Why do CHN's

[Sunnygal]

feel they need to undermine everything you do??

Had an appointment with my Chn today and I came out feeling like a criminal... My crime... Co-Sleeping, my 3 year old has a dummy and he doesn't always get his colours right!!
She literally made me feel like an abusive parent!!
Now Im torn am I doing the right thing, am I a bad parent...
Grrr now Im doubting everything all over again, and I was just starting to feel confident in what I was doing :confused:

[Refresh]

Give your CHN the flick:yes: Nothing wrong with not seeing a CHN.....sounds like you are doing a fab job...as long as you are following your mummy instincts and you feel good about how you are raising your kids, and they are happy and healthy, that is all that matters...:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Not all of them do.

But I stopped going after my DS's first appointment.

Many of them are not nice and I do not think that they are as necessary as people seem to think.

Some parents don't teach their kids ANYTHING AT ALL (I mean that literally) so if you little one needs some help every now and then to get things right then that is okay. That is NORMAL.

I am super proud of my DS for getting his colours right most of the time, but geez I wouldn't get upset if he got stuck! :no:

Be proud of your clever little one. :yes:

And don't go back to see her again. :no:

[mum23girls]

The cosleeping would be an issue and any trained healthcare professional would advise against it due to increased risk of SIDS.
The dummy thing, blah, he will get rid of it when he is ready. and colours? My four year old just couldn't get her colours, then one day it was like a light went on! :idea:

Don't stress too much. I am sure you are doing fine. :hugs:

[NibbleCurlynBub]

At 3 years old there is just as high a risk of SIDS now and if your little one was sleeping alone. :yes:

Though there is evidence that there are benefits to co-sleeping as well. Its a personal choice.

[shelle65]

If I ever have another child there is no way I will be visiting a CHN. The one I had with DD was just awful and I was reduced to tears after every visit over how terrible a mother I was. :no:

I learnt very quickly to just tell them what they want to hear to avoid the lectures.

[M&Ms]

All i do now is go to get DD weighed and measured and thats it!! (learn't the hard way) When she asks questions im very vague and just nod and basically say 'thanks for that' and leave lol....

Im sure when my DD is 3 she will still have a dummy and if she wanted to co-sleep i would love that so much (but she hates it lol).... i wouldn't consider myself an abusive parent thats for sure!! Not sure about the colours thing but he is only 3!! Got heaps of time to learn in my opinion!! Sounds like you are doing a great job :hugs: i think by the sounds of it, it is quite rare to get a good health nurse, also i guess like everyone they have their personal opinions too

[Freya]

I agree 100 percent with Ffrenchstar.:yes::yes:

[Sunnygal]

Its the bub that co-sleeps! I was meant to be there for his check up but then she started on Grub who is 3!
Its just so fustrating, Im one of those people that takes everything to heart, so if someone critises me I take it literally!
Why can't they just support your decisions, parenting is so hard as it is without having everyone on your case!!
:no:

[Deserama]

After a while you start boycotting CHN's and do what you want anyway...I only ever went if I had a major issue I wanted to discuss with them. If they start up anything I just tell them...."thanks but I'm quite happy doing it this way because it's working".

[NibbleCurlynBub]

Oh okay, whoops. :o

Nevertheless, its not her choice to make.

She can get stuffed and do what she wants with her own kids.

[faery]

The cosleeping would be an issue and any trained healthcare professional would advise against it due to increased risk of SIDS.
:

sorry, but co-sleeping is actually very safe, so long as you follow the guidelines (no drugs alcohol, firm mattress etc etc)

your CHN seems a bit ......uninformed about certain parenting practices. there are some out there who support co-sleeping (i had one for a bit before she moved on somewhere else)

trust yourself, and find support people who actually support you :hugs:

[lukaelmo]

Hey, my 3 year old gets up in the middle of the night and climbs into my bed with me, and he has a dummy and calls everything red.

I never go to CHN, I didn't take Felix to one even once. When Luka was around 12 months old one got me all worried because Luka wasn't clapping or crawling properly.

Don't go see someone who makes you doubt your parenting.

[mum23girls]

As I said it INCREASES the risk... there are always other factors. Until it becomes evidence based practice CHN will always advise against it.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

CHN's advise stupidly in LOTS of things.

and there are aspects that are safe about it and aspects that are not.

It is a personal choice. Lets leave it at that can we?

It is NOT time to debate Co sleeping vs cot. :no:

[sam's mum]

I love my CHN. I think it depends on which one you get. I have seen a couple of duds at different times too though. I decide whether the person giving me the advice is someone whose opinion I value.

[quitecontrary]

I found all the CHN's at our centre very supportive. It would be awful to come across one that wasn't. Sometimes health professionals just call it the way it is, I'm surrounded by nurses and they are very blunt realists - at least when they are off duty!
Don't take it to heart, do what works for you.
I had a dummy for bed (3 if I remember correctly) til I went to school - go figure? Out of the 4 of us I was the only one that stuck to it so severely!!

[GeorgeousGirlBubbas]

I co sleep with all my kids when they need me :)

The eldest gave up her dummy at 3 when she was ready to, no big deal...they wont be going off to kindy with them.

I have never seen a CHN except for when they had to come around for the first three days at home because i early discharged from hospital.
I never had a good experience with any of them, they were just too bossy. Im pretty confident with my parenting choices, dont let anyone else make you feel otherwise. :hugs:

[tootiredtosleep]

I had a brilliant one with DD1 - she had 6 kids herself and was fantastic.

This time around I wasn't too fussed, but the hospital organised a home visit for me. The CHN that came was lovely and very laid back - so laid back that she started to seriously crack onto DH! It felt like I wasn't even in the room!
It was pretty funny - he got a bit embarrased!

I don't plan on seeing one again - I am happy for my GP to do all the checks and just weigh DD at the chemist if I need to.

[Benji]

I went to CHN twice. First time, I had a fantastic nurse. He gave me plenty of praise and talked me through the growth charts etc and I remember he said "don't worry too much about them, how can we expect a Vietnamese baby to be compared to an anglo baby"? He made a lot of sense.

The 2nd time I went, I had a different nurse and she weighed DS and said "WHOA" and carried on about how he's putting on "too much weight" and told me to only feed every 4 hours and pretty much told me everything I was doing was wrong :ecomcity:

I'm also very happy with my GP doing all checks, and have been since that incident :)

[confusd]

Hey, my 3 year old gets up in the middle of the night and climbs into my bed with me, and he has a dummy and calls everything red.
.

:laughing: sounds like a cutie!

i went to the CHN a few times and she gave me some good advice for settling DD. but most of it was her lecturing me and how i should do EVERYTHING. even stuff i didnt need help on she was trying to tell me to do it different:(

[mum2bubba]

This is why I don't go. I took Hayleyto one for a while and she was really good but then she moved away and another health nurse took over and everytime I took the kids she'd make me feel like a failure, always telling me what I'm doing wrong rather than what I'm doing right.

Unless I find another health nurse that was as good (or better) than the one Hayley had I refuse to go somewhere where I'm ridiculed all the time.

ETA: I think the worst ones are those who come to your house after you've just given birth (midwives or healthnurses) one of the midwives came to our house a few days after Skye was born and she noticed a dummy in the bassinett (though Skye only had a dummy when/if she really needed it) anyway, she turns to me and says "I hope you're not using a dummy" then when I told her I was thinking about bottle feeding (which is what I wanted to do in the first place) she lectured me and just went on and on about the dummy and breastfeeding. I don't like being told what to do (or what not to do) at the best of times so when someone who hardly knows me lectures me in my own home I am gonna get sh!tty. I just gave very short answers and she didn't stay long.

[PinkBinkie]

I've had a couple of bad experiences, one was a chn at the clinic and one was at a chemist. Luckily I didn't need to go back to see either of them. Instead I found a chn I liked at another local chemist. She just weighed bubs, asked if I wanted to discuss anything, recommended a few things but never gave me the third degree over anything. It's tough being a parent at times, the last thing you need is to cop a hard time from someone who should be helping you, someone you can rely on for good advice, not a lecture. I found my gp was the best person to see for advice on my 2nd bubs weight, she knew our family history, knew my other daughter was petite and so it was normal for my 2nd daughter to be "below average" in weight. Find someone you like and trust and ditch that chn who gave you a hard time :D

[*Chels*]

I have only been to a CHN once.She was nice and all,but the thing that annoyed me is that the first question she asked was "What formula is he on?"
I didnt really feel the need to go and get told what to do,or be told what my baby SHOULD be doing.

And OMG co-sleeping with a 3 year old-why would anyone do that?!:rolleyes:crazy!

[DALLASMUM]

i had a day stay with one last week to HELP with his sleep issues- she was an absolute idiot the government should just hire me........ I could do her job better!!!!!!!!!

There was another mum and bub there too, then she asked me to wrap this ladies baby in a single bed sheet (coz she had no idea how to do it so this one year old couldnt get out)

Then she gave me a booklet on feeding and there was a BF mum on the front and she told me how she and the other workers were OFFENDED of the cover coz it wasnt descreet enough and coz in our area 90% of women FF

She told me my baby was to big for his height and we would have to even it up at some stage- He was still fully BF at that stage-

I dont like them either, they make me feel like my MIL makes me feel

[pinkgingham]

i dont go to CHN's because i would rather trust my own instincts when it comes to parenting than what their 'guidelines' say i need to do. the 2 i did see with my DS, were too critical of everything so i never went again. never been to one with my DD

[mummeeto2]

I go to our GP for all our health checks. Had enough of the mis-information & conflicting info from midwives/CHN's at hospy with DS. Our GP is really good, has 2 kids herself & seems unbiased pointing out pro's & con's and says it's up to me & DH how we parent.

[DonnaL]

I've never seen one - I'm confident in my own parenting choices and happy to do my own research.

It sounds like there are a lot of dud CHNs out there.

[jag5000]

put me in the camp for those who have had bad experiences and now don't go at all!

I haven't even had DS weighed for months.. I was going to a local chemist but the CHN there would badger me about why I wasn't seeing a CHN! :rolleyes: :laughing: - silly woman!

where can I weigh him without the lecture? I am curious now - are home scales good enough?

[Mahjong]

I went to a CHN for the first time with DS1 and she tore strips off me because he was on formula AND because he was a shocking sleeper (like I had a say in that one!) She practically came out and said I was poisioning my child and he will be always FAT and SICK.

The first thing she did say after weighing him was that he was too fat and too TALL (huh!) He was in the normal "guidelines" still, but according to her he was too fat and tall for his age :rolleyes:

I came home and cried my heart out... all the work I thought I was doing right and thought I was going so well and confidence went completely out the window. I had an early discharge nurse with me up until he was a week old through the hospital and she was really supportive. So I thought they all were, how wrong I was! :mad:

This time around, I had my midwife up until DS2 was 6 weeks and I LOVED it, I miss her! I refuse to take Deek anywhere near a Government CHN. I take DS to his GP for all his checkups, he's the family Dr and has known my DH and his family for over 20 years. He's great!

[Kittylou]

where can I weigh him without the lecture? I am curious now - are home scales good enough?

Most chemists I go to have the baby scales out all the time so you can just go in and weigh baby yourself - just make sure to go on a day you know the CHN won't be there. I see a great CHN but she is a bit of a drive away so if I don't have anything to ask her about and just want to weigh DD I just go to the local chemist and use their scales.

[delirium]

I went a few times with DD, because I thought I had to. I got tired of my DD's development being put down to a growth chart and where she sat on it. The comments about her being in the 2nd half of the 50th percentile (well 49% are in that percentile by definition so what's the issue?) became tiresome. I felt like I was being assessed as a mother based on her weight.

DS only sees them for his vaxes. Luckily this MHN is really nice and gives the needles quickly.

I don't need some random person to tell me I'm doing a good job or that my child is developing ok. :yes:

[jag5000]

Most chemists I go to have the baby scales out all the time so you can just go in and weigh baby yourself - just make sure to go on a day you know the CHN won't be there. I see a great CHN but she is a bit of a drive away so if I don't have anything to ask her about and just want to weigh DD I just go to the local chemist and use their scales.

thanks for that :) my local chemist only has them with the CHN.. I'll look for others that have them out all the time

[LivinOnAPrayer]

hmmm lol child health nurses :rolleyes:

my dd alex has alot of issues both medically and developmentally, and seriously, the only reason i ever go to chn is for weigh ins and to get contacts. they have alot of pull in our local hospital so i use them for that.

before we realised dd's health/devel issues would be so ongoing, they were jerks to us. treated us like young, dumb and incapable parents. now that they've seen what we're dealing with, they are full of praise. go figure.

if you didnt like the chn, dont go. i dont bother anymore, our gp is more than qualified to do everything and more than the chn and they are usually less judgemental.

:hugs:, dont take it to heart, they dont know you. :hugs:

[LivinOnAPrayer]

pffff dont get me started on that stupid percentile chart..... :banghead:

[~mia&ryan~]

I have never been to a CHN. I trust my instincts and if DD or DS need a check up of I have any concerns we go to our GP. I weight them if I feel the need at one of the chemists. I am not a fan of CHN's.