View Full Version : did/will you have your mum in the room when you gave birth?
jennababe
11-09-2008, 10:03
ok so my mum was there first time around...
this time dp and my mum are having some issues, he basically said last night he doesnt want my mum in the room when i give birth:( i dont really think thats fair, i understand that they are not getting along properly.. but its me who has to go through birth and labour..
just want to know was it only your dp/dh with you? or did you have a family member/friend or your mum with you?
why is it fair that she sees one of her grandsons born but not the other one. i really feel like i need my mum there for support. and i just really want her there aswell.
I didn't. My Mum and Dad were both waiting out in the waiting area, and it was just DH in with me. Mum was quite adamant about it herself - she said we made the baby, so it should be just us welcoming him to the world. Even if she didn't feel that way, I wouldn't have wanted her in there anyway (nice aren't I...). I was quite happy to just have my DH.
Kittylou
11-09-2008, 10:07
My mum has been at the birth of all of her grandchildren so far and will be for any future ones too - my sister is pregnant again at the moment and :fingerscrossed: I will be soon too.
I didn't really NEED her there last time as I had a really quick and easy labour but it's nice to keep up the tradition.
I think if you want your mum there for support then your DP just needs to suck it up because, as you said, you're the one going through labour and birth.
Personally, I think you should be the one to have final say on this. Your the one who is going through the hard yards and you need to be kept as comfy as possible if that means having your Mum there I don't think its particularly fair that your partner say your Mum cannot be there.
As for me, I will have my Mum there thankfully DH agreed - and also agrees that it would be better if his Mum wasn't there no matter how much she keeps hinting at us. lol.
jennababe
11-09-2008, 10:10
I think if you want your mum there for support then your DP just needs to suck it up because, as you said, you're the one going through labour and birth.
thats the opinion i was looking for:D:D
HunterzMummy
11-09-2008, 10:13
Thats really selfish of him.... Its whatever makes you feel comfortable and gives YOU strength. I think it is immature for him to make the decision ALL by himself and thats that, no negotiation, trying to work things out etc..If he is man enough then he should be able to put his pride aside for the sake of you :yes: JMO heheh
Cause that would break my heart if i wasn't ALLOWED my mum in the birth... she is my best friend and it was amazing to have her in there ~ besides DH was quiet useless lol well i guess he did have a broken collar bone ~ but still he didn't know quiet what to do except pull funny faces in the camera through my contractions :rolleyes: lol
Big hugs :hugs: hun i can imagine how this must feel.. can you maybe sit down and have a heart to heart or can maybe ur mum and him work things out??
I didnt have my mum in with me, and probably won't this time. I think it would upset my mum seeing me in pain.
And I love that it's just between me and DF ( and the middies).
Maybe this is the angle your partner is coming from??
DUnno, but I do agree about it being your say! If you want your mum in there, you should have her;)
Yamachan
11-09-2008, 10:21
This is our first and I have been thinking about this for a while. Mum and I have had an interesting relationship over the years, though it has been very positive the last few years.
Mum can get me stressed at times and I think that during birth and labour that is the last thing I need. So I think it will just be me and DH and perhaps with Mum on call just in case I change my mind.
floodprincess
11-09-2008, 10:23
It's absolutely up to you and your DP is just going to have to learn to bend when it comes to this.
I had my DP, my mum and my bestest friend since like forever with me when #1 was born...and honestly, I was too busy with other things to really care about it - as long as I had someone who was strong enough to push against my legs (I gave birth lying on my side to ease the back pain).
Good luck though!
~*clairesmum*~
11-09-2008, 10:25
YEP i had my mum in there with my first as well as dh and his mum.... this time i just want dh but dh is thinking of wanting someone else in there
I had my mum there and I was so glad that she was. She helped me out but also helped my DH out by getting him food and drink and when I was in a lot of pain mum reassured him that I would be fine...:yes:
Didn't last time and won't this time, although she came in straight away last time after DD was born, and her first question "so what's it like to give birth?"(I was the first woman in my family not to have a c/s in over 44 years). think she would have freaked to actually see the birth
SweetSerenity
11-09-2008, 10:41
No i didn't have my mum there. Only my ex husband. He was fantastic and all i needed ... I'll give him credit for that ha ha.
~mia&ryan~
11-09-2008, 10:43
There is no way I would have anyone there other than DH. He was amazing.:goodvibes:
But that said, it should be up to you, if you want her there he will just have to deal with it.
SassyMummy
11-09-2008, 10:50
I didn't want my mother there - but after being induced and poked and prodded and really feeling just how supportive and caring she was during that whole process - if I could have, I would have had her there when I had my caesarean (only 1 person was allowed so it had to be Chanel's dad).
Next time, I'm hoping to HBAC, so being at home, nobody can stick restrictions on me as to how many people can come. The guestlist will definitely include my mother, my daughter and the father-to-be. And midwife too.
I actually don't really care who's there - my best friend has been informed she'll be welcome if she wants (I'm hoping to use that as a way to brainwash her into wanting a nice natural birth too - rather than some over-medicalised hospital birth... or at least so she'll say no to drugs!). :p
nope, just had DH :)
my mum lives in another country now so she won't be home til bub is about 5 weeks anyway lol
jess_live_die
11-09-2008, 11:19
yep with dd1 i had my mum and dp at the time
with dd2 i just had my mum
and with this baby ill have my mum
codswallop
11-09-2008, 11:34
through out the day i had the whole family! Mil&Fil got me drinks and mags to read and kept hubby from driving me nuts, my little brother gave me wonderfull foot and back rubs and mumsy was there for me to whinge at, but when it came time to push it was just hubby and me, i think it was nice for just the two of us, also when im in pain or crankie i have a habbit of telling mum where to go( she has to still love me im her baby girl) and though i always say sorry latter i thought it best just to curse dear hubby for knocking me up!
Mybabble
11-09-2008, 11:36
I had my DH and my mum with me when i had DS. I was glad to have mum there, DH was great but i think he was a little overwhelmed wth the whole thing:p
When i had DD it was just me and DH. My mum looked after DS and she came to the hospital about half an hour after DD was born so it was still special for her,and for us too because we got to spend some time alone, she was the first person to meet DD except for us ofcourse.lol
I liked the fact that when i had DD it was just me and hubby (and the midwife) we both new what to expext the second time around so i think that made things a little easier. I felt brave and i didnt cry for my muumy once (unlike my first labour:laughing:)
Yes,I had Mum there.Dont think it was actually part of the plan,but I ended up crying for my Mum,and making DH ring her!!
I think it was the first time they had met too:D
He had no issues with her being there,and I think it kinda bonded them.My Mum was really impressed with how well he supported me,and raved about it to everyone.
This time she is in NZ so wont be here unfortunatley.
I think your DP is being immature and selfish,and like others have said-he needs to suck it up and deal with it!!
Theres no reason why they cant work as a team and help you bring your baby into the world:goodvibes:
sniper wolf
11-09-2008, 11:42
Absolutely not.
SammiJane
11-09-2008, 11:58
Nope didnt have my mum in for any of my boys.
She was just outside in the waiting room for ds3 and will be for this one too.
She came in when i was just about to push with ds3 and then disappeared again.. :laughing:
For me it was hubbies first bubba so it was nice just to have the two of us.
DH's mum and dad came in just after i had ds 3 as well and they thought it was truely great!!!
Im hoping it will be the same again
Yummy_Mummy
11-09-2008, 12:09
this is my first but i will be having both my mum & my partner at the birth...i dont believe that i could do it without both of then there as they are both my support system :)
I think if you want your mum there for support then your DP just needs to suck it up because, as you said, you're the one going through labour and birth.
:iagree::iagree::iagree:
It is not your husband going through it all. Yes it is the birth of his child, but you are the one giving birth to his child! You are the one who needs to feel comfortable in order to birth the baby. He needs to realise that punishing your mum by telling you he doesn't want her there is NOT the answer to their conflict problems at the moment!
I personally had my mum, Sister and DH there... and if anyone was going for the labour he would! LOL... but i would want him for the birth! ( We have chatted about it in the past, and he said he would have been more than happy if i had! LOL... he hated seeing me in pain)
PinkAngel
11-09-2008, 12:16
If my mum was alive I would absolutely have her in there... its this time I miss her the most!
pinkgingham
11-09-2008, 13:02
i wouldnt do it without my mum and if my partner had something to say about it i would kick him out. same is if it was the other way around. if mum had something to say about my partner being there i would have kicked her out. its your choice who goes in there, its a privilege not a right, if you DP doesnt like it then he needs to deal with it or not be in there with you.
NibbleCurlynBub
11-09-2008, 13:05
:no: My mother and I are not that close.
It was the people present at conception plus a midwife.
That's all and that's the way I like it.
I am not interested in having anybody else hang around for it.
Aysha'sMummy
11-09-2008, 13:16
i had my mum in their
i did just want dh and i but my mum turned up and never left....thank goodness though cause she was more help than dh :laughing:. dh was just their for saying some positive things and sucking down the gas when i wasnt... not that i knew that at the time
mum_inlove
11-09-2008, 13:19
When I went into labour with ds, dh wasn't getting along with my mum that great yet, but he knew how important it was for me to have my mum there. So both of our mums were in the room, as well as my sister, his sisters, his dad, :laughing:
But then I had to have an emergency c/s, so it ended up with just me and dh......
and the other medical people in the theater.:D
With dd, my mum waited outside with ds as I had another c/s:yes:
maisymum
11-09-2008, 13:21
No it was just hubby and i, we did think about having my mum in there but it was such a special time for just hubby and i. Hubby did shed a tear so i think he was glad it was just the two of us.....parents came up to the hospital in the afternoon.
DD 7 1/2 yrs
DS 5 1/2 yrs
8 ~ clomid/puregon cycles, 2 ~ :angel:
DS 17 Months STIM AIH
4 ~ STIM AIH bfn
1st IVF SEPT, 1 embie on board.....now on the "TWW", 7 Bubsicles on ice :sleeping:. results 17th Sept
pinkgingham
11-09-2008, 13:23
:no: My mother and I are not that close.
It was the people present at conception plus a midwife.
That's all and that's the way I like it.
I am not interested in having anybody else hang around for it.
how many people were present at conception lol
NibbleCurlynBub
11-09-2008, 13:28
Just me and my DP..
Oh, and apparently the sproggies and egg. Which turn out to be a LOT bigger upon exit.
With DS1 I had my mum and my aunty with me for the birth. My ex was in jail on the other side of the country :rolleyes:
With DS2 it was just me and DF. Mum came and got DS1 sorted for school and dropped him off. Then after he finished school she picked him up and they both came in to see us.
plumptobump
11-09-2008, 17:42
At the end of the day, you need to feel safe, secure and supported. Like others said, it is YOU giving birth and it should be up to YOU who you want in there with you. I would have given anything to have my mum in there with ds (she lives overseas with the rest of my fam), as she gave birth to three of us naturally with no drugs and seeing as that is how I wanted to, she would have been a great person to tell me to suck it up! :) But, it needs to come down to what you want. If dh and mum wont get along, it might be best not to have her in there if you will be stressed by the tension...I would seriously talk to dh about backing off about it. Good luck! :)
I did for our first son, I made sure she was there! I wanted my mum!
My mum looked after DS1 when DS2 was born. They have a very close bond and I wanted DS1 to feel secure for a very big event.
I did and I'm so glad, it was great DH had his head up my girl bits and Mum was rubbing my head and talking to me it was great. Andrew didnt have to miss out on actual birth and i still got the support I needed and it brought me even closer again to Mum. Also she had 3 c sections and her first birth laboured for 48 hours and never dialated so she missed out on all the fun stuff and loved watching all the primal instincts and all the other fun stuff that goes on:D
jaydensmum
11-09-2008, 20:29
I had my mum and DH with me with my DS and i wouldnt of changed a thing!! :D
With the others i just had my DH.
cheezelkat
11-09-2008, 20:35
DS - Dp and mum
DD - Just DP, not by choice (Mum didn't think I would be having a 2 hour labour and regrets not coming when I rang her)
westerner
11-09-2008, 20:54
My mum was there for DS birth.
She wasnt for DD as she was babysitting DS.
I didn't. My Mum and Dad were both waiting out in the waiting area, and it was just DH in with me. Mum was quite adamant about it herself - she said we made the baby, so it should be just us welcoming him to the world. Even if she didn't feel that way, I wouldn't have wanted her in there anyway (nice aren't I...). I was quite happy to just have my DH.
Same here, except all of our parents stayed home till we told them the good news and asked them to give us an hour or so to feed and settle in. I found it a very intimate experience. Not intimate as in sexual, but spiritually and emotionally intimate, and I loved that DH and I shared it privately.
I get a bit peeved when people make it only about the mother though. It should be something that you and your partner share, and you should both feel good about the arrangements. So if he has certain feelings about it, work through them with him, please don't disregard them, or tell him his feelings aren't valid. People can't help how they feel. Nobody likes to have their feelings invalidated. Fathers have emotions and rights in relation to their babies being born.
To be honest, I feel I'm the one privileged and fortunate enough to experience pregnancy and childbirth, and I felt some sorrow that DH can't experience how beautiful it is. So I made sure he felt that it was an experience shared equally between me, him and baby. I might have been the one pushing bubs out my fou-fou, but doesn't mean it makes him less important. He has his own role to play and for both our babies' births he was amazing.
And... for people who say they could never have done it without so-and-so. That's not really true. Even if you'd been by yourself, you would and could have done it. You don't need anyone, but you choose to share the experience with those closest to you.
My DP most likely WON'T be in the room, as he has issues with... body stuff... (not just a squeamy stomach, he seriously has a phobia about it)
So I only have my Mum to rely on.. and as much as I don't want her to see me like that, I don't want to be alone in a room FULL of strangers. (Seriously, I've been told I could have anywhere from 12 people upwards in my room...)
Ange&Seth
11-09-2008, 22:42
No. Mum said that it was a wonderful experience for myself and DF and that no one else should intrude on that. I never thought of it that way before and I didn't really want her there anyway but her reasoning made absolute sense.
We didn't even call our parents, or anyone, to tell them we were going to the hospital, or that I was in labour at home. The parents got a call at 5am telling them he'd been born 10 minutes before hand. They came up to visit that afternoon.
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