Timeout - How young is too young?

[UmmInayah]

Hi,

A friend of mine just told me that they use timeout for under 15 month olds in the daycare centre her daughter is in. I was completely shocked!

She has used timeout on her 14 month old! My DD is 14.5 months old and I couldn't imagine doing that to her. I would feel so awful.

So, how young do you believe is too young? I know all children are different, but surely at 15 months they wouldn't understand the concept of time out!!

[WorkingClassMum]

Depending on the child, time out at that age really would be just removing them from the situation/room, not really a prolonged stay in the hallway/naughty corner.

Technically, as I would remove DD from annoying DS etc and giving her something else to distract her - I was using "time out"

So no I don't thinkit's wrong if done like this.

Asking a 15mo to stay in a corner for any length of time though would be too harsh IMO

[UmmInayah]

Depending on the child, time out at that age really would be just removing them from the situation/room, not really a prolonged stay in the hallway/naughty corner.

Technically, as I would remove DD from annoying DS etc and giving her something else to distract her - I was using "time out"

So no I don't thinkit's wrong if done like this.

Asking a 15mo to stay in a corner for any length of time though would be too harsh IMO

Well both my friend and my ideas of timeout are putting them in a corner for any length of time. Or as my friend does, makes them stand in a corner, facing the wall with their hands on it!

What you have described as time out, I would just call distraction.

[punkbaby]

Removing them as kayteO said is fine, distraction is fine, time out no way! not at that age :(

[monkeytoes]

I tried it on DD1 at 18months and she didn't really get it. Tried again around 21months and she understood it then. I only do it as a last resort. I find that distraction is still a better option.

14 or 15 months is definately too young. They are babies!

[UmmInayah]

Removing them as kayteO said is fine, distraction is fine, time out no way! not at that age :(

I know, it broke my heart. I happened to mention to her how difficult it was to get Inayah to sleep now and that my DH was trying by patting, rocking, shhing whatever, but she wouldn't sleep. (She was possibly overtired :(), anyway, she told me "I think it's time you used time out" I said no way she is too young and she goes "NO WAY - we used it on c** when she was 14 months old"

I told her that was sad. Probably shouldn't comment on other parent's parenting ways, but really made me sad to think that poor child..

[CrystalMumOfTwo]

Removing them as kayteO said is fine, distraction is fine, time out no way! not at that age :(
:iagree:

[mim1]

I have to disagree.

At 14 months my ds was biting us and our paediatrician recommended time out (in his cot). So, when he bit us we had to firmly say no and put him in the cot for 30 - 60 seconds (we had to leave the room) and then we went back in and said that biting was not acceptable. He went from biting nearly every day to only biting us 3 times before he understood. So it worked really well. The thing is though that it needs to be for a MAJOR offense only and only for a very short time. We rarely need to use time out for anything, but it's amazing how much 'babies' can understand even at 14 months.

As for going to sleep at the same appointment with the paediatrician he recommended controlled crying. We were exhausted and spending up to 2 hours a day rocking, patting, singing our ds to sleep. He was also waking up overnight including a few nights of waking up and playing for hours on end! We didn't even fess up all of that to our paed, but he said it give it a go. Although our ds was only 14 months he said that he should understand the concept of 'its time for sleep'. I must say I was skeptical. But, he was right and we were thrilled. Yes, that night we endured an hour of screaming, but the next night it was 40 minutes and the next night 20 minutes and within a few days he would go to sleep at night without a peep. Now, 4 months later he's still a dream to get to sleep and he's only woken up overnight a handful of times in the past 4 months. I'm so glad we did it.

PM me if you want more info on the specifics.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

My DD is 15mths.. I don't think its appropriate for her either.
OR my DS who is 2 1/2.

I just don't think that accomplishes the goal to teach something by learning from their mistake.

I HAVE sometimes picked her up and faced her away from the issue and that has solved the problem but I would never time-out her. :no:

Like I said.. I don't think it teaches them anything.
Not this young I mean.

[missie_mack]

We use the naughty spot with DS I would saythat by 14 months he had some understanding of it but definately by 18 months. However it is just a foot stool thing we bought cheap that iskept away from toys and seeing the TV.... at 14 months he was only put there long enough to say
'I dont like it when you .......' and to remind him its not nice. From about 18 months he had to actually sit there for a bit maybe 30 sec to a minute....
It may not be nice but its probably nicer than some of the alternative methods to discipline :(

[YMo7]

we "time out" our babies (just 2 and nearly 3). we have done for about a year now and it works well.
they realise that what they have done is wrong and then they say 'sorry" and stop doing whatever it was (Like continuously throwing toys at mummy's face).
we put them in time out, they sit there for a few seconds, they come out and apologise and thats it.
it has worked for us. they know they arent allowed out without apologising and they know that by apologising that they are "agreeing" to stop the bad behaviour.

[WorkingClassMum]

I just don't think that accomplishes the goal to teach something by learning from their mistake.

Not this young I mean.


:confused:Kids do learn from mistakes - that is how people do learn many of life's lessons.

ie:
Mistake; Running downhill without care
Result; falling over and hurting
Lesson Learnt; next time I'll be careful

and then,

Mistake; hitting
Result; distraction and time out with explanation
Lesson Learnt - hitting is unwanted behaviour

Mistake; still hitting (as nothing done previously)
Result; dog bites
Lesson Learnt; we no longer have a dog and bubs is stitched up

But at 14months or so, I'd use distraction and explanation, and eventually for an older child - time out.

[NibbleCurlynBub]

No my point was that if a 14mth old hits someone and is put in bed... :confused:

What does that teach him/her?

Kids learn from mistakes, yes.. I think I worded it poorly. :o

I did say above that I prefer to just distract and say a quick 'no, not nice' depending on what it was.

[WorkingClassMum]

No my point was that if a 14mth old hits someone and is put in bed... :confused:

What does that teach him/her?

Kids learn from mistakes, yes.. I think I worded it poorly. :o

I did say above that I prefer to just distract and say a quick 'no, not nice' depending on what it was.

:iagree: I understand. BTW - time out IMO should never be in bed.

It should always be somewhere neutral (and as far away from me as possible)

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I agree, but somebody (can't remember who) mentioned doing it in bed.

I wouldn't do that in bed either.. Makes bedtime at night seem like a punishment too!

Sorry, I really didn't make myself easy to understand then either.

Its the lack of sleep.:rain:

[missie_mack]

time out IMO should never be in bed.

It should always be somewhere neutral (and as far away from me as possible)

:iagree: I would be concerned it may turn them off going to sleep... ie if you put a child in its bed when he/she is naughty how do they know that bedtime isnt a punishment?? But in saying that obviously it works for the poster he uses this technique but I don't think it would work as a standard practice

[punkbaby]

:iagree: I would be concerned it may turn them off going to sleep... ie if you put a child in its bed when he/she is naughty how do they know that bedtime isnt a punishment?? But in saying that obviously it works for the poster he uses this technique but I don't think it would work as a standard practice


Thats how i see it, to me even now bed is a happy place, a place to be content, rest etc, i wouldnt like a child to associate with punishment until they are old enough to know better :) talking like alot older than 14 months, my 3yo has a naughty spot but its in my view coz she hates seeing that i am doing something and not being able to help so she soon works out that if she isnt naughty she can help me :)

[Lilyloo]

My DD is 14 months old, and no way would I use "time out". The thought has never even crossed my mind.

She is WAY too young, to understand the concept.

If she does something she's not supposed to do, I use my voice and tell her "no", or "stop" and take her away from the situation and we forget about it...

So, I agree with you, time out for a 14 month old is not on!!

[UmmInayah]

It may not be nice but its probably nicer than some of the alternative methods to discipline :(

You're right, it is better than some other forms of discipline.

I guess most of the time I get frustrated, or angry, it is ME who needs the time out, not Inayah. I feel like she is only still learning and doesn't totally understand when she does something I don't approve of (I wouldn't say "wrong" because I don't think she even knows what that is)

[UmmInayah]

So, I agree with you, time out for a 14 month old is not on!!

Could you imagine Lily standing in a corner bawling her eyes out? I would feel so awful because I know she wouldn't understand why she is there. And why mum isn't coming to comfort her.. :(

[WarriorMummy]

we have just started to introduce ds2 to time out he is 21 months and he understands he is in trouble and knows what he's done wrong and he will sit on time out- sometimes- 14-15 months is just too early

[UmmInayah]

I have to disagree.

At 14 months my ds was biting us and our paediatrician recommended time out (in his cot). So, when he bit us we had to firmly say no and put him in the cot for 30 - 60 seconds (we had to leave the room) and then we went back in and said that biting was not acceptable. He went from biting nearly every day to only biting us 3 times before he understood. So it worked really well. The thing is though that it needs to be for a MAJOR offense only and only for a very short time. We rarely need to use time out for anything, but it's amazing how much 'babies' can understand even at 14 months.

As for going to sleep at the same appointment with the paediatrician he recommended controlled crying. We were exhausted and spending up to 2 hours a day rocking, patting, singing our ds to sleep. He was also waking up overnight including a few nights of waking up and playing for hours on end! We didn't even fess up all of that to our paed, but he said it give it a go. Although our ds was only 14 months he said that he should understand the concept of 'its time for sleep'. I must say I was skeptical. But, he was right and we were thrilled. Yes, that night we endured an hour of screaming, but the next night it was 40 minutes and the next night 20 minutes and within a few days he would go to sleep at night without a peep. Now, 4 months later he's still a dream to get to sleep and he's only woken up overnight a handful of times in the past 4 months. I'm so glad we did it.

PM me if you want more info on the specifics.

Thanks mim1 for the info re sleep. We had a great run of a week where she would put herself to sleep for both naps and night sleep, just recently she's started to refuse sleep. She has a bit of a runny nose, so I am putting it down to that for the moment. I will see how she goes when she gets better. I know she knows it's time to sleep. We have had the same routine for her since she was like 6 months old.

Really don't want to have to resort to CC, but will have to see.

[UmmInayah]

we have just started to introduce ds2 to time out he is 21 months and he understands he is in trouble and knows what he's done wrong and he will sit on time out- sometimes- 14-15 months is just too early

From what I have seen with my DD's learning and understanding, it can change dramatically even in a month. She went from understanding very little to understanding so much more. She even says now herself "No touching" about my mum's rosey beads (hella expensive and mum doesn't want them broken, naturally)

Even then, I can't see putting her in time out at such a young age.

Does anyone know if ALL childcare centres use this type of timeout for under 15 month olds??

[moonke]

I started using time out/naughty step at around 16 months. As this was the time that dd started walking.

Worked wonders for me. And it still does.

Every child is going to be different as all children grow and learn at different stages.

[Miriam]

I totally agree...15 months is way too young :(

My DD is 15 months and there is no way I could ever use the time out method of discipline with her. She would be heartbroken, extremely confused and would think that I didn't love her anymore if I did that :gloomy:.

My DD is quite a sensitive little soul and gets very upset if I even slightly raise my voice to her...Dp and I have to be very careful with her.

When she is older I plan to use the "Gentle Discipline" methods. :yes: :thumbsup:

[Hollywood]

You can definitely discipline a 15 month old, and teach them the basics of good behaviour, but as for 'time-out' standing in a corner, I'm not sure they would fully understand it :no:.

There are ways to teach a 12 - 18 month old how to behave well, but you have to consider their cognitive development and do what is appropriate for their age and language development.

Our 18 month old responds better to body language and tone of voice, and although his language development is very good, I don't expect him to understand complicated concepts just yet.

[Nowhere]

depends on what your veiw of time out is

in our house time out is to remove mikenzee away from what is making her chuck a tanty ( so TIME OUT from the activerty) we remove her from the situation but sit with her and she is to calm down KWIM

So i dont think that 15 month old is to young for that


And to me its better then smacking a 15 month old

[Nowhere]

Also mikenzees time out goes for 2 minutes not how ever long i want it to KWIM

[NibbleCurlynBub]

I think they mean time-out like time spent out in a designated area alone as consequence.

I think what you described (more like distraction) isn't quite the same as the traditional idea of time-out. :)