Rude/hurtful SIL!!

[Billy]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to get this off my chest and get some opinions to see if I am overreacting or not- (who knows anymore huh?? ;) )

Yesterday DH and I saw his sister and she remarked (as DH walked out of the room mind you) that she 'Hates looking at me- it makes her sick' (referring to me being 39weeks pregnant.) She said it in front of my MIL and FIL and also her 2 kids 8 and 4. :eek: Then of course my nephew- 4 (aka the parrot) starts with- you make me sick!! You make me sick!!
Nearly everyone I know has said how well pregnancy agrees with me, so I guess I was completely taken aback by the comment- and I realise she is probably meaning this because SHE hated being pregnant so much, but if that IS the case then surely she could have worded it differently?? I felt really hurt!!

The whole time I have been pregnant she has acted like I have no idea what I'm doing or getting myself in for- and is one of those people that rarely say ANYTHING good about having children just how hard/terrible it is... :banghead:

My DH and I feel so blessed with this baby that I find it hard not to tell her exactly what I think :mad: - but unfortunatly I need to keep the peace.

Well if anyone has any advice it would be so much appreciated
Belinda xo

ME- 23
DH- 28
!st bub due 14th may 2006

[aggero]

:thumbsdown: I think that her comment was rude and completely uncalled for. I don't believe you are over reacting by being upset by it.

[BiNdI86]

First of all :hugs: to you from one Belinda to another!!

You have no reason why you shouldn't be upset!
Hasn't that woman ever heard of the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!!" How rude :mad:

this is just my opion..You said she hated being pregnant and has nothing good to say about having children. Maybe she is jelouse that you are actually enjoying your pregnancy and that it does suit you, and she's just trying to make you feel bad for it!! :hugs: again

Belinda :)

[bec79]

Hmmmm, what an odd thing to say??
I wouldn't take personally, obviously she dosen't put the brain in motion before speaking.

[mim5]

Hi Billy

I would not worry to much about her obviously she really has no idea what children really mean. Preannacy is a beautiful thing so dont even waste your time on her obviously she does not know the true menaing of life, love, memories and experience. As long as you are happy and enjoy being pregnant is what really matters.
:hugs:
Obvioulsy she is jealous.

[SassyMummy]

Wow...what a b*tch!

Why would she feel the need to say such a thing?

I mean, the only reason I'd ever call a pregnant woman disgusting was if she was pregnant with say...my DP's child! lol. And then it wouldn't be about the way she looks - it would be about the type of person she was.

But seriously...what a b*tch!

[MumsieMel]

i would just ignore her.

I have a SIL like that and she only does it for attention.

So i just either ignore her, or (my fav) give her some of her own medicine!! :devil6:

[my babyemmy]

what a jealous,bitter & attention seeking b*tch!!!!!!(sounds like my SIL)
we should put her & my SIL on a far,far away island,then we wouldn't have to deal with them, if she is like my SIL who gets so happy to see me hurt by her ****,Ive put up with mine 8 long years and the only way Ive just started to deal with her is smile and say thanks for your opinion,she has given up on trying to hurt me now, i would write all the hurtful things she has done but i would steal your thread!:laughing:
it will take a while but i promise you that you will be able to do it:hugs:

[diamonds22]

Oh that is just sooo pathetic!!:rolleyes: what did your DH say about it??? hmm you asked for advise...but I don't think I can be very helpful..heheh seeings you want to keep the peace!! ;) :D

I think to cover your ar$$ don't actually say anything... just totally give her the cold shoulder and the 'whatever' attitude...that way you haven’t actually made any rude comments back to her....so she can't bit*ch about u..and yet you win cos it will make her seething with anger at how much more mature you are then stooping down to her level..just beat her at her own game by not playing it....you and your family are the most important now...and if people arent going to be constructive/polite...forget about them..there not worth it..they obviously have issues!!

heheh hope that helps..pm if you wanna vent some more!! Lol

[Blessed Mum]

Wow that is really uncalled for, I would of said something back to her about keeping her rude unwanted opinions to herself, but I understand you wanting to keep the peace. I'm feeling very lucky as DH has 5 sisters & we are all so close. I hope you don't have to tolerate any more comments along these lines.

[brooke]

OMG that is so rude... :eek:
I would have been like... "I beg your pardon....???" "exactly what does that mean?"
if she ever says anything like that again just tell her that it offends you and you would appricate if she keeps her comments to herself!
you and your dh have every right to feel blessed that you are having a baby...
yes its hard but its all worth it!
Good luck and all the best
xxx

[Billy]

Well it seems I am not alone with the SIL problems!!
Thank you everyone so much for your replies, it feels good to know that there are all of these understanding people to talk to when things get tough. :kiss:

I feel heaps better just hearing that others would have felt as offended as I did- I do know that this is how she can be at times, and mostly I can just take it- we don't have to see her a whole lot ;) But now emotions running strong it just got to me...
For the record my other SIL that married into the family has the same sorts of problems with her, but we get along like a house on fire- she is wonderful, full of helpful advice and thinks DH and I will make great parents!
I guess I should be happy I have 1 out of 2 that i get along with well :D

Oh and diamonds22- I told DH on the way home what she said- he was pretty shocked like me, but said that he knows how she can be- he grew up with it! Most of the time it just causes more problems saying something to her- because she really doesn't seem to realise how offending her comments can be!!
(I have shown him this thread though to show how many others would be upset by it too though! hehehe)

Well anyway thats enough from me :ecomcity:
thanx again for your replies!
Belinda xo

[MumsieMel]

Glad your feeling better, hope she can keep her mouth under control next time! ;)

[Supermum]

Billy

When I was younger I used to clam up when people were rude to "keep the peace" ... then in my early thirties I fired back at them about how offensive they were being ... and now I've found a better way of dealing with nasty and objectionable people and you don't have to come up with a clever instantaneous retort ... just a few simple words.

The moment someone says something rude/nasty/cruel/unfair ... look at them innocently, **** your head to the side and ask "What do you mean?".

This does three things

1. Forces them to look at what they've just said so if they happen to be someone who speaks before they think you may get an apology.

2. Forces them to clarify what they've just said so you find out EXACTLY what it is that they meant by the comment.

3. Keeps you in the clear because you've not retaliated and, if there's anyone else around, confirms to all and sundry what a nasty piece of work they really are.

The best thing about this approach is you don't even have to have your wits about you to do it. Those four simple words will soon roll off your tongue and with any luck, curb the unwarranted behaviour.

[Blessed Mum]

Wow supermum that is great advice...................I'm going to practice saying that, there are certain members in my own family where that one will come in handy.

Thanks

[Supermum]

Thank you Blessed Mum - my delightful :devil6: mother-in-law continues to prove to be a fabulous test subject.

[Billy]

Thanx supermum- that is great advice!:thumbsup:
I would like to see how she would have reacted to that- it might just make her think a little more. :fingerscrossed:
Thanx again, and I will definately be trying that next time she says something inappropriate :yelclap:

Belinda xo

[Tam-I-Am]

Hey Billy,

I think that some people are just miserable with their choices and like to make sure that everyone else is as miserable as they have made themselves. Clearly pregnancy/motherhood don't agree with your SIL, but this isn't your issue - you don't have to take it on board. Not saying it wasn't hurtful, just that it was caused by her own issues - not by you. As hard as it is, try not to take it personally

And by the way Supermum- great advice. It really works - see how you go, Billy! :hugs:

[Twoterrorsmum]

Hi, Your SIL is probably jealous of you and putting you down and making nasty remarks is her way of trying to build her self esteem up because she knows you are a glowing, happy expectant mum. Once you have had bubs you could really turn it up and go over the top and say how you had a great pregnancy, how the labour wasn't as bad as you thought it would be (hopefully) and how much you are enjoying being a mum....be real nice about it, that would stir her up a bit!! hehe. But if you don't want to be like that just ignore her and be happy in yourself that you're not the one with the problem, she is. She obviously has issues she can't deal with and shouldn't lump them on you when you're enjoying your pregnancy and looking forward to holding your precious little bundle in your arms and being a family with DH. All the best, you haven't got long to go!!

[Billy]

thanx char,

Don't worry- I fully intend to make it seem to her that everything is perfect regardless of how hard it is hehe!! This will be the best way I think to get back at her by just proving her wrong (even if she's right!). :rolleyes: I have enough people who want to support me in a helpful, non-patronising way (my mum, friends etc) that I think I can do just fine without giving her any more ammo. :p

So when I see her and I've had no sleep, having trouble breastfeeding or whatever- my story to her will be "oh no I have no idea what you meant!! This has just been a walk in the park!" hehehe.... :D

Thanx again for your advice,
I feel so much better about the whole situation now! :smiliedance:
Belinda xo