Nose peircings...my daughter has one Grrr

[JabberJaw]

Just wonder how others feel about there 11 year old having piercings.

My 11 yr old daughter came home 2 days ago from her fathers with her nose pierced. I went OFF...not that i am a prude i mean yes i to have had piercings but she is only 11 and she already looks older than an average 11 year old already without putting any more emphasis on herself. She told me that her friends were all talking about it at school so that is why she wanted it.

I was going to make her take it out but i thought it might be better to wait, let her be a show off to her friends when school holidays finish and then push her to take it out, or possibly even her school may require her to.

I am not even sure how i will cope with the teenage years yet, considering she has shown to be an early bloomer!

HELP any advice or ideas appreciated.

[bubbleyblossom]

I just have to say that it is rather irresponsible of her father to let her get this done! They have the legal age of 16 for piercings for a reason, especially nose etc. Not that im saying ears are bad etc but that wasnt right of him.

Im sorry I have no advice at this stage! Excpt that you have every right to be mad, maybe even tell him he has to make her take it out!

ETA:I live with two eleven year olds and they are WAY too young for a nose piercing!

[delirium]

I have several piercings myself, but I wouldn't be cool with my 11 year old DD getting her nose pierced. :no: I would have been even more upset if my DH went and got it done without consulting me :shame: Part of me thinks it's done now, teach her to keep it clean and put a really small stud in there so you can't see it much. But then I also think you should let her show it off then get her to take it out later.

*shrugs* not much help am I? :laughing: Hopefully her school will take it out of your hands and has a policy on no body piercings.

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

I would make her take it out :devil: but that is just me.

I think if old enough for a peircing then old enough to maturely ask mums and dads ok first. Not just get it done and then see if its ok.......I don't know maybe I am just a meany.

btw I agree with bubblyblossom I think it was irresponsible of your xdh not to have spoken to you about it first. I mean how hard is it to ring you beforehand:rolleyes:

My dd1 wants one and she is 15 we have told her not until she is legally allowed, and even then I won't be happy about it IYKWIM.

Kids huh, they are just growing up so quickly.....

[Myztik]

I'd be having sterm words with her father as she would have needed his written permission to get the piercing done (if went to a proper piercer that is). I would be fuming.

I got my navel done at 16 and still needed my mums permission.

A lot of schools will make kids take any piercing other than ear lobes out. The thing is the longer you leave it in the less chance of the hole actually healing properly and closing back up.

[Fuchsia!]

wow 11? Geez when i was 11, body piercings were certainly not on the agenda! They didn't even cross my mind at that age! Sheesh girls are acting so much older these days.

How irresponsible of her father! I would be having a very stern talk with him and her. And i would be getting it out straight away. Honestly if i seen a 11yr old with a nose piercing i would be wondering what the heck her parents were thinking.

I have nothing against piercings but a 11yr old is still a child for goodness sakes! what next? Will parents be getting their 5yr old eyebrows pierced?

(this is no way judging you, but society as a whole)

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I just have to say that it is rather irresponsible of her father to let her get this done! They have the legal age of 16 for piercings for a reason, especially nose etc. Not that im saying ears are bad etc but that wasnt right of him.

Im sorry I have no advice at this stage! Excpt that you have every right to be mad, maybe even tell him he has to make her take it out!

ETA:I live with two eleven year olds and they are WAY too young for a nose piercing!
:iagree::iagree:

[pinkgingham]

i had my nose pierced at 15 with dads permission and mum went off (but then she went off when i did it again at 24 :rolleyes:) but 11 is too young i think....

[MountainGirl]

eleven!:eek: gawd,.. I would make her take it out......and then pierce her father somewhere painful with the stud!:no:

[prideNJoy]

eleven!:eek: gawd,.. I would make her take it out......and then pierce her father somewhere painful with the stud!:no:

:iagree: I'd do the same!

If not, when she start's back at school i'd have words to admin and ask that they call her up to the office, they can tell her that that type of piercing isn't appropriate at her age or at school.

[NewBeginnings]

eleven!:eek: gawd,.. I would make her take it out......and then pierce her father somewhere painful with the stud!:no:

:laughing::yes: now I do agree with that last bit! :p

11 and a piercing though! FAR OUT! What possessed him to even allow it? she is still a little girl!

I would definitely make a big thing about her taking it out... and then not letting her get anything until 18 when they don't need parental consent! the only thing about flaunting it in front of her friends is she'll then be a "hero" for it. I'd be making her take it out asap... so th hole closes over fully and everything! Play mean mummy over it! :devil:

[2sweetgirls]

I would definitely make her take it out.

But try and maybe bargain with her that she can get it done when she is 16?

I have no idea what i would do, my girls are too young for any of that yet, but i would be pretty unimpressed with your xdp

[JabberJaw]

Thanks everyone for the replies, i am glad i am not alone in thinking this is outrageous!

Her father and myself are very good friends and we usually in no way fight about any decisions either makes, this would have to be one of the first times in 11 years that he has done something so stupid. His new partner is also on my side and was not happy about it either. When i rang the Ex to ask him why he would let her get it done and tell him its the kind of things you make kids wait for etc, his reply was ' i did make her wait, she asked to have it done Friday but i didn't let her get it till Saturday.' Well the words that came out of my mouth would have put Gordon Ramsey to shame !!:laughing:

Anyway when i calmed down, i did find out that it has been done professionally and she has products and information on caring for it etc.

My daughter attends boxing also, not to learn fighting as such but to get fit and shed some extra KG's as she is overweight (although we never tell her this) and being 11 going on 21 she has decided she needs to loose weight also, but as i have told her she cant not eat, she just has to exercise a little, anyway i just saw her coach at the park and he told me he will help in the removal of the nose ring too, as she has been doing so well at her fitness that her coach is about to let her do some sparring,,hence she will not be allowed the nose ring! Now i know this will work because she is obsessed with boxing because she can see the good changes it is making in her body IE muscle instead of fat, as well as teaching her the amount you actually weigh isn't a concern but your body fat% and fitness is.

Now the reason i have added my big spiel about her boxing is because i actually copped alot of flak as a mother from other mums when i let her do boxing!! So i dont want to cop it again, when i know it is not about actual fighting its simply about fitness!

Anyway long story short, she cant go to boxing with the nose ring and her next class is Thursday so :fingerscrossed: it will be gone then!

[Fuchsia!]

Ohhhh i hope it works!

Just something i was thinking earlier, what type of shop would pierce an 11yr olds nose? Was it a beauty salon or a tattoo shop? Just seems odd that they even allowed it!

[JabberJaw]

Ohhhh i hope it works!

Just something i was thinking earlier, what type of shop would pierce an 11yr olds nose? Was it a beauty salon or a tattoo shop? Just seems odd that they even allowed it!

It was the local tattoo shop here, they did it with a needle! I am not sure if any kind of consent was signed, but i will ask DD when she gets home. She is over at her cousins showing it off! She did tell me that she was going to get her bellybutton done to but they won't do it till she is 16. THANK GOODNESS FOR THAT.

I am not happy about it.

[Myztik]

Sounds like the boxing is a great thing for her :thumbsup:

[Mum2Bug]

Ooh good luck. And i know what you mean about the boxing thing. I wish I could afford to do it. It is such a great workout, really gets your fitness level up and is great for weightloss.

[Jakois]

Sounds like the boxing is a great thing for her :thumbsup:
:iagree:.

[ThreePinkFaireez]

Id make her take it out, plain and simple.... and her father... well..... I hope he likes pointy shoes!

[JabberJaw]

Ooh good luck. And i know what you mean about the boxing thing. I wish I could afford to do it. It is such a great workout, really gets your fitness level up and is great for weightloss.

It is great, we only pay $3 for 2 hours... 3 times a week cheap!! But we are in a relatively small town to, she didn't have to join a gym or anything! luckily.


ThreePinkFaireez Id make her take it out, plain and simple.... and her father... well..... I hope he likes pointy shoes!

Ha Ha the pointy shoes comment cracked me up. I thought i was just being old fashioned I am so glad others agree with me.

[miloand4]

I remember when I was younger and having your ears peirced twice was areally big deal and I sneakily got it done when I was 13. My mum hit the roof and tried all sorts of things to get me to take them out to no avail! I then went to on to have many body peircings done. I didnt see the big deal then and really cant now. It never stopped me from getting what I wanted in llife eg Jobs etc.. And when she is ready to take it out she will. You grow up and mature and your tastes change. Body peircings now are what ear pircings where 25 years ago. There was a lot of outrage when people started peircing ears. Body peircing is becoming as common as ear peircing now. People arnt as shocked any more. I do however understand that you would be angry with your x as he really should have disscussed this with you first. My neice is always trying to talk me into letting her get something peirced when she is with me and I always say that is something we need to talk to your mum about.:D My daughter is 13 and has her belly button done and she will be aloud to get her nose done if she does really well on her report card this year:D

[Ys_Woman]

I allowed my eldest dd to get her nose pierced at 11. It suited her to a T. She still has it in ten years later.
I think your dd's father was so very wrong for not giving you a say in the matter.
Good luck in convincing her to take it out..would be excruciating if someone hit the nose stud during boxing *ouch*.

Amy:)

[studyingECS]

Wow 11 is really young.

I don't even think her school would allow it:no:

[ciehann]

my mum made a deal with me when i wanted to get my belly button peirced that if i got anything else peirced she could remove it, the other part of the deal was i had to get a classy bar for it. i paid $220 for it (at 16 thats HEAPS) mind u i went on to get my nipple and tounge done as i got older. i dont have any of them in anymore. i always balked at getting any facial peircings becasue the hole always looks like a huge balckhead if u take it out. maybe u could agree that if she keeps it in theres a deal that suits u. just think...its better than a tattoo as it can be easily removed.....

[~Bec~]

Definatley make her take it out. I had my nose pierced when I was 24 and had it in for about 18 months before I took it out. To this day I have a little dent in my nose where the hole used to be. If you take the ring out now it would have a better chance of healing completely. (I find I get little pimples in the dent or make up pools there iykwim.)

Boxing is a great way to get fit! :thumbsup:

[Skittles]

I would definately be makingher take it out. Then having some very unchild friendly words with her father

[warriorPRINCESSdaughter]

I understand your horror, my 13 yr old came home on Thurs night with her belly button pierced.... to clarify (legal aid website) the only piercing illegal for children under 18 is nipple or gentiles. C+ has a 16yr age policy,my daughter walked in and gave a false birthdate with her two friends they all came out with it done. None of them look 16 . DD has to take hers out but refuses at the moment so has been under house arrest until she complies LOL. I was so mad my sister and I even went to the shop. the manager said she agreed with us however her manager said dont worry about ID its up to the kid not us as it is not illegal. What a joke.
Jodie:barf:

[delirium]

I was so mad my sister and I even went to the shop. the manager said she agreed with us however her manager said dont worry about ID its up to the kid not us as it is not illegal. What a joke.
Jodie:barf:


:rolleyes: to the manager. It's not up to the kid, because they are a kid! When we lived in the city, the tattooist I went to, who did piercings as well, was strict with ID. :yes: A couple of teens I worked with (under 16) tryed to get a piercing there, but when they couldn't produce ID, he said no piercing without it.

That is really bad business by that place. :thumbsdown: Not only are they breaking the rules, if your daughter got a severe infection, technically she could sue the business because being 13 she is not old enough to understand the consequences and responsibilities.

[AM]

I got this off the leagl aid page from the qld gov...

Technically she doesn't even need any parental consent at all (scary stuff!), but I'm sure the presence of her dad was what convinced the tattooists to do the piercing...I would hope any piercing studio would NOT just pierce an 11 year old!!

www.legalaid.qld.gov.au




When can I get a tattoo?

You have to be 18 to lawfully get a tattoo. A tattoo studio may ask for proof of age if they think you are under 18.
It is against the law to tattoo a person under 18 years of age. It does not matter if your parent or guardian gives their consent.


When and where can I get body piercing?

If you are under 18 the following types of body piercings are against the law:

a girl's external genitalia
a boy's penis or scrotal skin
the nipples.
There is no law against other types of body piercing.

If you are under 18 you must be capable of forming a sound and reasoned decision to agree to being pierced. In those circumstances a parent's consent is not necessary, but in practice many piercing studios require it.

If a you are pierced without your agreement that may amount to an assault.

You should think carefully about the consequences of getting a tattoo or piercing.

[Josh]

Good on you for going off, I didn't even want my 17yr old DD having multiple ear piercings, so she relented and only has a couple, but at 11, I would have throttled her father, that would be after I let go with a tirade of abuse at him. The things us parents have to do in our day to day life, we need more money I say.:laughing:

[MissSparkle]

I took my sister (with my mums permission) to et her nose pierced when she was 12. It suits her so much. Mums only rule was a very small, nice look stud. I got mine nose done too (but I was like 20!)

I came home just after I turned 15 with my tongue pierced! My parents went off, I just figured at the time they let me get my belly done when I was 13 so why not.

I think its ur DD's dad that should be copping this because he should have consulted you about it first.

[Mamaduke]

Personally, I wouldn't give ultimatums or reasons why she has to take it because as a parent, you don't owe her any explanations...get it out, right now, end of story.
It's not about where the piercing is or who did it or whether or not it should have been done, it's about setting boundaries for your child.
Now, at 11 it's piercings...if you don't make a stand now and say no then when she's 15, 16, 17 instead of piercings it may be coming and going as she pleases, wanting and expecting boyfriends to stay over, choosing if/when she attends school.
I just think that letting her get away with this sets a very dangerous precedent for the future.

[warriorPRINCESSdaughter]

"Get it out! End of story" would trigger a fight, I tell mine why; which in turn promotes communication and accountability. I am a believer in educating my daughters (at an appropriate age) not demanding total obedience. Obedience with knowledge is far more effective than "because I said so"
Jodie:flowerz:

[alphafemale2901]

I have had piercings all over my face and various parts of my body but I would not like to have seen my own daughter at 11 with her nose or anything other than her ears peirced at 11.

My DD is 13 now and has gingerly broached the idea of getting a belly ring. I'm not against it strictly but I would prefer her to wait.

I think your DD's father has some serious explaining to do allowing her to get this done and not seeking your consent or at least acknowledgement prior to the event.

[spiritualmama]

I wouldnt make her take it out but thats just me. Kids these days are aging alot quicker than kids of yesteryear...I have a ten year old turning 18 and I know what they are like.
I would be however ****ed off with her father for not talking it through with you.

[canberramomma]

Dunno if this helps, but when my DD#1 wanted me to sign a consent form for a piercing, I told her that I's be happy to if we went together and both got it done. The thought of having the same piercing at the same time as her mum turned her off the idea totally. Maybe you could get your nose done???:laughing:

[Ashleigh<3]

Misskelz, It is a bit of a sudden move hop online and ask everyone how you should go about this, I understand why you need advice but definitely think it all through before acting on it, you don't want to say anything to your daughter, you might just regret.

I would try focusing on why exactly YOU have a problem with it. Not our reasonings as to why you should have a problem with it.

Is it the fact that your ex & Daughter did not confide in you for permission or is it because you don't condone bodily piercing at such a young age, is it the principle matter that your Daughter is behaving older then her average 11 year old, the fact that she is following her friends?

Either way, you should establish what you have a problem with first and foremost then lay down 'your' ground rules.

A nice, deep and meaningful discussion with your Daughter sounds perfect. She may be young but she's not too young to get the gist of your emotions and how this makes you feel.

[JabberJaw]

Misskelz, It is a bit of a sudden move hop online and ask everyone how you should go about this, I understand why you need advice but definitely think it all through before acting on it, you don't want to say anything to your daughter, you might just regret.

I would try focusing on why exactly YOU have a problem with it. Not our reasonings as to why you should have a problem with it.

Is it the fact that your ex & Daughter did not confide in you for permission or is it because you don't condone bodily piercing at such a young age, is it the principle matter that your Daughter is behaving older then her average 11 year old, the fact that she is following her friends?

Either way, you should establish what you have a problem with first and foremost then lay down 'your' ground rules.

A nice, deep and meaningful discussion with your Daughter sounds perfect. She may be young but she's not too young to get the gist of your emotions and how this makes you feel.

Yep, understood. I really just wanted to make sure it wasn't just me who thought this to not be a good thing for an 11 year old. I didnt go off at her or anything, basically i just said that i thought it would have been a better idea if she waited as she is only 11.

I dont have a problem with peircings at all, i too have had a faceful but all that remains in my tounge ring as i have had it for so long i talk with a lisp without it.

I am however annoyed at her father for not consulting me, but i have spoken to him about it.

The whole point of the post was to see if i was being old fashioned! Turning into my own mother! But i am glad to see i am not alone in thinking she is far to young to have peircings.

[Ashleigh<3]

Yep, understood. I really just wanted to make sure it wasn't just me who thought this to not be a good thing for an 11 year old. I didnt go off at her or anything, basically i just said that i thought it would have been a better idea if she waited as she is only 11.

I dont have a problem with peircings at all, i too have had a faceful but all that remains in my tounge ring as i have had it for so long i talk with a lisp without it.

I am however annoyed at her father for not consulting me, but i have spoken to him about it.

The whole point of the post was to see if i was being old fashioned! Turning into my own mother! But i am glad to see i am not alone in thinking she is far to young to have peircings.

Definitely understand where you're coming from. :)

I was one of those 8 year olds who begged their Mum for her ears to be pierced. She let me have it done with a gun and still to this day I have re-occurring ear infections. I'm not blaming my mother for giving in, but it's made me more aware of why Parents have these sort of restrictions.

[Moops]

Dunno if this helps, but when my DD#1 wanted me to sign a consent form for a piercing, I told her that I's be happy to if we went together and both got it done. The thought of having the same piercing at the same time as her mum turned her off the idea totally. Maybe you could get your nose done???:laughing:

LOL When I was little I wanted my ears pierced and i think my Mum tried the same thing as you so off we went to the hairdressers and Mum thinking she was calling my bluff got hers done then I chickened out! :laughing:

I have to say I got my nose pierced a couple of years ago and took it out recently and the hole is much more obvious than it would be on your ears etc. I think she is too young to be scarred!

[Lil Mamma]

I desperately wanted to get my nose pierced when I was younger, mum didn't let me of course, I had a whinge for a few days and got over it. I just recently got my nose done at age 21, and looking back I respect my mum's decision to not let me do it. I think 11 is FAR too young, I would definetly get her to take it out and explain to her that you are disappointed that she went behind your back and that there is plenty of time for piercings later! She's just a kid.

How irresponsible of your ex! :shame:

[SassyMummy]

I'd make her take it out.

It sends a message to her - that it's not right to go behind Mums back to someone she knows will be more willing to give her what she wants... and that it's kinda pointless anyway, because Mum won't just roll over and go, "meh!" about it either!

It also sends a messsage to her father - that you are her mother, and that you're not going to allow him to make decisions like that without consulting you first.

I don't like DD's dad much... he annoys the bejesus out of me. But he doesn't want Chanel to get her lobes pierced until she is 5 and so I am going to stick to that, out of respect for his position as her father. Just because we're not together doesn't mean he gets to do what he wants, and I'll do what I want. We're both still her parents, and we both need to agree on the bigger decisions.

I'd make her take it out for sure. Let her know that you're hte boss. I wouldn't wait for hte school to tell her to, or for boxing. You're the parent - let her know YOU are in charge.

I think it will send a much stronger message to her if YOU are the one to say "take it out" rather than leaving it to someone else.

[codswallop]

id be ****ed that she diddnt ask but as for taking it out... i have both sides of my nose done 1st one when i was 12ish the second when i was 15 so if aby wanted hers done id have to alow it, i got my first mainly because a close family friend married a indian lady who i thought was the most fab looking woman and as i couldnt have long thick black hair i could atleast have my nose peirced,

[pegasus]

Personally, I wouldn't give ultimatums or reasons why she has to take it because as a parent, you don't owe her any explanations...get it out, right now, end of story.
It's not about where the piercing is or who did it or whether or not it should have been done, it's about setting boundaries for your child.
Now, at 11 it's piercings...if you don't make a stand now and say no then when she's 15, 16, 17 instead of piercings it may be coming and going as she pleases, wanting and expecting boyfriends to stay over, choosing if/when she attends school.
I just think that letting her get away with this sets a very dangerous precedent for the future.

I agree with this - she is 11 - from my understanding of children (I am trained in child development and a step mum of a 15 and 13 year old), if you lay down the law at 11 - it may evoke an arguement, but not as much as laying down the law at 13, 15, 17 etc

This situation is sort of comparable to when my DSD had her nose pierced at 11 (or12 - can't remember properly). We were horrified that her mother had allowed it, but didn't make a big deal to DSD - thought that would make matters worse. She ended up with multiple problems, but then to take the place of the nose piercing that DSD had to get out, her mum got DSD's belly pierced a couple of months later:hair:

[Ana Gram]

I am pierced and come from a heavily pierced community and DD is not even allowed to have her ears done and will not be allowed any other piercings until 16. If she came home from her father's house with any type of piercing, knowing full well that I have said no, I would make her take it out. Then I would be ringing her father and he would be getting an earful. Well several earfuls because he would keep hanging up on me as he hates being yelled at. If DD refused to comply, all privileges would be taken away.

[canberramomma]

In addition to my earlier post, I came from a family that wanted 'normality' without discipline.

I was allowed to pierce my ears at 8. When I asked for a second piercing at about 15, I was told "no, people will think badly" so I tried to do it myself. I've still got the half a stump in my ear (it's surgical steel, so I'm not really worried, unless I get gangrene or something.).

Both my brothers have other piercings and professional scars, I have a navel piercing, my brothers partners have piercings and tats.

So I guess it's just another parenting decision that you will have to make while your child is still a minor, but be prepared (which I gather from your posts, that you are) to accept like decisions when she is old enough to examine all the consequences.


Hope you guys come to a mutually comfortable decision. :hugs: It's not easy being a parent and it won't become easier till she is at least 19 (I speak from personal experience as a mum and a daughter).

It always amazes me, the complex relationship between mums and daughters once puberty is involved!