View Full Version : Partner Depression
My dw is suffering quite bad at the moment and im really trying to help her alot but im not sure what more i can do to help her, any idea would be greatly appreciated:confused:
Depression is pretty horrible all round for everyone i know when i had it i pushed hubby away i figured that he didnt need to know how i was feeling as i felt like i was failing as a wife, mother etc....thats how i dealt with it and i figured if i did it this way it would soon go away...crazy really.
I guess the best thing my hubby did was be there, pick up the signs when i was having a bad day and help me get through things, tell me i was wonderful and beautiful and make me feel good about myself, and if the kids were testing try and give me some time out, even if it meant just taking them to another room it all helped. The thing that helped the most was going to see my gp together, he was my rock pretty much and also my punching bag unfortunately but we got through it. I do know though that once he knew what was going on and once i knew that he was trying to help it made me feel alot better and it helped me a lot more.
Just be there be a freind and listen :) Ohh and please dont take this wrong and i dont mean that all males think this but the last thing i wanted to do was get intimate when i was feeling like this, i loved having cuddles and loved falling asleep holding each other but i didnt want to have sex, that was the last thing on my mind and once dh learnt to respect that it seemed to help alot as well it was nice knowing we could cuddle without him expecting anything, thats what i needed the most i think :)
Hope things go ok for you i am sure others have lots more advice though
Really I think the best thing you could do is stick by her Be on her side even if it seems like she changes sides. Get as much help for her and yourself as you can Knowledge is power! She will get through this But all the better having someone stand by her no matter what. Remember a lot of what she says she probably doesnt mean But there is so much frustration with depresion Lots of hugs and telling her you are there for her is very reassuring as It will be a very scary time for her. And be the best parent you can be for your kids so she does not feel preassure to be everything to everyone as little things can be overwhelming. Good thought going out to you both hope you get through this hard time If you ever need any support let me know :D Been through it and came out the other end
well what the others said is pretty much it im goin through pnd right now and would love for my oh to do those things .also dont get angry with her my oh does this and it makes it worse try to communicate with her get her to tell u if shes had a bad day or if u see her struggling take it on your own account to take the kids to the park for an hour so she could lie down or say why dont you catch up with a friend 2 have a coffee ill look after the kids . good on you for coming on here ive tryed to give oh info and things like that . i know having depression is hard on partners i think just being there for her is the best thing . also one thing i would love my oh to do is call me when hes at work just to say hello and to let me know hes thinking of me and loves me . :)
Make her some dinner.. Don't bring any sad feelings or discussions into it.
"I thought you could use something yummy since I know how busy you are" Or something like that...
There unfortunately is no magical cure.
I suggest calling BeyondBlue to talk to a counsellor to see what they might suggest you do.
Otherwise, but being there for her and being as supportive as possible is the best thing you can do.
Just be there for her... Be her rock. If she thinks something is a big deal, even if you know that it isn't - validate it, understand her, don't tell her "oh, its only a ___________, don't stress" etc. My husband use to do this, and it use to drive me insane.
But in other ways he was so good. He would listen to all my concerns and help calm me down.
Try and anticipate what needs to be done and try and do it or help her do it. My husband found this hard - especially when he thought something needed more attention that what I thought.
Just don't take whatever she says to heart - I had A LOT of anger with my PND and my husband coped many an earful about you don't understand how hard it is or I hate that you don't know what its like inside my head.
Try and get her to talk about it, or organise a psychologist she can talk to, this is the only thing that really helped me. Meds just numb the pain. And once she is "better" she still isn't... I still have brain explosions - but instead of them lasting for weeks on end, they only last an hour or two max.
Make her feel important to you.... At one stage I didn't think that I was important enough anymore and that my son & husband would be better off without me - I even went to the point of reading my life insurance policies to see what he would get if I decided to end it all. And it wasn't until I had a brain explosion I told him what I had been researching and then he finally clicked that it is serious, not just something that would go away, this was a serious illness we both needed to attack head on as a team.
GOOD LUCK - you sound like a lovely caring husband - your wife is lucky! :hugs:
By force if necessary! I say this as someone who suffered PND last year following the birth of baby #2, and waited way too long to see someone. Weeks of no sleep, bratty toddler plus newborn baby and husband who didn't give a **** saw me in a terrible state. I needed to go on some drugs for a while but bounced back very quickly.
There is good help out there, don't be shy to get her some help.
Good on you for being plugged in and doing what's best for your family
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