Being judged on decision to have a repeat c-section

[jennigurl]

Hi
I was wondering if there are any mothers out there that feel they are being judged after deciding to have a c-section. My first born was 10pound 7oz and 12 days overdue, and after being induced for 24 hours we both suffered complications, including him having a heart rate of over 200bpm and me with a temp of over 40 degrees. The doctor pretty much told me that if we were to both survive I required an emergency c-section. I was only 5cm dilated at this point. I ended up having a healthy but huge baby boy and was told we were very lucky. This time round, I have opted for the c-section and have had alot of people judge me for this. In my mind it was the obvious choice and after having my 30 week ultrasound and discovering my new one is over 2.1kg already I thought that people would be more understanding as she is way off the charts in every measurement. Not the case. Why is it that people, especially other mothers, feel the need to judge other mothers when we should all stand together? Please let me know if any of you out there have had the same reactions as I have.
Extremely lucky mum of 1 - 4yrs 10 months
Another due 21-11-08

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Well.. If you choose to have a c-sec then that is your choice.

That said though, your second bubs labour and birth may not be like the first one. Each pregnancy, each birth and each baby is different so there is nothing to say that you will encounter the same problems this time around.

But again, if you choose to forgo that risk and take the other risk (because when you are scared of birth or have had a traumatic experience they are BOTH risks) then that is your choice. Either way, they are your consequences to deal with.

You are the only person qualified to make that decision for your body and your baby.

[Mathermy]

Hi
I was wondering if there are any mothers out there that feel they are being judged after deciding to have a c-section. My first born was 10pound 7oz and 12 days overdue, and after being induced for 24 hours we both suffered complications, including him having a heart rate of over 200bpm and me with a temp of over 40 degrees. The doctor pretty much told me that if we were to both survive I required an emergency c-section. I was only 5cm dilated at this point. I ended up having a healthy but huge baby boy and was told we were very lucky. This time round, I have opted for the c-section and have had alot of people judge me for this. In my mind it was the obvious choice and after having my 30 week ultrasound and discovering my new one is over 2.1kg already I thought that people would be more understanding as she is way off the charts in every measurement. Not the case. Why is it that people, especially other mothers, feel the need to judge other mothers when we should all stand together? Please let me know if any of you out there have had the same reactions as I have.
Extremely lucky mum of 1 - 4yrs 10 months
Another due 21-11-08
:(:hugs:
Until they offer to birth your baby for you, you do exactly what you feel is best for you and your bubs.

[kezzaskids]

Hi Jennigurl. Come and chat to us in the due in november 2008 thread. We are a great bunch of girls and NO judgement there I can tell you! In fact I wish I knew all of the ladies as they are so supportive!! Goodluck with your birth you will be great! :)

[ceaser3]

hi jennigurl,well my gosh he was a big boy,thank god he didnt come out the so called natural way.I have had 3 c/s and we are trying for a 4th.My first born was an emergency due to him being too big and same his heart rate was over 200 so it was safest to do a c/s,my second was looking like she was going to be big so my ob suggested an elective c/s,needless to say she was smaller than my first but hey we survived and i have absolutely no regret on making the decision to have another c/s.My third was also an elective c/s and he is fine i recovered well and still have no regrets on my decision to have another c/s,i have come across only a few people that have told me i have taken the easy way out,but of course having a c/s is by no means easy,so i just smile and think to myself that my children and me are all healthy happy and it has not stopped me from doing anything i want to do.People every where are always critical and i guess it makes some people feel more powerful if they say and think there opinion is right but hey as long as everything ended up ok and your body and baby are well than why does it matter.
Take what people say with a pinch of salt and hold your head high,you did give birth to your babies ,they are here arent they

BEC :flowerz:

[Rupert]

:(:hugs:
Until they offer to birth your baby for you, you do exactly what you feel is best for you and your bubs.

:yelclap: Very well said!!! Tell them to mind their own business...

[Cordelia]

I find my friends are supportive (some of them have/are also having repeat caesars).. It's more on places like HERE (bubhub) that you're too scared to say because of all the messages of the dangers of a c-section and how you should be trying for a VBAC come flooding through.

I am fully happy with my decision and can't wait to turn up to the hospital on th emorning of my elective caeser date to meet my little son.

That's my prerogative!!! I wish you the very best with the arrival of your new child :hugs: I hope the delivery is relaxed and joyful for you :flowerz:

[silver_locket]

Hello:wave:
I had an emergency C/section with my first baby last year, due to Him not dropping far enough down, I was in labor for 22 hours and only dilated to 8cm. At that point I was begging for a C/section!!. I really don't see whats so bad about them, Yes it's not the "natural way" but I'm just so thankful, that I live in a country that has that second option!!! I stuggeld at first with friends who had already had a normal birth, they didn't quite know what to say and after a while I found that they just didn't talk about it because they were scared about what I would have thought and how I was to respond. If I could go back, I'd say talking about it would have helped me sooner!!. You shouldnt be made to feel guilty about something you had NO choice in.
So I say, do what you think is right for this baby, he/she will somehow let you know! Congratulations and all the best!!:kiss: I'd be having another c/section too!!

[kaseysmum]

Being both a mum who had a C/S and a midwife, PLEASE dont feel that you have to justify or feel guilty about your birth choices! It sounds like your labour was obstructed which like you said can be dangerous for yourself and you baby. Sure it would be great if all women just poped babies out but the reality is they dont. You have to be happy a & confident in the choices you make for YOUR family. In the end we all want healthy baby. I think we focus to much on birth, it comes and goes how ever it happens, being a parent is whats important. Anyway the child is not going to stand up at thier 21st b'day & say "just want to thank mum for having a normal birth". Good luck and enjoy the experience for what it is having a baby!

[onemummmy]

thank god he didnt come out the so called natural way.



errrrrr:confused:

I know of two women who have just birthed ELEVEN pound babies 'the natural way'
and its not so called natural, it is natural, the way nature intended.:detective:

[EsSjAy]

Mmmmm.... Know this only too well.....
All women (i assume) would like to birth 'NATURALLY'... the way nature intended... but nature isn't always kind is it....
And i don't agree about the 'inclination' of going against good 'sound' medical advice to attempt to 'birth naturally' either because it's only natural to have a natural birth.....
This is not directed at anyone but IMO i find that judging someones decision to have a C/S (or a repeat C/S) by eluding that they NEED to get a 2nd, 3rd opinion and ditch the medical professionals all together so they can get be 'TRULY' in charge of their own birth is wrong....

JMO..... :)

[jennigurl]

Wow thanks for all of the input guys. To tell you the truth I really don't care what anyone thinks anymore. I think at the time I was just feeling very emotional lol which didn't help when ppl, especially friends decided to voice their opinions. As many ppl have said to me lately, and one of them my mother, you do what you need to do, they weren't there at the time. I went to visit a friend of mine i hadnt seen for about 10 weeks the other day and she almost passed out when she saw how big i was. She almost fell over when she realised i still had 8 weeks to go lol. My belly is huge!! The baby is still upside down and is so strong I can feel every single twitch lol. My partner loves it and so do I. This baby is much more active than my first was, and bigger!

Thanks again for your comments
Jenni 32, DP 30, DS 4yrs 10months, and lovely large one due 21 Nov

[canberramomma]

My biggest critic was my dads partner who told me that she didn't know what was wrong with women my age and why did we all go to hospital to give birth when hospitals were for sick people?

I explained that many women my age were quietly giving birth at home or in birthing centres, but in my case, if I didn't go to hospital, I and my babies would die.

She laughed at me and said "And just where do you get that fantasy from?"

I told her two emergency c-sections from two different fathers because the babes got stuck.

It's honestly no one else's business how you choose to give birth. Tell 'em to go suck eggs!!!:D

[MyFourCubs]

:(:hugs:
Until they offer to birth your baby for you, you do exactly what you feel is best for you and your bubs.

:laughing::yelclap: Well said.

My 3rd was a ceaserean after 2 horrendous births (vaginal births) that were life threatening and traumatic. Number 3 was a ceaser for several reasons and I also got sick and tired of justifying it to peopel. (Bottom line was she was placenta praevia and wasn't coming out any other way but regardless I would have opted for a ceaserean after the first 2.)

But to do you know what? You can only be made to feel bad about it if you LET people make you feel bad.:yes: I know it's easier said than done but I am absolutely perfectly fine with my ceaserean birth, it was my best birth BY FAR and if I had to do it again (I won't) I would opt for the ceaserean again- no question. I do not feel bad, regardless of what other people say and/or think. You do NOT have to explain your reasons to people, just tell them with a big smile that you are having aceaserean for medical reasons. Not that it's any of their business anyway.

If you were desperate to try for a vbac because it was important to YOU- that would be different. I'd say give it a go as long as it was medically safe. But you do what YOU want. End of story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Bewitched]

I've been repeatedly judged for this. People often make remarks about it, what i dont tell them (as i dont feel the need to justify it to them but will share here with my friends :)) is that i actually had no choice in this matter. It turned out after the loss of my twins at 8 months, i never had another baby engage for some reason, so c-sections were the only way i could go. But i never tell these people that, because i think even if that werent the case and i chose to do it myself, i dont need others negative comments about it ...so i let it slide nowadays :(

[MyFourCubs]

errrrrr:confused:

I know of two women who have just birthed ELEVEN pound babies 'the natural way'
and its not so called natural, it is natural, the way nature intended.:detective:

I also know of a woman who birthed an 11 pounder- the natural way. I also know of women whose 7lb and 8lb bubs got stuck and had to be removed "surgically." Every woman is different, every baby is different and every circumstance is different. It may be considered "natural" but sadly some of us are those woman who would have died and / or their babies would have died if our only option was the "natural way."

[SassyMummy]

I actually think people judge because they put themselves in HALF of your shoes - they will never know what's REALLY going on with you, so they hear little tidbits, then decide what THEY would do in a similar situation... and they've sorta got no idea why you wouldn't choose the same choice as they would.

Even when people tell you you're making "the right choice," they're judging. It just doesn't annoy us because they're agreeing with us. Still judgement though.

People will judge you no matter what choice you make though - I want a HBAC, and I know that I'll be up for a lot of arguements and eye-rolling and whatnot when I announce that decision (which won't be for a long time, because I'm not pregnant, nor TTC or any such thing). :p

People will judge no matter what... just know that they're not you, they don't know how you're feeling, and their opinions on the issue hold no ground, so you've just gotta be secure in your own choice and ignore their judgements.

I think some people make judgements with the best of intentions too. I'd be upset if, for example, my daughter came to me and said she wanted a caesarean (Not just because she's only 3...:p:laughing:... ykwim though...)... and she'd probably see that, but it wouldn't be because I wanted to be horrible... it's just because, I want what's best for her, and I would probably not agree that a c-sec is except in a few circumstances.

That's jsut an example of how someone might judge and seem unsupportive... but it's not becuase they don't care.

[naiwen]

If I were to be having another baby I would probably go for a repeat CS, I know many women worry about ending up with a CS scar AND vaginal trauma and that's valid.

If it feels right for you then that is what matters!

It's no one elses business but yours.

[threepigs]

I sometimes feel that people want you to have done what they did because in an unconcious way it validates their own choices or experiences :rolleyes:

My DD was born e c/s after 24 hrs labour - she was brow presentation and never coming out "naturally".

I researched, read up, tossed up and searched my soul about how to go with DS (due in 5 weeks) and eventually decided on a scheduled c/s.

Just as annoying as my MIL (who informed me that I didn't have to have another c/s - she had 3 vb's) was my own mother (who had two c/s) who insanely said, "well that's absolutely the right decision for those of us who don't want to live in chaos" :confused: What the?

So I have a MIL who things I made a wrong decision and a mother who thinks I made the right decision but she's got my rationale all wrong. It's kinda complex.

Interestingly the only two people who were utterly supportive of either decision and put no pressure on me either way were my DH and my OB, who were happy to support me either way :smiliedance: and ultimately that's what really matters to me. I must admit I find men a tad less judgemental about it all.....

Sorry for the blurb - I'm having a fragile day :o