View Full Version : Cant i just enjoy one?
Do other ppl find that once they have one baby ppl always ask if u intend to have more...
my son is 9mths old and ppl keep asking me if i am going to have more...
i dont know if i am going to have more, ethan was planned and as much as i love him he is a handful by himself.
Yes this realy anoys me too
Before we found out our second was a boy we were asked if we were going to have a third if we had another girl. All I could think was hang on I haven't even had this on yet. Some people as SO rude
I'm going through a similar thing at the moment. We had our first child four months ago, and the first 2 months were just totally all consuming.
Admittedly I had a bad tear and was on light duties for the first 3 months, but I really am concerned about how I'd cope with a toddler and a newborn. I know even with one baby, I was so tired I'd fall asleep during a feed when I didn't intend to (etc). I guess I'm worried that I'll make a mistake because I'm so tired that it could endanger one or both of my kids if I have another. And of course I'm worried I'll tear the same again, or worse! I had a drug free birth, and I'm not afraid of pain, but I am afraid of doing something stupid because I'm sleep deprived, or can't physically be in two places at once.
I'm wondering how people cope with a second in those early weeks when it seems like the infant needs you 24/7 those first few months - I never knew how long 8 weeks could be. I can't see how you can avoid giving less care to one or the other of your children during this time.
Anyway, I think there are definitely valid reasons for only having one. No-one but you knows what you can cope with and what sort of parent you want to be for your child/children.
From what I've read on other threads, people who have more than two also get grief, so I guess we just have to get used to being judged by ignorant people no matter what we do!
I have to agree, BJelly. After finally having a child at the age of 37, I have to say that the tiredness really affects me and I think one child may be it. No-one's asked if I'm having another yet but you can rest assured that no matter what you choose to do, someone is bound to comment. It's a part of parenthood.
My daughter is now 11 weeks old. The first month and a half were all consuming and I was extremely fatigued. I can definitely say that having a young baby is much more draining than Ross River Virus and Glandular Fever combined. (I had both of these prior to falling pregnant). Raleigh wasn't planned but she is very much loved and on the whole I probably wouldn't see myself having another. Even though I'm only 28, I just don't know how I'd cope with more than one child. My friend has 2 girls under the age of 3 (one is 2 the other is 4 1/2 months) plus a 9yo boy and how she manages (especially since her son has ADHD) is beyond me and she deserves a medal. Maybe I might change my mind in a few years time but for now one is definitely enough.
i know what u mean MADVOICE...
one of my friends has 3 girls... they are almost 1, 2.5yrs and 5yrs... insane if u ask me!
for me anyway. It's not only how expensive it is to raise a child no matter where you are, but emotionally also nerve wrecking-being responsible for the good future of our offsprings, its not an easy job! I remember one quote abt baby 'Making the decision to have a child--It's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body'... I could never be able to have more than one. Bless you if you can...but not meh!
I'm going back to werk next month, am sure it won't be long before someone ask 'so...when is the 2nd one?'!
Ignore them yeah?
Jacinta was 18mths before we decided we would have a second up until then the thought of a second one scared me a little. She was 2 1/2 when Nathan was born so she was able to help and understand that he needed a lot of attention. I thought it would be much worse, I guess you just adapt to the situation.
i dont htink people mean to be offensive. i ask people that question only because i assume (possibly wrongly ) that other people have a general idea if they would like siblings for the baby they already have. im excited to have more and i guess i think other people are too. :( sorry if ive asked any of you that and you took offense :confused:
I think people automatically assume that if you have one that you must have another
because having one is SO unfair... :( :eek: I say to people who ask that question "we are enjoying the first thanks".
Ok, I'm one of the people guilting of asking other mums whether they are thinking of having any more children.
BUT....its not meant to be rude or a jibe or imparting my opinion of the amount of kids someone should have....I merely bring it up as part of conversation...I'm interested in everyones reasons for their decisions and I find it has been very beneficial in me trying to decide whether to have more children myself.
Just wanted to reassure mums out there that not EVERYONE who asks you that loaded question is trying to make you feel bad/guilty/pressured - some of us are just plain curious.
When we had one, we were asked about two. Now we have two, we are asked about three.
If anyone asks, I just ask them back "Why do you want to know?" That usually stumps them!!
I too can't stand it, I get asked all the time usually by family members. I get told that it is unfair to only have one. I think it is unfair to me to be expected to go through another 9 months of hell and difficult birth just so they can get another child to gush over.
Hi, a few of us were having a conversation (years ago) about how it is great having brothers and sisters and how we would not like to be an only child. The only child in the group told the rest of us that he was so sick of hearing this line. He said that you do not miss what you never had, and being an only child made him more outgoing and confident in the long run. If you have one child only, they will make friends over the years that will be like brothers/sisters I think.
I am a recent first time mother at the age of 40 so I seriously doubt whether my little bub will have any choice in the matter.
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