Sick Of The Sterotypes

[yackysmum]

I'm 21 with a 16month old boy, and my best friend is 26 with a 3 year old girl and an 18month old boy. Now we arent exactly teenagers who have fallin pregnant to some random guy and have droped out of school and our parents raise our kids while we go out partying all day long. Anyway :ecomcity:
We walked up to the park with the kiddies the other day and on the way home a commodore full of either italians or lebonese(im not racist just trying to give you the whole picture) men in their late 20s pulled up beside us and starting yelling at us calling us sl*ts and saying things like look at you sl*ts with three kids hanging of you why dont you keep your legs closed. :eek:
As you can imagine we were both stunned and upset but we seem to get the same reaction everywhere we go. Nothing like that, but people are always pointing and whispering as we go by and we are ALWAYS getting asked how old we are or told that we are way too young for children.
Somethimes i feel like crawling under a rock, as proud i am of my son, i am sick to death of all the ridicule.:gloomy:
Has anyone had any similar things happen them???
I have a million more stories along the same lines but this is the most recent

[Ana Gram]

Lots of us get strangers making rude and awful comments based on their stereotype of us. When DD was a baby I used to get people asking me if I only had a child for sacraficial purposes. You just have to try and learn to ignore them. There are merely a blip in your existance.

[SassyMummy]

I'm lucky enough to not really get any comments from people. I'm 20, and my daughter is 9 months...and even when we are out and about and I'm looking kind of bogan...I rarely have ANYTHING said or done to me that would make me feel uncomfortable as a young mother.

Actually, for me, the main people who have said negative things are those who know me personally - like when schoolmates hear about me from friends...they can usually say some pretty awful things.

I just shrug it off really. One girl who said nasty things about me being a young mother to a friend works at Woolies full-time in a checkout...and she has the nerve to say that I am wasting my life? Not that working at Woolies full-time is a bad thing - but seriously...we've been out of school for 3 years now...I would have assumed that to criticise MY life, she would have had to been working somewhere a little more professional...or at least in a higher position than check-out chick!

I also like to think about how me being a young parent is actually affecting the world. I am raising a human being...what I'm doing is something important and special. A lot of young people my age are off shagging around, getting drunk (and drugged...?) and just being a bunch of fools. Sure - they might be completing a uni degree whilst doing it - but who says a mother can't do the same?

While a lot of girls I know are studying or working...I am being a mother. I already have two formal qualifications under my belt...and great school marks too. There's no real reason for anyone to criticise me for being a mother...especially since i'm such a brilliant one!

Think of it that way, and you'll feel high and mighty and SO MUCH BETTER than all of those idiots criticising you!

As for those idiots in the car...forget them! It really says a lot about them as people...to spend their day driving around harrassing people. Seriously...what wankers!

[JasmineLouise]

I can't believe they said that to you!! how incredibly rude!! talk about making assumptions! What is with boys and the 'pack mentality'? I can only hope views like that are rare and extreme cases of idiocy. :banghead:

[reAllytee]

I get looks & asked my age every so often which is highly amusing considering im now 28 ! I still get asked for i.d being short doesnt help but everyone still thinks im in my early 20's which makes me laugh !
Like chellegoth ive learnt to ignore it all & thats because i know im a good mum yeah maybe im not aspiring to be prime minister or the likes but im happy with how my life is going ( well ok i have my days :p ).
With comments like that ive learnt to laugh them off even if they hurt a little because when it comes down to it im obviously much happier with my life as i dont go around making comments nor feel the need to drive my car around & around just to look like im doing something lol !

[diamonds22]

Sorry i just have to say i noticed you live in Sydney, your going to get called those disgusting names wether or not you have kids...

I use to live there...and EVERY single time i walked to the local shops...Lebanese men/teenagers would always yell out that I was a aussie blonde slu*t/how bout a fuc* ect and of course a lot of worse things...this happened since the age of 13...(hardly wearing short skirts or doing anything wrong to provoke the rude attacks)

Anyway..sorry I know that doesn’t really help..I just wanted you to know that type of abuse happens to all types of girls if you live in syd....I moved to qld..and I swear no one ever screams out there windows or carries on how they do. I hate sydney you would be soo shocked by the difference in other states...syd dosant seem like australia to me ...imo and i have travelled a lot...its such a shame cos it was a nice place..but thats a different story.

big:hugs: anyway..you don't deserve that cra*p ...you and your friend are way better then that...so try not to let it get you down...you know the truth and that’s the most important.

[Irish Dad]

Hey don't worry about it, when me and my pregnant partner take the 3 kids to the park people look at us like the circus is in town :smiliedance:

[shed]

Why weren't those jerks at work anyway? Tell them to get a job instead of driving round harassing people who are going about their daily business.

Its not you, its THEM.

Next time call the cops.

[Charlie Angel]

Poor yackysmum! I can say I know exactly how u feel about this! I'm thirty bloody two years old and about a month ago i had exactly the same thing happen! It was a beautiful day & i was out walking my bub around the local park when a group of lebanese (i am not a racist either!!) pulled up next to me & called me a dirty aussie sl*t & quiet some other colourful words & drove off laughing. I didnt say anything back to them as i was scared & my baby got such a fright he started screaming. It left me feeling quiet shaken up! I dont know what to say to you but i know how you feel. Just remember luv, that they are the one with the problem. Dont take it to heart!:hugs: :hugs:

[yackysmum]

QUOTE DIAMONDS22***anyway..sorry I know that doesn’t really help..I just wanted you to know that type of abuse happens to all types of girls if you live in syd....I moved to qld..and I swear no one ever screams out there windows or carries on how they do. I hate sydney you would be soo shocked by the difference in other states...syd dosant seem like australia to me ...imo and i have travelled a lot...its such a shame cos it was a nice place..but thats a different story.*END QUOTE*

dont worry i do know that one of the main reason is my location. I'm origanlly from the goldie and young mothers there arent as rare to find as they are in syd.
But we are moving to woolongong next year one of the main reasons being that there are alot of younger familys.
I had a huge culture shock when i first moved to sydney 5 years ago and i honestly felt like i was in another country.

[bubbles & peanut]

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my daughter, and I have NEVER had a problem with younger people screaming abuse at me - it has always been the old ladies. One comment that really stuck with me was said by an 80ish year old lady. She said "You are not married? You will surely go to hell!" :yes:

[yackysmum]

i had the exact same thing when i was pregnant. this old women who used to be one of my regular customers where i worked realised i was pregnant and begged me to get married because i was living in the worst sin and that i was already doing wrong by my child because i wasnt providing them with an honest lifestyle, she went on for half hour(no exaggeration)

[JATS]

reading this thread I am inclined to look at the responses of people here compared to their responses in the Woman 7 months pregnant at 63 (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?t=20598) thread... Saying its awful these blokes make assumptions and have a pack mentality, then ganging up to bash a pregnant older mum... Double standards much? :no:

That said I get weird looks when I'm out just with my son (I am 24 but apparently look 20) or if Tom and I are out with my 21 yr old friend and her 2 yr old... Yeah she was a single mum but a damn good one!

People are so nosey and judjemental... just depends where you are as to what they are judgemental about...

[SamanthaJane]

I'm 17 and i'm pregnant with my first and i am scared as to what people are going to say to me, or how they are going to look at me

I was recently looking in the baby section at Big W comparing their prices, and just having a browse around. I am not noticeabley (sp?) pregnant at all and and a lady- who would have been about 40 looked at me, looked me up and down, shook her head, sighed and walked off.

I just thought - you dont even know me?? I dont look pregnant?? I could just be shopping for an older sister or other relative?? I havnt been back to the baby section by myself since... i've been buying stuff off ebay instead! I've always been so scared of other people's harsh opinions, and i really hate it.

This child isnt even born yet, but my world is already totally centered around him/her my money no longer goes to new outfits, weekends away, entertainment etc its all going into my savings account. This baby means the absoloute world to me and i have no problem sacrificing myself for the child. Why cant people just back off the whole idea of young mothers being sluts i've been with my partner for almost 3 years!!!!:banghead:

[shed]

What tom's mum said is right. But I guess no one was screaming at the older lady out of their cars, to be fair. The judgement is one thing and the method of delivery is another.

I personally am not strong enough to cope with people's judgements about young mums being whatever, I wasn't up for it then so I chose not to be a young mum. Well, that's one of the reasons.

But its not really an age thing that bothers some people, its just that people presume that young mums haven't built up enough of a skill set to be able to support a child and hence, rely on the government. Its a stereotype but its not rare, which is why the stereotype has been built up.

Also, young people's relationships tend to end and CAN be more unstable than older people's, hence the relationship breaks down leaving the girl on her own with a child and relying on the government. Not in every case, but its part of growing up so its normal. Its just when there is a baby involved that it becomes a problem.

My mum was 17 when she had her first and she and my Dad never relied on anyone, but the stereotype wasn't as common then because most people got married and supported themselves. Its different nowadays and some people don't like it, and when they see a young girl they just PRESUME they know all about her situation and they make judgements accordingly.

Its not really about that when ****head males yell things out of cars though. They have no presumptions because they have no brains. They're just rude.

If you know you're doing the right thing then you have no need to worry about judgey types tut tutting or yelling out of their cars. They need to mind their own business.

[JATS]

I was recently looking in the baby section at Big W comparing their prices, and just having a browse around. I am not noticeabley (sp?) pregnant at all and and a lady- who would have been about 40 looked at me, looked me up and down, shook her head, sighed and walked off.

I just thought - you dont even know me?? I dont look pregnant?? I could just be shopping for an older sister or other relative??

My sister went shopping with her boyfriend for baby clothes for me when I was pregnant, she was 17 too and had soooo many people look her up and down and shoot her filthy looks, even had the checkout chick who looked about mid 30's say "Aren't you guys a bit young to be starting a family?" She just smiled and said "I am 17", and just as she was leaving the checkout she said "these are for my nephew". But yeah her and her BF are planning a wedding and a family over the next year or so and she said it opened her eyes how people will treat her.


What tom's mum said is right. But I guess no one was screaming at the older lady out of their cars, to be fair. The judgement is one thing and the method of delivery is another.

Very true but who'se to say she won't get people abusing her when they recognise her if she's out shopping or whatever? I just believe the decision to have a baby should be an individual one and NOONE has the right to say someone else is wrong, esp when they don't even know the person! Young or old any woman can be a wonderful mother, young women who don't like being judged should know better than to judge others.

Live and let live:hugs:

[keenansmummy]

Firstly I want to address the comment made by diamonds22 - I totally agree I used to live in sydney Granville/Merrylands actually and totally agree with the attitude I used to cop at a young age - I actually went out with a lebanese guy who ended up in jail for rape but that is a whole other issue

And secondly I feel your pain about being judged for having a baby - I am turning 24 this year but still get asked for id everywhere I go so I am constantly getting looks from women in the shops etc and getting asked why... which really bothers me because it is none of their business what I do and for their information I am also happily married

I think you should be praised for taking your kids to the park because there alot of parents out there young and old that wouldnt consider doing anything like that for their kids

my opinion is no matter how old you are if you think you are ready for kids then you are and you will only ever be as good a parent as you can...

basically I am saying screw everyone else you love your kids and that is all that matters

[2littleprincesses]

I was 17 when I got pregnant with my daughter, and I have NEVER had a problem with younger people screaming abuse at me - it has always been the old ladies. One comment that really stuck with me was said by an 80ish year old lady. She said "You are not married? You will surely go to hell!" :yes:

Ha - you should have said "oh? maybe I'll see you there"

[MrsMiggins]

Then there's the fliip side of the coin - I once got asked by an elderly lady admiring my bub if her older brothers & sisters were all at school. When I said she didn't have any brothers & sisters, she said to me with a frown - "Aren't you a bit old to be having your first?" :laughing:

I wasn't too bothered, but I was a little shocked! I am now 30, but I had her at 29 and I never thought I looked old...!:eek:

[xkwzit]

Do none of you see the irony of this thread?

Here you are complaining about one stereotype and repeatedly enforcing another one.

Of what relevance to this story is the racial/cultural background of the thugs? They are just hoons, it doesn't / shouldn't matter where they or their parents were born. Comments they make about you, knowing NOTHING of your personal situation, say much more about them than about you.

I don't doubt that the stories you tell are true. It would make me angry to be the target of such abuse. Nothing that we say here can make what they've done to all of you OK.

But please, don't fall into the same trap by doing EXACTLY what you complain other ppl do to you. Not all men of those backgrounds are rude mongrels. To state it repeatedly it is to affirm that stereotype - the very thing that you all rail against.

Cheers to all

[CinderElla]

REALLY Wollongong?!!! Me Too!!!

[CinderElla]

Oh yeah thats right :laughing: I just get excited when I find someone from the gong!!!

[SassyMummy]

If you girls are having a problem with Sydney, then by all means come up to QLD - we're all young whores going to hell for our sinful behaviour! :laughing:

I'm 20, had bub at 19, was pregnant at 18...so though I could have been a YOUNGER mother than I am/was, I'm still pretty young.

I love it how people call the MOTHERS sl*ts...but what about criticism for the fathers? Surely a young woman can't get herself pregnant? Not saying that the fathers deserve criticism by any means, but if someone feels that the MOTHER is doing wrong then surely the father is too! I just HATE that big fat double standard!

[JATS]

Yeah, and little do they know the mother may be married and only ever been with the one guy, hardly a ****! :shame: Meanwhile they'd probobly have no problem with tarted up young women coming up to them in a club :rolleyes: Some guys are just Pr!cks, no two ways about it.

[Irish Dad]

Wheres Sassys glasses :D

[jessgray]

i get the "you look way younger then 19" when i asnwer the "how old are you" questions:laughing: i dont mind coz i know its true. just means i wont be joining the cosemtic surgery line for a very long time if ever lmao

i get the looks and whispers when i take DS out by myself shopping but i figure they dont me or DS so how can they judge us? who gave them that right? i dont sit there and belittle them with nasty comments i'm much better then that :D

since #2 is on the way i figuring i should get used to the comments :laughing: