nasty kids come from nasty parents!!

[kamckellar]

my 7 yr old ds has a very bad stutter.we go to speech therapy once a week and he is apart of the lidcombe program.recently when i walked into the school with my son,i heard other kids yelling out hi li,li,li,li,liam.by the time id turned around theyd run off.i asked my son about this and he said it happens all the time.so now i feel bad as all of last year my son was in trouble constantly for attacking other kids.i was phoned upteen times to come and get my ds from school as he'd hurt someone.so anyway that afternoon when i picked my son up from school i sat down with him and asked him about these kids who mimic him.he told me that most of his class do it and they laugh at him all the time.when the teacher asks him a question he refuses to answer cos he knows he's going to stutter and his class will laugh at him.so therefore his teacher has called him defiant and asked if ive had him checked for adhd or aspergas autism.i was alarmed as i hadnt experienced this sort of behaviour at home.so i did get my son checked out by a pediatrician and after months of visits he's been diagnosed as ODD.oppostional defiant disorder.so we now go to a pychiatrist once a fortnight to teach him how to control his anger in social situations.but now its been brought to my attention that his anger stems from the other kids mimicing him.he asks them to stop but they keep going so he lashes out at them resulting in him in trouble and the other kids of scott free cos ds wont tell why he hit in the first place.am i making any sense?so after i long talk with my son i approached the principal the next day ready to fire off names of kids that are the instigaters.she called ds into her office and spoke to him about these kids.she then went to speak to his class and teacher while my son was not present.she told them that id been to see her and was very upset about the way my son was being treated.she then went on to say that there are cameras all over the school and she can hear and see everything that goes on.basically she quietly instilled fear into them and so far so good.BUT IVE NOW HEARD THRU ANOTHER MUM FROM THE SCHOOL THAT SOME OTHER MUMS HAVE TOLD THEIR KIDS TO DELIBERATELY PICK ON MY SON AND ALSO OTHER CHILDREN IF THEY ARE OVER WEIGHT OR POORLY DRESSED etc.why do parents teach their kids to be cruel?all 4 of my kids have been brought up to see all kids as equals regardless of skin colour or whether they wear glasses etc.im just really pi**ed off about this so any advice would be good. :mad:

[mumof2girls]

Unfortunately for some there will always be somebody that has rude comments to make to others, I honestly think that people who do this have low self-esteem and by picking on others (whether instigated by themselves or others) it seems to make them feel better.
I am disgusted that the teacher has reacted in this way, hopefully with the principle talking to them they have gotten the message.

Just remember by instilling the values you have in your children will make them better people and the children who have been encouraged to tease others will probably not be as happy as they get older.

Stick to your guns and continue to teach your kids right from wrong and let them know that yes he has a problem but at least he is working on it, the kids who are teasing him are just plain mean and there is no cure for that :) (maybe in words that he understands)

My sister has 2 boys with odd and she says they are a struggle at times and she ended up getting them medicated which helped heaps, they are now 17 and 12 this year and the 17 year old isn't to bad but the 12 year old has off days but she seems to think that it's probably his hormones changing which means his medication needs updating. Good luck, I hope it works out well with everything

[Tannie]

Gosh - that's SO awful....shocking actually...poor little fella. I really feel for him and for you. I have nephews who stutter badly and it's a really difficult thing for all, but at least they have support from their teachers and school.

I really think that the teachers are at fault here - they would HAVE to be aware this is happening and should be putting a stop to it as it's bullying and bullying as far as I'm aware is now against the rules of all education departments..........I would go and have another chat to the principal and your sons class teacher (who sounds a total cow in these circumstances!!) and basically demand the school do something constructive about how your son is being treated........if they don't, ring the state education dept and ask about how you can put in an official complaint against the school and teachers.

I know this might seem over the top to some - but until parents demand that schools be "safe places" for their children, it's easier for teachers to just let it slip by.........these teachers should be protecting and advocating for your child, not allowing him to be bullied and intimidated :mad:

What other parents do is their responsibility and you are right - there are lots of irresponsible, immature and bigoted people out there who teach their kids to be exactly the same - even worse.........there's not a lot you can do about it unfortunately.....but the schools allowing this sort of behaviour to continue right under their noses is disgusting and I certainly wouldn't stand for it as a parent and neither should you have to.

Think of your darling little boy and how this will affect his future - I urge you to take some further action on his behalf. Besides, if these kids are bullying him - they are surely bullying others and the entire problem obviously needs to be addressed.......it sounds quite out of hand :mad:

T

[kamckellar]

i'd just like to add that since i brought it to the principals attention i have had nothing but 110% support from the school.we applied to the board of education and he has been granted funding for a teachers aide to come and assist him thru the entire day at school.he really enjoys having the one on one from him(the teachers aide)and he is doing really well at speech.he's gone from 24% to 17% in 6 weeks.its a long hard task teaching him to re talk but i have seen his confidence boost as his 'bumpy talking' decreases.his teacher has said he now communicates and he is never put in a situation where he'll stutter.i personally dont think he has ODD i think he just wasnt able to express himself properly.his behaviour has improved drastically but most of all he is proud of himself.i just hate to think that a relapse could happen because of ignorant parents who make fun at others faults.i have told my ds that he is special and no one is the same be it hair or eye colour or the way they speak.

[2girls&1boy]

Hi there,

Although I don't have any advice your thread bothered me. One of my biggest wants for my daughter is that she grow to be a good, honest person. Of course that comes from my husband and I and the way we treat/react to people. I have a niece who is overweight and has beautiful brown curly hair. She has been told by some nasty little girls that she can't play with them because she is fat and doesn't have blond, straight hair. All this at age 5!!!

Are there really parents out there who say nasty things about others knowing full well their kids (who are like little sponges) are around and will repeat just about everything they say and take on their parents opinions as there own.

I think you have reacted really well to Liam's situation at school, you obviously are a loving, commited mum and I hope that it improves for him. It is so hard isn't it when we cannot be there to protect them all the time?

Take care
Paula

[laundrygirl]

Hi I have a 9yr old son who has ADHD. He has to have his tablet at recess and sometimes the kids are mean when they know his going to the office to have his tablet. I have to tell my son to walk away from them all he is the one that gets into trouble for hurting them because his feelings are being hurt. :mad: :mad:

[julesandbabyboy#1]

our job as parents gets more complex as society relaxes its morals and principals as a whole. we are role models ourselves and lead and guide our kids -but we are also teaching them how to deal with other opinions and things they will be confronted with via others/media. :( very sad.

[Elfin]

I think this is just awful. Some parents don't jump on bad behaviour quickly enough IMHO. Teasing and being mean to others including siblings should never be tolerated.

I guess 1 thing I really love about ds' school is that once a week they have class discussions about issues like behaviour and bullying. Ds(and the other children) had to draw a picture of someone who was being bullied and how this would make them feel. I think it is really great that school is emphasising how wrong this type of thing is where parents may fail to reinforce the point. Hope that makes sense.

[kamckellar]

i have a parent teacher interview on monday and will be bringing up that this behaviour from other parents and children is disgusting.ds didnt want to go to school on sports day cos the other kids dont pick him for soccer.i asked why and he said they dont want to play with 'dobbers'.so ive caused some grief for my ds by saying something but im a mother.when my child hurts so do i.he does have 3 friends and they came up to me and said we are liams friends and we never make fun of the way he talks.they than put their arms around ds and ran off to play.that made me feel good.i spoke to one of these kids mums and told her what was said and she was very proud of her ds.so there are families out there that demonstrate manners and morals but they are just few and far between.

[H&B'sMum]

Although the situation with the other children is just awful, it's fantastic that you are finally getting support from the school. From the sounds of it, it should have happened a long time ago. Going from 24% to 17% is just fantastic and Liam should be very proud of himself.

I think the other (awful) parents are insecure as parents and therefore must get their children to be mean to make themselves feel good as parents iykwim???? It's the same when adults degrade other adults I believe they do it to make themselves feel good.
It's great that you are teaching your children to treat other children equally and hopefully your children will be the kids that everyone wants to play with cause they are so nice.
Keep the lines of communication open with Liam and provide him with a safe environment inwhich to express himself, it sounds like you are already doing that. Also keep enforcing that wonderful behaviour your children are obviously displaying.
Talk to the teacher about the other parents on Monday, maybe the principle can put a general notice in the school newsletter.
Good luck with everything and sounds like you have beautiful, well mannered and wonderful children.

[Graeme]

Hi all

I found your son's experience disturbing in a number of ways, but it was also reassuring.

It was disturbing because of the obvious stuff like the bullying, the parents attitudes etc. But I also found it disturbing that your son was labled with ODD. I think it is sometimes (not always) easy for us to lable behaviour rather than looking at what is causing the behaviour.

I found it reassuring because I admired the way you responded to the situation, I was glad you haven't bindly accepted the diagnosis, and I'm hopeful that the school continues to handle the situation well.

I do think that diagnosis such as ODD can be helpful (even essential) at times, so I hope you will continue to discuss things with the psych, while also keep challenging him/her and trusting your inner wisdom.

It also reinforced for me that it is important that parents are welcomed in schools and that teachers see parents as partners not problems.

I hope your son continues to improve and that you keep on being there for him.
Regards
Graeme

[Lucybelle]

OMG OMG OMG!!!

I cannot believe what I have read!! This is so sad. I agree with everything Graeme has said too, esp re : not blindly following the dr's diagnosis when you can clearly see what the true problem is.

Look, the best thing is about this is that now you know that your little one does have true friends - even at this age. I felt so much better, and I hope that the nastyass parents are in the minority at this school and that you make contact with a few of the more "normal" parents that do not teach their children that way.

[kamckellar]

i'd just like to give you all an update on my son.he got a wonderful 1/2 yearly report and the parent teacher interview was very good.our only problem is with his speech.at last weeks therapy it was found that he hasnt improved for at least 4 weeks sort of plateaued.so weve dropped back a level in our home exercises. getting back to those parents,well i for one am glad i have nothing to do with them as another mum has had to get her daughter moved to another class and has applied for an AVO.really does life have to be this stupid?when i went to school it was fun.my son comes home and says that some of the mums are pulling faces at said child i mean why would you?any way my son seems to be progressing nicely at school and i just wont speak to certain parents.there is a big divide in the waiting area where so called clicky *****es meet on one side and the rest of us normal parents meet on the other side.do you think this is ridiculous? :confused:

[Graeme]

Hi

Great to read your son is doing well. I feel really sad for kids who have parents who are "nasty". Even though my experience suggests that even these parents love, want the best for, their kids, it makes life hard for them (both the kids and the parents).

At the moment I'm involved in some workshops with dads in prison, and the stories of their childhood are so sad.

All the best
Graeme

[Lucybelle]

I think it's great there is a divide - that way you can stay away from them!

[lizzymcfizzy]

some people don't change from when THEY were in school. These women are acting like kids. I'm glad to hear you don't put up with their rubbish and that there are some other decent mothers out there that you can group with.

Everything else I feel has already been said by others tenfold. I wish you, Liam and your family all the best.

[shakespeare]

This story is a sad indictment of our society and some of the people in it.

I'm already worried my daughter is going to get picked on when she gets to school if the strawberry birthmark on her cheek doesn't go before then. She's only 4 months old, but its the first thing that anyone comments on when they see her, which upsets me a lot. Nothing about her sweet smile, or pretty eyes or rosebud mouth - just a recoiling 'whats that thing on her cheek'?

Not even babies can escape the demands for conformity. Luckily they get a few years before it starts to mess with their heads.

[Briannabear]

Some people never grow up - they can be heartless. :(

Kamckellar - I think you are doing a great job of the way you are dealing with it all! You are a strong woman - I respect that! :) I'm sure your children will grow up to be respectful and accepting.

[mumworkingoverseas]

After reading this thread I really feel for your son. My younger brother was diagnosed at 4 with congenital cataracts. This required him to have operations and wear dark sunnies from age 4-7. Then at age 7 he had major ops on each eye to remove the cataracts and then had to wear bifocals. He went from being an active outgoing sporty kid to a quiet shy kid who couldn't play any contact sports. The teasing he recieved from other kids was awful. What seemed to help though was the support he recieved from family and friends, and the fact that my parents would regularly discuss these issues with his school and make sure that the bullying was not getting out of hand.
I know it is very hard to have to watch this, I am six years older than my brother and myself guilty of the occassional schoolyard fight when my brother was being bullied mercilessly. However every child needs to stand up for themselves to a degree and at times you will have to standback and allow your son to deal with the issues (as long as it is not getting physical).
Despite the dreadful bullying, as an adult my brother become a resiliant young man who is very tolerant of others and does not allow people to push him around, so luckily the bullying did not rob him of his self confidence. He said to me (when he was an adult) that just knowing that we (his family) would intervene if he needed us to and back him up, helped him deal with a lot of the bullying.
Good luck in dealing with this tough problem.