Blokes Jokes

[bigbadbrad]

Hi Boys,

One of the Bub Hub staff sent this to me and I thought it was pretty good while also highlighting differences between the sexes!!

LET ME BE CLEAR....... FUNNY NON-SEXIST JOKES ONLY! I mean this is a website for parents! We like funny but we definitely do not like jokes that denegrate EITHER sex!!! please refer to the forum rules if you have any questions! or PM me to double check if in doubt!


Proof that Men Have Better Friends (so the story goes...) ...

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.The next morning she told her
husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his
Wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.


Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that
he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.:laughing:

Submit your best Cleanish jokes now!

[FarmerBlog]

I thought there was a thread for blokes jokes.. but I cant find it. So here a couple of mine

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed
quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the
garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.
There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph.
I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered
that the weather would be
bad through out the day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and
whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 8 yrs quietly and laughingly replied, 'yeah, can you believe my stupid
husband is out fishing in this s***?'

I still don't know if she was joking...................

[FarmerBlog]

Why fishing is better than making love

* When you go fishing and you catch something, that's good
- If you're making love and you catch something, that's bad.

* Fish don't compare you to other fishermen neither.
- And don't want to know how many other fish you caught.

* In fishing you lie about the one that got away.
- In loving you lie about the one you caught.

* You can catch and release a fish. You don't have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.

* You don't necessarily have to change your line to keep catching fish.

* You can catch a fish on a 20-cent frozen squid.
- If you want to catch a partner you're talking dinner and a movie minimum.

* Fish don't mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishing.

[FarmerBlog]

A man was recently stopped by Fisheries in Tassies Highlands...

The fellow, carrying two buckets of fish, was leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The fisheries officer asked the man, "Do you have a licence to catch those fish? If you don't, I'm going to have to impound them as evidence."

The man replied to the officer, "No, sir. These are my pet fish."

"Pet fish?!" the officer replied.

"Yes, sir. Every night I take these here fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take 'em home."

"That's a bunch of bollocks! Fish can't do that!"

The man looked at the fisheries officer for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works."

"O.K. I've GOT to see this!." The officer was curious now. The man poured the fish in to the lake and stood and waited.

After several minutes, the fiheries officer turned to the man and said, "Well?"

"Well, What?" the man responded.

"When are you going to call them back?" The fisheries officer prompted.

"Call who back?" The man asked.

"The FISH."

"What fish?" The man asked.........

[DadsRock]

I remember the day my Sister told this joke to my Aunty she was horrified, I thought it was funny!

Why does the pope wear underwear in the shower?
?
?
?
Because he does not like looking down on the unemployed!!!

Ta-Da

Rock on

[Jonosmissus]

oops, posted this in the SBW comments thread but will be better here.

Q: What's the difference between Sonny Bill Williams and Arnold Schwarzenegger?
A: Arnold Schwarzenegger will be back.

Q: How many SBW's does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. SBW prefers to keep people in the dark.

Q: Why wouldn't Sonny Bill ever catch his best mate with his girlfriend?
A: Sonny bill doesn't walk in on his mates. He walks out on them.

Q: What's the difference between SBW and my house?
A: My house still has fans.

Q: What does Cher and the Bulldogs have in common?
A: They both got screwed by Sonny.