Is it all over...What happens if he changes his mind

[lavenderpegasus]

So my little Spencer and I have been breastfeeding for the last 13 and a half months and recently he screams and pushes away from me when it is time for a boobie feed.

I usually feed him before each sleep, morning afternoon and night time, but in the last three days or so he just refuses.

I guess I'm just not sure what to do, obviously I can't force him, but I'm worried that he might change his mind at a later date. Is this just a change he is going through and he will want me back soon or is this it? I have tought him to tap my chest or his to ask for a boobie feed, it will just break my heart if we stop and then say in a week or so he starts tapping his/my chest...
How long will it be before I dry up?


:crying:
Lp in wa

[V8]

I really wouldn't know, DS1 did start not being as interested in the breast at 13 months aswell, so i weaned, but then i think the transition from then on till about 2 it would have come in handy to be able to breastfeed and i really mourned that. I have heard that babies do go through a breast aversion stage, but i'm not too sure how to negotiate it and keep a supply incase they want it back later. Googel breast aversion and perhaps contact ABA if you are worried. Hope he goes back to boobing again soon! :hugs:

[MilkOnTap]

LP - It sounds to me like it could be a nursing strike. I dont know much about them though - I hope another hubber who does comes along :hugs:

[Hollywood]

Hi there,

It could possibly be breast refusal. I found this info on the ABA website: (http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/bfinfo/refusal.html)


Breast Refusal
This is a very difficult and worrying problem for mothers. In this article we will give you some reasons and some ideas to cope. More detailed information is available in our booklet Coping with Breast Refusal and also by talking to one of ABA's breastfeeding counsellors

A baby's refusal to suck at the breast is a most distressing problem to a breastfeeding mother. She cannot help feeling upset when her baby screams and turns away from her breast. She may feel that her baby is rejecting her as a mother and doesn't want her, need her, or even like her very much.

A baby may refuse the breast at some or all feedings, at any age, and his reasons for doing so will vary with his stage of development or even his health at the time. He may suck for a few minutes, then break away with signs of distress and refuse to continue. He may refuse even to begin sucking although he is obviously hungry.

Sometimes, a baby does not actually refuse but is very fussy and difficult to feed. He may be the kind of baby who seems to be very unwilling to start sucking and takes a long time to get going, but once he has started, feeds well. A fussy baby can seem to receive little satisfaction from feeding. He sucks for a short while and then breaks away, finishing his feed after a series of stops and starts. He may be easily distracted and restless during the feed, perhaps pushing away from his mother with his fists or his feet. He stops as soon as his hunger is satisfied and may remain restless and fidgety afterwards.

When managing a fussy feeder or a baby who is refusing to breastfeed, it is important to remain calm and patient, handling your baby gently. If you are both on edge, try taking deep breathes similar to that which you may have used during labour or when trying to calm or meditate. The deep breathing helps slow your own breathing and make it more regular which can help calm everyone, concentrate on staying relaxed, use soothing music, rock your baby gently or carry him around. (You may find the Australian Breastfeeding Association's baby sling is ideal.) This relaxation will help your milk flow readily so your baby will get milk once he latches on.

If your baby is quite unsettled, cross or crying or if you are feeling angry and upset, you may find it helps to try again when you are both feeling calmer. In the meantime a cuddle or a game may distract your baby or a walk outside may relax you both. This is the time when your partner (or a friend or relative) may be able to step in and give you both a break.

Is it breast refusal?
Think about the following questions - they may let you know that all is well and that even though your baby is refusing some feeds, she is contented and healthy and getting sufficient breast milk for her needs. If you are still worried however, you may find it comforting to have your baby checked thoroughly by your doctor.

How many feeds is your baby completely refusing in 24 hours?
The number of feeds your baby needs changes as she grows older. A very young baby needs at least six to eight feeds in 24 hours, but there is a wide variation in the number of feeds an older baby needs. There is a big difference between a four-month-old who refuses one or two feeds in eight, and a baby of the same age who refuses four out of five feeds.

How many wet nappies does your baby have in 24 hours?
Regardless of the number of feeds she has, your baby is getting enough breastmilk if she has at least six to eight pale, very wet cloth nappies over 24 hours - provided that she has no other fluids or solids. If you use disposables, in 24 hours your baby should use at least five nappies that are heavy with pale, odourless urine. Check with your medical adviser if your baby's urine is dark and has a strong smell. She is being adequately nourished if she is reasonably contented, looks alert, has bright eyes and good skin colour and muscle tone and has some weight gains.

There are many, many reasons for babies to refuse the breast, whatever their age. Below are some of the main reasons that mothers have found for their babies' refusal - but sometimes no reason can be found. Just as suddenly as the baby started refusing, the whole episode is over and he is happily breastfeeding again as if nothing had happened.

Baby-centred reasons


Attachment problems
Baby confused by bottle feeds
Overtiredness/overstimulation
Baby refusing one breast
Recent immunisation
Illness, e.g. a cold or earache, sore throat
Feeding pattern is changing
Distractions
Introduction of other foods
Teething
Biting
Overuse of a dummy (or pacifier)
The weather
Discomfort associated with sucking
Weaning
Milk Supply reasons


Fast flow
Low supply
Slow let-down
Mother-centred reasons


Overtired or overstressed
Sick or taking prescribed or over the counter medications
Unusual food in your diet
You smell different for some reason- e.g., different perfume, deodorant, chlorine/ salt from swimming; visit to hairdresser, smoke
Hormonal Changes
Menstruation and pre-menstrual tension
Ovulation
Pregnancy
Oral contraceptives
Things to do… to get your baby on the breast


Be as patient and calm as you can, even though you may be feeling frustrated or impatient. Forcing your baby to feed is likely to make the situation worse. If he has just been refusing the breast and is upset, distract him by doing something completely different - a walk outdoors, looking at toys, singing a nursery rhyme. When he has settled down he may be eased on to the breast, or he may be happier just being cuddled.
Walk around with your baby in an upright position against your body with her head level with your nipple. Walk and feed simultaneously. You could try putting your baby in an Australian Breastfeeding Association baby sling but remember to have your bra undone so that her face is touching the skin of your breast and she can find your nipple. The sling will need to be worn lower than normal for this purpose.
Try a completely different feeding position: your baby tucked under your arm (twin style); or lying down on a bed next to your baby with no body contact - this is especially good if it is very hot, or your baby is sensing your tension; or lying down with your baby cuddled in close next to you.
Feeding your baby while you are both in the bath may help. You may want to have someone available to help you lift your baby in and out of the bath.
Try breastfeeding baby after his bath when he is warm and relaxed (if he likes baths).
You could try playing with your baby on the floor while you are bare from the waist up. After some time gradually offer your breast.
Anticipate your baby's waking time and lift her to feed while still sleepy - you may slip in extra night feeds this way.
Try to soothe baby with a dummy. Walking, singing and rocking while baby sucks the dummy may gradually soothe him so you can gently put your baby to the breast while removing the dummy. It may be necessary to start a very hungry baby sucking on a bottle with a small amount of expressed breastmilk, e.g. 30 ml, then gently replace it with the breast.
Some mothers, whose babies have become accustomed to a bottle, have found that putting ice wrapped in a flannel on the nipple or tickling the nipple and areola makes it easier for the baby to grasp. Alternatively, you may use a nipple shield to begin a feed, slipping if off quickly and putting your baby back to the breast once the milk is flowing and she is sucking happily.
Feed in a rocking chair.
Express some milk into your baby's open mouth to encourage him.
Spend five minutes or so before the feed massaging your baby's naked body to relax her, if she is receptive to this.
Try singing to your baby - he probably won't mind if it is the same few lines over and over.
Try playing some favourite relaxing background music.
Once you get your baby on to the breast, it may help to provide an instant milk reward. This can be done with a nursing supplementer. This allows baby to receive additional milk at the breast whilst stimulating your milk supply by his sucking. If your milk supply continues to be low or your let-down slow or your baby is a 'poor' sucker, you may like to discuss with an Australian Breastfeeding Association counsellor the possibility of using a supplementer.
In conclusion

Most breast refusal is temporary and in most cases it should not be too long before your baby is again breastfeeding happily. Sometimes you may never discover why he did refuse. However, there are some babies who cannot be persuaded to return to the breast. If that is the case for you, it is important to remember that your baby is not rejecting you and that you will soon find other ways of relating to each other.
If your baby is still refusing to suck after you have tried the suggestions here, read ABA's booklet, Coping with Breast Refusal (http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/products/booklets.html), or contact an Australian Breastfeeding Association counsellor (http://www.breastfeeding.asn.au/products/counselling.asp) to discuss your situation.


Good luck!! :)

[JimJamsMum]

DS gave up at the same age. I went to work before he woke up two days in a row and on the third morning he wasn't even looking for it. He never changed his mind although I would have been happy for him to. If you want to keep your milk supply up you can always express and feed it to him from a cup then if he changes his mind you can start up again. It feels a bit sad when the breastfeeding comes to and end doesn't it.

[lavenderpegasus]

I really wouldn't know, DS1 did start not being as interested in the breast at 13 months aswell, so i weaned, but then i think the transition from then on till about 2 it would have come in handy to be able to breastfeed and i really mourned that. I have heard that babies do go through a breast aversion stage, but i'm not too sure how to negotiate it and keep a supply incase they want it back later. Googel breast aversion and perhaps contact ABA if you are worried. Hope he goes back to boobing again soon! :hugs:
I contacted the ABA and they have given me lots of information about breast refusal. But I really feel he is weaning:( for about 2 weeks before now it was becoming more and more difficlt and shorter and shorter in time.


LP - It sounds to me like it could be a nursing strike. I dont know much about them though - I hope another hubber who does comes along :hugs:

I have thought it might be a STRIKE because of a lot of things, he has recently feel in love with having a dummy and has had his injections as well... but he was already reducing feeds and time before all of that. I have tried feeding him while he sits up, but he wants nothing to do with boobie feeding..:confused:


Hi there,

It could possibly be breast refusal. I found this info on the ABA website:
Good luck!! :) Ta this is pretty much what I got from the ABA as well as a few other suggestions... still chatting to aba about options


DS gave up at the same age. I went to work before he woke up two days in a row and on the third morning he wasn't even looking for it. He never changed his mind although I would have been happy for him to. If you want to keep your milk supply up you can always express and feed it to him from a cup then if he changes his mind you can start up again. It feels a bit sad when the breastfeeding comes to and end doesn't it.
I knew on the inside that it would come to an end soon as Spencer just wasn't interested at all for the last few weeks but now that it is finishing I do feel sad. I know that I do lots of stuf for him, but this was one thing that made me feel proud of what I was doing.
I knew it wasn't something that was easy for others (and not for me) but I persisted and now I feel bad for not doing more to push the continuation on boobie feeds. I don't want to push this as I always wanted b/f ing to be spencers choice (i know he isn't really able to conscieiously (sp) make that decision )
It was just something special about me...

[sahm]

This happened to me when my DS was 11 months old. I refused to accept that he was self-weaning and continued to offer the breast for another week, even though he screamed and refused.

After a week, I accepted it (incredibly grudgingly.)

I would continue to offer it to your DS, as you never know, it may be a nursing strike. In terms of drying up, you could continue to express to keep the stimulation up, but even after four months, I find I still have a bit there!

Hope it works out and he's not self-weaning... I miss it so much!