Dilema, thoughts please

[naiwen]

I will be starting FDC soon and I have had someone contact me who would like me to care for their 6 week old 9 hours a day 4 days a week.

Even though I have done CC before and I will be doing it now I just think babies under 3 months really need to be with their mums.

But if I say no then the baby may end up being care for in a centre which would be less nurturing IMO.

WDYT?

[Jender]

If they have made a decision (for whatever reason) to put their child into some form of care then your decision not to take them probably won't change that.

I am with you, I think its too young and wouldn't do it but without knowing someone's circumstances, what can you do?

Maybe you could ask to meet them and get a bit of a feel for them as people - then you can know whether this is something you feel you can do. If you are not comfortable with their reasons or attitude then you can say no.

ons)

[kkaz]

yes, a baby < 3 months old probably is best with their mum.

BUT, this mum (for whatever reason) cannot be with her bubs. I am sure she is looking for a substitute that she feels the happiest with. You! :) Of course, it is a lot of work for you (as newborns are hard work) so if you don't think you can handle it, then nobody would criticise you for that. If you CAN handle it but are just concerned about the "mum being with bub" issue...well....I am sure this woman is aware of this, and would not be looking for care if she could avoid it. To say no just for this reason means she puts her baby in a centre (like you said) which she probably wants to avoid. If you can help her out, I am sure she would appreciate it :hugs:

[Bewitched]

yes, a baby < 3 months old probably is best with their mum.

BUT, this mum (for whatever reason) cannot be with her bubs. I am sure she is looking for a substitute that she feels the happiest with. You! :) Of course, it is a lot of work for you (as newborns are hard work) so if you don't think you can handle it, then nobody would criticise you for that. If you CAN handle it but are just concerned about the "mum being with bub" issue...well....I am sure this woman is aware of this, and would not be looking for care if she could avoid it. To say no just for this reason means she puts her baby in a centre (like you said) which she probably wants to avoid. If you can help her out, I am sure she would appreciate it :hugs:

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[MummyNanny]

I'm guessing alot of people who choose FDC do so because it most resembles a family situation.

You could meet with her and see if you both think it would workout, and if not I'm sure see will be given the contact details for another FDC provider in the area.

If the mother has decided on FDC as her choice for child care, I doubt she will put her little one into a centre without trying other avenues first.

Maybe have her over for a cuppa & see where it goes.........

[NibbleCurlynBub]

The parents have chosen for their baby to be in care.

I personally would feel privileged that they trust you with their precious young teeny baby!

[reAllytee]

yes, a baby < 3 months old probably is best with their mum.

BUT, this mum (for whatever reason) cannot be with her bubs. I am sure she is looking for a substitute that she feels the happiest with. You! :) Of course, it is a lot of work for you (as newborns are hard work) so if you don't think you can handle it, then nobody would criticise you for that. If you CAN handle it but are just concerned about the "mum being with bub" issue...well....I am sure this woman is aware of this, and would not be looking for care if she could avoid it. To say no just for this reason means she puts her baby in a centre (like you said) which she probably wants to avoid. If you can help her out, I am sure she would appreciate it :hugs:

:iagree:

I can understand your worry etc but sometimes their is little choice for some.

Being that you are worried & knowing the type of mum you are I think you are the perfect candidate to take on this bub.

[dillydAlly]

:) Hi Naiwen

Well my thoughts are this. Sometimes you can't help what others decide to do, however maybe the fact she has a great carer like you as an option is the reason she is going back early!!!

I do think that bubs that early need to be with your mum but in childcare (whatever form) you have to get over your own ideals for what a family is and learn to accept others decisions. (not that I am saying your not)

I say go for it. I think YOU would be a great carer and it is an easy way to make a difference in a little bubs life :yelclap:

[WorkingClassMum]

There may be a myriad of reasons that this mum has "chosen" toplace her bubs in FDC

I can tell you from the perspective of a mum who did that - it tears your heart out:crying:, and leaves you shattered and shredded.

The only question that you need to consider is ; can you take on this bub?

The reasons and circumstances, whilst a concearn, aren't really your concearn IYKWIM.

I think the very fact that you have concearns indeed make you the best person to help nuture this bubs in his/her early life

[Chickadee]

I would agree with the suggestion to meet them first. And I'm going to play devil's advocat a bit to approach this from another angle, not judging you or presuming to know you, so bear with me....

If you feel very strongly that bubs so young should be with their mums and not in care, are you going to be able to put that aside when you are dealing with these parents every day? If not, then the stress that will build up between you will be uncomfortable at best, and at worst will completely sour the entire FDC experience for both of you.

I put my DD into FDC when she was just over 4 months old, and I much preferred it to a daycare centre at that age. If you agree to take bubs then I know baby will be better off for it. If you decide not to, then don't feel guilty over it. I know many FDC mums who would not take a baby even 4 months old for various reasons (including being able to juggle a baby's needs with those of 2 or 3 toddlers/pre-schoolers).

good luck with your decision.

[amandaw]

Just going to add to Chickadee's train of thought...will having a 6 week old impact on the care that you are able to offer other children in your care?? My FDCer was asked to take on a 4yo and a 6wo. She was considering it, but then was worried about the standard of care she would be able to offer all of the others (and at the time I had my 6wo with me and she saw the impact it was having on me without others to care for!)

After meeting the parents, go with your gut, because I think it would be incredibly heartbreaking as a parent to make the decision to leave a child somewhere to have to 'redo' that a month or 2 down the line if it is no longer convenient/working/whatever

[naiwen]

Thankyou all so much for your replys,

I definatly do not think ill of this mum for needing to do this, she does not have a partner for support so obviously she has made the best choice for her.

I suppose my concerns are A, how will this baby cope with being separated from it's mother and B will I be able to give this bub the physical reassurances it will need when I am looking after two other toddlers.

Obviously I have a lot to think about but I will probably do the interview and decide then.

Ironically I started this because I am passionate about giving loving, nurturing care to babies that need it but I dont want to do the older ones or this baby an injustice by taking on too much.

Oh well we will see I guess!

[Roopee]

If your concerned about giving the baby the 'physical' contact etc maybe you could buy a baby sling?
That way the bubba could still be close to you while your with the older kids?

I would feel so blessed that someone trusted me with their tiny baby.

If you think you can do it then you should.:flowerz:

[MissSookyLaLa]

if i was the mum of one of the other kids you are going to be looking after i probably wouldnt want you looking after a 6 week old IYKWIM

they are sooooooooo much work!!

but im sure you would do a great job and make the bubbas mum feel better!

tough call! id talk to the parents and see how u feel

[studyingECS]

I went to FDC from 4 weeks old full time.

There was no other choice for my parents at the time.

My mum was very clingy towards me when she picked me up and on weekends, I don't doubt that she will want to spend quality time with bub's after she picks bub's up too.

Obviously it take commitment though, I'm sure you'll make the right decision:thumbsup:

[naiwen]

If your concerned about giving the baby the 'physical' contact etc maybe you could buy a baby sling?
That way the bubba could still be close to you while your with the older kids?

I would feel so blessed that someone trusted me with their tiny baby.

If you think you can do it then you should.:flowerz:

Well the reason I think the baby will need me to give it lots of physical contact is at 6 weeks they are only just past that newborn stage and I think lots of physical reassurance might help to ease the bubs separation from it's mummy. A baby sling is a good idea! I might have to see how comfortable the mum would be about that.

You are right I do feel blessed and I want to do what is right by all the children.

Still thinking :detective:

[Eggflip]

if i was the mum of one of the other kids you are going to be looking after i probably wouldnt want you looking after a 6 week old IYKWIM

they are sooooooooo much work!!

but im sure you would do a great job and make the bubbas mum feel better!

tough call! id talk to the parents and see how u feel

My 6wo wasn't hard work at all so i went back to work 6.30 til 2.30 5 days as all my DS did was sleep. Also with my DD i went back at 6weeks to 3 days and gradually increased.

Maybe this mum is like me, i am quite prepared to work fulltime until my DS starts school and then i will go to part time and by working full time now i will easily be able to afford this. I feel what im sacrificing now is far out weighed by what i will get in the future.

I would be honoured if someone would trust you with the care of there newborne. You must have a great aura around you!

[KatiesMum]

I do agree that your main concern should be what you can handle and feel comfortable with.

Is Edward and the other children in your care going to miss out a bit because of the intense effort that goes into looking after such a young baby?

If you are doing this for some extra money, are you going to have to take on less children because of such a young one? ... and is it going to affect which children you have (ie some Mums might not like it)? Its not nice to think like that sometimes, but unfortunately it is you and Edward that you need to think of first and foremost.

:hugs: I think that you are awesome for doing FDC and the children who you care for will be lucky little things. I would send Katie to you if I lived over there :D

[naiwen]

Hehe thanks,

I remember when Edward was in SCN they had a ratio of 1 nurse to four sick preterm babies, but then they just slept and ate and pooped and had some cuddles!

It's much harder if they have reflux though.

[studyingECS]

Once you get into a routine though it's easier:yes:

I hope I'm not coming across as trying to push you into doing it, It's just I went to FDC for 12 years and the routine never changed in that time. I always remember there being a new born or a quite young baby and the routines always suited everyone's needs.
Once you find that perfect routine its worth it.
:thumbsup:

But once again it has to suit you an Edward aswell:hugs: