Feeling left behind....

[Skittles]

I had my first baby at 18. Now i am about to turn 22, i have my second. Ad will probably be tryinkg for a third in the next 6 months or so. But I forget who i am. I was just talking to a mate who i went to uni with (i was at uni when i fell pregnant). She graduates in 8 weeks :rain:. I am happy for her i am. But i cant help but be sad. I had done nothing with my life (other than become a mother) and i have absoloutly no direction. I have no idea where i want to go for a career. I dont know.....Im not overly great at anything. My friends (well those that have not dissapeared) are all getting on with their lives. Graduating, travelling, getting engaged......

I dont know who i am atm. I am just a mother, a wife, a house keeper, accountant, taxi, chef, dry cleaner, personal assistant and nurse. B

Does anyone else feel this way?

[munchkins]

I was 21 when I fell pregnant with DD1, but I know where your coming from. I have recently added a whole heaps of my school friends onto my facebook account snd they all seem to be doing things. travelling and just having a grea life going out and having fun. The way I look at it though for now I have something that is way more important than that 'social' life. I have a family. They all may be in well paying jobs, but us as mothers have the most exciting and rewarding jobs of them all, our job is " MUM ". IMO no jobs or no amount of money ever comes close to the amount of happiness that being a mum could bring.

Hang in there. We all feel like you do at some stage in our parenting role, but being a mum is so much more rewarding.

[Skittles]

I know what i am doing is really important. I just feel like i am going around in circles. Finally get one TT, sleeping through etc and then have another. Going to be roughly the same next year. And i have to admit i am bored. I want to do a uni course or something but i dont know what i want to do. :( DH is so supportive of me. And i love him for that. But somedays all i want to do is be working and saving to go overseas. To be able to stay out late and only worry about myself!! I WANT TO BE SELFISH!!! lol

[trouble]

I understand exactly, I was at uni too when I fell pregnant with DD1 at just 19 years old, and then had my second by 22 years old, and have just turned 24 years old last week, and and half way through my 3rd pregnancy,

And I too have felt on and off, like I didnt get to finish uni, and am working where I am, and it is not what I wanted it to be,

But at the moment I dont feel too bad, as I have just started a course to do from home, and said to my DH, my plan now is to have enough study under my belt, so when my kids are all in school, I can get a school hours good job/CAREER, that I will enjoy.

Then it will be my working life, then when my kids are grown up, Im still young enough to enjoy and do what ever I want in life.

[munchkins]

I also know exactly how you feel... I am in the situation at the moment.. Have you thought about daycare for your little ones? or maybe a family member or friend can mind them for you, so you can get a job or go back to uni?

ETA: Like trouble are you able to do a course from home? I know alot of job network agencies will help with funding aswell

[MamaKoala]

I had DS1 when i was 21 and DS2 when I was 22 and now that I am 27 and my kids are in school I sit here thinking what am I doing? Nothing! But then I am studying full time for a Bachelor degree through OUA and that really helps me feel like I am going to be able to be something else besides a mother. I love that responsibility but I also want more. All you need is a plan, a way to achieve it, and a little time out and you'll feel so much better. I can be a SAHM and get my Degree which is perfect right now.
A lot of my friends have gone through their 'quarter life crisis' and once you figure out what you want to do, accept that you followed a different path to your friends and find something outside the home that you really love, the crisis will be over.

[ali1210]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm now 23yrs. I had my first bub at 16 (the knocked up teenager story) and finished school (home schooling). I went to tafe and eventually back to work for a little while but since my 2nd bub I have just been at home. Everyone I knew is now either working in these amazing jobs, travelling overseas, partying and is loaded(probably because they don't have to pay for kids) I'm definantly feeling left out and my friends are calling even less (maybe once a year) because I can't just drop everything to go hang out with them. I was thinking of starting my own business from home so that I can work child friendly hours and make enough cash so that my family can travel a bit aswell. Maybe then I won't feel as though i'm missing out so much.

[JATS]

Don't worry too much. By the time your kids are old enough to be going to school and you can take on uni and/or a career you will have a much better idea of what you want to do and want to achieve whereas many of your friends will have been through at least 4 different professions and still not know where they want to be! (I'm 26 and most of my childless old school friends are on at least their 3rd career path! Starting from scratch each time.)

I have friends in their early 30's who haven't got families, starting up new careers with practically nothing to show for the previous 10 years (spent their earnings on partying/traveling etc rather than a home) and no real idea where they want to be in the next 10 years besides finding a partner and having a family! I have my family and a fair idea where I want to be in 10 years.

Having a family often gives one great direction, right now your direction is right where it should be, concentrating on your family. In a few years you'll have life experience your friends could only dream of and you can use it to decide whats really right for you and get a great start in a career to last a lifetime if that's what you want.

When I was at uni (also had kids before finishing;)) doing nursing 3/4 of the class were school leavers, the rest were mature age students. Mums who were just starting out on the career path. You know what, the mature age students left us for dead! Same when I did an IT course. They had drive the rest of us could barely imagine!

Your life can be just as full and rich as any of theirs, and I dare say a few of them will be envying you in a few years. :thumbsup:

[BellyFruit]

Big :hugs: Skittles...

I was 20 when I had the twins and I used them as my driving force to finish my law degree. I did not want to let life leave me behind... I was fortunate to have the JET programe through centrelink at the time, it's different now, but I know it still exists to pay for childcare for parents who are studying... ask Centrelink about it...

Currently pg with #3 at 25yo and have worked as a solicitor for 2 years (very good boss, very good hours) and have the opportunity of working from home next year...

I think it's important to identify yourself as more than a mother, for yourself and your own sanity and to keep your brain stimulated and let's face it, your babies will grow up and need you less and less, and you're going to want/need more in your life... Yes, you cannot replace your role as a mother with any other experience, however as a woman, motherhood is not EVERYTHING and you need to spread your wings a bit and make room in your life for other things as well (get that degree, get that job, and take that holiday) ...

In saying this, I'm really looking forward to NOT working next year and being at home with bubs, but I always plan to go back to work.. I'd go mental otherwise! :laughing:

[BellyFruit]

Don't worry too much. By the time your kids are old enough to be going to school and you can take on uni and/or a career you will have a much better idea of what you want to do and want to achieve whereas many of your friends will have been through at least 4 different professions and still not know where they want to be! (I'm 26 and most of my childless old school friends are on at least their 3rd career path! Starting from scratch each time.)

I have friends in their early 30's who haven't got families, starting up new careers with practically nothing to show for the previous 10 years (spent their earnings on partying/traveling etc rather than a home) and no real idea where they want to be in the next 10 years besides finding a partner and having a family! I have my family and a fair idea where I want to be in 10 years.

Having a family often gives one great direction, right now your direction is right where it should be, concentrating on your family. In a few years you'll have life experience your friends could only dream of and you can use it to decide whats really right for you and get a great start in a career to last a lifetime if that's what you want.

When I was at uni (also had kids before finishing;)) doing nursing 3/4 of the class were school leavers, the rest were mature age students. Mums who were just starting out on the career path. You know what, the mature age students left us for dead! Same when I did an IT course. They had drive the rest of us could barely imagine!

Your life can be just as full and rich as any of theirs, and I dare say a few of them will be envying you in a few years. :thumbsup:

:iagree:

[SuperGranny]

Hi, I can give a different view. I had all four children in my 20s. Ive been through the hard work of raising kids and watching the budgets, and making repayments. I'm now in my 50s have two beautiful grandsons, and the time and freedom to do what we please. I went to a school reunion and there were class mates with kids going through primary school. I wouldn't change places with them for anything. Secret is just enjoy what your life brings, don't take any day, or person , for granted, and make the most of what you have. Cheers Marie.

[SweetSerenity]

Big hugs :hugs: I'm almost 23 and i have to say thankfully i don't feel that way anymore but going back say two and a half years i did... More so after ds was just born though. It's not a nice feeling and it really drags you down. I taught myself to look at my life differently and not see having a child as 'holding' me back. Having a child may limit things you can do, but not for the rest of your life...only short term. For instance once all your children are in school, you have those days to work, study or do whatever you like :) Also remember, that while your friends are travelling, partying and wasting their money...you're raising a gorgeous family that you will have with you forever...nothing beats that :goodvibes:. I've also changed my circle of friends...i tend not to socialise with my childless friends anymore as they don't understand my lifestyle and i don't understand theirs. So i've surrounded myself with a few very close mummy friends and it's fantastic :) chin up hun...it's hard to drag yourself out of a rut but it is do able, just take each day as it comes and always remind yourself of one great thing in your life everyday. Nat x

[Jesska08]

by the way HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SKITTLES TODAY



:party:happybirthday:yelclap::)

[amaliesmum]

hi everyone! I'm 22 ....with a 14 month old girl. It's good to know there are others out there with the same issues as me! I feel like all my old school friends are living such a great life..no responsibility or consequence...but then I realise how good I really have it. I have a beautiful girl and I am starting to get some time to myself now (since she's FINALLY sleeping ALL NIGHT!!:sleeping:) I still feel lost and don't really know which direction my life is going...but would probably still feel that way if i was single and childless! and when all my friends finally settle down, my kids will be old enough to make some pocket money babysitting!:thumbsup:

[MissSparkle]

I know how u all feel. :hugs::hugs:
I was in Year 12 at school when I fell preg with DS1....and I felt left behind from that moment on. I was massively preg at my year 12 formal and when everyone was going to after parties I wanted to lie down n put my feel in a cold bucket of water. EVeryone started uni...I was always home alone.
I went on to have DS2 when I was 20, get married etc....
Im keen to have my 3rd (n probably last bub) in the next 2years so that way once Im 30 my kids will be 12, 10 and 8ish, all at school and I can begin my "working" life. Im studying at the moment via correspondance and I LOVE it!

Where abouts to u all live? Since we're all a little "left behind" we could at least maybe meet up and be "left behind" together lol.

[SassyMummy]

I fell pregnant at 18 too. I wasn't at uni, but I'd just finished a beauty course and was doing a make-up course to make myself more employable... and then bang, I'm pregnant, and there goes that training. :rolleyes:

I'm 22 now, and I'm still a SAHM. I'm not a wife, and I've only just gotten into a new relationship, but I wonder where on earth my life is going.

It's different now though... I was far more lost when I was with DDs father... who I think I was only with because I fell pregnant to him and didn't know what else to do. So I stuck with him for far too long... and leaving him gave me a little bit of myself back.

[ciehann]

i was having trouble with the same thing. and then i read the book "you sexy mother" (cant remember the author) and it has made the world of difference. im a proud stay at home mum. i hate the term im "just" a mum. i work so much hard than any of my childless friends i just dont get paid for it!

the book talks about running your hosehold like a business. its motivated me to start a personal trainers course via correspondence with a 12wk old baby.

i feel so much better about things now.
cheers
ciehann

[studentmum]

Hi B :wave:

I was pg at 19 after only knowing my DP for 2 months. My whole family freaked out. I managed to have DD a few weeks after turning 20 so I avoided being another 'teen pg statistic' (tee he he) but I am so glad I started early, we had DD2 at 22 (My now DH is same age) and then life kinda happened. DH started uni to become a primary teacher (he just grad this year - YAY!) and when DD2 was older I went to uni and started nursing.

I WAS NOT READY FOR ANYTHING APART FROM MOTHERHOOD AT 19! :yes: all the jobs i'd had were unfulfilling, I didn't enjoy my friends and felt left out of my family. Becoming a parent gave me identity and I was proud that I was a mum (a damn good one too!) and in being a mum I found the path I wanted to take in nursing.

There's no shame in feeling lost and not knowing where you want to go (I can't believe ppl who know in highschool and go do it and that's it) I wonder if they are truly happy??? And there's no shame in needing time to grow, I just turned 28 and bub #3 is on the way (Still haven't finished uni!) and we will prob have #4 too.

The best thing is that when we're 50 and we want to travel the world while we're still young we can - our babies will be 20-30yrs old! :yelclap:

You're doing the most important job in the world, it doesn't come with a degree (although sometimes it IS harder than uni!), the pay is sh*t and the hours are long but it's still the best job in the world.

Sarah :goodvibes:

[Aroha0509]

Hello all,
It's nice to see that I'm not the only one who feels left out! I was 20 when DD1 arrived and DD2 arrived at 22 and is now 6 weeks.:yelclap: I also wasn't at uni when I fell pg but had a good job and a good idea of what I wanted to do and DD1 came as a huge surprise and at the beginning was more like a spanner in the works than a blessing! Now I am glad to have had them young, I have more energy to spend on them and it helped me to appreciate lots of things more than I had. Sure we don't have a social life to speak of anymore and I've lost contact with all except 1 of my childless friends, but I have 2 beautiful baby girls who show me that every day is a new day and have helped me become more focussed and determined to succeed in my study and work so that I can give them a good life. I think being mum is the hardest, most frustrating, tiring and rewarding job in the world and I wouldn't give it up for anything. I pity the people I went to school with because they have nothing to show for the last 5 years that we've been out, where I have a lovely little family and the foundations of a career that will set us up for life!! :D

[3blue&1pink]

I feel a little different... My mother has said since I was a little girl 'Brooke you like to do everything yesterday' and its soooo true..


I fell pregnant at 15, had my baby at 16.. continued my education... I took him to high school with me. I finished my grade 11.

I then fell pregnant at 17.. I left school (I moved to the opposite side of Brisbane and couldn't get there with two so) I studied a beauty course.

I started working... I fell pregnant again at 18, but unfortunately lost bub at 18weeks.

I continued working..

Then I fell pregnant at 19.. and just had my bub at 20.

During my last pregnancy I completed a cert 111 in Aged Care.. and I am enrolled to start my nursing course (E.E.N) next year. I have just sat down to read through finishing my Beauty course (Diploma now) via correspondences.. and I am also due to study Hairdressing part time.. with my up coming wedding and TTC in a few months.. (TTC doesn't happen easily now)

A lot of my OLDER friends have 1 child and struggle yet I have 3 and do this.. but as I said I try to do everything yesterday..

I am sort of caught in the middle in the sense.. I WANTED to be a young mum.. my mum was one and she was the coolest mum I knew.. I was and still am proud she was a young mum.. and I wanted to be the same.. but my DP'S career started at 20-21... and I guess I feel the pressure to find and start mine hence the studying so hard..