Am I now a turn-off?!

[SassyMummy]

For whatever reason, sex had pretty much ceased in my relationship, and I'm not really sure why.

It's not because of ME...I'm ready and willing. In fact, on several occassions I have told him that "tonight I want to have sex, okay?" just so he KNOWS that I'm up for it. But, even on those occassions (and I admit they're not too sexy a proposal...lol) nothing happens.

It can't be because of our daughter - sex has been fine since she's been born, and though it slowed down a bit (we couldn't just have sex during the day when she was awake...), it was still pretty active and eventful and actually EXISTANT.

Now though...it NEVER happens.

I think it may have to do with the fact that I've put on weight recently. Since the birth, I've slowly been putting on weight and am now 15-20kg heavier than I was POST baby (so it's not just pregnancy weight). Of course I'm not happy about this, and I really want to lose it but for whatever reason I'm lacking the motivation to do it at the moment...but that's not the point.

The point is, I think I may be turning him off. I've never been skinny. In fact, since I've been with DP I've been at least a size 14. Now though, I'm pretty much an 18 (which upsets me because I'm too embarrassed to shop in larger shops/departments of shops).

I know it's only 2 dress sizes, but it's a big difference. I'm a short girl....so it really shows quite a bit. Instead of having "curves" I now just seem to have straight sides...because my waist has thickened out that much. My big breasts are now just so-so because compared to the rest of me, they're no longer that large. My bum? That too doesn't stand out so much.

As you can probably tell, I have a big issue about my size at the moment...which MAY be why I think it's the reason DP doesn't seem to want to sleep with me anymore. As in, maybe it's just MY issue, and he couldn't care less.

I do wonder though, if that's NOT the problem...then what the hell is? I'm sick of feeling sexually frustrated! I'M ONLY 20 FOR GODS SAKES! lol.

Any advice or suggestions?

[reAllytee]

Im the same with putting on weight since having bubs. I stupidly allowed myself to get cocky so to speak as i lost pretty much all my weight straight after the event because of bubs being so big etc. Now i lack the motivation to lose weight not just because i hate to exercise ( funny considering i used to run every nite a few years ago ! ) but also because i feel so horrible about myself so its an endless circle !
But then i also know our sex life has more to do with my partners injury atm than with me looking the way i do ( or so i like to tell myself lol ! )
Guess you also have to remember that a lot of guys freak out once their partners/wives have a child as they see them as a mother not just a lover so maybe that has slowly occured with him as Chanel has gotten older. Plus i do think when the babies do get older also its harder to have sex as often or even as you said spontaneously due to them being awake through the day or like in a lot of cases them having a sixth sense about it & waking when the deed gets interesting lol !
I would have to say the best thing you can do is to talk to your partner about it because all we can really do is take stabs in the dark as to why this is all happening. So i would go to him & have a talk this way once you know what the deal is then you can at least start to make some changes. Whether it be having someone look after Chanel for a nite so you two can have a nite alone or even putting her to bed early one nite then have candles & maybe a bubble bath awaiting his arrival home ( obviously something nice for you both to enjoy & spend time together ).
Anyways good luck & i hope you have a good talk & can work things out maybe you will find he is just an exhausted daddy needing some attention & once he gets it will be more than happy to have some fun so to speak ! :)

[Ana Gram]

It might just be that he is still coming to terms with the fact that your life has changed considerably forever. For some that is a lot to get their head around. And some men do find it difficult to push the whole mother thing out of the way especially if he was there at the birth. It could be work related stress, he could just be tired, it could be a million trivial little things that might not seem like much but is a huge deal in his head. The only way around it is to sit him down and tell him exactly how you are feeling and make him give you a straight answer.

On a side note, I hate sex now and my partner would still gladly have it three times a day, maybe we should just swap! :laughing:

[reAllytee]

On a side note, I hate sex now and my partner would still gladly have it three times a day, maybe we should just swap! :laughing:

Yes i have weeks like that !
Maybe we could do a week to week thing as it happens LOL !:p

[Billy]

Hi there sassymummy,
In my experience I have found that if I'm not feeling that great about myself it tends to show through and DH can always pick up on it. If you are feeling a little self conscience he will feel it and then it becomes difficult to get the results you want ;)

My advice would be to do something for yourself first- make YOU feel good about you and then he will follow in your footsteps. For me it usually doesn't take alot, go for a walk, get some fresh air, get a haircut- whatever. I usually fell better just knowing that on that particular day, I went for a walk or ate relatively well, you know? If you really want to lose some weight, do it for yourself first- not because of what you think HE wants.
And in that regard if you do want to lose a little, write down your goal and how you will do it- just seeing it written down lifts my spirits enough to motivate me :D

But remember too we all go through times when we're up for it- and other times we can't get far enough away from eachother :p
And as a side note, whenever i have said to my DH "I wanna have some sex tonight", (when we were TTC etc)- it NEVER happened... its like too much pressure or something! LOL

Well sorry for the long reply,
hope you can find something to help in all this dribble!! :ecomcity:
Best of luck
Belinda xo

Belinda- 23
DH- 28
1st bub due 14th may!

[EskimoMumma]

well im 21 and going through what you are pretty much. With DS i pretty much lost all thew eight straighta way because i was still walking, whereas with DD..ive reallky been a true SAHM... so i have gained weight ..i think about 1-2 dress sizes as well. Men are like dogs, they pick up on our feelings, it just depends on w hat kind of guy you get and how they will act with those feelings... i think you should do a sit down with your partner..and hopefully, you'll get sex. if not.. Sexyland here you go!

[brooke]

hmm feeling better now I know its not just my dh...

I hate feeling like I have to beg for sex its actually really embarrassing... :o
I dont get men... They are more confusing than women!

Maybe sit down and talk to him.. I spoke to my DH about it and he just said its because at the end of the day he is just so exausted! I can understand that but come on... I HAVE NEEDS!!!! :banghead:

Your size shouldnt matter to him.. he should love you for who you are.. which I am sure he does... Maybe try and set a romantic enviroment.. get bubs baby sat and if still nothing happens.. have THE talk!

[MissSparkle]

Maybe try and set a romantic enviroment.. get bubs baby sat and if still nothing happens.. have THE talk!

I agree. Try the romantic setting. This is what I do with DF. We are both usually very tired at night because he doesn't get home till late (hes a chef) so I'll straighten my hair put on some sex underwear and that usually does it for him.