When other people don't control their children

[RuthK]

Hi

Today I was at an indoor play area in a shopping centre as it wasn't that nice outside. The rules of the play equipment were that only children under 5 could participate. There were 2 children, obviously siblings, who were well over 5, tearing around and knocking over other little ones. Most of the other parents were nervous to say anything but when they knocked over my 2 year old I stormed up to these children, roared at them to get out of the play area and said as loudly as possible that it was about time their parents start teaching their children some manners and responsibility!

I half expected the absent parents to come roaring back at me but they obivously were still too engrossed in their coffee at the nearby cafe to respond, but the children left. Quite a few of the other parents nearby quietly congratulated me on having the guts to stand up to these unruly children.

This is not the first time I've had to roar at children like this for stampeding on little ones. Why is it that some parents do not teach their older children to a) not play on equipment that they are too old for, b) respect that littler children are not as able as they and c) just have the decency to supervise their children.

Is it right to roar at them? I took a risk but next time I might not be so lucky and get the parent attacking me back. What happens then?

R

[Rell]

I have run into this a few times at McDonalds play areas. The first was with a group of kids about 16years old, a quiet word to the staff saw the end of them and the latest was with 2 boys about 8 not letting my daughter in the play area and i said a few words to them ( no parents anywhere to be found). What realy anoyed me about the 2 boys is they turned to me and said " no this is our play area we don't have to let anyone in if we don't want to", so not only had their parents failed to teach them manners towards other kids but also adults.

[julesandbabyboy#1]

ahhh tough call. i guess if you want to roar at them...be prepared they may give you a serve back.but chances are if they are so absent they dont know their kids are playing up, they wont even notice you had to tell their badly behaved kids off.

[jlrjyeboah]

Congrats Ruthk. I am one of those parents who shys(sp?) away at telling other peoples kids off. However having read your post next time I will.

[Milly]

Great work Ruth! I am one of those parents that will quietly seeth when I see bad bahaviour with other children but not be brave enough to stand up and say that the behaviour is inappropriate in case of fear of wrath of the parents. Crazy I know. If the behaviour looks like it could be dangerous however, I just scoop my daughter up and take her away. But I know deep down that my daughter and I do not have to put up with such behaviour and we should not be bullied to move away.

At my DD's playgroup, there is a little boy who steals toys from the smaller kids all the time and upsets them greatly. But when he does that, his mum is never around to see it or tell him off. Things like that are frustrating.

It seems many parents are scared to discipline or control their kids these days. They are scared of what people might think if they tell their child off or they just let the kid rule the roost so that they won't 'hate' them. You see examples of that all the time on the old SuperNanny and around the place. Whether her solutions are a go or not, the behaviour of the children before she arrives is just absolute control over the parents and comes from the parents afraid to do anything. Discipline does not have to be harsh at all, it just comes down to consistency and following through with whatever technique you use.

So many parents are just not consistent and do not follow through. They just let the kid run riot and hope that the child will realise the behviour is wrong if it is never drawn to their attention. But with no boundaries in place, how will a child learn what is socially acceptable behaviour and what is not.

[willsmum]

I'm with you Ruth. I step in and have a word or two with the offenders. I have never once been approached by their parents and I have done this dozens of times since I got some advice in another thread!! If my intervention doesn't work, I look for a staff member (eg at Macca's) or find their parents (who are usually oblivious somewhere nearby).

We have a repeat offender at playgroup and his mum just stand and grins at his terrorist tactics as though he is the cutest thing ever. I simply go and take the toy he has stolen and give it back to the original owner, or pick up the kid he has just flattened and tell him to stop being nasty. And I have done this right in front of his totally clueless mother. She usually gives me black looks and removes him from my presence, so mission accomplished as far as I am concerned!!!

[xkwzit]

Hi All
Not meaning to get really mother-guilty, but I worry that if I don't step in and tell these kids off that my (v sensitive) 3.5 yo daughter will never learn to deal with obnoxious people. She needs to see me take a stand and let people (even if they are children) know when they are doing the wrong thing. I hope that she will learn how to quietly but firmly stand up for herself, without me flying in from the wings to help her out.

I have to say that up until now, it has been really minor things, like taking turns on equipment or blocking the way to the slide. I have not yet dealt with older kids or seriously anti-social behaviour, just little people who have not yet been taught (or have not yet learnt) how to get along with society at large.

So I feel no guilt at telling other kids off, asking them to move aside or telling my daughter that its OK to slide down into the kid who's blocking the bottom of the slide (as long as you've asked them to move first :p !). I am more worried about what she might learn if I consistently avoid confrontation.

Just another aspect to think about ...

[moggs]

Hiya,

It is difficult to know when to let your kids defend themselves or when to step in. My general rule is if they are the same age/size as my daughter I wait and see....

If it is an older child (usually boys for some reason) I say something because I feel they should know better. I know if my daughter was picking on someone else deliberately i would tell her it was wrong (hasn't happened yet) and don't understand why other mothers wouldn't do the same...

moggsxx

[Lucybelle]

I will always say something - and have never copped any retribution. If I did I would firmly dig my heels in. There is no excuse for this behaviour. Don't walk away and let some terror ruin your day.
Not only that, but if their parents can't teach them manner and respect, the community will.

Christ! I must sound like some nasty old pensioner!! What I mean is, I will always say something if some kid is terrorising others, but I am friendly when I do it. Some parents even have the grace to look sheepish, and most of the time I find the kids respect somebodys boundaries, even if they are raised without any.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.!

[CassiAndBen]

go ruth !!!! i to scream and holla at them and if their parents start then i wont back down to them either some [children] need to be told ... my four old gets picked on alot by random kids and all he wants to do is play with them .... [text removed by moderator]

[punkbaby]

Its sad as the kids have been probably told to play there so its not really their fault but yes i think i would have said something, maybe not roaring though LOL i would just say how old are you and if they said they were over the age that the playground was for, i would say well go and tell your mummy that your too old to be in here playing its for under 5 year olds. Might have woken the parents up a little and at least the kids know why they got told off too. No excuse though when older kids knock over little ones but sadly they get lost in the moment and dont seem to see who or what is in their path :)

It sucks though how parents dont supervise their kids, gee i still suprvise my 9yo in playgrounds she knows right from wrong though.

We have had a few occassions where kids wont make room for my kids or let them past etc, i just give them an evil look LOL if that doesnt work i say Excuse me can you make some room please, if they dont i tell dd2 to push her way through, its bad but she sais really loudly Move i want to have my turn please your not fair It works :)

[SassyMummy]

This is a very, very old thread... started before my 2 year old was even born... :p

[majano]

Is it right to roar at them?

I personally think "roaring" at someone else's kids is crossing the line. (And you did use the term roaring several times in your post, so I'm assuming it wasn't an exaggeration.) But having said that, I certainly think it would be better if more of us had the guts to stand up to other kids/parents etc. Maybe just in a more polite and calm manner, in order to set a good example for our kids - and everyone involved! :)

[punkbaby]

This is a very, very old thread... started before my 2 year old was even born... :p


LMAO i just posted and then started reading the other comments and realised how old it was :laughing:

[mysonroger]

oh boy, i'm a roarer. i'm a fair roarer though. i don't start roaring at the first mishap, but in the end, if it all continues, and my children are endangered with an injury, etc, i go and i roar.

[mysonroger]

I personally think "roaring" at someone else's kids is crossing the line. (And you did use the term roaring several times in your post, so I'm assuming it wasn't an exaggeration.) But having said that, I certainly think it would be better if more of us had the guts to stand up to other kids/parents etc. Maybe just in a more polite and calm manner, in order to set a good example for our kids - and everyone involved! :)

ok, so maybe i shouldn't say roar, but i definitely put an end to any out of hand behaviour. kids are intimidated by adults, especially when its a stranger, so you usually don't have to say too much before the message is clear.

[mum2bubba]

That annoys me to no end. We went to a restaurant last year and there is a play area (indoors) on the sign it says 'children 12 and under' well, there were a few older teenage boys (about 16 or 17) in there throwing balls around (balls from the ball pit) and a few little tots/babies almost getting hit. :mad: My SIL told the boys off but they didn't listen so she spoke to one of the waitresses and she had a word to them. I wouldn't have a problem if they were in their minding younger siblings or whatever but they were throwing balls around and that is plain rude imo. No idea where the parents were (mind you maybe they didn't come with their parents who knows). I am always scared that my kids will get hurt (knocked over etc) at the park/play ground but I shouldn't have to stop them having fun just because some other kid (esp older ones that should know better) are being too rough. If my kids were being rough around smaller children I'd be having a word to them.

[FishFace]

I dont roar at my children and I dont roar at others children.

I do go and speak to parents and if I cant see them I explain to the kids I am not happy with whats going on could they get thier parents.

They usually dissapear and go sit with mummy.

[Madi]

Sometimes I say something - but always nicely. It's not these childrens fault their parents don't supervise them or teach them the right things.

Having random strangers yell at them only lessens their self esteem even more, and doesn't give them an alternative to the way conflict is probably dealt with at home.

[Pixie]

Good on you they needed it, them and the parents although parents like that will hardly take on board what you did or said.

I said loudly in a very crowded shop yesterday as a 4ish old boy rammed a stroller into my stroller then my shins, why the hell can't people control their children in shops? The mother looked at me and said "come on love" like it's OK stay away from the crazy lady :hair:

[0BleSseD0]

Not meaning to get really mother-guilty, but I worry that if I don't step in and tell these kids off that my (v sensitive) 3.5 yo daughter will never learn to deal with obnoxious people. She needs to see me take a stand and let people (even if they are children) know when they are doing the wrong thing.


:iagree: My DS isnt extremely sensitive I dont think, but he IS very perceptive to social situations. He close to emulates Mummy (yay!) and so if he sees me standing up to people who are doing the wrong thing he will understand that it is not okay to do it or for someone to do it to him.

It may be this, or it may be just his personality, but he will not hit, bite, punch, push, invade, snatch or do anything negative at all. I must say, for a 2y/o he is VERY nice.
:goodvibes: Proud moment.


But yes, I would stand up to a child who is doing the wrong thing. Sometimes if it is a young child I may talk to mum first.
I dont think I would holler, but I think that your child is just as entitled to play in a safe happy environment as the next child, and if there is a kid disrupting that safety then something should be said.

TBH I think the kids who misbehave are usually the kids of the mums who are not watching their kids.
JMO.

[Leeny]

Im one of the ones that has no problems putting a naughty kid in their place if they're being rude, endangering, hurting, or being nasty to dd. How will they learn its not right if their parents obviously aren't there to teach them, and how will my daughter learn that its wrong, and shes allowed to stand up for herself.

But the main one that annoys me is this. Today, I was in a drs surgery for over an hour waiting to take my gereatric frail grandma to the dr. There was a kid that turned 3 in february, jumping around my grandma and her oxygen tank like a goon. Kept knocking her, screaming next to her. Like, for god sake. Take your nearly 3 year old else where. You can see theres a sick old lady that cant breath, or move. It annoys me most when the parents are right there and yet, they still have no respect for the people around them.