a load of , unwanted and often inaccurate advice. People try and vindicate their own decisions/child rearing approach. If you do as they do then they must be right!

Try and take the P*** out of them if you can (hard I know when you are sleep deprived). I am sure you are doing a wonderful job - enjoy your lovely new baby and to hell with the 'experts'.

[Peaceangels]

Alway's keep in your mind that this is your child and you spend 24/7 with them, so you and only you know them best!

Like Supermum said, just get into the habit of taking it all in (with a smile, they don't know you may not use it :thumbsup: ), let the stuff you don't need/like/want go out one ear and use what you think is relevant to you and your baby.

Never doubt your ability and motherly instinct's!!!!

[StormAngel]

Feel free to vent away!

Just let the bad advice go in one ear and out the other and do what yourinstincts tell you :thumbsup:

[Foxy]

Hi Belinda, I agree it is very hard to take unwanted advice, only now 1+ years later on do I finally let it go in one ear and out the other.

I actually think I let people really spoil things for me in the early days when I shouldn't have (eg letting MILs comments get me down, reading too much into things etc) - I wish I had known about Bub Hub in those days!

I think the best thing to do is smile, say "I'll have to look into that" and go about being the lovely mother you sound like you are! :)

[jordy&steph'smumma]

:hugs: to you Belinda (I don't live that far away from you hey???)
I'm sure your doing a great job, just let the comments go over your head and know that this is your baby and you are doing what is best for your baby:thumbsup:

Don't let it get to you my mil and mum still say stuff to me about my kids and I just think (shut it) and say oh yeah!!!!

Thing like oh he/she might be sick you should take them to the dr's if they have a small cough etc. I know my kids and I know if they are sick!!!!

It does p you off but don't doubt that what your doing is your best:thumbsup:

Kylie

[arthursmum]

Advice givers, as for them, it's about them not you. Just trying to tell themselves that what they did was right!!
For a while, when people asked if he's my first baby, i'd say, 'no, he's my 3rd'. That seemed to work!

Jazzysmum, I got in trouble for not giving Arthur a dummy...we just can't win can we?

I think that most of it really does stem from a desire to be helpful, it's just that MOST of them don't think before they speak. :ecomcity: :ecomcity: Have you actually told anyone to **** off yet?:D
My inlaws (esp FIL who had nothing to do with his babies) were a bit of a problem so i sort of casually discussed a few things when they brought it up. difficult. I explained why we do things a certain way and why it's important to you that everyone respects that. We have so much more information at our disposal these days and older generations just did it the way that THEIR mums did it. Things have changed!!
Keep smiling, you sound like a great Mum!

[sharvs]

I agree with everyone else. Listen to it, then do what you want. Let all the **** go in one ear and out the other. It is hard enough being a mum, let alone being made to think you are doing it worng - you aren't. Its your baby, do what works for you & bubs

[arthursmum]

Sharvs, your little froggy is sooooooooooo very very lovely!

[Hokey Pokey]

People will always do this!! Try your best to just let it not get to you, listen but don't really listen if you have to hehe

[CJJHRA]

:hugs: All us mums do a great job, we know our children best. What has worked for some, doesnt always work for others.

With the advice, I listen, then if I thinik it sounds good to me, I try it, if not, out the other ear it goes.

[lukaelmo]

Well those people are knobs. Pure and simple.

As you said, you are doing your best; what more can you do? If you care for your wee one with love and a mother's sense, then you are doing the right thing.

You keep on doing your good job, listen to people's advice, take what you need and just forget about the rest.

[misskittyfantastico]

Practice your fake smile and nod technique....it comes in very handy. BTW you are a great mum and people who criticise are talking out of they're bum!

[sharvs]

Sharvs, your little froggy is sooooooooooo very very lovely!

Thanks arthursmum, i never get sick of hearing that! :hugs:

[mum2squish]

Hi Belinda,

I agree with everyone else too, my DS is 20 months old now but when he was a newborn I had an overload of CONFLICTING advice from everybody! I even had strangers in the shops giving me advice.:ecomcity: Some of it good and some of it bad, but it makes you feel like everyone thinks you're a completely incompetent idiot!!! :banghead: I even had an overload of do's and don'ts before DS was born...he wasn't going to sleep in our room or our bed, i wasn't going to nurse him to sleep, i was going to control cry, no dummy and i was going to have a completely drug free labour, all because someone else told me that's what I should do....YEAH RIGHT! I co-slept with my DS before moving him into his cradle in our room (after nursing him to sleep), I never let him cry in bed (why should i miss out on cuddle time), he has countless dummies, and BRING ON the DRUGS IN LABOUR! :smiliedance: What I'm trying to say is, find out what works for YOU, only then can you be completely happy and at ease, knowing that YOU have made the best decision for your bub...why is it the best decision??? Because YOU made the decision....hang in there, it dies down after a awile:hugs:

[Funkychicken]

It all starts in pregnancy.....you go from elation at being pregnant ot totally confused because everyone believes something different and then there are those who smugly tell you there horror birth story:mad: .
My most despised comment is:
"Is he a good baby?"
No, actually he is really BAD. Especially so for a 2 WEEK OLD!!!!:banghead:

[Leeny]

My husband and i have been living with my parents ever since he arrived in australia, and i know how you feel...my mums been there for ever day of my babys life, except for 1 over night holiday she had...sometimes that gets a bit over bearing but i realise she's just trying to help...but i just tell myself that every babies different and only i know my baby best..im sure your doing a great job, and if you dont agree with what someone else says, just let it go..take it in..process it...and if its not useful to you, flush it lol.

[BelindaBB]

Wow, what a response, obviously unwanted negative comments are quite common!!!:rolleyes:

Thanks to everyone to replied with some interesting and funny comments. I definately need to let all this go in one ear and out the next coz it sounds like it won't be stopping for a while.:(

Belinda
xx

[charlach]

My advice to you is to tell the people who have their opinions "nothing", when they ask how you and the baby are going say "great, thankyou". Dont offer them any information and they wont have an opinion, works everytime! good luck
:fingerscrossed:

[Mum&bubs]

No matter what they say I bet you are doing a good job they are probably just "trying" to help but dont realize they arent helping at all they are just driving you crazy lol I went through the same thing. Just keep on doing what your doing cause you know best :thumbsup: