Will you tell anyone before 1st tri? [Archive] - Bub Hub Pregnancy & Parenting Forum

MilkOnTap

03-05-2006, 14:16

With the brilliant news that hubby is coming home sooner than I had expected, I now need to get my backside into gear and begin taking my folate and vitamins again to get my body prepared for baby making!

Through thinking about all this I pondered how the last two times I fell pg, we told close friends and family our news BEFORE I had reached the 'magic 12 week' mark...

In hindsight I am glad that I told them, cause it meant that they were there for support through the loss of our bubs. But I am wondering how we would go if we DIDN'T tell anyone when we finally get our long-awaited BFP...

What will you do? Will you tell everyone before 12 weeks; or wait until you know within yourself that this bub is going to make it to your arms?

JenNT

03-05-2006, 14:25

Wow Ally thats great news, when he is due home? (sorry if you have posted those details elsewhere)

Personally I couldn't wait to spread the news but given your circumstances and history, maybe wait until 12 weeks. I always had good intentions not to tell anyone but you are just so damn happy that how can you not:smiliedance:

Good Luck!

MilkOnTap

03-05-2006, 14:28

Wow Ally thats great news, when he is due home? (sorry if you have posted those details elsewhere)
He's due home in 93 days (thats what my counter up top is :D ) I cant wait for him to get home!!!

This is just a ponder-point... I dont know what I will do - I guess once we get our BFP we will just take it as it comes!

Chickadee

03-05-2006, 14:31

MilkOnTap

03-05-2006, 14:36

I know what you mean Martha - I hate being the centre of sympathy votes... But sometimes you do just need a shoulder to cry on. I think we will wait until after we have confirmation that its not another ectopic...

RedPanda

03-05-2006, 14:37

We told our direct family, but didn't tell anyone else until 12 weeks. I reckon with the next baby (I'm a bit ahead of myself - I don't have the first baby until June!) we will probably tell people a bit sooner. It's too damn hard to keep such a big secret when you're so happy about it!:smiliedance:

LittleBoysRock

03-05-2006, 15:15

We had to tell people pretty quickly so that we could bring our wedding forward. We were due to have the wedding in April 2005 but I fell pregnant November 2004 so we moved the wedding to Jan 05 so I wasnt hugely pregnant on the wedding day.

I think we told everybody at 7 weeks and 5 days so very early on. I am very grateful it was a healthy pregnancy. Next time I think I will only tell DH (obviously!!) and my Mum, Brother and Sister. I am very close to them and imagine that if something did go wrong I would need their support.

MilkOnTap

03-05-2006, 15:21

Thanks for all the responses guys! :thumbsup: Ya'll know how to make a gal feel spesh!

I guess I was directing this ponder-point pre-dominately to those who have lost a bub.. I think when you have that kind of 'history' the decision to tell people can change dramatically...

Even so, I'm still enjoying hearing responses from fortunate mothers whose babes made it to their arms :yes:

Issey

03-05-2006, 15:27

We told our parents and sisters only when I was about 6weeks but said we didn't want to tell our friends until 12 weeks 'just in case' so could they please keep the info to themselves. Well DH's parents went right ahead and told one of our friends who then told EVERYONE we knew:mad: . I was so angry you wouldn't believe it, I could not even talk to DH's parents as I knew I would blow a gasket. It took all our fun away from us as I was looking forward to telling our friends ourselves so was not happy. I will not trust them with a secret again. Okay they were excited but no excuse and no right to tell others :mad: It still makes me mad when I think about it.

Fortunately the pregnancy went well but next time (if there is a next time) I won't tell until past the 12 week mark.

brokendove

03-05-2006, 16:32

I would like to say Id tell people only once "we know things were ok" as stated above.. but we are not going to know eveything is ok till the baby is in our arms..

so wether we tell people at 8 weeks, 12 weeks or 30 weeks I dont think it will make much difference.... I have seen way to many women who have lost late in their pregnancies....

So I think tell who you want to tell, or don't .. see how u feel and take each person as they come.....
if u think u can keep it to yourself then by all means do so...
but the more people who know the more people you have to support you, keep your mind busy and to distract you from what will be a hard pregnancy after a m/c...

but thats just my two cents worths... probally only worth 1 cent

Kayte

03-05-2006, 17:47

I wanted to wait til 12 weeks but we told a few people and yeh next time im def waiting until 12 weeks just to be on the safe side !

hoping4another

03-05-2006, 18:31

Hi Ally84- That is great news about DH i am very excited for you yippy:smiliedance: i know how much you have been waiting fro this day and now that it will be closer is great news...

As for telling people when we are next PG i will be telling my close freind members again and a few close friends i am not a sympathy seeker but i am a person who deal's with my losses my talking to people about my losses i wanted to talk to people about my angels i didn't want to hide that i once had two little angels..
And of course i will be telling you guys so really that alot of ladies LOL:laughing:

Wendy

whitsundaysmumma

04-05-2006, 11:51

HI ALLY84,

I will be singing it from the mountain tops. After losing our lust bub when she was born at 26 weeks, I wan't the world to know. For us, when we get to 26 weeks and 1 day we think we'll put an add in the local paper!:smiliedance:

zafyrezmummy

06-05-2006, 03:10

hey ally! How are ya?!
first up - Good luck! I'm happy for you that your hubby is coming home sooner!:thumbsup:

Okay, well, last pregnancy we told everyone when I was about 4 or five weeks along. we unfortunately lost our bub at 14 weeks. and I dont think i would of coped at all if no one knew.

I'm also a person who deals with grief and loss better if i can openly talk about it, and we were blessed with 14 weeks with our first bub and it doesnt seem fair to pretend they werent really here.

well, we're pregnant again!!!:smiliedance:

and, I decided that we would tell only very close friends and family this time, but my darling Beau he has already told everyone and we're only 7weeks now, but he is confident everything'll be okay this time.

I'm trying to be positive! :yes:

I think losing a baby kinda takes a lot of the innocence and joy out of being pregnant again, I spend too much time being afraid. But everyday i tell myself it's gonna be okay!

And i know I will need all the support I can get from family and friends if the worst was to happen
also This bub we have now, (our little miracle bub we're named him/her for now,) I'm also way too excited to keep the news to myself, as is my darling beau, if someone we havnt seen for awhile rings or visits its the first thing they get told by him! So cute!

So I guess the question to tell or not to tell wasnt really left up to me?!! But I think I still would of told my family and close friend even if my beau didnt blab already!.

Well, Good luck again! Hope everything goes well!!!

~Take Care!~
~ :hugs:~
~dimarie~

shed

06-05-2006, 08:08

Good luck Ally.

You can tell us. We'll be right here waiting!!

Besides which, your next baby is going to be born healthy and at full term and is going to rapidly grow into a robust and cheeky little toddler. Nothing is going to go wrong next time. Your baby is just waiting to come to you.

Positive thinking. :hugs:

WeloveHarriet

06-05-2006, 22:07

This is such a difficult question - one that so many people have such differing answers to. We lost our first baby at 19wk 3d and we had only told everyone we were pregnant when we were 16wk. Unfortunately there isn't always a "safe time". When we fell pregnant the second time we told everyone immediately - it was Christmas 5 days after I was due so we told everyone on Christmas Day as part of their presents. One of my best friends told me we were mad as it was too soon but my reply was if something was to happen it would be better for everyone to know then to have someone walk up to me and ask me when we were going to have another baby. Fingers crossed that the next baby is a sticky one and I wish you lots of *baby dust*:fingerscrossed:

angel_one

11-05-2006, 23:03

with my dd i told my mum, and sister, then waited till the 12 week mark to tell dad, mil and the rest of the family - oh and my best friend new, cause she was living with us, thankfully all went well, with baby 2 (angel Rose) we actually didnt have a chance to tell anyone, by the time i figured out i was pg i was 8 weeks, and we were away for a work weekend, and just as i was about to send my best friend a sms, i recieved one from her - she had just had her dd at 32 weeks via emergency c-sect, so i thought id keep it to my self till i saw her, and so we did the drive to townsville to see them and on the way started spotting!, so in the end no one knew untill i got my tatoo! lol, with ds, i told my mum, sil and sis, now i shall never tell sis and sil again as they couldnt not talk to each other about it! and my mil just happend to over hear them, doh, and so was going stupid at dh asking y she hadnt been told yet, and dh just put her in her place, and said shes only 8 weeks mum, we arent telling any one yet cause we lost the last baby at 8 weeks too. the dumb woman was dumbfounded and came out to me (i didnt like talking too much about angel) and was like, i'll be happy to hear when your gonna make me a grandma again , im like wtf (didnt know dh had been talkignto her) so this time im teling NO one lol! till im about to give birth i think, ( i wish-if only the belly wouldnt betray me!):banghead:

SammyG

12-05-2006, 20:04

HI,
We told everyone 1st time round and we had a beautiful baby boy. We told everyone 2nd time around and sadly we lost bubs at 11wks. It was an awful experience, both emotionally & physically. I didn't make it to my D&C appointment and had to go thru emergency and it hurt more than full term labour.

We are TTC and I'm very nervous! I'm the type that tells all but it hurt me to see others hurting thru our loss. I won't be able to not tell family and really close friends next time but I certainly won't be yelling it from the rooftops either.

I hate the fact that I want to skip the 1st trimester, we should be able to enjoy the excitement but I don't think that will happen.

MilkOnTap

13-05-2006, 22:25

You can tell us. We'll be right here waiting!!
Oh yeah! I will be telling you guys everything!

And when I say everything, that includes cd's, cm, charting, temps, OPK's, cramps, spotting, HPT's, nausea, heartburn...

...then the long awaited BFP! :thumbsup:

arthursmum

15-05-2006, 04:57

We waited until about 13 or 14 weeks 'cos my mum had 5 late m/c before she had her first baby. (was told she would never carry a child to term and went on to have 9 happy healthy children). We were desperately excited and happy and told about 4 people who are really really close friends-they kind of guessed anyway.
i think we'll wait with the next one, too. i think that i would need to grieve myself and with dh before i could tell anyone that we had been expecting a new baby and then lost it...
really happy for you Ally that your fella is coming back to you to make some lovely babies together:)

Percy

15-05-2006, 16:38

With my first pregnancy i reached the magic 12 week mark, only to then lose my little man at 15 weeks.

When i got pregnant again i thought about keeping it quiet until i was noticebly pregnant, but as a few others have said, its better that people know so they can support you through your loss.

Having said that, when we try again i think i will keep it a secret, just me and DH can spend some time alone with the idea!

good luck in whatever you decided ally. And have fun trying!!

nicoleE

16-05-2006, 13:07

this is an interesting thread.

we are TTC #1 and i have always wondered when I would tell others. I dont think i could wait til the 12week mark, particularly with those close to us. I figured that even if i lost the baby i would need their support anyway.

I think i will tell our parents and my closest friend almost as soon as we find out (cant wait until the day i can tell them news like that!) and gradually tell other friends and then work collegues etc after the 12 weeks.

Good luck :fingerscrossed:

Lizzie0808

16-05-2006, 13:26

I have definitely always been in the camp of not telling until the 12 week mark (if only i could get there). With my first m/c we had told parents and two close friends and I was really pleased that there weren't a lot of people to 'untell' as I really couldn't have done that without crying and embarrassing myself and the person I was telling.

I am not someone who shares things with others easily. However, I have been giving it some thought recently and I wonder whether or not by keeping it secret from other friends and colleagues I am contributing to the 'cone of silence' that seems to exist over miscarriage??? You know it is one of those things that is kept secret and you never know that lots of women do in fact have them and it's not something you talk about openly.

I mean yes I don't talk about feelings and emotions and experiences with people generally, but even people who are open normally often aren't with miscarriage and I just wonder whether I should make an effort to talk about it just to try and do my bit to break the taboo.

But then again maybe I am just overthinking it and I should get back to overthinking TTC-ing!

Tulp

16-05-2006, 13:47

We told people close to us when we found out. Others got to know later.

Starburst

16-05-2006, 15:24

We did the same,told close family and friends which I found quite comforting when we lost it.
This time (Im 5 weeks) we have pretty much done the same but just immediate family(last time I told some auntys and cousins).
I struggle so much with keeping it a secret I doubt we will get to the 12 week mark!!

Starburst

16-05-2006, 15:27

I just re read your post Lizzie, and you are soooo right about the cone of silence that surrounds m/c.
I found by talking about it, so many other women opened up and told me that they had one too!
Why is it such a taboo?

Lizzie0808

16-05-2006, 15:33

It's really strange isn't it? I did the same thing, was at a party with a girl from work who asked me if I was OK now as I had had some time off around my m/c (but obviously noone from work knew that except my boss) and that she had thought I mgiht have been pregnant. I decided to be brave and tell her that I had been pregnant but wasn't now and she said she had also been down that road.

But obviously I would never had known had I not said something.

Given it is so common (or more common than generally assumed) I just wonder why it is so taboo? I mean it's not like you have done something bad to cause it, it doesn't reflect badly on you.

Maybe it is because it is such a frightening thing that it's not talked about so as not to upset and spook other pregnant women?

Sorry - another rant, it's just something I have been pondering lately.

SammyG

16-05-2006, 15:40

I think it is much healthier being able to talk about M/C, I didn't realise how common they are until I had mine. I had heard the statistics but it doesn't seem real until you actually know others that have gone through the same thing. Yes, it was awkward untelling people but I bit the bullet the day of the D&C, rang people closest to us and sent a very apologetic text message to absolutely everyone else (apology was for sending such news via text and not in person)

Close friends of ours went about it all in a completely different manner, told us they were pregnant and in the next breath that they had M/C. What a roller coaster, one moment I was ecstatic for them, next confused, then dissappointed and finally angry that I didn't get to share in their initial joy but got all the grief.

As much as we think we should try and wait to tell next time, DH and I know each other well enough that we will tell those closest to us, we share everything with those we love!

Lizzie0808

16-05-2006, 16:02

I think it would be good if more people did talk about it. Of course I am the biggest hypocrite by saying that given I have hardly been open about mine to people in my life. But I do think that if there was more open and frank discussion of it then it would be a less of an awful, mysterious ogre sort of hovering in the background of pregnancy.

Well, it would still be awful, but less mysterious - and I think that is part of what makes it so frightening in the first trimester. You know the stats, you know it might happen to you but you don't actually know what happens, how it feels and why it might be happening.

nicoleE

16-05-2006, 17:13

I guess people dont talk about them because they are upsetting, others dont bring them up incase it is too upsetting for the other person. I do agree though, it is important to talk about them, you dont have to discuss it with everyone at work but i think it is healthy and part of a healing process to talk about it with family and friends.

hellsbells

17-05-2006, 13:08

Being a little older I didn't want to tell anyone until after 13 weeks, hubby wanted to tell everyone straight away, but I said no. We had so much trouble finding an OB, I had to tell immediate family at what I thought was 9 weeks so I could ask my sisterinlaw for her OBs info. Sadly the week after I told them we mc. I was actually 12 wks, but bub stopped growing at 7wks. Tests showed a genetic problem.

Next time, we can only hope there will be a next time, we will wait until the 13wks to tell anyone. Like someone previously we also had an immediate family member who then told members of their extended family, which I was VERY cross about.

After the mc though, I was very upfront with everyone, especially at work, only so they wouldn't feel bad if they jokingly asked about starting a family, we only got married last Dec and fell preg on the honeymoon! As people have said before, it's amazing how many people have mc.

onkybear

17-05-2006, 13:22

With my first preg I had a early natural m/c. We decided when I fell preg this time around that we would tell everyone straight away. We got critised (sp?) for it alot, because we had already a loss. But they way we saw it was even if we were only to have this little bubba for a short time we wanted to celebrate it and enjoy it as much as we could. It also worked that if we lost bubs then we had a support networkk to go through it with. I

t is a very personal decision, but we don't regret ours at all.

SammyG

17-05-2006, 13:36

That's the key isn't it, It's a Personal Decision! You do whatever is right for you and your family!

kyliev

19-05-2006, 17:39

:wave:
Hi all,
Have been reading this part of the forum since I sufffered my 1st m/c at 12 weeks 2 weeks ago today- had a horrible experience where the baby had stopped growing, but I did not know (missed m/c), and turned up for my 12 week n/f screening only to be told this news- and then into hospital for D&C the next day:gloomy: We had told our immediate family (parents and siblings) and I had told my bosses and a couple of girls at work who were pregnant, and knew I wanted to be and would have kept asking me anyway- so just easier to tell them than have to face lying to them until 12 weeks. Had planned to tell eveyone else the weekend I ended up miscarrying, which was soooooo nasty as in my mind I was all prepared to share this exciting news- as was my Mum (very excited and proud, now sad, Nana to be) with all of her family.
Given the nature of the work I do i decided I would need to share it with my immediate work team, and the fact that I had suddenly needed a week off work would have made them all ask me questions anyway. Luckily I had a great friend at work (one of the pregnant ones, who had also been thru 3 m/c's), and she sent around the email to everyone, so no ?'s when I returned to work this week- now I am just being avoided by some people which is a whole other thread- have posted more re this elsewhere.
We also decided to tell our closest friends about m/c partly because one couple ended up in the emergency dept. of the hospital I was waiting at for my surgery, while I was waiting- friend had slashed his foot open while surfing and also had surgery that day. That was irony for us considering we had planned to get togther with this couple and another couple for lunch that day to tell them about our PG. Couldnt really hide it from them at that point!! So after the m/c it has helped to tell people, but when it comes to being pg again- hopefully soon, I think we will still wait- may depend on how I feel at the time and whether I think I need extra support from people for that first few weeks. May also help them to understand why I am acting weird (I suspect I will be more anxious next time, and that may be noticeable- whereas this time I was happily going along with my DH having a little secret to suprise everyone with)
So to answer your ? Ally, I think you will know when you get pregnant what you want to do, and who you can trust to tell. I think some support is definitely warranted, but you have to pick the right people- that's what I've gathered from reading everyone's posts anyway. Bosses and Mums can be important, because you may not be able to concentrate on work fully, and Mum's love you more than anyone else- we all know that, even the angels who aren't with us are all loved by us so much. So i think i have :ecomcity: enough
HTH, JMHO
:hugs: Kylie

mim1

21-05-2006, 09:35

Kylie ... sorry for your loss. I'm glad you had some people to talk to about it.

Lizzie ... I agree about the cone of silence thing. I do think a big reason for it is the 'not wanting to scare pregnant women' thing. I agree that we shouldn't deliberately try and scare pregnant women, but we need to be honest with our emotions too. I've had SO many people asking me in recent months when we are going to start a family and telling me that now is a good time, etc, etc, etc ... I would just smile and deflect the comment, knowing that we were TTC (and for the last 3 days knowing I am pregnant) ... but if I've had a miscarriage then it will get harder to deflect these comments. However, if more people know I won't get hassled with these comments.

Ally ... great to see your counter counting down ... not long to go now! All the best for a quick BFP and a sticky baby! :hugs:

From the other side, my SIL told us when she was 4 1/2 weeks, cause it was Christmas. She went on to have bleeding with cramps 3 times before the 12 week mark and we knew each time. It was horrid to go through that with them, but it made us all so much more excited when my nephew was born healthy at 39 weeks! With her 2nd pregnancy she told us at 6 weeks, but at 8 weeks when she had some bleeding and an ultrasound they didn't want to tell us (they suspected - correctly I might add! - that we were TTC at the time). I was upset with them for not wanting to tell us, I wanted to know. The bub was fine and the 12 week mark came around really quickly ... so quickly that I didn't even announce it to my friends til she was about 16 weeks!

So, it's up to you. You know your family and friends. You know if you can trust them to keep your secret and you know if they will be a support for you if you are unfortunate to have a miscarriage. Personally, I want to tell my immediate family ASAP ... just gotta get them all together first! I've already told a couple of close friends at work, but I'll wait to tell other close friends for a couple of weeks and most people hopefully won't know til the 12 week mark.

sorry for the long post!

KCsunshine

24-05-2006, 21:30

This really is a personal thing and something you will need to feel comfortable with. With our first pg, we told our mums and a few close friends. I think one of the hardest parts of our first m/c was telling people we had had it. The next time we told no-one (except my mum - we are really close and I was confined to bed for a while so it was kind of hard to avoid) and when we lost that pg, it was much easier just to concentrate on our own pain rather than having to worry about who we had to tell.
You will know what is right for you.
Best of luck.
Kath

SammyG

25-05-2006, 08:58

Well girls, we just found out we are PG so now this thread is particularly relevant. We weren't going to tell anyone but a girlfriend from MG is a regelar on Bub Hub and busted me (she is sworn to secrecy) I can't tell my mum as she is overseas but DH wants to tell his parents today! I think we will tell family only at this stage!
I keep waiting for AF to arrive, we are very nervous and hope this bub sticks!:fingerscrossed:

Fairyfloss

28-05-2006, 06:59

I am so happy for you. :hugs:
Personally I did not tell my family till just before 12 weeks, (I told bubhubers almost the same day) I wanted to enjoy my secret for a little while, after losing my two babies. Good luck adn hope it all works out for you:fingerscrossed:

SammyG

28-05-2006, 17:53

Thanx Parisakamali,

DH has told even more people yeterday, he is so excited!

Good luck with your PG, August is a lovely time to have a bub, coming into Spring!

EskimoMumma

28-05-2006, 18:20

well ive told everyone im just too excited, but i also warned them not to get to excited since its only the very beginning

in terms of telling my son, i wont until 3-4months. i dont want to risk explaining death like that.. :crying:

Heartsdesire

14-06-2006, 11:13

with my first pregnancy i told people straight away after it ending in miscarriage i fealt stupid especially when people would ask or comment that i was showing !

my second pregnancy i only told my husband and my mum and dad at the end of it adien my 9 year old over heard us talking so when that ended in miscarriage i didnt fully know what to say to him.

but now 3rd time lucky with a heart beat and all im 10 weeks my family knows and a couple my friends my son was told by a friend who thought he knew * ouch* but all seems to be going well at the moment.

but i dont think i would again to be honest its harder trying to explain that you miscarried and people find it hard at what to say.

Bel1978

22-06-2006, 09:14

We didn't tell anyone before 12 weeks. But that's because I'm a private person and would rather deal with grief on my own & with hub - I'm not comfortable with outpourings of sympathy. My two m/c were both very early and we didn't even tell anyone afterwards. The 3rd time I was pregnant I was anxious from the start and chose not to tell family or friends until it was "safe".

I kind of agree but to some when is it considered "safe", I have lost a few and i know of a few people that lost theirs at 38 weeks it can happen at any point, i think you tell people as you feel comfortable not at some magic week. Well thats what i think people may think differently. Just with experience that i have had. I only told a few people but when i had to go to hospital i had to tell a few more as in work etc. So people find out any way.

mysteeq

10-08-2006, 19:55

We both decided that if we ever get pregnant again that we are going to wait untill about 12wks we told everyone last time because of course you're so happy and cant wait to tell everyone but sadly we had a M/C and then having to tell everyone was very hard.So we are going wait.

Jemima J

14-08-2006, 14:17

having been through a m/c a few years ago i think id definately wait this time...although having the support if it happened again would be good.not ttc for another few years though:crying: sorry for all your losses girls

Mikeswifey

29-08-2006, 08:05

Well I have told my mum dad brother and inlaws.

We didnt want to tell anyone else, but my MIL begged me to tell the SIL, BIL & his wife. And also to tell his grandparents.

So I have told them all.

I really regret it. I have been brown spotting for a week, had an ultrasound yesterday, baby is fine. I am 1 day off 6 weeks.

I am scared if I loose this baby, all of my SIL's and BIL's will know my buisness, and they are not the most supportive of people.

my parents and inlaws are wonderful though. Its just everyone else.

I have told my best friend (she has a child) and my friends from the internet.

But otherwise, I am keeping quiet until about 8 - 10 weeks I reckon.

Rhiannon

becstar

29-08-2006, 16:55

First time round I told everyone as I was so excited after almost 3 yrs ttc. It all went well so told everyone again second time round - this time it didn't go so well, ending in miscarriage at 10 weeks. I actually found that I was glad I had told some people but not others - I needed to talk about it and was glad to do so with close friends and family. So this time round I only told my parents and the close friends whose support I would need if it happened again.........didn't even tell my MIL till 12 weeks!!

Bec

LoopyLyndaLou

01-09-2006, 23:15

This is always a trixky one, I uess it depends how much faith you have in teh so called 'magic 12 weeks'. I have none. 12 weeks is just another number and babies can die at any stage after this. We lost our son at almost 24 weeks, it was hell. Obviously evryone knew I was pregnant and there was support, there was also insensitive comments like 'better now than later', 'at least you can get pregnant', 'at least he wasn't your first' to name but a few.

When I was pregnant again I decided to keep it quiet, I was scared people would judge me and think I was replacing Thomas and I would be over it all now I struggled for 12 weeks with severe sickness and two young boys, I needed support but was too worried to get it. Sadly things started going drasticaly wrong again, my life was at risk and we had to end the pregnancy, my baby was alive and well but my body failed him.

Of course everyone found out, i needed them to know as I needed their support, I could have kicked myself for not telling people before and thus allowing them to help me through those dififcult early weeks. It made me realise that there is no point in keeping this information from those that you would need to support you if things went wrong.

When I was pregnant again, I told people almost immediately, they understood why I did, they didn't make a big thing out of it, but they were there all the time to help me when I felt really rough and I could talk about my fears and I felt so much more relaxed with them knowing. Fortunately this time my little boy was born alive and well.

I now live 11000 miles away from home, I know I have high risk pregnancies, I have 3 gorgeous boys at home but would love another child. Those near and dear to me are reluctant to see me go through another pregnancy but they all live a long way away. I am tempted, if dh agrees, to have another one but not tell anyone until the baby is born. I don't know why, it is silly. I think it is because I do not have that support here so why bother anyone and worry them, better just to get on with it on my own and deal with the consequences.

So that totally contradicts what I said before, I think because here I have no very close friends yet that understand what I have been though so I wouldn't feel the need to tell them until I absolutely had to. To tell the truth I wouldn't know what I would do, I am not even sure if I would risk having another one.

So that makes it all clear - not!!!!

Lynda xx

Ys_Woman

04-09-2006, 18:52

Through thinking about all this I pondered how the last two times I fell pg, we told close friends and family our news BEFORE I had reached the 'magic 12 week' mark... What will you do? Will you tell everyone before 12 weeks; or wait until you know within yourself that this bub is going to make it to your arms?
I was thinking about this very thing earlier today. Having had three children and all pgcies being fine I didn't hesitate to rush and tell everyone the minute the egg had divided. It was the un-telling that was the hardest task after the mc. Yes I am glad I had the support but would I cast the news so far and wide next time or keep it between dh and I until after the 13wk scan? I think I would keep it pretty close to my heart if I get another chance.
I do know that I would not be joining the month of birth online club until after the 3mth mark..possibly even longer. I had belonged to one with my youngest dd. I joined around the 5 mth mark and it was great sharing the experience with other women around the world due at the same time. What I found with this last one I joined when I was only 5 weeks along, was that over the coming weeks we were losing ppl left,right,and centre due to missed m/c, blighted ovums, and molar pgcys. It was really awful and frankly I started to feel like it was an omen..and eventually it was I guess and I was then the person who had to post about leaving the club. I worried that it made other women in the group get scared about themselves. Thankfully a few of them stuck it out with me and were really supportive. We are still in touch but there is a part of me that feels sad when they talk of the stages they are going through and I realise that I would have been six months along by now.
I guess in the end it is up to what works best for you..having the support of many whichever way things go...or waiting it out until you have come far enough along to feel confident all will go well.
I do hope we ALL get the chance to make that choice again :)
Hugs,
Amy:)