Level of support?

[MonkeyMum05]

Now... just out of curiosity... and to re-assure myself somewhat... I was wondering how many of you BubHub mama's have some kind of 'help' other than your partner, if partnered?

I don't have anyone at all to babysit, other than my husband, and he works full-time... we are considering having another bub, but I am worried about how I will cope.
With just my one little boy, I can recall some days where I just didn't think we would survive the day... I just had no-one to call and help out at those really tough times.
Would we be silly to have another? Would I miraculously just live through it somehow?? (I am thinking so!)

I think I will make this a poll... sometimes I feel like we are really doing it tough, having no help... (both our parents live far away, and our friends don't have kids yet)
I want to put it into perspective and see how many others get by on there own, and how many have family help.
Some days I feel like I can't wait to fall pregnant again, and some days I just don't know if I could cope?!
... and all this is coming from a girl who wants a BIG family!!:laughing:

[Rhoxie]

Mostly it's just DH and I (and DH works full time - although he is based from home some days).

My dad lives an hour away
DH's Mum has Bi-polar and can not be trusted with the kids (she has babysat once in the past 2 years)

My MIL's idea of helping was to leave 2 of her teens and a puppy at my house to welcome me back from the hospital after the birth of number 2 - she then went off somewhere and didn't show up until 9pm with my 2yr old. I came home to a mess (inc puppy wee) and had a house with no food and had to feed everyone dinner and I was stressed beyond belief to find my toddler 'missing' with MIL. I was livid.

My siblings all work full time (they have taken my older two to the movies twice in the past year).
DH's Siblings - offer to babysit but then never turn up *pretty hopeless*

Any babysitting we need we pay for - Thankfully I have a wonderful neighbour who we have a very agreeable arrangement with to look after my children.

[mysonroger]

there was no babysitting option, so i've replied with a post.

i'm new to brisbane and don't know anyone except some mother's group girls, who i wouldn't ask for help because i've only just met them in the last couple of months and don't really 'know' them . my neighbour is new too, so she has offered help which i've taken her up on once when my DD was ill and i had to go somewhere quickly.
so i have no family here either, but i found a babysitter who is great, albeit a little busy. so far we've used her once, but planning to again soon. i probably won't be attending the mothers' group so much now because my DD's sleep times now clash with it, so i'll just have to see how it pans out.
having said all that, i feel fine with the lack of family and friends' support. i have two children, 2years , and 10 mths and currently TTC No. 3. if i do manage to fall pregnant it will be interesting to see who will look after the first two while i'm in hospital ????? i'm going into this thinking 'things have a way of working out....'

when i came home from hospital with No. 2, and No 1 was 15 mths, i panicked thinking how am i going to do this (i was mainly worried about how DS would feel while i was BFing DD) , but there is no option other than to get on with it. it wasn't anywhere near as hard as i thought (thus TTC No.3) . and most of my friend s said the same when No. 2 came along. i didn't find No. 1 that bad though, although we had our fair share of moments and especially i had long bouts of mastitis and nipple thrush.
anyway, wasn't doesn't kill you makes you stronger. 'go for it' i say....
i must add that both my kids, especially DS, are great sleepers, day and night. not sure how i'd feel if they weren't (after having just spent time reading the 'No Cry Solutions" thread).

[MonkeyMum05]

Rhoxie...
Wow, that sounds pretty bad!!
How do you cope... are you sane :D ?
Do you feel like you cope with it pretty well?

[Tisme]

There was no option for NO PARTNER help ONLY family ... so I thought I too would post.

I suppose saying he is NO help is a little harsh, is his relatively no help, he works tooo long through the day and then when he is home he sleeps, so my Mum gets to carry me along (gotta HATE post Natal Depression)

[MonkeyMum05]

Thank you, mysonroger.
That sounded promising... I am kinda thinking that - whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I hadn't even considered finding a baysitter! duh! I'm just too untrusting, I think.
I just get worried about those relly bad days. I remember having a couple when my little man was a newbie... I just desperately wanted to be able to call someone to come help out... and there was no-one. I am worried about having that same feeling, but with 2 kiddies... y'know!? Geez, I think I just worry too much. :p

[MonkeyMum05]

Hmmm... sorry that I couldn't cover all possible options... was trying to keep it kinda simple... Did my best:D !
Please just tick whichever is closest to your circumstance.
Thanks!

[MamaSage]

I gotta go with little to no support. Ross works up north, I do not rely on anyone for help. But that is just me, I like to do it myself;)

[mysonroger]

Thank you, mysonroger.
That sounded promising... I am kinda thinking that - whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I hadn't even considered finding a baysitter! duh! I'm just too untrusting, I think.
I just get worried about those relly bad days. I remember having a couple when my little man was a newbie... I just desperately wanted to be able to call someone to come help out... and there was no-one. I am worried about having that same feeling, but with 2 kiddies... y'know!? Geez, I think I just worry too much. :p

you'll probably be too busy with two to think about it. and the good thing is you might not have those really bad days because you're so much more experienced the second time around, you know some tricks, you know more about babies, etc, and your body is used to running on empty/half full/whatever................i had some terrible days too when DS was a newbie, but never really experienced it with DD....not the same depth anyway.

[Rhoxie]

Monkey mum - We do pretty well - There have been some absolute nightmares of days when I've been sick & the kids have been sick and DH had to work or was away somewhere. But those have been few and far between.

I actually got to know my neighbour under the most stressful of circumstances when I was pregnant with number 3 . I had pulled a muscle badly up under my bump going down to my inner thigh and couldn't walk with out pain so I was pretty much couch ridden. MY DH had to work and my eldest needed to be picked up from school so I ended up swallowing my pride as asking my neighbour if she could do it (her kids attend the same school) she said of course - no problems. When she dropped Gabe off she took one look at me - ordered me back to the couch, did my dishes, brought my washing in and organised my kids into cleaning the playroom and their rooms. :eek: By the time she left an hour later my house was the cleanest it had been in days - this was all from a lady I'd only just met!

Now she looks after my youngest and does my school drop off's on my Uni day.

[shed]

Its sorta just us. I have cousins nearby and one of them I would trust but the other I wouldn't, even though she has kids of her own.

I have a feeling that I will meet some nice people along the journey and it will all work out. I just feel it, so I am not worried. People have a way of coming into your life when you need them. Well, thats how its always been with me anyway.

But yeah, just us. DP's parents live down the coast, his siblings live up the coast, and mine live in NZ, Qld and Samoa, so they're no use.

[the_queen]

I might sound strange (and it certainly wouldn't be the first time ;)) but I enjoy the fact that I have no meddling family in my face all the time. Perhaps it's because I am a control freak, and I like things done MY way. And I guess I don't have some humungous social life that requires any kind of help - but having said that, the reason I don't have such a social life is because I would rather be at home with my daughter. I guess my view at the moment is kinda swayed by my almost-40-wks pregnant belly :D

[MonkeyMum05]

Rhoxie - I'm glad that you found some much needed help!:) What a nice neighbour!

Queen - I think you sound a bit like me... I'm kinda glad that I'm in charge, (and I wouldn't have someone meddling in my affairs anyway!!) and yeah, I have no social life... so what am I worried about?! :D I'm with bub 24/7 at the moment (and don't have a need or want to go out and party, even though I'm 22), so I guess, it won't be too much different...
but what if I get sick?! I have no-one to turn to?! Wow, I am really freaking out tonight!

Thank you for all your replies... please keep 'em coming!

[the_queen]

I hear what you're saying about "what if i get sick" but (and admittedly I think I've only been bed-ridden-sick once or twice in Vallerie's life) I've never had an issue with that. My husband will grudgingly help out if I really need him to. But then I never hear the end of it :rolleyes: So I tend to just muddle through. I'm a mother, I'm not allowed to have days off :p

[mysonroger]

but what if I get sick?! I have no-one to turn to?! Wow, I am really freaking out tonight!
!

cross that bridge when you come to it.

[MonkeyMum05]

oooooh, what if I fall off the bridge?

[mysonroger]

where a bungey rope so you can bounce back onto it again.

[MonkeyMum05]

Good idea!
Maybe I will just grow wings?!

[madvoice]

I have no family living in the Darwin area. We have general community daycare as well as family daycare for when we work conflicting shift work. That's about it for us. Its rather expensive but the extra money I do earn after paying for child care helps keep our heads above water.

[the_queen]

You don't need to grow wings - you're a mum, you're already a SUPERHERO :D

[MonkeyMum05]

Oh, thats right... I just need to remember my super powers...!

[MummyCharmzy]

We have lots of help. I never actually realised how much until I was pregnant with DD and had huge problems with symphis pubic dysfunction and hypertension. My next door neighbour would mind zach for me, she would come over and put him in his cot for his nap and then come back when he woke up to lift him out for me as I was physically unable to. She would change his nappy as I was often unable to do that. I had 3 friends share his care while I was in hospital having DD as well.

This pregnancy I've had friends bring around batches of frozen meals for the family.

Plenty of offers of babysitters and my neighbour (well shes since moved away but the same one mentioned already) has offered to mind the kids again when I have this bub.

PIL's are great too.. they have looked after the kids a cpl of times so we could go to a wedding etc.

My dad picks the boys up from kinder once a week as I'm not meant to drive and DP has left for work by then.

etc etc...

Fantastic network here thankfully! Its amazing how many friends really come out of the woodwork when you need some help :)

[bronny-jane]

i get help when i need it, my mum only lives 3 blocks away, and my littles sister lives with her, they will most likely be watching my dd's when im in hospital having this bub. when im not pregnant, i like to get out for night once a week or fortnight, and they watch them for me. my sister also watches my dd's so i can go shopping, to the doctors etc. and i give my mum money to pay my rent for me. i guess i get alot of help:D , so why do i still struggle:confused:

[caitsmum]

I am very lucky because I get a fair bit of support from my PIL and Mum with a couple of hours babysitting once a week so that I can work. It is usually just the swap over hours of the shifts my husband and I work. Because they do this for us I hate getting them to look after the girls for my husband and I to socialise.

There are a few families in the area that have kids that go to school/daycare with my girls who send their kids over to my house of an afternoon. The only thing that really gets me about it is that the parents don't introduce themselves to me or ask if it is Ok. If the girls and I are downstairs I can all of a sudden have six extra kids from 2 years to 8 years in my yard. None of the Mums ever come over and give me a hand to suppervise them or even think that I may not feel up to looking after my three and their kids aswell. We had one little boy here to six hours one day before his Mum came looking for him. Oops sorry that turned into a bit a vent....

I heard a while ago that some of the Nanny schools will send out the students to your house when you have a new baby and a toddler at home for free. From what I gather it is a kind of work experience program. They can't be left alone with the kids but it would be a good way to have an extra set of hands at meal times ect.

[mysonroger]

where a bungey rope so you can bounce back onto it again.


i get so embarrassed when i make these stupid spelling mistakes..............

[Blessed Mum]

[QUOTE=the_queen]I might sound strange (and it certainly wouldn't be the first time ;)) but I enjoy the fact that I have no meddling family in my face all the time.

Well that's definately a bonus Queenie. I might take a leaf out of your book for a while!

[InSaneOne]

i have some help from my mum during the week. dh is very good. he helps me out heaps. and on the weekend the step children are very happy to watch bub for a few hours while i have a nap (or a sleepin). the older 2 have started to change her nappy too which i think is great that they want to. we let them decide how much they want to help looking after their sister as she is their sister and they aren't her mother or father. i still find it quite busy around our house and tend to look forward to the middle of the week when it is just me and bub home during the day and we get to spend some quiet time together. the weekends are pretty noisy but i always tell the kids that their friends are welcome to come over or stay the night if that is ok with the others parents.

oh if anyone lives in brisbane or anywhere near me in algester and needs a babysitter please pm. i love having the place full of children and if you want to have a break, drop them off at my place. they can play and you get a break to go out or shopping or whatever. (or a coffee and piece of cake and a chat if you want to stay with them and just socialise.)

or if just a chat is what you need (or if you live too far away) i am almost always logged on to msn. feel free to add me to your contacts. i do try to answer promptly but applogise if i don't.

Belinda

[Mittys]

:wave: I can relate to your situation....I know it can be unbearably hard at times being the sole provider to your little one! My dh helps when he can, but travels for work during the week and is only home on the weekends.

We have dd 6, ds 3, and ttc #3 at the moment. We struggled with the decision to have #3 because dh and I both feel like it may run me into the ground, but we realized that somehow, someway we will make it.

Being the first of your friends to have kids is also hard. It might help to "network" with other moms in playgroups or baby classes. I met one of my closest friends at a baby gym and now we trade playdates where our kids spend several hours once a week at each others house...it is usually a well needed break. We can also vent to each other about the ups and downs of our day with our kids.

I am also a stickler when it comes to maintaining a set bedtime for the kiddos. Love them dearly, but sometimes I find myself counting the minutes until it's time for them to go to bed!:smiliedance: I'm sure you get most things done after yours goes to bed too.

Having another would be hard at first..no doubt. But, depending how close they are in age, they could actually occupy and play with each other. My dd & ds fight like cats and dogs at times, but can be the best of friends (on a good day!).

Hang in there! Hope you find some moms that are in a similiar situations as yours.

Erica
me- 35

dh Todd 35
dd Madison 6
ds Brady 3
ttc # 3!

[Peaceangels]

By the look of your poll there are alot of other's out there in the same situation as you.

I am not one of those sorry, so I can't really offer any advice. I am lucky to have both mine and DH's family close by and I really needed that extra help when #2 came along because #1 was only 15mths old.

Now that they are older it's a different story and I don't need to rely on that support so much (plus I am a sahm), but it is nice to have that help there if I need it.

I think you just do manage, but if things get too much you might be able to find a good occasional care near you, so that you can leave your oldest there for a couple of hours sometimes.........just a thought.

[defaipe]

we're really lucky, we live next door to my parents. while dd#1 was little i still lived at home due to dh working away and i was only 19. then we moved in next door as it came up for rent. we moved in when i was 33weeks preg with dd#2. this situation is perfect for us. my mum and dd#1 have an extremely close relationship. maybe due to her being the first granddaughter. my parents also have 5 grandsons!
a little off topic but hows this, all the grandkids were born between november 2nd and february 2nd, throw in christmas & and it makes a damn expensive time of year! :laughing:

[kymmy]

Primarily it is just me
hubby is like an extra pair of hands
My mil loves to babysit
but we don't rely on anyone else in a major way
I feel lucky though
because my mum was a single mum
and had no one while we were growing up
she even managed without a pram and
three kids 21 mths between each of us
.....