Hi There, looking for your advice

[brett5141]

Hi Everyone,

I thought that i would introduce myself and ask for your advice if i could.

My name is Brett and my wife and I have been married for about 5 years and are thinking about having our first child.

As I am sure you have all encountered we are trying to go through all of the questions about should we or shouldnt we and are we ready.

We both want kids but like to have everything planned and do everything in the common sense way, however i think this may stop us from ever having kids if we try to have everything prepared first.

If its not too personal could i ask for your advice on what made you decide when the right time to have kids was and what the things were that you didnt think of before having your babies.

Did you one day just feel I have to have children now! or was it something which you thought would be a great part of your life at that time of your life.

Sorry for the long message and if it wasnt clear, thanks in advance for your responses.

Brett

[mrsbutterflygirl]

My husband and I sat down and talked about when we wanted kids....we ended up wanting to have all our lives perfect before kids.. however we thought if we did that we wouldn't ever have kids.

So we decided that we would look at when was the time in our lives that we would have the most time to spend with our child... I am now nearly 7 months pregnant and both hubby and i still have jsut over 2 years of uni left. we choose now because money is never a priorty with us... we can have nothing and still be the happiest family in the world. So we said now would be great becasue we are at home most days and get to spend all our time with our baby...

Another reason we choose now was because we wanted kids young and we will be both 24 when bubs is born....
How we actually came to the decision was we sat down and wrote a pro's and con's list... and we were really hard on it.... like we didn't say we wanted to have heaps of money in the bank or anything like that cause realistically we may never have that... and we focused on the best time for the child to spend with us.... i hope this makes sense... and helps alittle :)

[Kaileysmum]

Hi

We knew that we'd have kids one day, I actually got pregnant accidentally on the pill, so I'm not much help in the decision part. But I think no amount of planning will make you ready for a child. I think if you want a baby just do it, no time is right in life, as you could die tomorrow. you just never know whats going to happen. Having children is a wonderful part of life, if you both want kids, and think that this is the right time for you, do it!! Trust me you'll never look back.

Hope this helps a little, sorry I wasnt much help though.

[InSaneOne]

if you try to wait for the perfect time when you are all prepared you will probably still be waiting when you are 50. i think it is a good idea to have your children while you are still young and fit and able to enjoy them to the fullest.

you have to consider to how old you will be whenthe child turns 20. my dh and i are talking about having another one but we will need to do it reasonably soon as he turns 40 next year and said that he doesn't want to be retirement age (65) and still be paying for high school and uni.

also if your wife has been using the pill or other forms of birth control for a number of years it can take a while to become pregnant. i was on the depo needle for 10 years and it took me 14 months of really trying before i fell pregnant.

[hummingbird]

We have been together for 9 years and married for 3.5 years. We recently welcomed our first baby into the world.

For me, I had always thought since a teenager that I would have started a family by the time I was 28, so I had a little bit of pressure from myself asking 'why not now?'. My hushand had also imagined himself starting a family by the time he was 30.

I also thought to myself that it was inevitable that we were going to have kids one day, and I could not think of a solid reason as to why we shouldn't do it now, other than the fact it was going to change our lives completely! Of course you think about money and stability and all those 'practical' things, but at the the end of the day we knew these were feeble reasons for not doing it now. If you kept waiting for the right time, it might never happen, was what we decided.

We had a fair idea what we were getting ourselves in for as we have lots of neices and nephews and a lot of our friends where also settling down with kids, so this made it more real for us aswell.

It's a big call because it is such a huge responsibility and no matter what other people say, it does change your life, but certainly not in a bad way. It's an amazing journey and constantly changing and challenging you (and I'm only new at this!). It's also the most natural thing two people in love can do - people have been doing it for years so it can't be the worst thing in the world to do, right?

[melbryan]

I met my husband at 20 (together for 9 years) and now have been married for 5 years. We always knew we wanted kids but when was another question. After have a break on the pill for about 2 years i was shocked to find out I was 3 mths pregnant but was so excited and didn't know what to expect. For me I could have waited my whole life to be ready and I still think I wouldn't have been ready. Fate makes you ready and whatever life deals you, you will work with. I really think I have come to the stage in my life where I had done many things for myself and it was time to be unselfish and that's why our son was sent to us.
Now he is two and we are expecting number two I continue to work and do my hobbies be a mother and a wife. Although I have always wanted to be a mother it is not the only thing that makes me who I am. I love him to death but he has frustrated me many times but each day I take as it comes and know that we made him and he is going to grow up into a wonderful human being.:fingerscrossed:

Good luck with your decision, it is such a personal one which only you and your partner can decide on. Hope it all works out for you.:kiss: :kiss: :D

[littlepickle]

We sort of wanted to have everything sorted before having kids - you know, ideally it would be nice to own the house, have a really nice car, have a load of savings in the bank and to have travelled the world prior to having kids. Realistically, if we were to wait for all of that, thn we wouldnt ever have kids.
We had always talked about having kids but wanted to be married first. Then when we got married, we wanted to have some time to enjoy being "just married" Then one day we were both talking and decided that we were ready .. it just felt like the right time.

[arthursmum]

We knew that we both wanted kids 'at some stage' and we talked about it for AGES, i mean years, and then we just kept getting older and finally one day threw caution to the wind and stopped using contraception, just to see what would happen. Funnily enough, we now have a bb of 5 months who we love to bits and can't imagine life without him.
We have been a good position to have babies for quite a while, good jobs, been together for 8 years, but it was just the fact that we didn't want to have problems conceiving or be too old for our kids.
As everyone else has said, you'll never really be ready, which is part of the fun! And having making baby sex is ACE, too.:D :D
I wish you and your wife all the very best whatever you decide to do..
me 34-wouldn't want to start any later..
hubbie 37
bubbie 5 months

[rynosmum]

Hi Brett,

Firstly, welcome to BubHub. It's always great to have more Dads around the site - you guys can add such a new perspective to some of the topics discussed on here.

DH and I weren't really even considering kids - that was something way off in the distance, when all of my friends started getting pregnant. In one month 3 of my friends announced their pregnancies. It suddenly hit me and I turned to DH and said 'what are we doing' ? We were pregnant within 2 months and have never looked back.

We've never been that keen on children, didn't know much about the 'species', had never changed a nappy etc. Parenthood is one of the most amazing things that has ever happened to us.

Good Luck and Enjoy !:fingerscrossed: :)

[nkenward]

Hi Brett - and welcome.

I don't think there is a 'perfect' time as such. I do believe however, that there has to be a time that you and your wife are settled, and are content with what you have. There are couples out there that tend to want everything and anything, and sometimes children can disrupt all that. ie: travel plans, house renos, the big entertainment system etc.

My husband & I just decided after 4 years of marriage that we were ready - even though once we were pregnant - we sort of panicked as to whether we had made the right decision. But now - our lives seem partly completed, we want to have another soon - so it will then be completed. We saw that all those items that come and go - houses, cars, holidays etc can always be there down the track, but we believed it was important to be young enough to enjoy our children as much as possible. But then when we are 50 - still be young enough to enjoy life without teenage children running around.

But it is a really personal choice b/w you & your wife. Everyone's experiences are different - as will yours. Goodluck with your decision - just remember - children will change your life - for the better!

[suemp]

ds one was a whoops im pregnant...but it grew on us.
we decided to ttc the one i am now carrying mainly for a sibling for ds

we are by no means financially secure, are not married (been together 7and half years but ds is 4 and a half so we were together only couple years before i got preg with him) if we were to wait till we were financially secure we'd probly never have kids. i think if its something you both want then nows the time, as as much as you may want to plan everything down to the last detail lifes not that kind to us. it throws in surprises every day and you never know whats around the corner. as to the right age all you have to do is go to the local kindy and people watch the mothers and fathers coming in. they range anywhere from teens to in their forties.
go with your heart;)