How Many Is Too Many?

[Ys_Woman]

I've been watching a show on Foxtel about families with more than a dozen kids. What strikes me is they all own gigantic gorgeous houses on acreage with room enough for all.
We only have four kids (one is an adult who usually lives away from home) and live in a tiny rented three bedder.

The eldest moved back in recently bringing all of her worldly possessions, and we jostled to move the two middle kids into a shared room. The house literally exploded with our combined goods and chattels and we were tripping over each other.

I felt quite stretched as a mother and when I thought about it one night I realised my day was mainly about survival: getting the washing done, the meals prepared; the primary aged kids ready for school; trying to counsel my eldest and be involved in her life; all the while changing nappies, making bottles, and keeping a teething bub happy.

So I came to wonder...How many is too many? Is there a point where it becomes more like running an army barracks than relaxing and enjoying each individual child?

I'm keen to hear what others think and feel.

Amy:)

[Josh]

I have 10 kids, and I have very good organisation skills, I wont rattle off all the things that I do, but basically we run a very tight ship, everything is organised right down to the last detail, I get up really early in the morning sometime around 5am, and then my day starts, I usually make lunches for 6 kids,pack them all away then I will start washing 5/6 loads per day, then I make my shopping list for the day, then I get school uniforms ready,(socks, shoes, stockings etc), then I start the breakfasts, and the list goes on, I usually dont go to bed until midnight, it is a very busy life, but I woudn't change it, and having a large family is not for everyone, I would like maybe 4 more kids, if I can fit it in somewhere.:laughing::D

[kymmy]

We are having our forth and it does get hard to find rentals. I would love to move outwards where we can have space and have more kids.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I guess when you get to the 20th child you might want to consider that you might have enough. :)

Its a personal choice though.

[Ys_Woman]

Jazzah: I need a nap just reading about your busy day:yes:.

Kymmy: oh I am so with you on that score. Would kill to buy some property so the kids can run free.

NibbleCurlynBun: I haven't seen one with 20 yet, the highest they have had on that show was 18 and I don't think the mum was completely done:eek:.

I guess my question wasn't about organisational skills but more along the lines of: How does a mum with a very large family (over six kids let's say) get to spend time with each child on an individual basis? Kids are very egocentric and usually want as much of your attention as possible.
Could it be that kids of very large families learn not to rely on mum or dad as much as kids from small families do, or do they substitute older siblings to fill that parental role?

What's been your experience?

Amy:)

[kymmy]

I think they spend more time with siblings yet value one on one with Mum or Dad.
Also I think children from larger families are more independant and do more for themselves rather than Mum doing it all.

[mumbron]

:iagree:WITH KYMMY I HAVE FOUR CHILDREN AND I GET A LOT OF HELP FROM MY TWO OLDER CHILDREN BUT THEY LOVE TO HELP OUT BEING GIRLS AND ALL.:flowerz:

[sja]

From what I have seen from a few homeschooling sample schedules (my SIL homeschools, not me), the parents schedule in one one one time with their kids. They also often schedule time for 2 siblings to play together, so the two can bond. I only have 4 kids, but I've pinched this idea for my kids. I will send the 4 and 3 yr olds to play in their room together for 20 minutes and I spend the time with the 2yo. Then the 4 and 2yo play and I spend time with the 3yo, then the 3 and 2yo play and I have special time with the 4yo. The baby gets feeds and changes, but when he's older he'll be scheduled in too. I find this way I can easily ensure I get 20 minutes special time with each kid each day. It only takes an hour of my time. And TBH, I think 20 minutes a day of focused attention is more than some only children get from their mothers.

Even if I had 10 or more kids, then maybe they would get less time with me, or less frequent special time, but I would still make the time - but I think a lot of people forget that cooking dinner with a child, or hanging washing out together, can be a great way to spend time together and bond. I do think they would rely more on older siblings and do more things for themselves, but IMO that's not always a bad thing.

[loving6]

We only have five. We have mummy or daddy dates where we go out and spend the whole evening / day with one child. The other children stay home with the other parent. Our kids really look forward to them. Sometimes it's just out for icecream and a trip to the park or to the movies. Once it was a weekend at indi for our eldest.

[ciehann]

oh my god jazzah...ur a super mum! im in awe! its frustrates me that society sees stay at home mums unjustly....i dont think many people could do what you do! lots of hugs!

[angel68]

hi,
i have 9 children and one on the way.im all ways bissy with the children we have lots of fun :wave:

[canberramomma]

We are a blended family with 4 children. We have had to put an extension on the house to accommodate all the ages (it's just an average 4 beddi, but much better than before). Ideally, I would love two more, but we'll see what happens.

[mummyof5]

I don't think you can have too many...in years gone by, families had lots of kids, there wasn't the pressure to spend one on one with each child like there seems to be now, and they grew up having siblings to get some of that from. They seemed to survive allright.
Maybe that comes from me though, cause I don't have the time to spend much with my kids on their own, cause I am stretched thin enough with DH away most of the time. My kids don't seem too mind though, cause they have never had it any other way!

[ChristiMomof15]

I have 14 kids with #15 on the way, as your family grows you just grow with it, it happened very slowly, not like I went from 10 to 14 kids in a jump.
Christi :wave::wave:

Here is a link to my family photo's.
http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd251/Christi_Momof14/

[AM]

Jazzah - I'd LOVE to hear every detail of your organisational skills, I only have 2 kids and my organisation is ****! :laughing:

I'd love to know, those of you with a fair few kids, how did you find each subsequent pregnancy? I'm onto my third, and finding it so much harder than the first two, I've been thinking a lot about women who have 5,8,10 or more pregnancies, and just feeling in awe.

Does it get noticably harder, or do you think your body was just 'made' for childbearing, and you breeze through it?

[jo101]

I come from a family of six, I'm the youngest. My older sisters were expected to help with the younger ones and were like mother figures to my brother and I. It has its drawbacks for sure. We didnt have a car when everyone else did and walked and caught buses, this was in the seventies and eighties so most familys had cars. My parents owned their house, one of the bonuses of living in that time was it was possible to own a house on one income..nowdays however thats nearly impossible. I have to say it instilled in us kids financial independence. We've never expected to be helped out with money by our parents and have always known that its up to us and us alone to look after ourselves in that way. If we are, its certainly not taken for granted or expected.

[moonblossom]

I still get blown away when I think I've had eight children LOL. I often think 'How did I do it?" well it must of been easy because I have absolutely no regrets.

I am a grandmother now...and before she was born, I would of contemplated having another, but now she is here, I am extremely content to take care of her when my daughter needs me (which is all day every day at the moment LOL) so I am blessed that she lets me spend so much time with her.

Even though I am a single Mum, I have to give kudo's to my wonderful ex's, who are still part of my life, and believe as I do, that our children come first, without their love and support, it would of been VERY difficult.

[DQ]

I'm about to have #6 and have absolutely no regrets.

My ONLY stress is the shopping. There is something about the walls of woolworths that transform my kids into monsters. :hair: As soon as we step foot in the place, they turn ferral. :laughing:

Other than that all is wonderful. The way I see it, if shopping with ferral kids is all I have to complain about, then I'm doing just fine :thumbsup:

[JellybeanLOVER]

I have 10 kids, and I have very good organisation skills, I wont rattle off all the things that I do, but basically we run a very tight ship, everything is organised right down to the last detail, I get up really early in the morning sometime around 5am, and then my day starts, I usually make lunches for 6 kids,pack them all away then I will start washing 5/6 loads per day, then I make my shopping list for the day, then I get school uniforms ready,(socks, shoes, stockings etc), then I start the breakfasts, and the list goes on, I usually dont go to bed until midnight, it is a very busy life, but I woudn't change it, and having a large family is not for everyone, I would like maybe 4 more kids, if I can fit it in somewhere.:laughing::D

I think I need a lesson in organisation skills ... I'm pretty hopeless:o



I have 14 kids with #15 on the way, as your family grows you just grow with it, it happened very slowly, not like I went from 10 to 14 kids in a jump.
Christi :wave::wave:

Here is a link to my family photo's.
http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd251/Christi_Momof14/ (http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd251/Christi_Momof14/)

You have a beautiful family :)


I would love to have 5-10 or more children.. don't see it happening though.

[Josh]

''Dedication'' is something that I have a lot of, I never stop even while I am here on the computer I am multitasking, I dont usually go to bed until around 1am, my body is constantly in robot mode. I will hopefully have at least 2 more kids.

[loving6]

Here is a link to my family photo's.
http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd251/Christi_Momof14/[/quote]


You have beautiful family Christi.


Multi tasking :laughing:breastfeeding and typing right now.

[mummyof5]

Christi, congrats on no.15, I am so jealous...:yes:

[Pax]

I will be having my 5th kid soon and although I was ready to stop at 2 kids LOL I am happy with my brood.

When i look at my kids, i mean really look, i see amazing people that i am so proud to have in my life.

kids from small families tend to have too much and demand more and dont know how to get along as well as kids in big families

kids from big families have to learn to be patient, wait, self control, share and many other brilliant qualities, moreso than small family kids.

As a mum I find time to spend with each of the kids that come to me to spend time with me. I will turn off the computer or put down the washing or make a coffee and sit with them.. and whatever i am doing can wait a bit longer. I am not an organised mum at all.. i blow with the wind.. that works too.

[Pax]

Jazzah - I'd LOVE to hear every detail of your organisational skills, I only have 2 kids and my organisation is ****! :laughing:

I'd love to know, those of you with a fair few kids, how did you find each subsequent pregnancy? I'm onto my third, and finding it so much harder than the first two, I've been thinking a lot about women who have 5,8,10 or more pregnancies, and just feeling in awe.

Does it get noticably harder, or do you think your body was just 'made' for childbearing, and you breeze through it?


I am on my 5th and my back/hips have had it. stuck in bed most the day DH has to do a lot to get us through. I notice a huge difference to having a baby at 21 than to 37

[bronny-jane]

I have 14 kids with #15 on the way

:eek: what kind of car do you have:D

[BrAins]

Wow, every one here is amazing. i admire you all. i have 3darlings at the moment and we are planning #4. i am hoping for 5 or 6.
i have found lots of people to be so negative, which is really frustrating because i dont know why they think big families are bad.
my only concern is money, we are comfortable, but not well off. at the moment have a small 3bed 1 bath home, so i need a bigger one and a bigger car too. im guessing all that stuff works itself out?(at least im hoping)
i think i will be checking in here more often.

melissa

[jaydensmum]

In my opinion i dont think there is a number that suggests that its too many. The number of kids people has is a personal decision. Its based upon what they feel they are able to cope with. Whether they can provide them with the emotional, physical and financial needs that they require. I admire people who have large families i think they are wonderful people. I actually get jealous of them because i know my DH wont allow us to have a big family. Although he might change, who knows. :fingerscrossed::D

[catbat]

Hi. I am mum to 4 and trying for number 5. I think this question is an interesting one, and obviously the answer is different for each family. I really wonder some days when I am feeling overwhelmed - for example I totally get the feral kids in Woolies- my normally reasonably good kids (slightly hyper) turn feral while doing the food shopping. There is something about those long aisles that makes my kids want to run free!:smiliedance:

The housework seems neverending and returning to my teaching career seems to be getting more impossible each day........still I love having a 'small' big family and really feel I have not met all our kids yet. :confused:

[3blue&1pink]

I have 14 kids with #15 on the way, as your family grows you just grow with it, it happened very slowly, not like I went from 10 to 14 kids in a jump.
Christi :wave::wave:

Here is a link to my family photo's.
http://s225.photobucket.com/albums/dd251/Christi_Momof14/

Ive seen your posts on PO.. amazing.. you have a beautiful family!

I am pregnant with #4, it will be our last bub!

[pinkgingham]

how many is too many, is how many is too many for you....:)

did that make sense? LOL

for me any more than 4 would be more than enough and anything past that i know i would be really struggling to cope. right now i have 2 and have the want for another but just sticking to 2 right now. i feel like i have my hands full with my 2 now. i think anyone that has 3 or more kids are superwomen.

i think some women just love having lots of kids around them and there isnt anything wrong with that. but it isnt for me.

[Alicat4]

I have four kids at the moment and am loving every minute! They are well behaved (most of the time!!), do well at school and do help out with chores to get their pocket money.

We are thinking about having a fifth (trying next year) but no firm plans yet.

I agree with Pinkgingham, I believe it is a personal thing - some people are content and cope well with 1 or 2 children while others find joy in having more. I would like a fifth but have to be sensible about the expenses.

[Rubyzz]

Ok I am single and have one six month old and after reading all you amazing womens posts am having visions of you rolling around on the floor clutching your stomachs in hysterics if you were watching me not cope sometimes...LOL
I worked with a woman who was one of 18, her mum was in her eighties and fighting fit and all I could think was 1. Does she remember you all? and 2. How didnt her insides fall out? LOL....Anyone that has 6 and over should get a 20,000 dollar gift from the goverment at the end of each year just for still being alive and well in my opinion. I am well organised but do admit I like my own time and find some of the baby care tedious and mind numbing but Id say that conditioning from only having to worry about myself for 36yrs. Id actually like to have another but my relationship fell apart and Im not young so may never happen.
Ok ladies with all the children -how are the state of your floors? LOL Im a bit too uptight about floors and like everything neat and tidy, Im thinking all of you women have learnt to let go and prioritise whats really important. A skill Im trying to adjust to. You would all be very very unselfish women full of servitude and should be highly commended on your giving natures.
Oh and one more thing I feel like Im always washing, I feel like finding a corner and just rocking back and forth when I think of your washing. :) God Bless every one of you and you all deserve a medal in my books.:D