Isn't raising a child work? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

BJelly

15-06-2005, 08:38

Yes, I think society needs to wake up to itself. I think it's funny how you are a "work at home mum" if you do paid work at home, on top of raising children but we are merely "stay at home mum's" if you are raising children and not in paid employment. Like we are there passively at home while the kids look after themselves!

It says more about what we as a culture think about the role of the mother and what is involved in raising children, than what we actually do on a day to day basis.

If we were to get someone else in to do what we do, they would be considered to be employed in work, but because we do it for free and for our own kids, it isn't valued or recognized in the same way.

It's just another eg of what a crazy mixed up world we live in - eg Lifesavers, nurses, teachers, ambulance drivers get paid relatively little compared to a manager of a factory that makes something as "important" as (eg) golf balls.

Kat

15-06-2005, 09:22

I couldn't give a toss what other people think of whether I work or not, however economically there is immense pressure on me to work. So far I am ignoring it but it is getting harder and harder financially and I just want to stay home a few more months - quite willing to go back to work when my girl is weaned - when SHE is ready.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Kat

mumofethan

15-06-2005, 09:52

I agree with u Kat, it is very difficult to live on a single income sometimes, i honestly dont know how some single parents do it.

i always said i would consider going back to work if we needed the money but i cant even do that in the town i live in.

:D

Michelle

BJelly

15-06-2005, 10:02

I agree, on an individual level I don't care what others think about me being at home with my kids and whether or not they think that is work.

However, it does bother me that as a culture, people in general don't recognize the intrinsic value of what we do. One of the results of this is that there is pressure to do "real" work that we can get paid for, so we can provide the necessities of life for our children. As our society moves further away from a social security model to a user pays one, it puts even more pressure on us as mothers to return to the workforce.

I guess I feel we as mothers are the bunnies in the middle. The government says it wants women to have more kids, and stay at home ... but in reality that increasingly only applies to middle class women in a stable relationship ... if you are part of the working poor or a single mum, in the future many will have little choice but return to the workforce, and leave their kids in the care of others - sometimes in places they'd prefer not to, but they won't have any real choice to make any other decision.

I think a lot of this is because our culture does little more than give lip service to the idea that motherhood is hard work (don't get me wrong, motherhood is very rewarding, but it is work that requires us to willingly give of our bodies, hearts and minds).

Lallas' Mum

15-06-2005, 14:06

Hi Moggs,

I was thinking the exact some thought this morning as I struggled pushing the shopping trolley that was in need of a serious wheel alignment with my 19 mth old in it and my 6 wk old strapped to my front in a sling after perusing numerous recipes for this week's family meals and devising a shopping list with everything I will need for the week so I didn't have to "duck down to the shops" again!!!!

"Do I work?" they ask:mad: Of course I do. I work a 24/7 job with no pay, sick leave, holiday leave or even public holidays!!!!

But I must admit there are some seriously good benefits!!:D I get to see my children grow up first hand and know I was their biggest influence. I get to hold my head up high and say I chose to give my body,heart,soul and time to raise my children. I am so thankful that financially there is little pressure to return to work until my children are school age. My husband and I scrimped and saved and sacrificed to set ourselves up so we could do this.

As for government assistance - yeah right. "women have more kids and stay at home" they say. If that is what they want why don't they prove it financially. And why was there a brochure on "extra family benefits for women returning to work for the first year after returning to the workforce" sent to me?!? I wish they would make up they minds. Pretty much they want women to have more kids, stay at home to raise them but support themselves financially and not ask the government for help!!

Anyway, I'll get of the soapbox now and let someone else use it.

A big hi to all those "working" Mums out there. Whether they be the
no pay/great benefits type or not.

Tracey
Mum to Alec and Zak

Baby Girl

15-06-2005, 14:13

I got this in an email and thought it fit quite well in this thread......

MOM

A woman named Jean renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.

She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "do you have a job, or are you just a ....?

"Of course I have a job," snapped Jean. "I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation... 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like "Official Interrogator," or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know... The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't), in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out) I�m working for my Masters, (the whole darned family), and already have four credits, (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree)? I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."

Motherhood.....What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations," and great-grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so!!! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

jlrjyeboah

15-06-2005, 14:21

I agree, personally I couldn't care less about what other people think but I find it very demeaning when people ask when do I plan on returning to work. I especially hate it when people ask me what I do for a living. I sit on my bum all day, watching tv and eating chips. What do you think I do? I tell them I am in production.........I have 2 wonderful boys and am currently in production of a third. :) Three cheers to all those mothers who go back to work after having children, but three cheers to the mothers who stay home as well :)

willsmum

15-06-2005, 14:30

I guess I have the best of both worlds. I work part time and my parents have the kids when I work. Lucky me!

Rainbowbrite

15-06-2005, 15:04

Iim already getting the "when are you going to work again" mind you my dd is only 4 weeks old :mad: At the moment i can hardaly keep my eyes open at all so i'm not even considering returning to "work." Between feeding and bathing and entertaining MJ and keeping the house clean, paying bills, shopping etc. When am i supposed to have the time to "work?"

Right now i'm gonna go have a rest while bub is sleeping. The housework, washing and ironing are done and dinner is prepared ready to heat :p

Kat

15-06-2005, 17:05

Hi again,

BJelly I totally agree with you. Society is not placing any value at all on Parenting. I tend to believe (yes even after 7 months) that its the role of both parents to parent but thats a whole separate issue.

I especially liked the Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations position description. I think I will hve to use that one. especially at social events. *lol* have you gone back to work yet? I can say "hven't you heard? I am a Research Associate in the field of child development and human relations!" I love it - even if I do go back to 'work' I think I'll keep that one as my main position title!

Unfortunately its not just parents or Mums who are not being valued in our society - it the whole family / community structure that is crumbling away. After all if there was a 'local' sense of closeness and belonging then online 'communities' such as this forum would be somewhat defunct. I say somewhat because I think the net is great for linking people together and bringing a stronger sense of community to individuals, whatever local supports they have, there is nothing like reaching out through the ether and finding a person even more like-minded than your sister/ best friend / mother's group / CHN / mother.

oops..sorry I seem to have waffled into a whole bigger kettle of fish.

Kat

moggs

15-06-2005, 17:06

Hi,

I'm so glad to hear others in the same position as me! I feel the same about wanting to raise my own child instead of anyone else and teaching her the alphabet, counting, reading, pasting, singing, toilet training (haven't mastered that one yet) etc not to mention playgroup and preschool movement!

I am however fortunate enough to have a husband who earns enough (just!) even though we :) don't have alot of material pocessions, i'm quite happy driving around in my old '84' bluebird, living in rented accomodation and being in 10,000 dollars in debt so I can be the one to raise my daughter.

Thank-you for your responses

Moggs xx

mumworkingoverseas

16-06-2005, 17:07

I dont think this is a problem caused by current social pressures I think this problem has been exacerbated by women and their lack of support for each others choices (read bit**iness!!).
A lot of mums who stay at home often throw around the phrases like "they didn't have kids to have someone else raise them" etc which implies (whether they mean it or not) that a working mother is a bad mother! A lot of working mothers feel guilty at these accusations and respond in kind by making snide comments about "well what do you do all day??".
In my opinion, these days (for some unknown reason) we all feel it necessary to justify to others why we choose to work or stay at home and usually we justify it by putting down those who have not chosen to do it our way!!
Doing this has created a vicious circle that constantly pits working and stay at home mums against each other. I think it has become a nasty debate!!
I dont know why we women are so competative , so hard on each other and care so much about strangers opinions, but it makes me wonder just what we could all achieve if we worked together rather than against each other.

Kat

16-06-2005, 23:35

Hi Mumworkingoverseas,

I agree with you. I have a small list in my head titled "strange things upon which opinions are polarised"

So far it was only

1. Breastfeeding / bottlefeed - the debate in its many forms and incarnations.

2. Immunisation - evil if you do, evil if you don't.

And I think I will now add #3 to the list

3. SAHM / Working Mum - again very divided opinions!

I guess that the controlled crying / co-sleeping ones are big too but there at least seems to be people in the 'middle' ground on these topics.

After reading your post I'm glad to say that on all 3 of these issues I have always voiced my opinion in such a way as it relates directly to my daughter, e.g. "We immunised, she was sick for 3 1/2 weeks; she developed sleeping problems & fears - we aren't going back...at the moment" - I'm also careful not to rule options out altogether!

As for working, our girl is very subtle, doesn't cry much and is very switched on mentally for her age (I expect this will even out in time, she just happens to be a bright bubba) and I am afraid that in a childcare environment they might wait for her to cry before paying attention (by then with her its way too late she goes from small noises that can be mistaken for not communicating at all to hysterical and inconsolable) Not to mention I am breastfeeding and very bad at expressing so that is another issue with daycare.

Having said that if I can't manage to make some money working from home it will be back to work I go within the next couple of months because we'll need the cash.

That sort of hijacked the thread - I think the comments about women being too harsh and judgemental of other women *is* a large part of the problem we all have. I guess that is part of our society too - it seems to be the way women are encouraged to behave rather than to be nurturing and kind to each other.

I always say too that my decisions for us as a family with bub #1 are because of our dd and her personality and needs as well as our family as a whole and that who knows what we will do differently for any other children, they might present us with totally different challenges!

Kat

nemosmum

19-06-2005, 16:59

Im an early childhood teacher and know the benefits and downfalls of day care.So when I had my beautiful baby boy I was determined to take at least a year off to care for him. People started asking me when I would be returning to work as soon as he was born, when I replied "I'm taking a year off" I always felt like I was a dead beat mother for not going back sooner so I could earn money and help my dh with the bills. After three months at home with my son I found I really needed to go back to work because I didnt enjoy staying at home all the time. I found myself depressed and feeling isolated even with mothers groups/playgroups and the like. So I decided to return to work two days a week when my son was 8 months old. When I told the girls at mums group and playgroup I couldnt believe their reactions- they totally turned down their noses at me and made me feel like the worst mum in the world!(all except three mums who really supported my decision, and stayed in contact with me)
I still work two days a week and my son attends the centre I work at which is great because I get to see him in my breaks. He loves daycare and really enjoys the active paced environment and playing with his peers. He is a very active baby and thrives on the stimulation he gets at daycare (something I cant offer him at home). Its worked out great for me, I loved getting back into teaching and am no longer depressed or feeling lonely. Im happier, my son is really settled and happy and my dh loves the extra money I make!!!! :)

However you cant please everybody and some one always has something negetive to say whichever way you turn, so I just strive to make my son, dh and myself happy, that'll do me just fine :D

BJelly

19-06-2005, 18:21

Hi Orlando's Mum,

I'm sorry to hear that other Mums weren't more supportive of your decision to go back to paid work. Who'd want a return to the 50's and 60's when unhappy Mum's doped themselves with valium etc to get through the day?

It's much better for you and your family to stay sane and happy - if that means returning to work outside the home, so be it.

Wishing you all the best.

lil monkey

19-06-2005, 18:24

Parenting is the hardest and most unappreciated job in the world. I have a very intense management position and dealing with my stakeholders who are constantly abusing me is a damn site easier than raising a baby!! Going to work is a breeze now compared to being a parent but it is no where near as rewarding!!! :D

kamckellar

19-06-2005, 19:34

i get the opposite from people when i tell them i want to go back to work.i went back to work when my twins were 7 months old but went back onto 'maternity leave' as my daycare mum had her bubby therefore i had no sitters for my girls.so now my daycare mums back and i have my girls in care,one son in preschool and the other at school i cant get work.but most people say your a single mum how are you going to handle working,looking after 4 kids,and running a household by yourself?well its true raising kids is fulltime work but ive got a good routine and a nearly 7 yr old that asks me when are you going back to work mum so we can have more money?if i was in a better financial position i wouldnt work.and now with the new budget coming in ive got no choice.if im not employed by november im going to do a family daycare course and work from home.this would be ideal as i get to be here for my kids as well as getting a small income for looking after others.

moggs

27-06-2005, 06:29

Hi,

I agree with you taylor's mum. I used to work as a nurse in a nursing home and as a special needs assistant in a primary school and it isn't as demanding as my bubba but i do love it.

I don't think this thread was meant to be a working vs working at home subject. It was just that I felt that there are more pressure for stay at homes to work than not to work outside of the home and I didn't understand why. Yes i'm happy with my decision and I would like another child soon and do the same....

I do however feel that for some people daycare would be the answer if they feel they are not enjoying being at home for both the child and mother.. I am the moment doing a home course in counselling and when I complete the course, i'd like to work 1-2 days a week.

For me, it's not worth going to work as i'd spend most my money in daycare fees because i wouldn't have a 'high paying' job at all. I also would like to work in an area that I enjoy entirely..

At the end of the day, it's what works for the individual family. I want to raise my children and be at home for them until school age. It's not any better or worse than someone who chooses to work outside the home. I just think that sahm should also be acknowledged as having a job.

moggs xx :)

kymmy

10-05-2006, 12:31

stupid question
'do you work?'
I have three children, the youngest breastfeeding
of course i work...
I hate when people ask that question.
Especially when I am holding a newborn...

FourAngelKisses

10-05-2006, 15:12

This is one thing that really irritates me. I'm 29 this year and I've never had a paid job. I left school at 18.5 and did a TAFE course for 6mths then fell prenant 3mths later. In those 3mths I was actively searching for a job but was unsuccessful. Since then I have been a stay at home mum. My husband and I both decided that I would be a SAHM until the youngest was in highschool as it is important for the kids to have someone at home after school, but I always get people asking what I did before kids and when I say highschool they always respond with "oh...........when are you going to get a job?" and when I tell them I will get one when Matthew starts highschool, they tell me off for being a welfare bludger etc etc.

I think that raising the next generation is the most unvalued, underpaid and least respected job in the world. I didn't have my kids for other people to raise, I had them for me to raise, so other people can just butt out and let me do what I do best.

kymmy

10-05-2006, 15:37

I think that raising the next generation is the most unvalued, underpaid and least respected job in the world. I didn't have my kids for other people to raise, I had them for me to raise, so other people can just butt out and let me do what I do best.

i totally agree

Ange&Seth

11-05-2006, 01:14

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that gets annoyed at comments like 'Do you work?'

Even before I had bub, I was asked, 'how long are you having off work?' I had anticipated 5-6 months, but went back after 4 months only to be asked for my resignation after only 7 shifts!

I went back because we needed the money and now I am looking for evening/weekend work so that I don't have to put DS in childcare. I'm with those of you who say you didn't have kids to let someone else raise them, and I also have a gripe with the government in regards to families. They say we need to have more kids, and that 'we are aborting ourselves out of existence' (when the debate was raging over the abortion drug U486) well hello!!!! We do not earn 6 figure salaries like you do (politicians I mean) and maybe if you stopped renovating the bloody 'Lodge' and Parliament House every 2-3 years (and spending millions of dollars on it I might add) and put that money towards family or lowering the gross national debt or something, then maybe, just maybe we could afford to have those kids we, according to you, need to have in order to keep the population stable. It just makes me SOOOO mad.

And now I have ppl asking me 'do you work'? What a stupid bloody question! I work 24/7 (unpaid as someone has already pointed out in this thread) and eventhough it is a great reward, to see my boy smiling and laughing and DP coming home to a clean and tidy house and everything in order, that unfortunately doesn't pay the bills.

Maybe a bubhubbian should run for office and stand up for all of us mums who are struggling to get enough money to pay for all the necessities? Any volunteers?:laughing:

Pixie

11-05-2006, 03:20

hmmm I don't see it as "work" it's just part of my life and I do it lol for me work is doing a job be it for yourself or someone else for money....

When people ask me do I work I say no, I am staying home to raise my child :D

To answer the first question, no I feel no pressure to work we're very fortunate that I can stay home..but if you can't and you think it could some way enhance you and the rest of your family's life then go for it like nemo's mum:thumbsup:

Tam-I-Am

11-05-2006, 13:17

I stayed at home with DD until she was 9 months old. I would stay at home with her full-time if I had the choice, but for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was that I was in the midst of completing my qualifications to become fully registered as a psychologist (I'm currently probationary status), and the financial stress that we had as a result of DH's father, who was also his business partner, dying and the business going under - meant that I had to return to work.

I feel that I'm judged either way - When I was at home full time, people were constantly asking when I was going back to work (I know that perhaps my circumstances were different b/c of my qualifications but....) When I returned to work, women in my mothers' groups, friends, family etc judged me for that . I'm only working 2 days a week at present, and DD is 10.5 months old. I combine breastfeeding and work, luckily I have a private office with a lock so that I can express at work when I need to, and a boss who is understanding of such things.

I really think that staying at home is the most fulfilling job you'll ever have - I wish I could do it!

But having said that, I usually enjoy my two days at work too - it gets me out of the house, I feel refreshed when I go home, I want to parent Claire and spend as much time with her as possible (whereas when I'm there full time, I think I get a bit *la de dah* about it - I'm there all the time, so I take it for granted). I enjoy the financial contribution that I make to our household, and knowing that if DH were ever out of work again, I could at least pay our mortgage with my wages. And thank God I don't have to put Claire into CC b/c my gorgeous MIL looks after her - in our home, so it doesn't upset her routine AT ALL, and she loves her nanna, so enjoys her days with her.

I'm dreading when my days have to increase though - in about 1-2 months, I have to go up to 2.5 then 3 days, and then sometime in the following 6 months, have to go up to 4.

I think that some of you have been right - if we could support each other rather than judging, the world would be an easier place!

Mum&bubs

11-05-2006, 13:20

I hear you & definetly think being a sahm is hard work :yes:

becca74

11-05-2006, 13:53

Does anyone know the comparitive costs?

If I was to give up being a SAHM, what would I have to pay other people to do what I do? I'd have to employ a nanny and/or daycare and a cleaner.....

My DH is in the highest tax bracket, so we dont get childcare subsidies.....so If I were to go back to work, ALL my earnings would go on paying people to do jobs that I can do for free! There is simply no financial point, in my case. And heck, I wanna be with my kids!

Being a nanny and a cleaner are considered jobs........so why are we who do it for free considered to not be working? wierd logic this society has!

I went back to work as a secretary for about 6 months between #1 and #2 ( I was lucky to have an au pair from Hungary who had worked previously as a nursery teacher, so cost me a cheap $200 a week - au pairs usually got less than half that, she was vv happy!).....and wow, life was easier, since I had some me-time.....I would consider that as not working :laughing: my 'time-off' was between 9-5 monday to friday - my hard working hours were all the others round the clock!

FourAngelKisses

11-05-2006, 15:24

Does anyone know the comparitive costs?

If I was to give up being a SAHM, what would I have to pay other people to do what I do? I'd have to employ a nanny and/or daycare and a cleaner.....

That is why I don't have a paying job. By the time I was to pay someone to take my kids to and from school, babysit the 2yr old all day, have all 3 of them over the holidays, make a 90km trip each day and pay tax, we would be wayyyyyyyyyyy worse off. Then I'd still have to come home, do cooking, cleaning, washing, homework, home reading, baths/showers...........all before DH goes to work at 6:30pm. It just wouldn't be worth it for me. I'd end up a mess by the end of the first week, and I would be working for what?? $5 a week after I pay for all of the above.

I take my hat off to those mothers who do work though, I don't know how they juggle everything.

Sarie

11-05-2006, 15:31

I definately hear you, ppl ask me alot when i intend to go back to work...

now firstly i didnt have my son to let someone else raise him,

and secondly i live in a country town where work and childcare is very very difficult to get!

:D

Michelle
I feel exactly the same way, though I did live in the city when both my boys were born, we are now in the same position as you.
But personally, I don't mind going without things to be home with my boys!

Fairyfloss

11-05-2006, 15:36

I feel that I'm judged either way - When I was at home full time, people were constantly asking when I was going back to work ...When I returned to work, women in my mothers' groups, friends, family etc judged me for that

I so agree :yes:
I think that is what will happen to me , my bub is not even born yet, and I already have comments flying from four corners of the world, but I don't care, I am sticking with my guns, (well more or less), and DH is backing me. would love to stay home longer, but once my maternity leave finishes it is back to work for me and I am not even going to say why, cause I can write a whole book with that:D .

Kaycee

11-05-2006, 15:49

I am a SAHM and I certainly know that I have done a days work at the end of each day!

Kunoichi

16-05-2006, 03:50

Does anyone else feel this pressure to work outside the house?

Moggs xx
First, Hi here!
I'm a new member here and glad to talk to each of you.

Concerning the question you've asked...
In fact, nobody presses me. You were absolutely right when use "feel this pressure" instead of using "are you pressed with sitting at home".
Because very often a "young mom" (doesn't matter how old is she, surely) FEELS like that. But it absolutely doesn't matter nothing, because often it appears from nothing.

I think every woman should be teached that to be a Woman is to be a Mom. And the mission of all life is to raise a child, that will be happy, smiling and feel good all the time. And a woman should remember this All The Time, or otherwise she make angry herself, her husband, and surely the baby (-ies). And the life will be like the Hell.

In our country (Russia) there is a tendency to get a nurse while a baby is from 6 to 12 months old. I was surprised with this when I was pregnant. Now I realized, why this tendency appears. It had been driven me absolutely crazy :banghead: (all the unusual "problems", without any "real job" and people around, and other things...) up to my daughter's 6 months. Now she is almost 8 months :yelclap: , and I'm VERY GLAD that my husband gave me a chance to be a Woman :hugs:

I also wanted to employ a nurse for her, but think of it and realize that it will be cheaper to sit at home raising a child, because if I go back to my job, I'll need to:
1) pay to a nurse
2) buy some new clothes and shoes
3) buy fuel, drive a car, have a service for it (and pay for it, sure), and spend minimum 3 (!) hours daily in traffic jams instead of having fun with the Princess
4) if I decide to find another job which is closer to the home, I will pay A LOT of attention to newspapers, interviews, and then I will have to get into it - so I will not have any time for me baby.

That's why I'm "sitting" at home, making dinners for our family (me, my husband and daughter) by myselves, reading news sometimes (I worked as a financier assistant), books, have a lot of fresh air for me and our daughter in a park near the home for 3-4 hours a day, drawing there a bit,...

Well, I actually realized that life is not so strict to people )))
We should just pay a little bit more attention to Simple Humanity Feelings and Enjoy It, because they cost Nothing :yelclap: like fresh air, the Sun, rains sometimes, walks and other simple things.

Sorry for such a long posting and my English as well

And!!! Do not pay any attention to others, who used to say "you are not working! everyone must work". It is really silly. BABIES need our attention, but NOT THESE PEOPLE, who talk in that manner.

PS: there was an article in our newspaper called IZVESTIA, where economists counted, that if a husband pays to his wife a salary, it will cost him... $7500 per months or something like that for this amount of jobs that a woman that raising a baby had to do every day (and night, sure ). Ther are a few woman who earns such money, believe me... so a husband will better earn money, and his wife - raise babies. Every person has its own field of responsibility.

Odessa

16-05-2006, 08:25

Kunoichi, your post was lovely and your English is perfectly acceptable :) Welcome to Bubhub!

FourAngelKisses

16-05-2006, 08:27

Kunoichi, your post was lovely and your English is perfectly acceptable :) Welcome to Bubhub!

I agree!!!! Welcome to Bubhub, I hope you like it here.

Kunoichi

16-05-2006, 15:16

Thank you :hugs:

anna's mum

16-05-2006, 21:55

kiwibird27

16-05-2006, 22:13

I agree with u all - but for people living in expensive metro areas (by choice i know) then work isn't really a choice its a necessity, In fact if u can SAHM then your lucky, also lots of families from overseas necessitating travel which is expensive and can't be afforded on one wage - Also the politicians pushing for mothers to return to work live in metro areas where it isn't a choice - women have to work, and get paid very well for doing so.
I know u will all say its a choice to live somewhere expensive and your right, its just that the majority of the population now live this way and the majority opinion rule and dominate!!

The only pressure feel about returning to work is pressure from myself!!!

Ange&Seth

16-05-2006, 23:08

Kunoichi, your post was lovely and your English is perfectly acceptable :) Welcome to Bubhub!

I agree :thumbsup: and I'd just like to say that reading your post put a BIG smile on my face. Thankyou so much! Your philosophies on life and motherhood are just beautiful :hugs:

Kunoichi

19-05-2006, 02:35

I think every woman should be teached that to be a Woman is to be a Mom. And the mission of all life is to raise a child, that will be happy, smiling and feel good all the time. And a woman should remember this All The Time, or otherwise she make angry herself, her husband, and surely the baby (-ies). And the life will be like the Hell
Hmm, I definitely do not agree with this sentiment :thumbsdown:
Why not?
Sure I hope to make a carreer sometime. But raising a child is a real job, which also should be done well.

Do you have another opinion? It'll be interesting to hear your version!

And...Ladies, please answer: does your husband help you in a housekeeping? What does he do? Or do you make everything by yourself?

onabreak

19-05-2006, 05:16

I have to say that I have never really been asked when am I going back to work as most of my family and friends now our situation. I am lucky that my DH and I have our own business and have a great income that we can afford for me to stay at home. But if I did want to go back to work it would be a waste of time cause most of the money I would earn would have to pay for childcare. I don't want someone else raising my child. We are on a high income bracket so I don't think the government would give me much of a rebate for child care, so what's the point. I brought my daughter into this world knowing that I am her mother and that my DH and I will raise her.

I think being a stay at home mum is the most rewarding job even if you don't get paid for it in the long run you get paid by the love and bonding time with your child, who could ask for more.

FourAngelKisses

19-05-2006, 06:12

And...Ladies, please answer: does your husband help you in a housekeeping? What does he do? Or do you make everything by yourself?

My husband is a great help. He does dishes, puts washing away, vacuums, cooks. What more could I ask for?? :D

jessgray

19-05-2006, 06:49

my partner cleans the house without me asking sometimes. he vaccums the floor when it needs to be done. will mop the floors. the onyl thing he wont do is dishes lol.

zenifa

19-05-2006, 10:10

In relation to the first question (which initiated this thread) Isn't raising a child work? My answer is yes, its (sometimes hard) work, and possible the best and most rewarding job for any person (mother or father).

In relation to the 2nd question, does my DH help with housework? YES!!:smiliedance: Early on in our relationship, when we first moved in together, I trained him so that he could help out in all areas of housework and we would try to do them 50/50. Now that I only work part time and am home with DD most of the time, we still share the household chores. DH knows that looking after our active 9 mth old is more challenging and demanding than my previous full time job was and that I still expect him to help with looking after her and the house. Admittedly he does more of the 'outside' jobs but I am very lucky that he and I have a full partnership in these matters!!

anna's mum

19-05-2006, 16:27

Kunoichi, I guess you could say 'my version' is called feminism - women are not women because they are mothers, you do not need to have a child to be a woman, children do not make you a woman just as they do not make a man a man - they make you a mother & father, an indescribable joy and responsibility but not a fulfilment of personal identity crises (hopefully).

mum2bubba

14-06-2006, 11:53

I am a sahm and the only reason I would even think about going back to work would be if we were at the point of backrupcy (sp?).
My parents weren't really around much, granted my mum had cancer and was in and out of hospital and passed away when I was 8, my dad (even when he was home) wasn't really there if you know what I mean. I didn't have a child so that someone else can raise her. I know that she has to go to kinder and school and MAYBE (and its a big maybe) I might go and work part time (2 days a week or something) but at the moment she needs her mum (and dad) around.
I used to work in a daycare centre and there were alot of children including young babies who were there all day from 7am to 6pm. I feel sorry for the parents because they are the ones missing out, I understand that not everyone has the luxury to stay home with there children however.
Sometimes you gotta ask yourself, why am I really going back to work? Is it because you need to pay the rent/mortgage provide the basics or is it because you want your children to have all the latest toys?
In my opinion children need to have at least one parent at home with them (whether thats the mum or the dad is up to you) If you are just living off one income you just gotta know how to budget properly. If it came down to choice, I'd rather have less money and more quality time with my daughter then more money and less time with my daughter.
As for all the latest toys and things whats wrong with buying clothes or toys second hand? If you don't work then you need to make sacrifies, also applies if you DO work.
Well this is just my opinion didn't mean to offend anyone. :)

Also, I think that teenagers need their parents (or one parent) at home just as much as a toddler/baby does, teenagers (even pre-teens) are into drugs and getting pregnant (I know not all of them) and stuff like that and need their parents to guid them in the right direction.

Another thing if I went back to work now all the money that I earn would go to daycare, I can't get family to look after Hayley because they either work or live too far away, but even if childcare was free I am still not ready to leave her. ;)