Feeling lost and scared for my beautiful boy...

[SweetSerenity]

I just got my ds's assesment in the mail from our local early childhood professional (i requested one through his previous daycare centre as i am concerned about his speech and communication skills). The assesment was just pages long but what's struck a cord with me is one particular paragraph...'Peter appears to be a very quiet young boy. He seems to be in a world of his own. He demonstrates a number of odd and obsessional behaviours eg: stylised voice, lining up of toys/objects, particular ways of manipulating toys/objects, talking to himself repeatedly, lack of eye contact and significant difficulties in all social situations. His teacher reports peter has no friends at childcare. He demonstrates problems with maintaining attention to tasks.' I was in tears reading his report. Straight after reading that paragraph i got an instant feeling that he may even have a mild case of autism. I am going to see my gp next week and start getting referrals for peadiatrians, speech pathologists etc.and get some help for him. I have been in tears though...it's so scary to think that he isn't 'normal'. I almost have a feeling of failure too...god i feel so down tonight. I know things could be ten times worse, but i just didn't think his issues were as bad as they are :( I feel very alone right now.

[Myztik]

:hugs:

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

I don't have any advice, but I couldn't not reply.

:hugs::hugs::hugs: I definately think a gp visit for referals sounds like the way to go.

[misskittyfantastico]

I don't have any advice, but KNOW you haven't failed your son :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Benji]

That paragraph brought a tear to my eyes :(

He's very lucky to have a mother who cares so deeply about him.

All the best :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[WarriorMummy]

dont feel like a failure,even if ur boy does have a problem it has nothing to do with how you raised him
:hugs: you are not a failure

[Tam-I-Am]

Nat - if you'd failed Petey, you wouldn't be seeing the GP next week and arranging treatment for him. You wouldn't be concerned about that paragraph. You wouldn't be stressed and anxious.

You haven't failed him, in fact you're doing the opposite of failing him :hugs:

[Shakey]

I don't have any advice to give you either, but wanted to give you some :hugs::hugs:

don't feel like you've failed your son, cause you havn't, you've done the best that you can

My son sounds very similar to yours, so now you've got me a little bit worried,

[SalTheGal]

:hugs: Sending you loads of hugs....please try not to think this is your fault, your are one of the most brilliant mums!!

Try not to over analyse everything until you get further advice...even if he is diagnosed with Autism, it is a very wide and varied disorder that occurs in many degrees, and with early intervention you can have such a brilliant, amazing, well adjusted, and smart boy- and one who LOVES YOU very very much!! :hugs:

[DQ]

Big hugs :hugs:

Remember this is only ONE report. This person hasn't spent any major amount of time with him, other than for the purposes of this assessment.

What else do his daycare teachers say? Surely they would have more insight into his behaviour being with him so often?

I wish you all the luck in getting answers and please just know that you haven't in anyway failed your son, you did after all love him deeply enough to request the assessment in the first place.

:hugs::hugs:

[reAllytee]

Nat - :hugs::hugs:

You havent failed so please dont think like that !

I know its easier said than done because i still have days where i wonder what did i do to cause G's problems etc. G doesnt have issues like this as you know but the fact is we havent done anything wrong. We have not purposely caused our kids to be that little bit different.

Now as for Petey.

Does it really matter what label he is ?

When it comes down to it i dont think it does for you or the rest of his family because Petey is Petey & you all adore him no matter what.

I only got to meet you both briefly & i can honestly say without a doubt he is gorgeous just like his mum. He is bright & to me like many kids who just dont always want to be around others so it wont necessarily mean he is even on the spectrum. And again so what if he is !

Remember this was one single assessment & this is why Autism isnt diagnosed in this way. It takes months for someone who specialises in this area to do so. Just because a child was seen once means squat. Boof has never ever done what our CHN requires him to do & now he is older walks out on her :laughing: So please try to relax a little until things pan out.

You are a great mummy never doubt that :hugs::hugs:

[*Chels*]

Nat - if you'd failed Petey, you wouldn't be seeing the GP next week and arranging treatment for him. You wouldn't be concerned about that paragraph. You wouldn't be stressed and anxious.

You haven't failed him, in fact you're doing the opposite of failing him :hugs:

:iagree:
Nat-you are an awesome Mummy!Everything you do,you do it so Petey has the best life!You are fantastic!!
I have no advice re: autism,jut wanting to send some hugs your way:hugs:You know we are all here for you!

[SweetSerenity]

Thank you ladies for the hugs and posts and Ally, i know you're right. It's really not the label that worries me, it's the problems that he will have to face...my worst fear would be him feeling different from other kids. I know it may well not even be autism and it could be a number of other things, but i just feel so awful that he hasn't developed normally and isn't on the same page as other kids his age. He started his new pre school which i put him into as it's a great structured environment and just up the road from my work, and he loves it. He's made friends too from what the teachers have said so it may also be that he just didn't like that daycare centre. I am trying not to think of it, but i honestly just felt heartbroken reading through it, especially when i read he had no friends at the previous daycare...Thank you again, your replies are much appreciated :hugs:

[Mathermy]

:(:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::(

I don't know what to say-I think every mother an relate to that cold fear that something isn't right about our child, wish you the best of luck for whatever comes next xo

[MyFourCubs]

I thought long and hard before writing this reply as I was trying to weigh up wether it would help you or not. I am crossing fingers that it will.:fingerscrossed:
Reading that paragraph I will be very honest with you- it does sound like autistic behaviour. My ds is autistic and you basically described him- the lining up toys especially, the obsessive behaviour and the "being in a world of his own." However, like reallytee said- no child is ever diagnosed with autism in one sitting- there are many, many assessments that will be carried out by a variety of different people. Many "autistic behaviours" can be perfectly normal and will be grown out of. It's just that somebody like me with an autistic child is always "looking through the world with an autistic filter!" and obviously things like lining up toys is going to ring alarm bells with us.

There is no point in me trying to say wether he is or isn't - I haven't met him but I will say that either way, autism is not the end of the world, it's not a death sentance and there are many, many children in this world that are "not normal" but this does not make them any less beautiful, talented, clever and loving. Some autistic children and adults are BRILLIANT, many of them BECAUSE of their autism- not despite it. If your son is autistic this does not mean you have "failed him" otherwise every one of us with an ASD child will have failed.:) Even from that short paragraph I can tell that you are an incredibly loving, caring mother and I am positive that you have done everything right by your boy- including asking for him to be assessed because you thought there may be a problem- many parents bury their head in the sand.

I would suggest that you start reading up on autism- "knowlege is power" and the more you can be armed with the better. YOU know your child best and you are going to know one way or the other before anybody else does- once you are armed with the facts.

I will not pretend that if he IS ASD things will carry on as normal and life will be easy, but do you know what?? Show me a child that doesn't have one problem or another!!!! Many of us with ASD and non ASD children actually find the ASD child EASIER to live with some days than the rest of them, lol:D My non ASD daughter is a ripe old pain in the bum most days- I am hopping she will grow out of it before she hits puberty (and I'm talking my 15 month old not my 6 year old, although we have had our share of probs with her too!)

I'm waffling now, but what I want to say is that autism is a big thing at the moment because people have realised just how much impact early intervention can have- with the right therapies and lots of love and patience, ASD kids can lead very NORMAL, productive lives. Everybody wants to help now which is why the govt is throwing more and more money at autism every year. Autistic kids are not a lost cause so don't for a second think that if you do get a ASD diagnosis this will be the end of it- far from it.:hugs:

My Alex's story is attached to my signature and you will find plenty of advice and support in the autism chat thread. Please remember i am only suggesting that you arm yourself with knowlege, not accept a diagnosis- you are a long way from that and the more you learn you may find that he is not ASD at all.

Hugs:hugs:
Sara

[Ronni78]

Oh love :hugs: I've been in a similar situation. My GP was the one who suspected DS1 of having Aspergers Syndrome (a type of mild autism). I took him to a specialist who referred him to speech therapy. When I got the speech therapist's report, it was terrible. He was in the bottom 5% for his age group apparently.
It was heartbreaking!

But I didn't feel it was accurate. I didn't think the therapist was getting through to him and because she didn't know him, she was making wrong assumptions. For eg, she would ask him questions, he would answer and because I knew him, I knew what he meant by his answers but she didn't, so she would write down that he answered incorrectly.

When DS1 started school, we kept going with the speech therapy in class, and although I'm yet to receive the first report, I've been informed by DS1's teacher that he is ripping through the program with flying colours.

Sometimes our children just need time, coaching and encouragement.

Would it be possible for you to instigate some friends for him at daycare. Organise playtime with other parents? Or hang around for a bit with him and the other kids (sometimes they need to be shown how to interact with others). One of the best ways for kids to develop and learn is through interactive play with other children.

Good luck with this. Remember you are not alone.

[PunkyDiva]

:hugs: I spent a crappy day with DS at Neuro today so feelin a bit low too but please be kind to yourself, it's just some of us are blessed with these special children and def not your fault.
Try hard not to second guess assessment just wait and see what specialists say and then you can work from there.
I've been reading a few of the threads on special needs lately and these ladies are awesome and I'm sure will be great support and a source of knowledge for you. :hugs:

[Loopy Linda]

hi,

it is hard when you are faced witht he possibility that your beautiful creation may not be perfect. most of us when we have a baby see how perfect that child it, it is a great shock that someone else may not feel the same way.

i know you are probably feeling as if you have failed somehow, but you haven't. you are taking the right steps and doing everything possible for your boy and that is the sign of a great mother, you hear news you don't like and straight away you are in battle mode, you find out everything you can about it, you look for therapies or remedies that may help, you research drs and you talk to others who may have been in the same or similar situation. that is amazing

i know privately you are hurt and sad and alone... but you don't need to be, i am sure he is a wonderful boy, and you are a wonderful mum. on the outside you are doing everything you can to help, and on the inside, you let the worries out in bubhub, that is wonderful for yourself and your amzing son.

keep putting your fears and worries here, we understand. keep trying to help, your son will benefit from everything you try, and lastly, big hugs

[SweetSerenity]

Thank you so much for your replies and support. I really really need it right now. It's times like this i really detest being a single parent...just want someone to turn to. Sara after reading Alexanders story...i can relate to a lot of it. The screaming not so much, but when i read that alex lines particular toys up a certain way and gets distressed if it's disturbed, petey is EXACTLY the same. Even the way he plays with his little thomas trains...he lays down and pushes them backwards and forwards in front of his eyes but like you, have always assumed he was just very fascinated by them. Petey is also very brilliant with counting and music. He counts past 40 on his own and responds to music and dancing very well. He also rarely listens to his name being called. I have to repeat myself so much and sometimes even then he doesn't respond. I'm feeling stronger this morning after having a big teary session on my own last night. I just hope that if it is some sort of autism that he can go to a normal school and blend in well with his peers. His new pre school are fantastic. They are so good with him and every morning without fail he always gets cuddles from the teachers as soon as he gets there, so i'm very happy that he's in a better environment now. I will update this thread on how we go. Thank you again everyone :hugs:

[Ashleigh<3]

NAT! :hugs:

I'm free anytime this week, let me know if you would like to get together for a nice long chat and I have cuddles too. :hugs:

[BreakfastatTiffanys]

:hugs::hugs: I am glad to hear you are feeling better this morning Nat.

[SweetSerenity]

So tomorrow i'm going my gp with petey to get his opinion and also referrals for pediatritians and speech pathologists...i'm scared. Even though it's mainly to start getting the ball rolling, i'm scared of what my doctor may have to say too. I have had very split opinions from people and i don't know what to make of the situation. I'm just going to have to wait and see how it un folds. I'll keep this thread posted with how we go. Love nat xoxo

[MyFourCubs]

Don't be scared- just lay it all out on the table for him. Do you know the worst part is actually being told there is nothing wrong when there is- if your dr DOES think there is a prob and it leads to a dx this is a POSITIVE step in getting the help that he may need.

:hugs: I'm sorry I ahve been very preoccupied with my own cr@p atm and I am having trouble helping other people. I do care about you and your little boy though and I wish you luck for tommorrow.:goodvibes: Please pm me if you ever wnat to chat and I will keep watching this thread.

[sunnyflower]

Nat ,i am very sorry you were upset about the assessment.

I too ,at one stage had suspicions that my son was autistic,he doesn't like eye contact and at preschool he wasn't all that interested in making friends.He also liked structure and order with his toys and could be difficult.

Fast forward to year one,his report was great,he has no difficulties with socialisation.

Just remember this is one persons perspective.One only.

As much as you are worried,a diagnosis of autism comes after numerous tests.

I wish you and Petey luck.:hugs:

[Mum2Bug]

Nat I have only just found this thread but im going to say that i agree with everything that the PP have said.

And you have not failed him!!! :hugs::hugs:

Two of my closest friends have children that have just been dx as on the spectrum but both of these kids, to me, are complete opposites in alot of things. It is a very wide spectrum hun. IF petey is on it, you are doing the best thing you can for him right now by getting the professionals to have a look and give you a diagnosis. That way he will get the help he needs if that is the case. BUT dont go worrying over stuff yet just based on one report by one person, that will only stress you further while you dont have any firsthand knowledge. Do your research, prepare yourself with knowledge. And just know that there are plenty of lufflies on here who love you and petey, and we are all here to support you.

You are strong hun, and such a loving caring mum, and you will be the best mum to petey no matter what happens.

[tommygirl]

Hi Nat,

I know exactly what you're feeling and I understand. But don't ever think that you failed your son. You can read my post entitled "my son Jhetro"...I've written everything there. :)

It's good that you have him assessed, the earlier the better. And if he's in the spectrum, early intervention is the best. :yes:

Funny 'coz my son also likes Thomas (Jhetro was diagnosed with mild-moderate global developmental delay and traces of autism)...and if you will research over the internet, they say that most of the kids in the spectrum likes Thomas the Tank Engine. For whatever reason, I don't know (but pls do think that even kids outside spectrum would love Thomas as well. he's so adorable!)

I hope you'll feel okay soon...and I'm sure you'll feel much better when the results come out, at least, you know the next steps to do. There'll be heaps of tests but keep on getting them for your son...it'll be best for him and for your peace of mind as well. In those moments when you feel down and alone, remember you can always pray...God is just a prayer away. And I'll be praying for you and your son as well.

If you need someone to chat to, you can PM me anytime. :hugs:

God bless you and Petey.

[Nates_Mumma]

OMG hun..

I hope that things come together for you and Petey..
You guys deserve things to go right for once

luv to you all

xoxo

Vicki + Troy & Nate