Proud of my self .. a big step for me

[SuperMum10/12]

Hi ... I was wondering if anyone nows what its like to loose a child or a baby ... :(

Back in 2000 I was pregnant with twin girls we were so excited ... We already had 5 children in our family Melissa , Jamie , Dylan , Corey and Tayla so to add twin girls to our family was great ...
Well we were told by the Doctors that the twins were sick and that they had Twin to Twin Transition Syndrome and that they may not make it ..
We were so up set the twins were getting monitored week by week we got to 25 weeks of my pregnancy and I woke up on the 22 nd of December 2000 and I said to my Husband that some thing was wrong with the girls it was a day that we were going to the Hospital to have our weekly visit ..
Well in my heart I know it wasn't going to be a good visit.. the nurse did the scan and it was the worse thing that anyone could ever tell me
My wonderful little girl had died .. We were so hart broken my husband and I were crying but it wasnt going to end there they told me that I had to be given Medication to put me in to labour .. Yes I had to give birth to my babies I could not believe it 8 hours later they were here it was the most emptiest feeling I had ever felt ... Then 3 days later we had to have a funeral for the girls ... NOT A GOOD THING ... to have to berry your child

Well the reason I wonted to shear my story with you today is because I am so proud of myself because after 7 years I finely got the courage to go to the Chapel and the Cemetery were the twins are And I am so glad that I did, I was so hurt when we lost the girls I couldn't get past the fear and pain that you feel when you loose some thing so special ... But today I got past that fear and pain and it was a good feeling .. Even though I cried and I cried a lot Im proud of my self ...

:kiss: :kiss: My little girls name are .. Keele and Kara .. my little Angles who we miss and love very much :kiss: :kiss:

thank you for reading my sorry

[Loopy Linda]

just wanted to give you some hugs. my mum was very unlucky and lost a few babies, first was twin girls just a year before myself, my mother doesn't visit their resting site, my parents were poor and i think there was a relative who worked at the cemetary and their ashes were put with my great grandparents. then when i was 4 my mother lost another that she had to birth. i can clearly remember growing up and always ahving to go to cemetary, i think this baby was a token of all three, my little sister got to be buried as my paretns could afford it, and she was closer to where we lived so we were able to go every weekend.

as a kid i started to dread the weekend, as mum was so upset and cried, and honestly to young kids, it iwas boring.

when i was about 10 the visits stopped ( maybe we just weren't with mum when she went anymore).

i think everyone deals with things their own way and if going to the chapel has helped you good for you!

i would also like to add that since becoming an adult i started to visit my little sister, now i sit there and cry and talk to her, i really would have loved a little sis. but it wasn't meant to be.

[Oblena]

So sorry for your previous loss and I am so happy for you that you had a great day full of courage and reflection.

I do not know what it is like to lose a child, but have lost close to me and that is bad enough. Good on you for doing what you did today. your little girls names are beautiful.

Thank you for sharing your story.

[MellyMumma]

:hugs: So sad that you had to go through a terrible loss. But good on you for finally visiting your babies!!! May they rest in peace! And I hope you find comfort in visiting them more often. :hugs:

[Jinglebells]

:hugs::hugs:

i'm sorry to hear about the loss of your twin girls, but well done for what you've acomplished today, its a big step going to visit for the first time, definatly worth being proud about:yes:



I know too well what its like to labour, give birth and not being able to bring a baby home, my heart goes out to you, I don't have a grave to visit, as I have the boys with me in the house (cremated) but I know what its like to put things of and put things off

I still have no urns for the boys, I can't bring myself to go to the funeral directors and pick one out, one day i will get the courage to do it, or i'll find something else somewhere else to put them in, its just at the moment, I know as soon as I walk in the door I will burst into tears, I doubt I would even beable to ring them about it without bursting into tears

[SuperMum10/12]

Hi ladies .... thank you for for writing on my thread ...

Today I woke up and feel a bit sad after going to the girls grave for the first time yesterday :(

Now I am upset with myself for leaving it for so long to go and see the grave so now Im a bit confused :confused:

But in the same mouth full I now that I have it in me to go there a lot more now ..

My sister in law said to me yesterday that if I had come when I wasn't ready it would have been the wrong thing to do ... I had to do it when I was ready And up until now I wasn't really ready ..

[mumbron]

Hi SuperMum10/12

Firstly, Thankyou for sharing your story you are a brave lady i know its hard to put it out there and i'm sure your two little princesses are in heaven watching over you and your family.

I'm sure god had his reasons for taking these precious girls and i'm sure we will never get the answers that we need to fully recover.

Also don't punish yourself for not going to see thier resting place for 7 years i'm sure they are in your thoughts and not a day would go by that you wouldn't think about them.

But in saying that i'm sure your other kids will look forward to visit the twins.

Take care Bron:flowerz:

[SuperMum10/12]

Hi mumbron ... you hit it right on head now that I have faced my fear and are at a better place with it now I can take my children to see the grave and they can have there time with there sisters ...

We talk about the girls a lot as a family and everyone has different feelings about it ... they all love and miss the girls very much .. We have pic of the girls and one is in a frame in my cabinet with special things that belong to the twins like teddies and music box and little things that we brought for them for there birthdays ...

Yesterday when we went to the Cemetery and Chapel we took some pictures and my husband is going to make a frame thing for me to add to the other things that we have so I am looking forward to that ...

[CJJHRA]

:hugs:
Sorry you had to go through this.

[lotsakids]

thankyou for sharing your story i was wondering what happened with the twins. i have been lucky enough not to ever lose a child but when i was 12 my brother and his girlfriend lost twin boys i remember how much it affected our whole family i was devastated and they were just my nephews i cant imagine what it would be like if i lost my own child. they would have been 23 this year and i still think of them almost every day. my sil said that you never get over losing a child you just learn to live with it. i'm sure your angels are watching over your family all the time. :hugs:to you all

[homeschooler]

Hi
Thanks for sharing your story. Im sending loads of :hugs::hugs::hugs: I have never lost any babies but my close friend did and that really affected me. For a parent to lose their child is awful. You are so very brave and dont you think otherwise.
May your beautiful girls give you the strength to move on. Im sure thay want mum and Dad to be very happy.:flowerz:

[jaydensmum]

I just wanted to say that im so sorry to hear of your loss of your precious girls.:hugs: I know what you mean about visiting the cemetery. We lost our girl last year and i havent had the strength to go and visit her. :(I feel so bad but its so hard. I know one day ill get the courage to go and see her place of rest. The thing is though i know that she is with me everywhere i go and i can see her in my heart. :yes::angel:Take care hun, you're a strong woman! :hugs:

[JabberJaw]

Hi,
I am also sorry for your loss and i understand your pain, I lost a baby almost 2 years ago and i think about it everyday. In my case i was a bit opposite to you and i often went to my babies resting place daily just sat there talking and wondering why. It began to consume my life but luckily my partner pointed out to me that i was forgetting about the wonderful children that i already had and our baby was not going to come back no matter how often i visited him. Luckily i also had a fantastic grief nurse who came and spoke to me also when i was having a terrible time with it all. My grief nurse also began to visit us weekly to speak through it all with us and also our other children, my partner was like you and just couldn't bring himself to visit although he placed our son in the grave, it was the only time he went to his resting place. When i fell pregnant again, i felt it was a gift sent from my lost bubby and i began to visit weekly to leave fresh flowers. We also take white balloons on special occasions and we each release one each (it was something we did when we buried him) this year we will release an extra balloon as i know have another addition to the family.

I still refuse to go to our local corner shop as it would make me upset because i have know the people since early childhood and i also worked for them, i have become a different person since losing my baby and i see the importance in small things now, as well as being very protective of the other children.

Its great that you went to visit your babies, it may help you with the healing process, it certainly helps me when i talk about it although it is so hard for me to do so, on the net its fine but face to face i dread it.

My children also talk about our son,Seth all the time they tell people that they have a brother who is in heaven and he is an angel, my son tells this to anyone who will listen!

You should be proud of yourself, dont get down about going sooner, if you went before you where ready it would not have helped you with your grieving process, my grief nurse told me that people grieve in different ways, like my partner he seemed to refuse to acknowledge that he had lost a child but it was just his way of dealing with it.

Your angels are always in your heart, whether you visit there resting place or not.

[maorimama]

What a very touching story, thank you for sharing it. We have suffered the loss of babies in our family, not personally, but a loss none the less and it is a very hard reality to accept.

My twin sisters were 'Twin to twin transfusion' also and were very sick when they were born. I remember mum telling us years later that one of my sisters had too much blood and one not enough. They were in hospital for some time and thankfully are healthy mums themselves now.

Don't punish yourself for not having visited their resting place up until now, as you carry them in your heart and thoughts and they are always with you. :flowerz:

[SuperMum10/12]

Hi every one thank you for all your nice and kind words ..

When I went to the girls resting place my husband took some pic of the head stone we put a pooh bear orderment on the head stone.. when we got back home my husband put a group of pic in to a picture frame and I hung it in my cabinet that i have the girls other things in .. It made me feel so good as if I had finely filled that big hole in my tummy .. I have even added other things to the things that I have already got ..

Its as if I am more relaxed about my little girls I guess its as I am at a better place with it all like a calm its hard to explain.. as if a wait has been lifted ..

I love all my children all 12 of them ..

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH you are all wonderful mums and ladies .. :hugs:

I am so glad that I told you all about my little girls