View Full Version : my dear sweet six year old boy....(sarcasm intended)
I dont know if this should be in the discipline thread or not, but I wanted the opinions of people who have older kids, rather than opinions from people with no kids or only small kids as to what they imagine they would do in my situation ;)
My six year old whacked my 2 year old on the side of his head with a broom handle and gave him a black-eye. It wasnt done viciously, but he still didnt stop swinging the broom round even though we were protesting that he might hit one of his brothers with it.....
Now, when I was a kid, growing up with 3 brothers, these sort of incidents were really common - but we all ended up with a belting for such things - something I dont want to do to my kids!
So we sent our 6 year old to the spare room on his own for over an hour - mostly because I had to calm our 2 year old down and ourselves down! I suppose we chose to give him solitary confinement.....I kept teetering between feeling 'is this harsh enough' or 'is this too harsh?'
We constantly remind him of what he has done, by pointing out his brothers black eye and reminding him what a terrible thing it was - I dont know, trying to guilt trip him I suppose......
but it just seems like unchartered territory at the moment......for basic naughtiness, the 2 older boys are sent to the spare room for same amount of minutes as their age....this is a great deterent.....but what about punishments for more 'heinous crimes'.....I mean after all, if this incident occured between 2 adults then there would be GBH charges laid!
Anyway.......wondered what other's thoughts and experiences were....
thanks
poshBecks
02-05-2006, 16:26
I think he's served his "time" :o now. Time out was a good option. Gave him a chance to think about it. I'd probably stop reminding him now though. He can see the bruise, he knows what he did wrong. I'd let it be now.... lets hope it doesn't happen again!!
Isn't parenting fun!! :D :o
I agree with B-R, I wouldn't say anymore about it now and just move on. He probably feels bad and I doubt it will happen again. Totally agree the joys of parenting:rolleyes:
...but he still didnt stop swinging the broom round even though we were protesting that he might hit one of his brothers with it.....
I would have stopped him here. Just saying that something bad will happen isn't enough. It's like if Eloise is climbing on the couch and I tell her to 'be careful' and she still falls off. Or I can remove her from the couch and tell her not to do it, thereby stopping the accident before it happens.
Does that make sense? Anyway, that's what I do.
I would have stopped him here. Just saying that something bad will happen isn't enough. It's like if Eloise is climbing on the couch and I tell her to 'be careful' and she still falls off. Or I can remove her from the couch and tell her not to do it, thereby stopping the accident before it happens.
Does that make sense? Anyway, that's what I do.
I think you have to be in that situation with an older kid - this hasnt cropped up before when he was little (as when he was little it truly would be an accident).
Ok, the scenario was the kids are in the backyard, we are watching them through the double screen doors in the family room, we shout 'stop swinging that broom around', and literally 5 seconds later, it bashes into his brothers head.....I just keep thinking - imagine if it had happened when we werent watching :eek:
It is different with bigger kids (and my 6 year old takes after his 6foot3 dad, and is the size of an 8 year old with the strength to match!). Yes, with toddlers you can remove items which might prove hazardous (you should see our living room, it is bare - like we hardly moved into it!) but when they get older it is a different story......I mean this boy will be as tall as me in a few years, I'm not kidding. And they will find stuff, they will get into mischief, and with boys they will exude that testosterone at all costs....
My husband was talking to a lady at work who has 3 boys aged between 21 - 17....she said that we were lucky, as with hers there were times when they were young where they ended up in A&E with the things they did to each other :eek: Makes me wonder if this is just an unavoidable side-effect of having boys????
Maybe he has learnt, and to be honest the guilt trip reminders are mainly when he laughs and says 'look at how black Oskar's eye is', as though it is some kind of joke, and of course we will remind him how Oskar got it!!
A toddler isnt really responsible for what they do (which is why we can remove them from situations) but school age kids can start to learn this responsiblity. I mean, I cant have my kids live in a padded cell till they move out of home just to make sure they dont do anything naughty ;)
Id like to know what the parents with older kids do in this situation.....
You are right it is different to parent older children, but I am not convinced they have a great deal of judgement. Rather than the guilt trips, if he thinks hurting his brother is funny I would use time out and then explain to him that it is not kind to laugh at others that are hurt and make him apologise to your 2yo. He is probably just trying to get attention and this is his way of doing it. This is what I do with my 7 yo ds if he hurts his younger sisters and I believe it works well. I also praise my son a lot, when he is playing nicely with the girls and being kind to them sometimes I will even reward this good behaviour.
No one is judging you, we are just trying to help;)
We had never experienced such an extreme 'attack' between brothers before....and I am probably wondering if the boredom of the school holidays was starting to drive Jakob a bit doolally....
It's just a strange connundrum when one of your babies creates such huge physical damage to one of your other babies (it's not like he just hit him or tripped him over or something, this left a huge swollen bruised mark)......I mean if it were a stranger's child doing such a thing to your child, we would be outraged....
I just feel I need to re-iterate to him how important it is that they look after one another and protect one another. I want to make sure he doesnt think he can go around being careless and letting others get hurt. It is hard because he is really big for his age.....6 year old brain in an 8 year old body.....So maybe we do expect too much responsiblity from him sometimes as he really is big for his age.
I guess we did the right thing then.....thanks Easterlily. I suppose your oldest child is always your 'practice child' as my mother used to always say.....they always seem to be the one who creates problems, and the other younger ones seem to just be so easy in comparison, because you did the problem solving with the first....I guess it's because we always learn as we go along.....
as hard as it is, you don't want to dwell on bad behaviour.
My six year old is sometimes rough
on her younger brothers
i have to praise her when she is loving towards them
i know she loves them so that is most important
punishment shoul not last forever
love is eternal
:yes:
as hard as it is, you don't want to dwell on bad behaviour.
My six year old is sometimes rough
on her younger brothers
i have to praise her when she is loving towards them
i know she loves them so that is most important
punishment shoul not last forever
love is eternal
:yes:
He definately does get the praise - This is one thing we have been doing consistently since he was born (and to all our boys)......since my husband and I got the opposite from our parents.....it has been key to our parenting.
I suppose that is why I was so shocked at what took place. You think you are doing the right thing and STILL such events occur......
I think I will just put it down to 'boys will be boys'......
the thing with parenting is
you are learning along with your kids
and they are always testing you
and as it was said before
the first child is the
"practice' child"
my eldest has always been the most demanding
my boys are so much easier in comparison
so hopefully it will get easier
for us as parents
and the kids
meanwhile we can pretend we know what we are doing:D
Hokey Pokey
04-05-2006, 12:12
I would have used to time out thing too, and I find that with my 7 y/o girl if we just leave it at that after she has paid her crime lol works better than to keep bringing it up and keep on punishing her.
I would have used to time out thing too, and I find that with my 7 y/o girl if we just leave it at that after she has paid her crime lol works better than to keep bringing it up and keep on punishing her.
This is the case with normal 'petty crimes' in our household...normally when time is up, it is never mentioned again.
It is just that if one of my sons has to suffer for a few days because of the actions of another one of my sons......why should the one who inflicted the damage get away with it so quickly? this was my dilemna. Had he just hit him or kicked him and left no mark on him, then the punishent would have been given and ended after 6 minutes of time in the spare room. But this was considerably more serious than just a bit of rough and tumble between siblings. This was very traumatic for my 2 year old.
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